


The Rose and Thorn

by FlameWolf



Series: The Tainted Love Trilogy [2]
Category: KoRn, Marilyn Manson (Band)
Genre: Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Behavior, Blood, Domestic Abuse (Past Only), F/M, Family Abuse, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, Light Dominance, M/M, Miscarriage, Oral, Pregnancy, Self Harm, handjob, light bloodplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-17 22:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 132,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4684400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlameWolf/pseuds/FlameWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2 of the Tainted Love Trilogy.</p><p>When Raven enters a deep depression, Johnny takes her to a Korn concert in an effort to cheer her up.  When the star introduces Jon Davis and Raven, the two start a tentative relationship.  When Davis takes Raven on tour; she encounters a painful reminder of the past, Manson.</p><p>Will the two make up?  Will Raven stay with Davis?  Or will everything end in disaster?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Picking Up the Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I still don’t know Marilyn Manson, Johnny Depp or any of the other famous people in this fic in real life. Needless to say, this is a work of fiction. I make no profit from this and this is just for fun.
> 
> ‘Alone I Break’ (c) KoRn

    It was hard to believe that only a week had passed.  It had felt like an eternity.  An eternity of an aching, yawning hole in her chest.  An eternity of looking through the house for any stuff he might have left behind.  An eternity of agonizing over whether or not to slip Kathy in a package that held some of his shirts and make-up.  An eternity of staring at a phone, hoping for a number that couldn’t possibly ever pop up.  An eternity of Johnny and Amanda trying to drag her around while it seemed like she was trapped in a haze.

    Even now it seemed like time was crawling by.  Even now tears silently tracked their way down her pale cheeks as she stared ahead at nothing.  Even now a yawning hole was where her heart should be, making it hard for her to care about much of anything.  Yet, despite how concerning her emptiness may seem, she wished nothing more than to tell her friends that she was fine!  In fact she felt better than she had in years!  No pain!  No happiness!  Just blessed nothing instead of the roaring, endless agony that had been the first days.  Wasn’t nothing better than that pain?  Wasn’t it better than the tears that seemed like they would never stop?

    All of a sudden there was a gentle, large hand on her shoulder, startling her out of her yawning blankness.  Forcing her swimming vision to focus, the shockingly pale female looked up at the actor behind her with an achingly empty look.  It was almost as if a corpse was sitting in her place, not the lively, often sarcastic female that used to be there.  “Raven?  Would you like to go out to dinner with me?” came a smooth baritone that she vaguely recognized as Johnny’s voice.

    “Where to?” she heard herself reply colorlessly, unable to care about how lifeless and faraway her voice sounded.  Caring came to close to feeling and feeling was decidedly dangerous.

    “Well, Amanda and I have been talking and we thought you would like to go to a more... lively place tonight,” Johnny offered cautiously, his voice heavy with worry for her.

    “Whatever,” sighed the apathetic female, only deepening the male’s worry as she sprawled herself across the small table.  Even Lady and Mystery seemed worried for the normally lively woman, the dog having her head in her master’s lap while the feline kept rubbing along the top of her head and purring.

    “How is she?” came a worried, female whisper from the entrance of the kitchen.  Lifting her head slightly, Raven looked up to see Amanda peeking her curly haired head around the open entryway.  As empty and hollow as the black haired female felt, the sight of her normally bubbly, full of life friend made a jolt of worry go through her.  The other woman had dark, almost purple circles under her eyes and her eyes were slightly pink from crying.  It looked like all the energy had been sapped from the smaller female as she leaned against the open entry.

    “Mandy?” Raven gasped in alarm, her own misery entirely forgotten at the shocking sight of her friend.  Not only had her condition been affecting her friend horribly but the female was probably going through her own form of heartbreak.  When Manson had left, the band had followed; including a very reluctant Ginger.  Guilt filling her at the fact that she had been so wrapped in her own world that her friend’s pain had gone unnoticed, the pale woman wrapped her arms tightly around her friend.

    “Oh god Mandy, I’m so sorry,” she breathed, holding her stunned childhood friend in a tight embrace.

    As if the hug was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Amanda burst into ragged, heartbroken sobs; her arms wrapping around her room mate.  Making soothing noises as she smoothed the other woman’s curly hair in a comforting manner, Raven looked around for Johnny.  If her normally unflappable friend was this distraught, how bad was the actor?  Had she been so deep inside herself that she had completely failed both of them?  Her hazel eyes moving around the room in an almost frantic manner, the nervous female nearly collapsed in relief when she saw the star striding towards them.

    The devastatingly handsome actor had a bit more stubble on his cheeks and dark circles ringed his eyes but he didn’t look nearly as broken as the woman in her arms.  Before she could even open her mouth, she found her and Amanda being wrapping in a tight hug by the much taller male.  After a few moments, Amanda’s sobs finally tapered off to watery sniffles as the curly haired female pulled out of their embrace.  Her green eyes roved over Raven assessingly, concern mixed with relief as she seemed to be searching for something.  “Mea... Raven, are you... back now? she asked in a hesitant voice, fear swirling in her vibrant orbs as she locked gazes with her friend.

    The question seemed to rock the other woman to her core, causing her to jolt in place.  Without her indifference, the roaring pain was already rushing to fill the hole in her heart.  Yet, as much as she wanted to retreat back into blessed numbness, just seeing the relief on her friends’ faces made her lose the heart to do so.  Heaving a shaky sigh, her ebony hair hanging in her pale face, Raven gave them both a weak smile; leaning heavily on Johnny.  “Yeah, as much as I don’t want to be,” she grumbled, her voice wavering as her heart began to clench within her chest.

    Within seconds, the distraught female found herself wrapped in a tight hug and rocked gently as a nose burrowed itself in her hair.  Burrowing her face into the red material of the t-shirt he wore, Raven allowed her eyes to close as she inhaled his comforting scent.  If it hadn’t been for Johnny, Amanda, Charlie and Jerome, she was sure she would have been far worse off during the first days.  The four of them had never left her alone once, even insisting she keep her door open for the first few nights.  Despite herself, Raven found herself feeling comforting by the actor’s loose but protective embrace.

    For the first time in what felt like forever, Amanda smiled.  Her friend had finally come back to them, was finally letting them back in.  Now all they had to do was keep her here.  Sighing and running a hand through her brown curls, the female took her blue, Superman emblazoned phone out of her pocket and looked at the object with a deep longing.  Out of respect for her friend, she had held off on contacting Ginger for a week.  She had wanted to wait until her friend had recovered a bit before resuming her relationship with the drummer, something both of them had been reluctant to do but had seen the necessity of.  “Go ahead Mandy.  I know you miss each other,” came a weak encouragement, startling the thin female and making her look at the source.

    Raven smiled at her, her hazel eyes full of pain.  “Meg... Raven...,” the other female whispered, looking unsure and guilty as she avoided her room mate’s gaze.

    “Mandy, don’t let what happened between me and Manson ruin what you and Ginger have,” the black haired woman encouraged, pulling away from Johnny with a familiar glint of mischief in her eyes.

    A look of horror coming into her green eyes, the still pajama clad woman backed away from her lifelong friend.  Holding up her hands in a warding gesture, Amanda widened her eyes and began to shake her head.  “I’ll call him!  I’ll call him!” she exclaimed hastily, flipping her phone open and pushing the musician’s contact on her phone.  Raven only grinned widely, a bit of her pain fading for mirth at her friend’s expression.  Despite the fact that Ginger worked closely with Manson, the black clad female didn’t feel it would be fair to punish the drummer or Amanda for the failure of her relationship.  Besides, it was just too much fun to play with the normally cool female.

    ‘Every Rose has its Thorn’ began to play quietly from a black phone and a black nailed hand immediately snatched it up.  “Amanda?  Are you okay?  Is Raven okay?” came a worried, baritone voice as a figure got to its feet and began to pace.

    “I’m fine Ging!  Raven’s... starting to do a bit better.  She’s actually allowing us in now,” the curly haired woman replied, a smile quirking her lips as she closed her eyes and allowed his voice to wash over her.  Just hearing him made her heart race and a warm tingling begin to fill her.

    “H-how are you and the others?” she asked, unsure of just what to talk about but knowing she didn’t want to lose his voice just yet.  Unfortunately a heavy silence followed her question, making her question if she lost the connection or not.  
    Finally, just before she was about to ask if he was still there, the drummer heaved a weary sigh.  “Things have been... rough,” he answered quietly, tiredness and deep concern tinging his smooth voice.  Blinking and shifting her gaze to Raven, Amanda smiled apologetically to her friend before taking the call upstairs.  She had a suspicion that whatever was going on had a lot to do with Manson and she didn’t want to put her friend through the pain of hearing about him so soon.

    Once in her room, she closed her door and sat on the rose patterned sheets of her bed.  “Ging, what’s going on?” the worried woman asked urgently, clutching her light blue phone to her head.

    “It’s fucking Manson!  He’s... he’s completely retreated into his persona since Raven left him.  He’s never sober anymore and his rage is like nothing I’ve ever seen before.  There is one good thing though...,” the drummer replied, sounding bone tired and highly anxious.

    “The last package Raven sent contained the only thing that’s keeping him sane.  It’s this floppy stuffed dog.  When he found it in that box... he snarled at anyone that tried to go anywhere near it.  He takes it everywhere he goes, even keeps it in his backstage room at concerts.  If it weren’t for that little dog...  I don’t want to even think about it,” Ginger continued, sounding as if he was pacing restlessly.  His voice sounded strained, full of frustration and worry.

    “You mean...  Meagan actually...  Does the plush look a bit like a beagle or a basset hound?” Amanda asked breathlessly, her voice tinged with wonder as she stared at her closed door.

    “Yeah, does it mean anything?” the musician asked, curiosity tinging his worried voice.

    “Yeah, it means a lot.  At least to Mea... Raven it does.  She actually gave that asshole Kathy?!” she whispered, getting to her feet as she began to move toward the bedroom door.  If her roomie had given the singer her prized plush, it would explain some of her behavior.  That plush was like another part of the other female, undoubtedly making it very hard for her to give up.

    “Kathy?” Ginger asked, confusion evident in his voice.

    Raven reluctantly pulled herself out of Johnny’s grasp, giving him a grateful look before she walked over to the refrigerator.  Desperately trying to ignore the agonizing pain in her chest, the female took out a ‘Red Pop’ and took a long swig.  “Where would you like to go for dinner?” came a quiet baritone from much too close, drawing a gasp from the high-strung woman.  Jolting slightly in place and looking up at the actor with a tinge of fear, the black haired female immediately regretted the action.

    The goateed actor was looking down at her sadly, making no move to touch her and even seemed to be about to take a step back.  With a noise of protest, the guilt ridden woman grabbed his tan arm and gave a gentle pull.  Begging him silently for understanding with her hazel eyes, Raven forced a smile on her strained face.  “Arby’s sounds awesome about now,” she replied, tugging him into a loose hug and resting her head on his well muscled chest.  To her immense relief, the tall, lithe male only wrapped his arms around her loosely and rested his lips on the crown of her head.

    “Well, I have two pairs of sunglasses in the car; so that shouldn’t be a problem,” the star replied with a hint of amusement in his baritone voice.  Unfortunately that small statement brought reality crashing down upon the pale woman.  Because of her rather rocky relationship with Manson and her association with Johnny, the shy female was now quite well known among anyone who came across a newspaper stand.

    Heaving a rueful sigh and running a hand through her loose, black hair, Raven smiled at the movie star bitterly.  “Let me go put my hair up and put on a pair of platforms,” she replied, all her earlier humor replaced by apprehension.  Then, before the black haired male could even react, she turned and went up the stairs.  As soon as she was gone, Johnny was running a shaky hand through his shoulder length hair.  The poor woman desperately needed a distraction, the actor just hoped what he had in mind would be enough to help.

    Raven stared at the passing scenery, curiosity and a bit of excitement filling her despite herself.  After they had grabbed a quick meal through the drive-through, the actor had begun driving them to some secret location.  When she asked where they were going, the handsome but worn looking male only smile slightly.  Having a strange sense of deja-vu, the nervous female took a sip of her soda.  This reminded her a lot of when Amanda had surprised her with tickets to a Marilyn Manson concert, an action that had caused a rather large change in her life.  Knowing Johnny wouldn’t be so cruel as to bring her to a Manson concert, the pale female found herself beginning to feel a bit apprehensive anyway.

    After traveling in relative silence, the star turned into a parking lot for what looked to be a huge, domed stadium.  Recognizing it as a concert venue, Raven felt an immediate jolt of fear and anxiety.  Memorie of the concert that had started all this began to fill her head and she felt her entire body begin to get tingly.  A large, gentle hand on her shoulder brought her back to the here and now and she turned to the man beside her with a grateful smile.  Johnny only smiled in return, his goatee and mustache framing his mouth perfectly.  “Come on, I got us some special seats,” he murmured quietly, moving the hand on her shoulder to grasp her hand and bring it up to his lips.  His facial hair tickled briefly on her soft skin, leaving the female a bit breathless and flustered.

    Shaking herself of the feelings that were frankly making her uncomfortable, the black haired woman smiled at the actor before opening her door and getting out of the car.  Johnny was close behind, a large pair of dark sunglasses perched on his nose.  Looking him over, Raven found herself surprised that the disguise actually worked on other people.  To her, the movie star was still easily recognizable; the large glasses doing nothing to hide the familiar bone structure of his face.  Shaking her head with a slight smile, the black clad female put on her own, green lensed sunglasses.  If the technique somehow worked for Johnny, then there was no reason to doubt it would work for her as well.

    Then a gentle hand was on her shoulder, carefully leading her through the overcrowded parking lot.  The sea of people in the lot all moved toward the large, front doors but Johnny led her to a small, dark alley on the left of the building.  There, a bunch of roadies were passing instruments to what looked like band members through a door in the side of the building.  A few shades wearing security guards watched  the two groups, seeming to be on the look out for any possible threats or people that had wandered to the wrong place.  In fact, one of them seemed very familiar.  “Jerome??” she gasped out incredulously, her jaw dropping to see the actor’s bodyguard seemingly at another job.

    “Hey Ms. Raven! “ he greeted, a slight smile on his face as he gave her a small wave.  In seconds, she was running forward to hug the much taller, bulkier man.  She hadn’t seen him for quite a few days and, even though she had been buried in her misery, she had missed him.  Despite the rocky way their friendship had started, Jerome had become one of her closest friends.

    “What are you doing here?” she asked as she released the linebacker-like man, stepping back to smile at him.  Quirking his brow at her, he looked up at Johnny with a look so full of relief that it made guilt fill her afresh.  Had she really been that bad?

    “It does me good to see you smile again.  As for why I’m here, well I’ll let Mr. Depp answer that,” he replied, relief and amusement mixed in his deep voice.

    Immediately turning to the actor behind her, Raven was frustrated to see him grinning down at her with amusement.  “He was initially here to provide us some extra security but it looks like he got roped into helping the band,” the lithe male replied, amusement sparkling in his eyes.

    “Jay Jay!” came and unfamiliar, male voice from the entrance the seeming band members stood, making Raven startle slightly and turn to look at the source.  There, in the door, stood a very familiar looking man.  He was shorter than Johnny but still taller than her, dressed in a black t-shirt and plaid kilt.  Black dreadlocks hung around his shoulders and an odd looking mustache adorned his upper lip.  The strange man spread his arms open to the actor before rushing forward and picking up the taller male in a tight bear hug.

    “It’s been forever since you’ve come to one of my concerts man!  It’s great to see you!” the kilt wearing male exclaimed, twirling the actor around for a few seconds before setting him back on his feet.

    Watching this with an expression of confused bemusement, Raven began trying to place just how she knew this man.  Something about his voice and the kilt he was wearing was setting off bells of recognition in her head big time.  “Sorry about that.  I got busy with work and other things,” Johnny chuckled, bringing her out of her inner musings.  Then the actor was moving to stand to her right and slightly behind her, his right hand coming to rest on the corresponding shoulder.  The strange male’s gaze followed the star until he finally noticed Raven.  Blinking his brown eyes, a bit of recognition came into his gaze as he looked her over.

    “Raven, this is Jonathan Davis; the lead singer of KoRn,” the male beside her introduced, amusement in his baritone voice as his grip on her shoulder tightened ever so slightly.

    As soon as the name left his lips, recognition slammed into the pale female and made her jolt slightly.  “You’re Raven?!  Johnny’s told me so much about you!  It’s a real honor to meet ya!” the jovial man exclaimed, walking towards her and offering her his hand with a wide, friendly smile.

    Blinking a bit from being a bit star struck as well as just how friendly Davis was, Raven timidly gave the singer her hand; only to have him pull her into a gruff hug.  His hands patted her back enthusiastically for a few seconds before he released the stunned woman.  “Come on!  The concert’s gonna be starting soon!” the oddly exuberant man exclaimed, sounding like an excited child as he led them toward the door he had come from.

    Staring after the retreating performer, Raven looked up at Johnny with a confused but amused look.  “How on Earth did you know I liked KoRn?” she asked in a breathless voice, her eyes twinkling merrily as she began to move toward the door Davis was now waiting for them by.

    “A little birdy told me,” the goateed actor chuckled, amusement and relief in his earthy gaze as he followed close behind.

    “Would this little birdy happen to have curly hair and green eyes?” the slowly relaxing female quipped, humor in her voice as she followed Jonathan and the rest of his band into the building.

    “Possibly,” the star replied, a teasing note to his smooth voice as one of his hands came to rest on her shoulder and pulled her close to his body.

    “Hey!  Lovebirds!  Break it up for a moment and get on the stage!  The seats are all set up for you,” came a teasing voice from ahead, making Raven jolt away from him in embarrassment and shame.  It was much too soon to even entertain the thought of pursuing another relationship, especially with Johnny.  With how much the actor cared for her during her relationship with Manson and even now, she wouldn’t feel right allowing him to grow any closer to her than he was.  It would feel like a betrayal to Johnny, Manson and herself.

    “We’re not lovebirds!  We’re just good friends,” she found herself protesting, shooting the actor beside her an apologetic glance that begged for his understanding.  Johnny only looked down at her with sad acceptance, his shoulder length black hair framing his tanned face.  The hand on her shoulder tightened briefly before he released her and walked onto the side of the stage.

    Davis looked from the two of them with both concern and a bit of sympathy.  Then he was grabbing her hand and pulling gently.  “Come on.  This is to help get your mind off your troubles, remember?” the singer cajoled gently, leading her firmly onto the shiny, black surface.  Smiling weakly at Davis, the pale female found herself feeling just a bit shy around the musician.  She might have met a lot of famous people recently but that didn’t mean it didn’t still affect her.

    Allowing the dreadlocked male to lead her to Johnny’s side, Raven watched as the kilt wearing singer strode confidently onto the stage and stood behind a rather iconic looking microphone stand.  The metal stand resembled a nude, android-like woman, her large, nipple tipped breasts pointing straight into the air.  As the spotlights came on and focused on the performer, his hands reached up to grope the metallic orbs in a rather sexual manner; drawing an approving roar from the sea of people below him.

    Flashing the rock and roll symbol to the huge crowd; he ripped the mic off the stand, spread his arms out and took a few steps back towards his raised drummer.  “I have some very special friends here with me tonight that you guys might know,” he rasped into the microphone, bringing his arms down and gesturing to the side Raven and Johnny were currently hidden on.  The black haired female froze beside the actor, looking up at him with a look of abject horror.

    Taking a few steps back and raising his hands in surrender, the movie star widened his eyes in fear and confusion.  “Don’t look at me!  I had nothing to do with this!” he exclaimed, sounding as confused and shocked as she felt.

    “Meet my friend Johnny fuckin’ Depp!” he roared into the mic, turning his head to fix his gaze on the actor.

    Heaving a sigh, the taller man gave Raven a deeply apologetic look before striding out onto the stage.  As soon as he came into view, a spotlight fixed right on him and the entire crowd erupted into loud roars and whistles.  “This man has been my friend for many, many years!  Tonight he brought a very special young lady with him.  Now, she’s very shy and she’s recently had a very hard time.  Now I know you guys may have read some things about her in the gossip rags but if I hear a single ‘boo’ I promise you I will walk off the fucking stage,” he snarled into the metal tube in his hand, his normally joking voice deadly serious as he glared out at the dead silent crowd.

    Raven could only close her eyes tightly as her heart raced in her chest and she tried to remember to breathe.  She was tempted to pray to any God out there that something happened to cancel the concert but so far she hadn’t had much luck with that tactic.  “I want you all to give a warm welcome to Raven!” he yelled into the mic, his dark eyes fixed on her with a pointed look.  Whimpering softly, the now shaking female took a deep breath and stepped out onto the stage.

    Instead of the rage and disgust she expected, she got a sort of hushed awe that was heavy with sympathy.  Looking out at the oddly quiet crowd, the black clad female found herself wondering if anything Manson had done recently had caused this.  As far as she knew he was on tour, she hadn’t bothered to do any more checking up than that.  Just knowing he was out there and safe had been enough for her.  Now, now she found herself feeling a deep worry for the ‘Antichrist Superstar’.  Now she found herself wondering just how he was acting during his shows if the audience was greeting her with such sympathy.  “Now, if she is willing, Raven will do the opening song,” Davis announced, breaking the spell and jolting Raven back to reality.

    Feeling a cold wash of fear rush over her, the flustered woman looked up at the singer with absolute horror.  There was no way she could do that!  Doing it once with Manson had been bad enough and that had been before the paparazzi was hounding her every move.  If she sang again, there was every chance that it would be recorded and passed around.  It might even become big enough that she would start having even more news hounds showing up at her house.  As it was, she was thankful for a day where they didn’t show up to pound on her door.

    Before she could begin a full on retreat, Raven found herself being grabbed around the waist by a firm but gentle grip and a microphone lowered to her face.  “Any song hun, just as long as it’s one of mine,” he requested, smiling at her kindly as he hovered the mic in front of her face.  Taking a deep breath through her nose, she grasped the plastic body of the object before she took it in her shaking hand.

    “I want to do ‘Alone I Break’,” she whispered into the silver ball just inches before her lips as her bruised looking eyes slid shut.  All of a sudden she looked very tired and very sad, as if everything was crashing down on her all over again.

    As soon as the words left her mouth, Jonathan motioned to his band and backed up to stand beside Johnny.  Both men watched the female as the spotlight focused on her and the guitar began to play.  After a few beats, the now resolute female began to sing.  “Pick me up, been bleeding too long.  Right here, right now; I'll stop it some how,” she breathed into the mic, her voice heavy with emotion as the band played behind her.

    “I will make it go away, can't be here no more,” she belted suddenly, her voice raw with sorrow and deep heartbreak.

    “Seems this is the only way, I will soon be gone!” she continued, running her hand through her ebony hair as she began to pace.

    “These feelings will be gone, these feelings will be gone,” she hissed venomously, sounding as if she was trying to assure herself.

    “Now I see the times they change.  Leaving doesn't seems so strange,” she rasped out as she strode back and forth over the stage, her hazel eyes glaring out over the crowd as she poured all of her feelings into the song.

    “I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind,” she whispered, a desperate edge in her voice as she stopped to give Johnny and Davis a pleading look.

    “All this shit I seem to take!  All alone I seem to break!” she belted out loudly, pain raw in her voice as she tugged on her ebony locks and began to pace again.

    “I have lived the best I can!  Does this make me not a man!” she snarled into the mic, glaring out at the crowd almost accusingly before heaving a sigh.

    “Shut me off.  I am ready, heart stops,” she breathed, her voice unsteady as tears began to roll down her flushed cheeks.

    “I stand alone.  Can’t be on my own,” she sighed in a frightened, pleading voice, closing her eyes as she paused for a moment.

    “I will make it go away, can't be here no more,” she snarled out in a pained voice, keeping her eyes shut as she gripped the mic tightly.

    “Seems this is the only way, I will soon be gone!” she screamed into the mic, opening her blazing eyes to glare at the rapt audience.

    “These feelings will be gone, these feelings will be gone,” she whimpered from between gritted teeth, desperation clear in her strained voice.

    “Now I see the times they change.  Leaving doesn't seems so strange,” she sighed, sounding oddly defeated and full of sadness as her eyes slipped shut.

    “I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind,” she continued in a shaking, pleading voice as she seemed to gripped the machine in her hands like a lifeline.

    “All this shit I seem to take!  All alone I seem to break!” Raven belted out, her hazel eyes flying open to fix the crowd with a defiant, almost challenging glare.

    “I have lived the best I can!  Does this make me not a man?” she hissed, beating her chest as she began to pace again.  her blazing eyes held a look of challenge as she scanned the silent crowd.

    “Am I going to leave this place?  What is it I'm running from?  Is there nothing more to come?” she sighed into the mic, her pacing slowing as her gaze grew wistful and a bit bitter.

    “Is it always black in space?  Am I going to take it's place?  Am I going to leave this race?” she murmured into the mic, sounding conflicted and questioning as she came to a stop.

    “I guess god's up in this place?  What is it that I've become?  Is there something more to come?” she sighed breathlessly into the round ball before her lips, swaying slightly in place.

    “Now I see the times they change.  Leaving doesn't seems so strange,” Raven continued, opening her eyes as she moved a lock of her ebony hair behind her right ear.  Her sad eyes scanned the crowd almost pleadingly.

    “I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind,” she whispered, sounding even more lost and pleading; as if she was begging the audience to help take some of her burden.

    “All this shit I seem to take!  All alone I seem to break!” the ebony haired female snarled, sounding defiant but sand and lonely as she continued to glare out at the sea of people.

    “I have lived the best I can!  Does this make me not a man?” she yelled, sounding challenging before she began to pace.  As she moved, she began to repeat the previous lines once again, sounding more desperate and defiant the second time.

    Once she was done, the panting female stopped in place; as if just realizing just where she was and just what she had done.  Taking a deep, shaking breath, the female began to back away from the eerily quiet crowd.  Only bumping into something hard and ungiving stopped her retreat and she whirled around to see what it was.  There, right behind her, was Jonathan Davis.

    The dreadlocked singer looked down at her with a mixture of surprise and an emotion she didn’t dare identify.  One of his hands came to rest on her shoulder as he gently took the mic from her.  As if that action broke the spell, the entire stadium erupted into loud roars and cheers.  Blinking in surprise, Raven looked back at Johnny unsurely.  To her further shock, the actor was looking at her with a mixture of awe and deep sympathy.

    After the cheering had died off a bit, Davis raised the mic to his lips as he looked down at her with heated eyes.  Eyes that now resembled melted milk chocolate.  “That was...  That was incredible,” he whispered into the object in his hand, his adam’s apple working as he swallowed hard.  Blushing at the emotion in his voice as well as the compliment, the thoroughly flustered woman slipped out from under his arm and practically fled back to Johnny’s side.  She didn’t see the heated look in the singer’s eyes as his gaze followed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: This is the sequel to ‘Tainted Love’ and second in the series. Yeah, sorry about the end in the previous installment. Trust me, I want them to be happy just as much as you do! Anyway, please try not to be too angry at me!


	2. Rise From the Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spade (c) Marilyn Manson

It had only been a fucking week.  Seven days!  A blip in existence in the grand scheme of things!  So why the hell did seven fucking days feel like forever?!  Forever, trapped in a swirling vortex of roaring pain, anger and despair.  Forever feeling like some vital part of him had been ripped away.  Forever feeling as if his world was falling apart beneath his feet!  In desperation, he had thrown himself into work on his next album; the one  she had inspired.  He had also begun drinking heavily, not helping his already foul temper.  The only thing that had made these bleak, endless, seven days the least bit better was when he had received a final package from  her .

Manson had been in a rather foul mood when a knock came from his front door.  Glowering at the piece of wood as if it had committed a personal affront to him, the singer prowled toward the closed entrance and flung it open; a heavy glare on his naked face.  His heterochromic gaze fixed on a UPS delivery woman who stared up at him with a mixture of awe and fear. Glowering down at the hapless female, he noticed small package in her hands.  Without so much as a word to her, he grabbed the small box and slammed the door in her face.

Once inside, he carried the cardboard receptacle to the kitchen and set it on the counter before going off in search of a knife to open it with.  Once he found a small kitchen knife, the singer deftly cut open the tape to swing open the flaps of the box.  As he opened the cardboard square, his band and Jeordie slowly filed down the stairs in various stages of a zombie-like state.  Ignoring the five other men, he began to rummage through the box.

At first it was just clothes and make-up he had left at  her house but then his fingers brushed on something fluffy.  Blinking slightly, he began to pull out the clothing in an almost frantic manner, letting out a ragged gasp at what was revealed.  “Manson?” came a timid, concerned, male voice behind him.  Ignoring the speaker, the rock star pulled out the floppy, worn looking dog plush with an odd look on his face.

“Hey?  You okay?” came the voice again, a hand coming to rest tentatively on his bare shoulder.  Whirling to glare at the person behind him, his eyes narrowed when he saw Ginger.  Clutching the ragged looking canine to his scarred chest, the rock star let out a low, warning growl; only relaxing when the drummer backed off a bit.  Then, without a word of explanation to his band, the singer stormed up the stairs and into his room; slamming the door behind him.

Once he was locked in his room, the singer curled in a fetal position on his bed and wept bitterly as he held the well loved plush to his thin chest.  Just holding the stuffed animal tore his scabbed heart open anew, opening the doors to the tears he had been holding back for far too long.  After he was sobbed out, he lay with the toy dog on his chest and ran a shaky hand of it’s ragged fur.  Despite himself, he felt hope begin to grow within him.  If  she had given him her treasured Kathy then maybe that meant there was still a chance.  The thought filled him with an unwanted happiness that he was unable to deny.

A hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his memories and he turned to glare at the keyboardist behind him.  On the vanity in front of him rested Kathy, her dull, brown eyes gazing forward lifelessly.  “It’s almost time to go on stage,” Pogo tittered, a huge grin on his face as he gave the irate singer’s bony shoulder a brotherly pat.  Growling low in his throat, Manson got to his feet and stalked out of the room; leaving his band to stare after him with a mixture of concern and fear.

The singer had been getting progressively more and more violent every show, nearly raping the ones on the ground with him in front of the audience.  He had even begun chucking his mic stand at Ginger again, something he hadn’t done since his divorce with Dita.  The drummer had almost been knocked off the high platform a few times but knew better than to speak to Manson about the ill treatment.  All it would serve in accomplishing would be a heightening in aggression, something the bleach blonde desperately didn’t need.  The only one not afraid was, of course, Pogo.  Like usual, the mohawked keyboardist seemed all too amused by the goings on.  “Come on ladies!  We got a date with the devil!” he giggled before sauntering out of the room, closely followed by the other band members.

The performance had been a nightmare from the start, Manson starting out with yanking a random female onto the stage with him.  As the concert went on, the singer did increasingly lewd things to the stunned female, coming very close to having a sexual act on the stage.  Then, once the last notes of the final song had faded, the rock star had flung the hapless female into the crowd and simply walked off the stage.  The four band mates left behind could only stare after their leader, identical looks of worry on three faces and rage on a fourth.  Then, with an anger that surprised the other three, Pogo jumped off his platform and stalked after the performer at a fast clip.

Manson paced the dressing room like a caged tiger, a snarl on his face as he poured himself a shot of pure absinthe.  The silly bimbo he had pulled on stage had reminded him too much of Raven, bringing back the roaring pain in his chest in full force.  Downing the burning drink in one swallow, the singer shuddered as the licorice flavored fluid filled him with a slight burning sensation.  “What the fuck Manson!” came a vicious snarl as the door to the room came flying open, the door knob embedding into the wall from the sheer force.

“You could have killed that girl!  Tossing her off the stage like that, what the fuck!” the keyboardist hissed, anger thick in his voice as he glared heatedly at the rock star.

“The crowd fuckin’ caught her, so kindly fuck off,” the super star snarled, glaring back at the mohawked male as he poured himself another shot of alcohol.

“That isn’t the fucking point!  You only did that because she looked like Raven!” the normally jovial male screamed, veins standing out in his pale neck from his rage.

“Do  not say her name around me, ever,” Manson hissed in a deadly voice before he downed the second shot with a shudder.

“Raven, Raven, fucking  Raven !  Christ, Manson!  Are you going to treat every girl that looks like her like shit because  you fucked things up?!” the keyboardist snarled, not batting an eye when the singer charged him and pinned him against the wall by his neck.

“Shut.  Up,” the singer bit out in a deadly sounding voice, pressing his upper arm against the other male’s neck.  This only drew a strangled chuckle from the musician.

“Oooh, did I hit a fucking nerve?  Well, tough shit!  You can’t keep treating fans like that, no matter  who they look like,” the unafraid male bit out in a choked voice as he smirked down at the fuming performer.  Then his throat was released as Manson stalked back to his bottles of alcohol and poured himself a shot of Vodka.

“I fucking miss her,” came a soft, almost whispered reply from the singer as he kept his back turned to the bleach blonde behind him.

“We all miss her.  She was a part of our family,” Pogo whispered, placing a hand on the singer’s bony back.

“This stupid, silly toy, this fucking ratty ass thing has been the only thing giving me any sort of hope lately,” Manson hissed out, raising Kathy into the air and shaking her violently.  The floppy plush swayed back and forth, her long ears flailing with the movement.

“We saw ya with that during that tour you were on when you were still together.  Where on Earth did it come from?” the keyboardist asked, watched the stuffed dog that the rock star held in the air.

“This is Kathy, she belongs to...  her. She told me that the plush had belonged to her for a long time, since she was nine.  She apparently has never slept without it before.  The fact that she sent it to me...,” the singer growled out, his throat clogged with emotion as he gently brought the toy back down to the counter of the vanity.

“Marilyn...,” the mohawked male began, looking from the plush to the hunched, defeated looking rock star.

“What does it mean?  Is she fucking with me?  Was what she told me about this thing all a crock of shit,” he hissed out in a bitter, pain filled voice as he clenched his hands on the top of the vanity counter.

“Raven wouldn’t do that and you know it!  You know as well as I do that the only reason she isn’t here is because  you decided to be a dickhead!  Did you honestly think she’d just sit by and let you date other women while you treated her like shit for no reason?” Pogo snarled, gesticulating with his arms in exasperation.

“I  know what I did Madonna,” Manson bit out turning slightly to fix his band member with a furious glare.

“Then why the  fuck  do you insist on acting like this is her fault?!” the mohawked male growled out in a frustrated tone, not fazed by the performer’s ire in the slightest.

“Because that’s the only way I can fucking deal with the fact that  I was the one that fucked up!  Fucking christ!” the singer screamed suddenly, throwing a half full bottle of Vodka at the glaring keyboardist and hitting the wall right beside his right ear.  Then the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ was crumpling to his knees as a ragged, heartbroken sob left him, his black nailed hands coming up to cover his face.

“Do you have any idea how it feels to know that I hurt her?  That I drove her to leave me?  That, if I could just fucking control the demons in my head, she would be by my side right now?  Do you have any idea what torture that is for me?!” the distraught rock star murmured into his hands, almost making it impossible for Pogo to make out what he was saying.

“Marilyn, her giving you that thing had to mean something,” the mohawked man replied, a sympathetic edge to his voice as he gestured to the plush behind the performer.

Looking up at the keyboardist with a considering look, Manson heaved a sigh as he got to his feet.  “You could be right.  Kathy did seem to mean a lot to her and she wouldn’t lightly give such a thing away,” he murmured, moving over to the vanity to pick up the plush and cradle it to his scarred chest.

“Mr. Manson?” came a timid, male voice from the doorway, drawing the attention of both males.  In the door stood a harried looking man who was rather small, thin and had huge glasses.

“U-um, it’s time to move onto your next venue,” he whispered out, looking outright terrified of the two band members.  Behind him, the other three members were already moving equipment out to the tour bus.

Dismissing the man with a wave of his hand, the rock star gathered his bottle of absinthe and stomped out to the bus.  Pogo followed close behind, a thoughtful look on his pale face.  Without looking at any of the men currently packing the bus, Manson merely stormed into the back room and slammed the door shut.  Heaving a sigh at the singer’s behavior, the keyboardist pulled himself out of the bus and walked over to help the others load the instruments.  Once everything had been packed, the four members moved into the bus.

As soon as Ginger sat down, his phone began to play ‘Every Rose has it’s Thorn’, causing the Drummer to jolt upright and open the object.  “Amanda?  Are you okay?  Is Raven okay?” he murmured, worry thick in his tone as he got to his feet and began to pace.  Unknown to the four men, the door in the back opened just a little bit.

“Things have been... rough,” he sighed after a long pause, tiredness and deep concern tinging his baritone voice.  The drummer halted in place as he ran his hand through his bleach blonde locks, unaware of the angry, heterochromic gaze glaring at him from the rear of the bus.

Letting out an angry snarl, Manson slid the door shut on the rest of the conversation.  He had an idea of where it was headed and he doubted he could stop himself from strangling Ginger.  Clutching Kathy to his scarred chest, the bony singer stalked over to two half full bottles that sat on top of a small, messy dresser.  Pouring himself a shot of a mixture of the two, he took the drink in one swallow; shuddering violently as a warm, tingling sensation began to spread through him.   ‘Brian, why are you doing this to yourself?’ came Jeordie’s sad voice from the back of his head, drawing a wince from the rock star.

“I just want to forget her!  I don’t want to fucking miss her anymore!  I don’t want to feel the fucking hole she left in my heart!” Manson bit out angrily, pouring himself another shot in an effort to silence the voice in his head.

“The fuck do you care any way.  You left again when it got too hard,” he continued in a broken voice.

‘Everyone has a breaking point Mare...  I couldn’t take watching you self destruct,’ whispered the sad facsimile of Twiggy’s voice.  Growling in frustration, the rock star flung himself onto his bed and pressed the heels of his hands against his forehead.

It wasn’t until some time later that he was being shaken awake and he swatted at the person with a snarl.  “Come on man, we’re at the venue!” came Pogo’s urging baritone.  Hissing in irritation, the singer rolled out of his bed and stalked into the bathroom to fix his smeared make-up.  Once that was done, he stormed out of the bus and into the dressing room to wait for the band to finish unpacking.  As the band unloaded, Manson began to pace in agitation while he held Kathy tight against his torso.

After what seemed like an unbearable wait, Ginger timidly appeared at the door; looking like he wanted to be anywhere else but there at that moment.  Stiffening when he saw the drummer, the singer carefully placed Kathy on the nearest vanity and began to stalk toward the bleach blonde with a heavy glare.  “You spoke to Amanda,” the super star bit out, his mismatched gaze sparkling angrily.

“Raven’s... she’s had a hard time but she’s starting to do a little better,” Ginger squeaked out in a scared voice, answering the singer’s unspoken question.  The bleach blonde didn’t dare move, almost didn’t dare to breath as the rock star continued to glare at him.

“Did I fucking ask about the stupid cunt?!” Manson roared, worry tinging the deep rage in his voice as he shoved past the drummer.  Ginger only watched him stalk towards the stage, a concerned look on his acne scarred face.

Manson tilted his head back and spread his arms out to his side, sweat pouring of him and his thin, scarred chest heaving as smoke billowed behind him.  The last notes of the song echoed in the packed stadium as the sea of people swarming below him cheered and surged towards him as a singular entity.  His mismatched gaze roved over the huge crowd, a hateful sneer on his face.  “This final song is dedicated to a very special bitch,” he snarled into the mic, signaling the band behind him.  Pogo nodded and began a beat on his keyboard just before the rock star began to sing in a bitter, sad voice.

“The beauty spot was borrowed and now my sweet knife rusts tomorrow.  I'm a confession that is waiting to be heard,” he husked out, his voice full of anger as he leaned toward the crowd.

“Burn your empty rain down on me.  Whisper your deathbeat so softly.  We bend our knees at the altar of my ego,” he husked out, his anger turning to bitter hate as he glowered at the crowd that surged toward him.

“You drained my heart and made a spade.  But there's still traces of me in your veins,” he screamed out almost accusingly, earning an approving roar from the rapt audience.

“You drained my heart and made a spade.  But there's still traces of me in your veins,” the rock star repeated, sound more bitter as he shoved himself backward from the tip of the stage.

“All my lilies' mouths are open, like they're begging for dope and hoping.  Their bitter petal chant, "We can kick, you won't be back.",” he hissed out quietly, pacing the stage like a caged tiger as he shot the roaring sea of humanity accusing glares.

“I'm a diamond that is tired of all the faces I've acquired,” the singer continued in a tired, defeated voice, running a hand over his face as he closed his eyes.

“We must secure the shadow, ere the substance fades,” he hissed through gritted teeth, running his hand from his chin back up to his shoulder length hair and giving the ebony locks a sharp tug.

“You drained my heart and made a spade.  But there's still traces of me in your veins,” Manson screamed into the mic, ignoring the feedback whine of the speakers behind him.

“You drained my heart and made a spade.  But there's still traces of me in your veins,” he belted once again, giving his hair another hard yank as if in self punishment.  Then his fingers were uncurling from his greasy locks as he slowly slumped into a defeated posture.

“And you said ‘til we die,” he breathed into the microphone, his baritone voice heartbreakingly pleading as his gaze fixed on the floor of the stage.

“And you said ‘til we die,” the rock star repeated, allowing the mic to drop from his relaxing fingers.  Then he was collapsing to the stage as a pain exploded in his chest and he found himself unable to breath.

There was a faint sense of motion, faint, male whispers and darkness.  Groaning softly, Manson slowly pulled himself into a sitting position as he reached blindly for something.  “Here,” came a soft, familiar baritone as something fluffy was pressed into his hands.  Snatching the precious object and pressing it to his chest, the singer began to fumble for the lamp beside the bed.

All of a sudden a flood of light filled the room, drawing a pained hiss from the rock star.  “Oh shit, sorry.  I shoulda warned ya,” came an amused titter from his right.  Snarling heatedly, Manson grabbed the nearest pillow and hucked it blindly at the position he had heard the voice.

“Sorry Manny but ya missed me,” came a lightly taunting giggle, drawing an irritated snarl from the ‘Antichrist Superstar’.

“You okay Manson?  You sorta collapsed back there,” came a timid voice from his left, drawing an irritated sigh from the singer.

“I’m fine!  I just... I’m fine,” he hissed out, closing his eyes briefly in an effort to clear his vision.  Once he opened his eyes, he saw John 5, Ginger and Pogo surrounding his bed.

All three band members only gave eachother worried looks before turning back to face Manson.  “How long are you going to keep going like this?” Ginger whispered in a timid, worried voice, unable to meet the rock star’s anger filled gaze.

“It’s none of your fucking business!  Just leave me the fuck alone!” he snarled getting to his feet and whirling to glare at the three members of his band.

“It  is our business man.  Like it or not, we care about you like family.  We don’t like watching you tear yourself apart like this,” Pogo sighed, sounding irritated as well as worried as he glared slightly at the performer.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to do?!  Do you realize how much I loved her?!  How much I still need her by my side!” he screamed, clenching his hands into shaking fists as he tried to ignore the growing pain in his chest.  All this talk about  her lately was awakening his feelings again, feelings he had buried for his own sanity.

Making a strangled sobbing noise as tears began to clog his throat, Manson dived for the bottles on his dresser and took a deep drag from the Absinthe bottle.  “How am I supposed to deal with this pain?” he hissed out in a shaky voice before taking another long pull from the bottle.

“I don’t know but this shit isn’t going to help keep your head straight,” Pogo growled from behind him, yanking the bottle away from him and snatching the other one while he was at it.

“What the fuck Gacy!” the rock star roared, making a dive for the keyboardist before he was stopped by the strong grips of John 5 and Ginger.

“Enough Manson.  We’re not about to sit by and watch you kill yourself.  We’re not allowing you anymore alcohol for the rest of the tour,” John sighed, worry in his deep voice as he held onto his friend tightly.

“You can’t fucking do that!” Manson screamed, struggling in their grasps like a worm on a hook.

“If you want to see Raven again, you have to stop drinking so much.  You can’t very well make up with someone if you’re dead,” Ginger tried to reason, only earning a throaty growl.

“Stop fucking saying her name!  Just leave me the fuck alone!” the furious male bellowed, only slightly gratified when they fled and left him alone.

Flinging himself down onto his black, silk sheets, Manson leaned forward and clasped his head in both hands; entwining his fingers in his ebony hair.  As much as he longed to see  her again, to apologize for his behavior, to try to start new; he knew he wasn’t ready to see her yet.  Inside he was a turmoil of hurt and betrayal, none of which  she deserved.  Despite how he outwardly acted, he was well aware how at fault he was for current circumstances.

If he were to see her again, he was afraid of what he would say, what he would do.  His anger was far too close to the surface and every time he so much as thought about  her , the shade of Dita would begin to whisper poison in his ear.  Growling in frustration, the rock star laid back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling of the bus and it moved down the road.  Already he could feel the pain burning in his chest; the intense need to hold her in his arms, to inhale her scent, to never let her go again.  Releasing a ragged sigh, he flung himself out of his bed and began to pace.

Even while lightly buzzed, he could still keenly feel  her absence.  “Fuck!” he screamed as loud as he could, the veins standing out in his neck as spittle flew from his black lips.  Then he was rummaging in a small drawer in the nightstand, his bony chest heaving as his heterochromic gaze searched for something.  When he didn’t find the object he was looking for, the singer flipped the small stand over; effectively breaking the lamp and plunging the room into darkness.

“Motherfucking Twiggy!” he screamed before he punched a wall.

Ginger and John stared at the bedroom with concern before proceeding to pour out every drop of alcohol on the tour bus, Pogo pulling out hidden stashes like some sort of sniffer dog.  Once the trio was sure they had gotten rid of everything, they flopped down on various pieces of furniture with sighs of relief mixed with concern.  “Sounds like Twigs stole his supply of razors before he left,” Ginger murmured, staring down at his clasped hands as he released a shuddering breath.

“How the fuck are we gonna get him through this?” John 5 sighed out with his head tilted back against the back of the couch.

“I don’t know.  All I know is that this tour is only making things worse.  All his new songs have memories of Raven attached and not all of them are good,” Ginger replied, closing his brown eyes briefly as he tried to calm his anxiety about the singer.

“Don’t make him stop this tour.  Work is the only thing that’s keeping his mind off the fact that she’s gone,” Pogo replied quietly, staring straight ahead as he placed his left foot on the sofa and draped the corresponding arm over his folded knee.

“Think about it Ging.  If you lost Amanda, would you be able to just sit at home and not go crazy?” the keyboardist continued, his gaze not shifting as worry and sympathy swirled in his chocolate orbs.

“Well, when you put it like that, I suppose I would be doing what Manson is right now; only a lot less severe,” the drummer replied softly, looking over at his bandmate with a look of slight astonishment.

“We have to be there for him as much as we can right now, even making some decisions for him.  Right now, the right decision is to just let him tour,” the mohawked male whispered, tapping his black nails on his inner thigh as he continued to stare at the wall opposite them.  Ginger and John only sighed heavily in response, slumping on the couch in exhaustion and defeat.

“Do not worry.  Things will be okay,” came a quiet voice from the very front of the bus, making everyone jolt in surprise.

Blinking, the three males all moved to the front to stared at Tim incredulously.  The bassist merely gave them a small smile, not taking his gaze off the road as he drove.  “Raven will come back,” he said with an assurance the three of them frankly envied.

“Even if she did, how do you think Manson will react?  Do you really think she needs to be subjected to that?” Ginger sighed, apprehension outweighing the hope in his voice.  As much as the drummer wanted the female to come back, it was safer for her to stay away for the time being.

“Things may be rocky but they will be okay in the end,” the male replied, his swedish accent rolling around each word as he spoke.

“How the fuck can you be so sure?” John 5 growled out in exasperation, disbelief clear in his brown gaze.

“It is simply meant to be.  Could you not feel it when they are around eachother?” Tim replied in a no nonsense voice, as if he couldn’t believe how dense his fellows were being.  At that, the three went silent as they considered his words.  To be honest, the bassist was right.  Every time the pair had been in the same room, they had radiated a contentment and connection that they had all envied and awed.  Yet they all found themselves apprehensive of what would happen if they  did reunite.  Just the thought made the trio shudder with terror for not only Raven but Manson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Surprise guys! I was gonna take a break on this trilogy but my muse had other plans. Oh well, I’m sure none of you are about to complain. The new fic rotation will be ‘The Rose and Thorn’ and ‘Midnight Roses’ taking priority with ‘Loving the Heartless’ and an unrevealed mystery fic being worked on when I get the inspiration.


	3. Song of a Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends. There is a secret song at the center of the world, Joey, and its sound is like razors through flesh.’ - Pinhead

 

    A shrill alarm went off in the darkness, drawing a sleepy, irritated groan from Raven.  Cracking one eye open with a look that signaled a quick and painful death, the groggy woman punched the snooze button with the side of her fist before sitting up.  As she rubbed the sleep from her heavy eyes, she found herself wondering just why she had set her alarm in the first place.  Then she remembered and she was out of bed in a flash, getting dressed as fast as she could.  In her rush, the harried female never noticed what she put on.

    Johnny leaned back in a chair at the kitchen table, sipping his coffee as he watched Amanda pour hers.  The sleepy looking woman was wearing a blue formal top and a pair of form fitting gray pants, an outfit that accentuated her curves nicely.  “You look nice today,” the actor observed, smiling at her in a friendly manner when she turned to acknowledge him.

    “Thanks!” she chirped, a pretty blush coloring her pale cheeks as she moved to join him at the table.  Once she was sitting, she took a sip of the black beverage and winced slightly at the initial taste.

    “I know, no matter how long I drink it I never get used to the bitterness,” the handsome male sighed, scratching the wiry hair on his chin.

    “How’d the concert go?” Amanda asked curiously, smiling at his comment about coffee.  She could definitely agree with him on that point but right now her curiosity was eating her alive.  Thankfully the actor understood and only chuckled warmly.

    “That curious?  Jonathan got her to sing on stage,” he replied, taking a sip of his coffee as he watched the curly haired female with amused eyes.  He wasn’t disappointed and he had to fight to not spit his beverage out in laughter. 

    Amanda blinked for a few times as her brain slowly processed the information.  Then it clicked and her green eyes went wide as her jaw nearly dropped to the table.  Disbelief, amazement and wonder filled her vibrant eyes as she stared at the star across from her.  “Wait, you got _Raven_ to sing in front of a crowd of people?!  How the _Hell_ did you manage that?!” she finally replied, astonishment and respect in her voice as she looked up at the lean actor across from her. 

    “Jonathan asked her to and, after some hesitation, she did.  It was... it was beautiful,” Johnny breathed, his baritone voice thick with emotion as he set his mug down and stared into it. 

    “You know what this means right?” Amanda asked, apprehension coming into her voice as reality began to rear its ugly head. 

    “Yeah, it won’t be the paparazzi we’ll have to worry about anymore,” he sighed, running a hand through his dark hair as his eyes flicked to the kitchen entryway.

    “She does _not_ need this added stress,” the concerned female sighed, slumping so her torso laid across the circular table.

    “I know but at least she’ll be away from the house today,” the goateed male replied, smiling when Amanda gave him a suspicious look.

    “Jonathan invited us to hang out with him today.  He’s in town for a few more days for his tour and thought it might be fun.  Raven was really excited, apparently she’s been a fan for years,” he explained, getting to his feet and moving to the cupboards to make himself some food.  Today he was dressed in a deep red, long sleeve shirt and a pair of rather tight blue jeans.  As the rather fit male walked, Amanda couldn’t stop her eyes from wandering to his toned butt. 

    “What are you guys gonna do?” she asked, taking her eyes off his rather fine ass with a blush.  Instead she focused her gaze on her nearly empty mug as she twirled it between her hands. 

    “We’re gonna hang out with a few buddies, probably chat, play some games, watch some stuff.  You’re also coming by the way,” Johnny replied, throwing a mischievous glance over his shoulder as he prepared himself some cereal and sausage.

    “Wh-what?!  I have work today!” came her predicted, flabbergasted response from behind him. 

    “Oh don’t worry about that.  When I called your boss, he was more than okay with you taking the day off for an autograph or five,” the actor replied smoothly, pouring some milk in his bowl and resuming his seat at the table.  Amanda only stared at him, her jaw slightly ajar. 

    “You’re still getting paid.  Consider it a mini vacation,” he continued, answering an unspoken question. 

    “But why?!” the curly haired female gasped out in utter astonishment.  Yet, under all of that, a part of her was excited to get to meet some of Johnny’s friends.  Also, she would get a chance to spend some much needed time with Raven and gauge her roomie’s condition. 

    “You and Raven could use some time to just relax and have fun with a group of friends,” he replied simply just as Raven came sliding into the room.

    Eeping shrilly as she skidded on the linoleum, the black haired female found her legs slipping out from under her and fell to the floor with a dull thud.  “Raven?  Are you... um, did you see what you’re wearing?” came Johnny’s smooth voice, starting out concerned and ending with anxious confusion.

    “I’m fine, I’m fine!  Nothin’ hurt but my pride!  And what do ya mean?” assured the embarrassed woman as she sat up and looked down at herself.  At the sight of the shirt she wore, all color drained from her face and her heart twisted painfully in her chest.  There, on her torso, was a picture of Manson’s face.  Ironically, this one used to be one of her favorites.

    “No, it’s fine,” she whispered, getting to her feet and waving off both Amanda and Johnny.  Despite never intending to see Manson again, Raven had been unable to get rid of any of the stuff she had pertaining to him.  She had even kept the posters up, despite how much pain they caused her to see.

    “Are you sure?” Johnny asked gently, placing a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. 

    “Yeah, I’m not going to get rid of this stuff so I’ll have to get over the pain at some point,” the resigned woman replied, opening the fridge and pulling out a ‘Red Pop’.  Twisting off the white cap with a practised move, the pale female took a long swig of the soda before releasing a long, ringing belch. 

    “Charming Meg, er Raven,” Amanda sighed in exasperated amusement as she moved to the coffee pot to refill her mug. 

    “Thank you,” Raven replied with exaggerated flare, bowing to her audience of two with her arms spread.  Despite the cheer in her voice, sadness still tinged her tone but her two friends decided to just let it go.

    Once all three had eaten and Raven had put Lady out on her zipline, Johnny had ushered them into his sleek rental car and began to drive.  Raven stared out the window quietly while Amanda chatted cheerfully with Johnny from the back.  The two of them talked about a show called Smallville while the black haired found her mind drifting to Manson.  Was he okay?  Was he drinking heavily?  Was his band keeping an eye on him?  Did he still have Kathy?  Heaving a sigh, Raven was unaware of two lone tears that rolled down her porcelain cheek.

    She came back to herself with a jolt when the car came to a stop in front of a very familiar hotel.  Unable to stop the laughter from bubbling past her lips, Raven was soon laughing hysterically while holding her stomach.  “Wow Johnny!  You take me to such exotic locations!” she gasped out between peals of merriment, tears of amusement flowing down her cheeks freely.  Johnny only quirked a dark brow in response, before grinning widely.

    “Only the best for you my dear,” he teased with humor thick in his voice, one of his hands grasping her right hand and bringing the appendage to his lips.  Still giggling, the smiling woman tugged her hand free so she could exit the car.  Amanda was close behind, a smile of amusement on her face as she joined her childhood friend.

    Soon the trio was in the elevator, chatting away even when the door opened on their floor.  All talking stopped when they saw who was waiting outside the door that obviously led to their room.  One of them was Jonathan Davis, who was waving at them wildly before charging down the hall to meet them.  The second person, however, was a complete stranger to Raven.  Amanda, on the other hand, had gone completely still.  A bright blush colored her pale skin and her eyes were wide with flustered disbelief.  Blinking at her friend’s reaction, the black haired female took a second look at the strange man.

    He was tall and had a squarish face that was handsome in some ways.  His blue eyes sparkling with an inner merriment and his short, thick, black hair was combed to the left.  He was dressed in a green t-shirt and blue jeans and his posture was relaxed and friendly.  “Hey Johnny!  You gonna introduce me to your lovely companions?” he called as he began to move toward them at a much more relaxed pace.

    The movement caused an interesting reaction in Amanda, the brown haired woman’s eyes going wider as she turned an even deeper shade of red.  Intrigued by her friend’s unusual reaction, Raven whispered, “Do you know that guy?”  This made the other woman look at her with disbelief and astonishment.

    “Are you _kidding_?!  That’s Tom Welling!” she hissed, gesturing while trying to remain unheard by the approaching male.  Jonathan, who had released Johnny, turned to watch the events with an amused grin.

    “Who?” Raven asked, the name not ringing any bells whatsoever.  Her best friend only looked at her in absolute, gobsmacked disbelief, her jaw hanging slightly open.

    “He played Clark Kent on Smallville!” she clarified, slightly louder and making herself jolt with embarrassment. 

    “Smallwhat?” the black haired female asked, her confusion only deepening.  She could gather from the character name that the show was about Superman but she had never heard of it.  To be honest, she simply wasn’t as interested in the hero as her friend was.  She much preferred Batman, finding the ‘Dark Knight’ a lot more relatable than the goody two shoes son of Krypton.

    Amanda looked about to answer her when her mouth snapped shut and her blush deepened to an alarming shade.  Just as she was about to ask what was wrong with the curly haired woman, she heard a male voice from behind her.  “It was a show about Clark Kent’s childhood in his hometown,” said the smooth voice, drawing a surprised eep from Raven as she whirled around and backed up several steps.

    Smirking down at the two women, Tom chuckled and held out his hand.  “I’m sure an introduction isn’t needed on my part but, in the spirit of politeness, my name is Tom Welling,” he continued, his blue eyes sparkling with laughter.  The two Johns behind him only smirked in amusement, the actor particularly focused on Amanda’s reaction.  It almost looked like the woman had a huge crush on his fellow thespian.

    Raven chuckled at her close friend’s expression, the pale female resembling a gasping fish.  Then she turned and offered her own hand to the tall, lightly muscled male with a smile.  “My name is Raven and the human puddle beside me is my best friend Amanda,” the black clad woman replied, giggling when said female elbowed her sharply in the ribs.

    “Hey watch the elbow Mandy,” she squawked loudly, jolting back in an exaggerated manner with a grin on her face.  Her curly haired companion only glowered heavily, blushing deeply in embarrassment before Tom began waving his hand in her face for attention.  Making a strangled squeaking noise, the curly haired female looked up at him like a mouse looking up at a lurking cat.

    “Why so nervous?  I don’t bite,” the rather young looking actor purred, nearly reducing Amanda to a quivering pile of jello on the carpet.

    “Alright Tom, heel boy!  Let the poor thing breathe,” Davis barked out, laughter in his voice as he strode over to clap the dark haired man on his back.  The young male only chuckled lightly, backing off a few steps to give Amanda some much needed room.

    Making the most adorable sounds that Raven had ever heard, the curly haired female straightened her clothes before practically rushing to her side.  Looking down at the brown haired woman that was nearly hiding behind her, the black clad woman was barely able to hold back her outright laughter.  She had never seen her normally unflappable friend this flustered, which meant that the curly haired female had to have it bad for the man.  The thought made her sober immediately as the grin slowly left her face.  What did this mean for Ginger?

    Amanda seemed to have the same thought at the same time, immediately straightening and clearing her throat.  Her face was still nearly glowed from how red it was but she was much more composed.  Glaring at the amused faces of the three males, the thin female rolled her green eyes before striding to the door and waiting there for Johnny to unlock the room.  Despite her calm, semi-irritated exterior, the female was a whirlwind of confusion.  She loved Ginger more than she had ever felt for someone before but something about Tom just drew her to him.  Biting her lip, the brown haired woman found herself wondering if she would have to choose between the two.

    Thankfully it wasn’t too long before the movie star was opening the door and allowing them to walk into the huge suite.  It was the exact same one as last time, making Raven wonder if the actor simply had the room on permanent reserve.  Jonathan, of course, came charging in like he owned the place; only stopping to give Raven a tight hug.  “How ya doin’ Raven?” Davis asked as he released her, grasping her hand to lead her to the couch.

    “I, er, uh,” she stammered, stumbling as the singer practically sat her down on the couch and threw himself down beside her. 

    “You know, the news has been in an uproar since last night!  Everyone is tryin’ ta find ya!  You even have some record companies that want you to sign for them!” the mustached man announced nonchalantly, as if the news wasn’t surprising in the least.

    Raven only stared at the performer, her jaw dropped as horror began to fill her hazel eyes.  “ Oh God no.  The paparazzi already knows where I live!  This is the last thing I needed,” she groaned, flopping backward onto the back of the couch and shutting her eyes.

    “I don’t _want_ to become a famous singer!  I could barely handle dating a famous person let alone being one myself!  The constant attention would drive me batty!” the anxious female sighed out, fear tinging her voice as she pressed the palm of her left hand against her forehead. 

    “You can stay here for a while, until the excitement dies down a bit,” Johnny offered from behind the couch, causing Raven to tip her head backward to see him.  From her view, the actor looked upside down and she had to fight back a small snicker. 

    “Thanks Johnny, it would be nice to get away from the house for a bit,” the black haired female admitted, her hazel gaze catching the upside down forms of Tom and Amanda.  Righting her head and turning to get a better look, Raven saw Tom pulling out a chair at the table for her friend to sit in.  As sweet as the scene was, it only deepened her worry.  If Amanda became interested in Tom, what would that do to a certain bleach blonde drummer?

    Manson sat on the edge of his bed, his head clutched tightly between his black nailed hands.  His mismatched eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his jaw was set, a muscle ticking occasionally under his skin.   _‘I told you she’d leave you Brian.  She’s just like all the others’_ hissed a wholly unwelcome female voice from the back of his head.  Letting loose a harsh snarl in response, the singer merely flung himself backward on his bed and clutched Kathy to his chest.

    Glaring up at the ceiling as if it had personally offended him, the rock star rolled to one side, curled into a fetal position and cuddled the ragged dog plush.  “Shut up, just shut the hell up!” he bit out to the empty room, burrowing his nose into the toy’s short fur and inhaling deeply.  Despite having it for a few days now, it still smelled faintly of her; helping calm his swirling thoughts just a little.

    “I fuckin’ miss you.  Why the hell did I have to fuck things up so bad?” he sighed, his heterochromic gaze moving to where his liquor bottles had once stood.  Deep down, he knew his band taking them had been for the best but he was still pissed off about it.  Without the booze to numb him, he was left with the roaring pain and emptiness.  He was left with the guilt and this hollow, burning feeling in his heart where she once was.

    Letting out a pained snarl that sounded more like a whine, the singer curled even tighter around the plush as he fought against the clenching feeling in his chest.  Feeling tears prick at his eyes, Manson let out another pained snarl before dissolving into heartbreaking sobs.  Sobs that sounded like they were being torn from the very depths of his soul.  Sobs that were full of pain, longing, desperation and guilt.  As the tears left him, it almost felt as if the pain in his heart had become a physical thing; clogging his throat and making it hard for him to breathe. 

    Snarling viciously through his tear clogged throat, the rock star gripped handfuls of his own hair and began to tug; anything to distract him from this roaring agony filling him.  “God fucking dammit!   _God fucking **dammit!!!**_ ” he screamed, agony clear in his furious voice as he flung himself to his feet, grabbed the nightstand beside the bed and flung it at a wall.  Then he released another choked sob as his hand twitched restlessly.  He needed a drink, he needed a whore, he needed to hurt something; just anything to make him forget her for a second!

    A timid knock shot through his consciousness, drawing a low snarl from deep within his bony chest.  Then he was striding to the door in long steps, his platform boots clumping loudly as his black nailed hands curled into tight fists.  Whoever was on the other side of that door was going to very much regret bringing attention to themselves.  With the mood he was in, he was going to absolutely tear them a new one if he didn’t outright attack them.  “ _What!_ ” he screamed as he flung the door open, glowering down at the person standing there. 

    Ginger flinched back from the singer, almost wishing he could just sink into the carpet and disappear.  When they had pulled up to the venue, the four of them had drawn straws to see who would be the unlucky one to go get Manson.  The drummer, of course, had gotten the short end of the stick quite literally.  Doing his best not to show the singer just how scared he was, the shorter male stood as straight as he could and met the rock star’s gaze steadily.  “We’re here,” he stated simply, flinching when the door slammed shut in his face. 

    “Pheeeeeww, looks like tonight is gonna be roooough!” Pogo sing-songed from behind him, sounding all too amused by Manson’s ire.

    “Yeah, looks like.  We’ll have to keep an eye on him around the groupies tonight,” the drummer sighed, a grim look on his acne-scarred face.  Unknown to him, John 5 and Pogo were exchanging equally grim looks while Tim began to move some equipment out of the bus. 

    “And I’ll love you, if you won’t make me starve,” Manson nearly sobbed into the mic, gesturing violently to security before storming off the stage.  In his rush, he didn’t noticed Tim following close behind him.

    “Are you sure you wanna do that?” came a Swedish accented baritone, nearly making the singer jump and almost drop his mask of rage.

    “Why the fuck wouldn’t I?” came the hissed response as the rock star refused to turn to look at his bassist.

    “You would only be using that poor woman to vent your pain and self hatred on,” came the knowing, neutral reply, the tone of bland uncaring only furthering Manson’s rage.

    “What I choose to do is _my_ business,” the singer snarled, his mismatched eyes glittering dangerously.

    “You cannot take this out on innocent women,” the tall male replied calmly, not even ruffled by the taller male’s rage.  The superstar jolted in place, before moving his eyes to the side.  His hands twitched restlessly before he turned his back on the Swedish male.

    “Tell that security guard nevermind,” he bit out before stomping into the dressing room.  As soon as the door was closed, the performer proceeded to completely destroy the room; tears flowing down his painted cheeks unnoticed.  He flipped over tables, threw doors of the vanity across the room and stomped a coffee table in half.  Then he turned to glare at the vanity mirror, the reflective surface showing him the fact that he was freely crying.  With a loud, strangled cry, the singer punched through the mirror and crumpled to his knees; clutching his injured hand to his chest.. 

    “Fuck, Manson?!  Guys I heard glass breaking!” called John 5’s voice, followed by the frantic jiggling of the locked doorknob.  Then there was a thudding as someone threw themselves against the door. 

    Within moments, the door came flying open to reveal Pogo and Tim.  “Aw fuck, he jacked up his hand,” the mohawked keyboardist hissed when he saw the blood pouring from said appendage, moving to scoop the glaring singer into his arms and carrying him onto the tour bus.  The rest of the band rushed onto the bus close behind, varying degrees of worry on their painted faces.  Ginger went right for the first aid supplies while the keyboardist set Manson down on the couch. 

    “Get the fuck away!  I don’t need any help!  I just need to wrap this bitch and be done with it,” the rock star snarled, trying to wave Gacy away; only to be pinned to the couch by Tim. 

    “Dude are you kidding?  You’re gonna need fucking stitches at least,” Pogo sighed, taking the kit from Ginger.  Then the mohawked male was kneeling and examining the damage the singer had done.  The appendage was covered in several cuts, many rather deep and bleeding profusely.

    “Tim, keep him pinned.  Ging, hand me a needle and thread.  John, go outside and get some air,” the musician commanded, grinning at the rather green looking guitarist.

    “Good idea,” John 5 conferred before rushing out of the bus.

    “I can fucking take care of this myself!  I don’t need your fucking help!” Manson snarled, struggling against the tight hold Tim had on his bony, tattooed shoulders.

    “Yeah, cause you’ve done _such_ a fantastic job of it so far,” the mohawked keyboardist snarked with a giggle as he began to dab the wounds with an alcohol soaked cotton ball, drawing a hiss of pain from the singer.

    Knowing Pogo wasn’t just talking about this incident, Manson glowered down at his bandmate; wishing he had the ability to set someone on fire with his stare.  “We just wanna help,” Ginger murmured quietly, avoiding the rock star’s gaze as he handed the keyboardist a needle and thread. 

    “I don’t _want_ help!” the singer yelled, trying to pull his hand away from his bandmate.  Tim only sighed irritably before releasing a shoulder briefly to lightly smack Manson’s make-up coated cheek. 

    “What you want doesn’t matter right now,” the bassist murmured, drawing the performer’s angry gaze. 

    His brown and whitish-blue eyes narrowed before he released a long, low growl and simply let them take care of his hand.  Despite his angry exterior, he was honestly touched by how much his band seemed to care about him.  In all the years he had played with them, they had become more like family than he had realized.  “Thanks,” Manson gritted out reluctantly, keeping his heterochromic gaze fixed on his nylon covered legs.

    “No problem Manny boy!” Pogo chirped as he began to spread a numbing agent over the wounds that would need stitching.  Then he got to work, whistling to himself merrily despite the sounds of discomfort coming from the ‘Antichrist Superstar’.

    After his hand had been disinfected and bandaged, Manson slumped back on the couch and closed his eyes with a sigh.  Dark, bruise like circles were visible even under the make-up, making it fairly obvious that the singer hadn’t been sleeping well.  “How long’s it been since you’ve eaten?” Ginger asked cautiously while Tim went to the door of the bus to get John.  The singer didn’t answer verbally, merely shrugged while keeping his head resting against the back of the couch and his eyes closed. 

    “Well, I guess it’s time for a McDonalds run!” Pogo cheered, sounding far too excited about the prospect of going to that restaurant.  The sound of his enthusiasm made Ginger and Tim look at the mohawked male with suspicion as John came back onto the bus. 

    “Why are you so excited about going there?” the drummer asked, wariness clear in his brown eyes.

    “Oh, no reasoooon,” the crazy keyboardist sang, tittering wildly as he flung himself into a chair.  Now even Manson was looking at the lounging musician, a naked brow quirked in speculation.

    “Ugh, Gacy you can’t tell me you plan on using the Playland again,” John 5 groaned, moving a lock of his chin length, bleach blonde hair behind his left ear.  Pogo only sniggered in response as Tim got behind the wheel and revved the engine to life.

    “We might as well go, you know he’ll be insufferable until we do,” Manson sighed, rolling his eyes before resuming his previous posture.  The other two only stared at him for a moment before slumping in defeat.  As much as they hated to admit it, the singer was right.  As much chaos as Pogo would cause at the McDonalds, it simply didn’t compare to how much of a pain in the ass he was when he didn’t get his way.

    “McDonalds ho!” the insane musician cackled while pointing in the air dramatically, laying himself across the arms of the chair as the bus began to move down the road and towards the very unfortunate restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting fact for you guys! This is the first sequel I’ve ever actually done. Yeah I’ve had some planned for future stories but I’ve never actually worked on one!


	4. Budding Friendships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.’ - Hunter S Thompson
> 
> ‘Hey Daddy’ (c) KoRn

_ Crash!! Thud! Thud! _  Jolting up in bed, Raven groaned as she held her slightly throbbing head.  Last night was a blur after Johnny had gotten out the alcohol.  She had drank one shot after another in an effort to drown out the pain that was steadily increasing in her chest.  Despite her playful exterior yesterday, the female had been honestly miserable.  Literally every moment since she had ‘come back’ she had felt an increasing longing as well as a low, painful throbbing in her heart.  If it hadn’t been for the actor busting out the alcohol, she was fairly sure she would have done something stupid.  In fact, she had come fairly close to excusing herself and calling the singer; just to hear his voice.

Fairly certain she was hung over from the sheer amount of booze she had consumed, the pale woman painfully stumbled out of her vaguely familiar looking bed.  This certainly wasn’t her room but she had been here before.  Then her memory returned and she very nearly sank back down onto the bed.  She was staying at Johnny’s hotel suite to avoid the paparazzi and potential record companies that were looking for her.  Letting out a distressed noise, the black haired female moved to the dresser near the door.  Before they had begun drinking, all four of them had gone back to the house to allow her to pick up some stuff and bring it back.  Pulling out a black t-shirt and matching jeans, the female began to get dressed.

The sight that greeted her in the kitchen brought such a cramp of Deja-vu, that her heart nearly stopped in her chest.  Tears even began to roll unconsciously down her pale cheeks as her hazel eyes took in the all too familiar sight.  The T.V. had been tipped over with the screen smashed on the carpet.  Near the broken television was Johnny and he was pinning down a giggling Jonathan.  The T.V. wasn’t the only thing destroyed either.  There were couch cushions strewn all over, cupboards flung open with the contents thrown all over the counter haphazardly, the fridge was wide open with food scattering the floor near the door and there were several broken glasses tossed on the kitchen floor.  “Did you  have to stay up all night drinking?” Johnny sighed in a long suffering voice as he struggled to keep the very drunk singer pinned to the carpet.

Swallowing the burning pain in her chest and forcing a rather plastic feeling smile onto her face, Raven approached the pair.  “Mornin’ Jon and Johnny,” she chirped out with well acted happiness, managing to sound genuine when she giggled at the similarity of their names.  The dreadlocked singer looked up at her upside down and grinned, waving the tips of his fingers on his right hand at her.

“Mornin’ Raven!” they both chorused at the same time, before looking at each other in shock.  The sight drew a genuine laugh from her lips before she shook her head and began to pick up.  Behind her, Davis managed to squirm out of Johnny’s grip and speed walked over to the female who was currently gingerly picking up large chunks of glass.

“You don’t have t’do that,” the drunk performer slurred, placing a heavy hand on her shoulder.  Smiling over her shoulder at the mustached man, Raven shrugged off his hand and went back to picking up.

“You’re in no state to be doing anything but sleeping Mr. Davis,” she sighed, slight humor to her voice despite her depression beginning to creep back in along the edges.

“Call me Jonathan and this is  my mess.  I’ll pick it up,” the singer insisted, drunkenly bending over to help.

Raven looked up to protest, only to find Johnny was also helping to pick up and sighed.  Soon, between the three of them, they had the place picked up.  “Go to bed Jonathan,” Johnny sighed, staring at the slightly swaying performer with a tired, exasperated look on his tanned face.  The mustached performer only waved the actor off before going into the freshly cleaned kitchen.

“I don’t have time to sleep.  I gotta get to a concert venue here soon,” the singer replied, making himself a rather strong pot of coffee and sitting at the table to wait for it to brew.

“Then why the hell did you stay up all night getting shitfaced?!” the actor roared, stalking up to the table and gesturing with his arms.  The black clad performer only looked up at him for a few moments before averting his eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep...,” he whispered, an oddly pained tone to his voice as he looked down at the hands he had placed on the table.  Johnny immediately went from angry to sympathetic and abashed looking, rubbing the back of his head as he avoided looking at the other man.

Looking from the two men with a confused looked, Raven decided to shrug it off and went to the recently put back together fridge.  She knew better than anyone that whatever was happening wasn’t really her business.  Grabbing a Red Pop from the fridge, the female made her way to the table, sat down, opened the bottle and took a long swig.  Then she released a ringing belch, earning applause from the two males; Davis looking a little shocked while Johnny merely had an exasperated affection on his face.  “That was a ten outta ten Raven,” the actor complimented with a grin on his goateed face.

“Thanks,” the female replied, able to feign cheerfulness.  To be honest, all she wanted right now was to crawl into her borrowed room and hide; to retreat from her very painful reality.  Every moment back in the real world was beginning to feel like torture and was getting worse.  Her heart almost always felt like a clamp was tight around it, squeezing tighter and tighter as each day passed.

“By the way, Raven you’re comin’ with me to the venue,” Davis stated as the pale woman took a drink of her soda.

Coming very close to spitting out the red, fizzy fluid, Raven managed to swallow the pop before letting out a series of gasping coughs.  “Wh-what?!” she gasped out as her eyes watered.  Johnny also looked at the singer with a look of confusion, tilting his head to one side like a curious puppy.

“Yep!  I wanna get to know ya more.  If Johnny thinks you’re alright then I wanna make friends with you as well,” Jonathan continued before he got up to check the coffee pot.  Raven and Johnny only stared after the dreadlocked singer.

“Then I’ll be going with you,” the actor replied, a strange look in his eyes as he locked gazes with Davis.  The performer only raised a brow before he poured himself a mug of the bitter, black beverage.

“No, you’re not.  You’d just be a third wheel Jay Jay.  What’s the matter?  Don’t you trust me?” the singer replied as he moved back to the table, sat down and took a sip of the horribly bitter brew.

“After... can you really blame me Jon?” the star replied haltingly, his brown eyes flicking to Raven quickly.  A fact that wasn’t lost on the female.

Even the near mention of Manson caused a jolt of pain to wash through her, her heart clenching painfully in her chest.  “Johnny, it’s okay.  I highly doubt Jonathan is planning on trying anything.  I mean, the story about me and Manson is all over the grocery store shelves,” she replied in a sad, defeated voice.  Unknown to her, both men turned their gazes toward her before shifting their gazes to eachother.  Their eyes met and a silent communication passed between them.

“Yeah, you’re right.  Jon’s too much of a gentleman to attempt to get into a relationship with you right now,” the star conceded before going to the kitchen and helping himself to some coffee.

“Glad to know you think so much of me Jay,” the singer replied with a chuckle, downing his cup of coffee with a swallow.

“As for you missy, go get yourself some breakfast and eat fast.  We don’t have much time to linger,” he continued, gesturing at Raven with his empty mug before he got up to get another cup of coffee.

After a few more cups of coffee and a breakfast of scrambled eggs for Raven, Jonathan was ushering the female out of the suite.  “Call me if you need anything,” Johnny had requested as they were leaving.

“Don’t worry dad!  I’ll have her home before midnight,” Davis joked before Raven could respond, giving the actor a reassuring look as he practically shoved the pale female out of the room.  Once the door closed, the goateed actor began to pace like a caged tiger; his hands clasped behind his back.  It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the performer, he had known the man for years and he knew that the singer wouldn’t do anything to put more stress on Raven.  It was the fact that the poor woman was so vulnerable, all he could hope was that nothing happened to drive her to a breaking point.

The journey to the venue was fairly uneventful and filled with Jonathan telling his companion stories about him and Johnny.  So far, her favorite story had been about a time that the singer had managed to trick Johnny into walking into a crowded room while wearing nothing but a towel.  Right now he was regaling her with a tale about how he had managed to bring in a stripper and had paid her to give the actor a lapdance.  “You shoulda seen the look on his face,” the rock star cackled, tears of mirth rolling down his cheeks.

“I would have given anything to see that!  He must have been mortified,” Raven giggled, finding herself truly relaxing.  For the moment the lingering pain in her heart was shoved to the back of her mind.  For the moment, she was blessedly free of pain, yearning or the undeniable pull that was making it increasingly harder for her to resist calling Manson.

“He looked like he about shat a brick!  And you wouldn’t believe how red his face got!  I think there was steam coming out of his ears,” Davis replied, laughing even harder and slapping his open palms against the faux leather of the steering wheel.

As she pictured it in her mind, the black haired female began to laugh uncontrollably; tears rolling down her own cheeks.  In her mind she saw some blonde bombshell with tits ‘til Sunday sitting herself on a rather flabbergasted Johnny’s lap.  As the mind stripper’s hips undulated, the actor’s face got more and more red until steam started pouring out of his ears; a loud, tea kettle whistle coming from his head.  Laughing helplessly at the persistent image, it was all Raven could do to breathe.  “Oh god, I can just picture it!” she gasped between howls of laughter.

“How did you guys even meet anyway?” Jonathan asked curiously, still chuckling as his brown eyes flicked over to the black clad female beside him.

Startling at the question, Raven found herself flooded with memories that were cherished but held a lot of pain.  “We met when Manson and I were still together.  Manson... he had left to... and I got upset so I just sorta walked outta the house until I came across a park.  I was sitting at a bench, crying, when he came by and we started talking.  We’ve been close ever since,” she answered, her voice hitching at certain points as she focused her hazel gaze on the black jeans covering her legs.

Frowning slightly as he began to put two and two together, Davis turned his head slightly to look at Raven briefly.  Then his callused hand was on top of hers and giving a comforting squeeze.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ask you about something painful,” he murmured quietly, moving his gaze back to the road as he kept his hand on hers.

“No, it’s okay.  You couldn’t have known.  So, do you really just want to get to know me?  I can assure you I’m nothing special.  All of this crap just sorta happened to me!  I led a normal life until a simple concert turned my life on it’s head,” she replied, giving him the best smile she could over the pain that was once again beginning to creep back in.  As nice as the singer was, she just couldn’t get Manson out of her mind.  Despite herself, she found herself wishing it was him and not Davis that was with her.  The knowledge made guilt fill her in a bitter flood.

“You’ll have to tell me the story some time.  As for if  I want to get to know you, yes.  You seem like a pretty nice person.  You have yet to treat me like a normal starstruck fan, something I rarely get.  I want to know everything you’re willing to tell me but for now, why don’t you tell me where you learned to sing,” the singer replied, giving her a small smile as his thumb brushed the top of her hand.  The small touch caused the female to jolt slightly as a blush colored her cheeks.

To tell the truth, when she was a teenager, she had the hugest crush on both Davis and Manson; with the goth rocker having a much bigger place in her heart.  Something about Jonathan’s performance, the way he poured his emotions into his lyrics drew her to his music.  It resonated with her on a level that normally only Manson’s music moved her.  It was honestly surreal to be talking to the man like he was prospective friend.  If someone had told her all this would have happened to little old  her , she simply would have laughed in their faces before calling them insane.  “Uh, um choir I guess,” she replied, noticing that Jon was looking at her expectantly.

“Choir huh?  You almost sound like you’ve had more training than that.  To be really great, all you’d need is a lil polishing,” he replied, sounding honestly shocked.  Raven only blushed in response, looking out the window at the passing scenery.

“I don’t need to be great, I have no desire to be a singer.  Being famous seems to be more trouble than it’s worth!  I can barely withstand the paparazzi as they are now, can you imagine how they’d act if I actually became famous?!” the female replied, sounding stressed at the mere prospect.

“You could always have Jay lend ya Jerome!” the singer teased, chuckling slightly as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“I might actually do that at some point.  What I would give to see the looks on those bloodsuckers’ faces when Jerry opens the door.  They would probably wet themselves,” she cackled, an evil, vindictive glint in her hazel eyes.  Jonathan cackled along with her, removing his hand to place it back on the steering wheel.

“I bet they would!  As weird as it sounds, you get used to them after a while,” the singer assured, his eyes flicking to her briefly.

“So, what do ya do for fun anyway?” he continued, still chuckling slightly.

“A lot of things really.  Nothing I think you’d be interested in.  I’m a freelance artist, I also read, write, watch movies and listen to a lot of music,” she replied, turning to smile at the man beside her.  Despite how famous he was, it was just like talking to a prospective friend and, to be honest, something about him made her feel comfortable.  Yet, it was still surreal that someone like  him would even consider such a relationship with someone like  her in the first place.

“Oh?  What do ya draw?” he asked, sounding honestly curious as his brown eyes focused on the road.  His thick, black dreds hung down to his shoulders and obscured part of his face but she was still able to make out his expressions clearly.

“Mostly anthros, you know, animal people.  I do several designs for many people as well but, when it’s just for me, it’s almost always anthros.  Something about them fascinates me,” the black haired female replied, a bit touched by his honest interest.  Beyond the friends she already had, which were admittedly not that numerous, not many people were that interested in her artistic pursuits.

“Huh, you’ll have to show me some of your stuff some time,” the rock star replied, turning to give her a brief smile before shifting his focus back to the road.

Clearing her throat as a bright blush colored her cheeks, Raven found herself oddly flustered by his comment.  She had only shown her personal work to Amanda and, one time, Johnny Depp.  She hadn’t even had the courage to show Manson her work and most of it revolved around a lion character she had made of him in highschool.  Manson hadn’t been the only one to get the anthro treatment either, many celebrities that she admired had gotten a character based on them; including Davis.  “Oh, it’s nothing special really,” she tried to scoff in a rather unsteady, embarrassed voice.

“I’d like to be the judge of that myself!  If your drawing is anything like your singing, I bet your art is fantastic,” the singer reassured, smiling at her briefly as a blush colored her cheeks.

Making flustered squeaks in response, the brightly blushing woman could only gape at the rock star beside her.  Was the lead singer of KoRn complementing  her singing and calling it fantastic?  She had to have heard him wrong, right?  Yet, there was what he had said earlier about her being great with some polish and that memory only deepened her flusterment.  To save herself further embarrassment, Raven tore her gaze from Davis’ face to look out the passenger window once more.  Everything he had just said was much easier to deal with when she wasn’t looking at him.

The rest of the trip was travelled in comfortable silence, Jonathan occasionally humming merrily to himself as he drove.  Soon, despite herself, Raven was lulled into sleep by the gentle hum of the engine.  It was some time later when she was gently being shaken awake.  Waving off the person shaking her shoulder, the groggy woman slowly opened her eyes and looked around dazedly.  “We’re here sunshine!” chirped a far too happy, male voice from her left.  Groaning in irritation, the female tried to gather her thoughts enough to even remember what was going on.

Then it all came back to her in a rush and she sat up with a startled gasp.  She was at a concert venue with Jonathan Davis and they had spent most of the trip building the start of a friendship.  Looking to her left, Raven saw said singer grinning down at her.  A little afraid of what would happen, the black clad woman got out of the car and waited for her male companion.  As she stood there, she found herself thinking back to the last concert she had gone to and only felt more nervous.

“Don’t worry.  I won’t make you sing again,” the much taller performer murmured in her ear, jolting her out of her thoughts and making her jump slightly.  Jonathan only chuckled as she looked up at him with wide, nervous eyes.

“You’re gettin’ a ringside seat!  After the show, I wanna introduce you to my band,” the metal star declared, pulling her close to his side as he lead her down the alley on the side of the building and into a side door.

Davis stood in the middle of the stage, his head thrown back and his eyes closed as he practically bathed in the cheers from the audience.  Smoke billowed around his figure in a thin fog as he brought the mic up to his lips.  His black clad chest heaved as he made a few adjustments to the kilt he wore.  Raven couldn’t help but watch raptly, her hazel eyes locked on his form.  There was a power in his performance, much like Manson’s, and it held her attention.  She could swear she tasted the emotions from all the songs he had performed tonight and she found herself singing along quietly a few times.  “Alright guys!  Time for the last song of the night,” the rock star announced into the mic, drawing cries of protest from the huge crowd.

Signaling to the band behind him, the rock star brought the mic up to his lips and began to sing.  “Let me see,” he hissed into the metal tube, running a hand over his dreds.

“Let me see,” hissed his guitarist into a mic.

“How my life has been...,” Jon continued, moving towards the lip of the stage.

“Taken,” whispered the guitarist, as if reminding the singer of his next lines.

“Taaaaken,” the singer repeated, much more loud and drawn out.

“This demon...,” he sighed to the rapt audience, his voice full of pain and anger.

“Haunts me,” whispered his guitarist, sounding vicious and bitter.

“Haaaaaunts meeee,” echoed the rock star, his eyes closing as he leaned out towards the crowd.

“They’re waiting...,” he gasped out, sounding on the verge of tears.

“Help me,” came a quiet plea from his guitarist.

“Help me,” Jonathan belted out, shoving himself back from the edge to the stage and beginning to pace.

“You fuck me up.  I’m gagged and bound,” he screamed, jumping slightly as he gestured violently.  Raven could only watch, mesmerized.

“You pick me up when I am down.  I cannot live without theeem.  I do not live without them,” the singer snarled angrily, as if speaking to someone else.

“Hey, daddy,” Davis hissed into the mic, his eyes tightly shut.

“Daddy,” echoed his guitarist, sounding a bit like a ghost.

“They are taking me...,” the performer breathed, as if scared of something.

“Away,” whispered the guitarist, sounding resolved and yet sad.

“Biiiiiting,” the dreadlocked male hissed through his clenched teeth.

“Facing him...,” he continued, sounding a bit like a small, scared child.

“My soul,” hissed the musician behind him and to his right.

“Myyyyy soul,” Jonathan continued, his voice full of pain.  It was all Raven could do to resist the urge to run out on the stage and give him a hug.

“They’re eating,” he gasped out, laughing bitterly and a bit insanely as he began to pace again.

“Pleeeeeaaaase help me!” the rock star screamed out in a desperate, pleading voice.

“You fuck me up.  I’m gagged and bound,” he screamed into the mic as he began to pace restlessly.

“You pick me up when I am down.  I cannot live without theeeem.  I do not live without them,” the singer snarled, as if he was singing to someone specific.  Then he was striding back to the lip of the stage and leaning out toward the huge audience.

“They say this thing inside of me wants to get out,” he hissed out in a conspiratorial tone to the crowd.

“All it does is scream and shout.  I'm trying not to let them out,” the singer sighed, sounding lost and a bit scared.  Unknown to him, the female watching twitched visibly as she fought with herself.  She knew it was just a song but the sheer amount of pain in his voice was making it very hard for her to watch.

“They tell me to hurt myself.  They tell me to hurt myself.  They tell me to hurt myself.  But I'm not going to listen,” he sighed out into the mic, running his hand over his dreds with each repetition.  Then he was shoving himself back from the stage and he began to sort of jump in place without his feet leaving the ground.

“You fuck me up.  I'm gagged and bound,” he howled into the mic as his torso undulated.  His dreds flew in the air as he semi-headbanged, making Raven wonder how he didn’t accidentally hurt himself with them.

“You pick me up when I am down.  I cannot live without theeem.  I do not live without them,” he snarled, stopping all movement to sweep his black, corded locks back.  Then he took a deep breath and belted the final chorus once again before going silent and breathing heavily for a few seconds.

“Hey daddy,” Davis whispered into the metal ball in front of his mustached mouth.

“Waiting,” his guitarist hissed.  Then the two of them repeated those lines a couple more times before Jon threw his arms up in the air and signaled the flares in the front of the stage to go off.  As sparks showered down on the black, polished surface from the bright geysers, Jonathan and his band rushed off to the side she was hiding.

As soon as Davis was behind the curtain, Raven flung her arms around the singer and drew him into a tight hug.  For a few moments, the rock star went stiff; as if confused by the sudden embrace.  Then he was slowly wrapping his arms around her and returning it.  “That song has always been one of my favorites but hearing you perform it while so close.  It was a whole different experience,” she murmured, looking up at him with sympathetic eyes as she loosened the hug and backed away.

Not ready to let her walk away yet, the singer only pulled her close again before closing his eyes.  Just as the stunned woman was about to ask, she felt his lithe, yet muscular body shaking slightly.  “Jonathan...?” she asked in a concerned voice, pulling back just enough to look at his face.  To her shock, the metal singer was freely crying; very nearly sobbing.

“Jon, what...?” Raven began to ask before she felt a hand on her shoulder.  Looking up, she saw a much taller male with dreds and a beard looking down at her.

“He’ll be okay.  We just need to get him to the dressing room and away from people for a while,” the band member assured calmly, before moving towards the violently shaking performer.  Yet, when he tried to lead Jonathan away, the rock star clung close to Raven and forced her to come along.

“Jon, ya sure ya want her here?” came a hesitant question from another band member.  This one also had dreds as well as a mustache and goatee and was just a bit shorter than Davis.  Another, similar looking member nodded in agreement.  Only the blonde drummer seemed absent, already off doing his own thing and leaving the others to do the rest.

Jonathan only tightened his hold on Raven, shocking everyone; including the woman in his arms.  “I’m not letting her outta my sight,” he replied with a steely glint in his brown eyes before he lead the black clad woman back to the dressing rooms.

“Don’t follow us, we’ll be fine,” he hissed in an oddly aggressive voice before he continued to lead her down a hall and into the room.  Once inside, the singer locked the door and flung himself onto a couch, holding his head in a tight grip.

“You okay?” the pale female asked timidly, cautiously sitting beside him.

“Yeah.  Singing that song just brings up a lotta memories.  Not as many as ‘Daddy’ but enough,” he sighed in a ragged voice.

Wrapping a comforting arm around the male, Raven pulled him so his head rested against her shoulder.  Then the dam burst in earnest and she found herself making soothing noises as the rock star sobbed into her shoulder.  As he wept, she couldn’t help but wonder just what memories he had that caused this.  After a few moments, his crying tapered off and he was back on his feet with a huge, hollow smile on his face; a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.  “Come on!  Let’s get outta here and have some fun,” he declared, before dragging her out of the dressing room and rejoining with his band.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another interesting fact! I started doing quotes because I ran out of things to say in ‘Author’s Notes’, now it’s become an odd tradition for this trilogy.


	5. My Dysfunctional Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘The counselors weren't paying any attention... They were making love while that young boy drowned.’ - Pamela Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

The next few days passed in a blur of activity for Raven, Amanda and Johnny.  Some nights, Amanda came to visit and catch up and, by some odd coincidence, those were always the nights Tom showed up as well.  The suave male seemed to delight in her turning into a pile of gibbering goo around him and would go out of his way to draw said reaction from her.  One time he had kissed her hand and Raven could have sworn she saw steam coming her friend’s ears.  Today was no exception, the curly haired female doing her best to disappear into the back of the couch as the actor curled up next to her.

Clearing her throat, Amanda extricated herself from his hold and got to her feet.  “Scuse me, I gotta call my boyfriend,” she whispered, a line she had repeated more and more often the more Tom teased her.  Pressing her blue, Superman emblazoned phone to her head, the flustered woman began to sway in place as the phone rang.  Although Raven was relieved her childhood friend was still trying to make an effort with Ginger, seeing her on the phone only made it that much harder for the dark haired female to resist her urge to call Manson.

Sighing raggedly, Raven tore her gaze away from Amanda to focus on the two Johns.  Johnny was currently trapped in a headlock by Jonathan, flailing and swearing as the singer gave him a vigorous noogie.  Despite the gaping hole in her heart, she and the rock star had been becoming close friends.  He practically dragged her to every concert he had so far, effectively drawing her out of her depression and making her pain bearable.  She even found she didn’t miss Manson as much when she was around the energetic and rather jovial male.  “Let poor Johnny go,” Raven sighed with playful exasperation, giggling when the dreadlocked man immediately let the actor go.

The rumpled looking star dusted himself off before fixing his friend with a half annoyed glare.  “Ya need to lighten up Jay Jay!  Raves and I are just friends!  I promise,” the metal singer assured, trying to end an argument that had been going on since Jon had first taken her to a concert by himself.  Johnny had only gotten more protective, protesting louder and louder whenever the other man would take her to a concert.  The movie star said it was because he didn’t want to see her get hurt but she had a suspicion it was something more than that.  The fact that he cared a lot for her wasn’t lost on her and she cared about him as well but she just couldn’t allow herself to reciprocate.

“Really Johnny, it’s okay.  You don’t have to worry so much,” Raven sighed, begging him with her hazel eyes.  As much as she enjoyed being around Jonathan, the black haired female highly doubted she would be able to get into any relationship ever again.  Her heart still yearned for Manson, calling to him with such fervency that it wouldn’t be fair to try to get close to anyone.

Turning to face her, the goateed male sighed and ran a hand through his shoulder length black hair.  He could see the hollow pain in her eyes, the pain of a woman resigning herself to a life alone.  The fact that Raven had been so broken by the loss of Brian hurt his heart.  “Raven,” he sighed, a concerned, pained look in his dark gaze as he leveled his eyes with hers.  The female only gave him a lonely, sad smile before giving a very small nod of her head.  Jonathan, who had been watching the pair, frowned slightly.

“You guys have some sort of secret code or something?  Are you talking about me behind my back?” the singer asked, a small smile on his face as he gestured wildly.  In the background, Amanda was talking to Ginger with a smile on her face.

“Way to fucking go Gacy!  That’s the eighteenth McDonalds you’ve gotten us banned from during this trip alone!” John 5 yelled as Ginger pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Sounds like the band is doing about the same,” a female voice chuckled from the phone he held against his ear.

“Too much the same if you ask me,” the drummer groused with playful grouchiness.  Then his phone was being yanked from his hands as a grinning Pogo brought it up to his ear.

“Hey Mandy Pan!  How ya been?” the keyboardist chirped, dodging to the side as Ginger leapt at him, allowing the blonde to hit the carpeted floor of the bus with a thud.

“Pogo?  Seriously, again?  Do you miss the sound of my voice or something?” Amanda groused back, a grin on her face despite her annoyed tone.  The mohawked keyboardist had grown on her despite herself.

“You know it sweetcheeks!  Seriously though, how are ya?” Pogo responded, all the humor in his voice leaving for complete seriousness.  Ginger glared up at him from the floor before heaving a sigh and sitting up.

“I’m doing pretty good actually!  Raven seems to be doing great!  Johnny introduced her to Jonathan Davis and he’s been taking her to his concerts.  I think all of this has helped her keep her mind off... well you know,” came the quiet reply.

“Really?” the keyboardist whispered, mischievousness tinging his voice as a grin curled his painted lips.  Then the phone was being shoved back at Ginger as the mohawked man strode away.

“What on Earth did you tell him?” the acne scarred male whispered, getting to his feet as he watched his band mate take out his cell phone and flip it open.

“Um, just that Johnny introduced Raven to Jonathan Davis and that he’s been taking her to concerts,” came her bewildered reply, making the musician’s brow crinkle with concern.

“Now I’m really confused and that’s never a good thing when it comes to Pogo,” Ginger groaned, keeping his earthy gaze on his fellow musician.  The grinning male only waved his fingers in response, only serving in deepening the drummer’s concern.

“Do you need to go?” came a soft, sad voice, a note of desperation to her tone.

“No, I’d much rather talk to you than worry about whatever twisted thing he has in mind.  It’s been a few days since I could actually sit and chat.  So, is Tom still flirting with you?” he asked, a hint of playful jealousy in his baritone voice.  To tell the truth, the thought of her even looking at another man caused his heart to twist painfully in his chest.  Yet, if she ended up loving the TV actor more than him, he would let her go with his blessing.

Closing his eyes as his heart clamped in his chest, Ginger forced his mind away from the unpleasant scenario.  He loved the small woman with everything he had, if she left him he would never be able to love again; a fact he would have to hide for the rest of his life.  “Y-yes,” came her breathless, shy and yet miserable response.  From the sounds of it, being around the man excited her and that knowledge caused a knife of pain to twist in his breast.

“Hmmm, you sound a bit flustered,” he purred playfully, successfully able to mask the pain ripping its way through him.

“Oh Ging, I am but... I love you.  I don’t know how I feel about Tom but I do know that I miss you a lot,” came her breathless, scared answer.  On the other end, the curly haired female was clutching the phone in a death grip; oblivious to the four people that currently shared the room with her.  Right now, they were all on Mars as far as she was concerned.  All that mattered was the man on the other end of the phone.   
“Mandy, it’s okay.  I honestly don’t mind.  I miss you too but it doesn’t look like this tour will be ending any time soon.  Manson is... this whole thing has him all fucked up in the head,” the drummer sighed, worry thick in his voice as his gaze moved to fix on the closed door.  The singer had been a lot less violent but had now gone disturbingly quiet.  He had also gone a long while without any groupies, not even showing interest in hiring a prostitute.

While that conversation was going on, Jonathan was busying himself by making some coffee.  Tom simply sat on the couch, his blue eyes fixed on Amanda as she continued to talk to Ginger.  He wasn’t oblivious to the fact the woman was smitten with her boyfriend but he found himself simply not caring about that.  In all of his life, he had never felt as irresistibly drawn to someone and he wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.

Trying to ignore the conversation her roomie was having, Raven heaved a sigh as she got to her feet and went to the fridge.  Just hearing her talk to Ginger was exceedingly hard on her and made her heart ache in her chest.  Fighting back her tears, the black haired female twirled off the top of her soda and took a long swig.  Then she was turning to smile at Jon and Johnny.  “Today’s your last day here, right?  When are you leaving?” she asked, heading to the cupboards to dig out a bowl for cereal.

“ _ We _ are leaving at about three in the afternoon,” Jonathan replied, smirking when Amanda and Johnny both gave him suspicious looks.

“What do you mean ‘we’?” the actor and Raven asked while Amanda excused herself from her call to listen in.

“You’re coming on tour with me.  It’ll get you away from the paparazzi and take your mind off asshat,” the dreadlocked male replied, pouring himself a mug of steaming coffee and smirking at his shocked audience.  Johnny looked about to protest when he pursed his lips and tensed his jaw.

“You’re right, getting away for a bit would be the best thing for her,” the star replied reluctantly, his dark eyes locking on Raven as worry filled his gaze.

“Can... can I go too?” came a timid, shy voice, making the four people in the room to turn to look at Amanda.  Tom quirked his brow as displeasure filled his azure eyes.  He wasn’t going to stop her but he certainly didn’t want this fascinating woman far away for very long.

Before Jonathan could begin to speak, Raven went to her friend and gave her a tight hug.  “Of course Mandy!  Johnny can take care of Lady and Mystery and you might get to see Ginger,” she encouraged, pulling away to give the rock star puppy eyes.

“I don’t mind!  The more the merrier!” the singer replied, finishing off his mug before filling another one.

Soon there was a flurry of activity as Tom drove Amanda back to their house to pack and get the pets, leaving Johnny, Raven and Davis alone.  “You’ll call at least once a day?” the tanned actor fretted, pacing as the ebony haired female brought out her large, black duffel..

“I promise Johnny,” she assured with a smile as she slowly straightened and popped her back with a grimace.

“If you have  _ any _ problems...,” he began, his dark gaze fixed on her black clad form as he continued to pace.

“I’ll call,” Raven replied, watching him with sad eyes.  The actor already looked stressed, she hated to think what he was going to be like while she was gone.  Then she was walking towards him and hugging him tight, burying her face in his muscled chest.  Johnny didn’t waste time wrapping her in a protective embrace and burrowing his nose in her dark hair.

“I’m going to miss you,” he breathed, his voice strained and thick with emotion as his large hands moved over her back.  His lips briefly brushed the top of her head, making the flustered woman blush.

“Johnny,” she sighed, her heart aching for the man that held her.  In another time and place, the two of them would have been quite a couple.  As it was, she couldn’t allow herself to grow close to him or Jonathan.

“I know Raven.  It’s okay.  I’m okay with it.  Please, just let me... just once I want to,” he sighed in a tortured voice, his tanned hands flexing on her back.  Tilting her head back to look up at him, Raven was shocked by his lips meeting hers in the sweetest kiss she had ever felt.  The hair from his mustache and goatee tickled her skin as his lips moved over hers oh so gently.

Sighing, Raven returned the kiss with a tenderness that surprised them both.  Then her arms came up to wrap around his neck of their own accord, drawing a surprised gasp from Johnny.  Then she was opening her mouth to give his lips a shy, tentative lick with her tongue.  He opened immediately, his arms tightening around her as he groaned into her mouth as their tongues shyly explored eachother.  Just as suddenly as the kiss started, the black haired female broke it and let out a sad, shuddery sigh as she met Johnny’s confused brown eyes.  Cupping his stubbly, tan cheek with her hand, she gave the actor a sad look.  “I do care about you Johnny, I honestly do but it just wouldn’t...  I can’t..,” she stammered, interrupted by a finger on her lips.

“I already told you, I understand.  I know that will be all we ever share and I’m fine with it,” he reassured her, pain stark in his dark orbs.

Reaching up to cup his cheek, Raven gave him one last kiss as two tears slid down her pale cheeks.  Then she was grabbing her luggage and fleeing, leaving behind Johnny who merely looked after her as she ran out and shut the door.  Once she was gone, the star allowed himself to collapse in a chair at the kitchen table and hold his dark haired head in his hands.  Davis, who had seen the entire exchange, strode slowly toward the table and sat in a chair next to his friend.  “Hey, you gonna be okay Johnny?” the singer asked, placing an arm around the other man’s shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah I will.  Just... keep her safe Jonathan,” Johnny sighed, lifting his head to reveal he was crying.  Jonathan immediately wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Don’t worry Jay Jay, I won’t let anything happen,” the performer assured just as Tom came in with the pet crates.

Soon Amanda and Raven had been stuffed onto the crowded bus, then introduced to the band by an enthusiastic Jonathan.  Then the vehicle had started and they set off on their long journey to the next city the rock star was scheduled to sing at.  Amanda was so excited and nervous about the possibility of seeing Ginger that she was soon pacing the length of the bus like an expectant father.  “Mandy,” Raven whispered, grasping her friend’s thin wrist firmly to stop her near frantic movement.  Whipping her curly haired head to look at her roomie, the other woman could only give her a nervous, impatient look.

“You have nothing to be nervous about.  He missed you as much as you did him,” the ebony haired female tried to assure, not taking her eyes off her childhood companion.

“Raves is right!  From everything I heard, you’re the first person he’s ever cared about so much,” Jonathan offered, grinning up from his position next to Raven on the large couch.  Sighing, the off balance woman flopped on the other side of her roommate, covered her eyes with the heels of her hands and leaning her frizz ringed head against the back of the piece of furniture.

“I know!  I’m just not used to any of this!  I never so much as had a boyfriend in highschool and now I have two men who want me at once.  One I love more than I’ve ever loved anyone and the other I’m more drawn to than I have ever felt,” she groaned out in a tortured voice.

Raven looked at the female next to her with eyes full of sympathy.  Then she was grabbing her friend’s hand in hers and giving a gentle tug until the other woman looked at her.  “I just want to see you happy, as I’m sure he does.  You need to follow your heart,” the black haired female whispered, keeping her greenish-brown gaze fixed on Amanda’s green one.  To her relief, her roomie gave her a grin before wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Thanks Megs,” the relieved woman gasped, tears rolling down her pale cheeks.

“Need... to... breathe,” Raven gasped out, humor tinging her breathless voice.  Releasing her with a giggle, her life-long pal lightly smacked her arm.  Smiling in return, the black clad woman turned to look at Davis.

The dreadlocked singer was grinning at her widely, the mustache framing his lips lifting with his expression.  Returning the smile, Raven moved her gaze to look around the large vehicle that would be her home for the next few months.  It was larger than Manson’s had been but had a lot less space at the same time.  Every available spot had been taken up by either a band member or a piece of equipment that needed to be fiddled with.  There was also no bar in sight, instead a modest sink, stove and a set of cupboards was where it had been in her ex’s bus.  It was with that thought that all her good humor left her in a flood.

Thinking about the rock star as her ex caused a pain to twist in her chest and her breath to stutter.  Sure she had resigned herself to letting him go, to never seeing him again but the actual reality of it was devastating.  As if seeing her distress, Jonathan pulled her into a gruff hug; not letting her go when she struggled.  “Jonathan, wha...,” she began, only to earn a hushing sound from the metal singer.

“It’ll be okay Raves,” came a sigh in her ear as he leaned his cheek against the dark crown of her head.

“We’ll make you forget all about that asshole,” the rock star assured, sounding much more confident than she felt.  She had no doubt that the tour would help her take her mind off things but she didn’t think it would make her outright forget about Manson.

Raven awoke to complete darkness and unfamiliar surroundings.  Trying to see in the inky blackness, the off balance female tried to remember just where she was.  Then it all came back to her in a rush and she breathed a sigh of relief.  She was in the tour bus and they had stopped for the night to allow the driver to get a few hours sleep.  Wondering what had awakened her, the woman stared into the darkness and tried to force her eyes to adjust.  That was when she heard a familiar, male whimper coming from somewhere in the back.

Hoisting herself of the huge couch with a groan, the disoriented woman tried to see enough to make her way to the rear without stepping on anyone.  The best she was able to do was make out dim shapes but it was enough to allow her to make her way back.  The closer she got, the louder the distressed cries became.  It almost sounded like Jonathan except his voice had been reduced to that of a frightened, young child.  “Please, not again,” he pleaded to an unseen entity, making her heart leap in her throat from fear.  With a shaky hand, Raven swung open the door and poked her head into the room.

The room was lit by a dim lamp beside the bed and in the bed was a half dressed Davis, tossing and turning fitfully.  Relieved that he wasn’t being attacked and realizing he was having a nightmare, she moved into the room.  “Jonathan?” she whispered, jumping back when he sat bolt upright in the bed.  His black dreds hung in his now pale face as his wide, brown eyes stared around the room almost frantically.  Closing the distance within seconds, Raven was reaching forward and pressing a cautious, comforting hand on the singer’s bare shoulder.  Jumping in place, he whipped his head to face her with a mixture of terror and relief on his strained face.  Then he was grabbing her waist and burrowing his face into her taut stomach.

“Jonathan?” she tried again, sounding unsure.  The rock star only tightened his hold slightly, his breathing harsh and erratic from his terror.

Blinking down at her fairly new friend, Raven tentatively began to rub his shoulders in soothing circles.  After a few moments, the distraught singer began to relax.  “Was it a nightmare?” she asked, not really needing answer but trying to get him to talk.  If she got him to talk he would start to feel better.  Her question caused a shudder to run through his muscular frame before he released a shaky sigh.

“Yeah, it happens some nights.  It’s always the same one and once I have it I can’t get back to sleep,” he murmured, nuzzling into her stomach like a scared child seeking comfort.  He was even shaking lightly, making her wonder just what is was that scared him so much.

“What’s it about?” she asked quietly, moving one of her hands to the top of her head and running it over his oddly textured, corded hair.  His rough, large hands twitched on her back as he went stiff.

“I... I don’t like talking about it,” he husked out in a choked, shaky voice.

“I won’t force you to but I think it could help you feel better,” Raven offered, continuing to rub him soothingly.  Jonathan only stayed silent, slowly relaxing but not moving away from her.  After a few moments, she assumed he simply just found it too painful to tell her about until he drew a deep breath to talk.

“It’s... it’s my father,” he confessed in a frightened, lost sounding voice, not moving his face from her stomach.

Getting a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Raven only looked down at the man in her arms.  “When I was a kid...,” he murmured his voice growing more strained as he dissolved into quiet sobs against her stomach.  All at once realization dawned upon her and she was pulling back to go to her knees and envelope him in a hug.

“Shh, shh, I know now.  You don’t have to continue,” she whispered, holding him while he broke down on her shoulder.  Her black nailed hands moved over his back in soothing circles as she allowed him to cry himself out.  As his sobs tapered off, the concerned woman found a few of his songs making a sort of horrifying sense.

Feeling her own eyes fill with tears of sympathy, Raven squared her black clad shoulders and swallowed them back.  Right now she needed to be strong for Jonathan and make sure he was okay.  Thankfully the singer was already calming down, his shaking slowly coming to a stop as he slowly looked up at her with a grateful gaze.  “You okay Jonathan?” the worried woman asked, looking at him through her inky hair.

“Yeah,” he sighed, still looking a bit shaken.

Looking at him with concern, Raven could only shake her head with disbelief.  “Try to go back to sleep, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow,” she whispered, gently pushing on his bare, rather toned looking chest.

“I don’t think I can,” he sighed as he laid back and slung an arm over his eyes.  Watching this while biting her lip, the pajama wearing female crawled into the large bed beside him and snuggled into his side.

“Raven, wha?” the rock star asked in a shocked voice, trying to pull away from her out of sheer surprise.

“You need someone to cuddle with tonight, that’s all,” she whispered, hiding her blush by burrowing her face into his side.  Shock faded into gratefulness as Davis gazed down at the female beside him, allowing an arm to wrap loosely around her.

“Thanks,” he yawned, slowly slipping off into slumber while Raven watched over him.

A sudden jolting movement made the female shoot up in bed, her hazel eyes wide as she woke up a dimly lit, unfamiliar room with a man draped over her like a second skin.  Staring down at her male companion, all the memories of last night came back in a rush.  Jonathan had his arm wrapped around her like she was a plush toy and there was such a look of peace on his mustached face that Raven was loathe to wake him up.  “Hey, Raven ya in there!  We’re here!” came Amanda’s voice from the other end, drawing a sleepy groan from the singer as he rolled on his back and inhaled deeply.

Then he was jumping up with a grin on his face, scooping up the shocked woman into his arms and twirling in a circle with her as he hugged her tightly.  Before she could even begin to complain about the lack of air, the rock star was setting her down and looking at her with such a look of gratitude that it made warmth rush through her body.  “Come on, get dressed and get your cute ass out there,” Davis jokingly commanded, grabbing a kilt and a black shirt before running out into the main room of the bus; leaving behind a very confused and flustered Raven.

After a few moments, Raven came out with a rather abashed, shamed look on her face.  She wore her normal black jeans and leather platform boots but on her torso she wore a Marilyn Manson shirt.  Amanda noticed right away but only pursed her lips, thankfully choosing to just let it go.  Jonathan, on the other hand, either didn’t seem to notice or completely ignored her attire; scooping her up into another tight hug once he saw her.  After a few seconds, he set her down on her feet and ruffled her inky hair affectionately while his band unloaded the vehicle.  “It’ll only be a few hours until show time!” he announced, a giddy grin on his mustached face.  Then he was ushering the two females out of the large vehicle.

Raven and Amanda stood out of the way on the side of the stage while the band members and roadies loaded the equipment onto the platform and began setting up.  While the sound techs were setting up, a rather harried, suit wearing man came running up to Jonathan and pulled him aside.  While the two females watched, the two men began to talk; the metal singer growing more and more agitated the more the newcomer spoke.  After a few minutes of this the man scampered off, looking even more worried than before and Davis was striding toward them with a thunderous look on his pale face.  “What’s wrong?” Raven asked, a worried tone to her voice as she kept her hazel eyes focused on the approaching male.

“We aren’t the only ones playing at this venue,” he sighed in a strained voice.  As the words finished leaving his mouth, the two women saw a flash of movement behind the tense performer.  Craning her head to see better, Raven saw a few roadies bustling equipment in.  They were quickly followed by some really familiar looking blonde men also carrying some instruments.

A feeling of dread began to fill her stomach as Raven tried to deny she had just seen Ginger, Pogo, John 5 and Tim scampering by.  Her heart beginning to race in her chest, the now shaking female could barely breathe as she knew who would be coming next as much as she wanted to deny it.  Sure enough, not too long after the last man had carried a guitar and amp by the side of the stage, the man himself came striding by.  Her hazel eyes immediately fixed on him as all breath left her lungs.  Even beneath the make-up and from her great distance she could tell he hadn’t been sleeping well.  Fighting the urge to run to him, the distraught female tore her gaze away from him and swore quietly.  How the Hell could she avoid him for the next few performances?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry bout the delay with this. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and it’s affected my concentration.


	6. Singing Like Broken Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Now see, there is a price, in paradise. Just close your eyes and metamorphosize.’ - Dr. Steel (Donkey Town)

It felt like she couldn’t breathe until Manson had well left her sight.  Jonathan, who had been watching her closely, also watched the dark haired singer closely.  Pursing his lips in silent disapproval, he wrapped a protective arm around her thin shoulders and pulled her to his side; effectively snapping her out of her thoughts.  Heaving a shaky sigh, Raven looked up at the metal performer with a grateful glance.  “Thanks,” she sighed, turning to look at Amanda.  Her roomie was currently switching between rage, worry and longing.

“Go say hi Mandy!  I’ll... I’ll wait here,” Raven assured, her voice sounding strained under the forced cheerfulness.  The curly haired woman shot her an appraising look, biting her lip as she fidgeted in place.

“Yeah, go ahead!  I’m sure Ging would love to see you.  Don’t worry bout Raves,” Davis replied, a fake smile on his mustached face as he moved to stand slightly in front of the black clad woman.

“Thanks,” Amanda sighed, relief in her voice and gratefulness in her eyes as she ran off the stage and towards where the band had headed off.

“You going to be okay?” came a gentle baritone by her ear, protectiveness clear in his tone of voice as he held her slightly behind his back.

“Yeah, we were bound to run into each other at some point during this tour.  I just hoped he was at a different venue than yours.  I’m honestly not sure if I’m ready to see him so soon,” she replied, avoiding his gaze as she fiddled with the hem of her Marilyn Manson shirt.  The irony of what she was wearing wasn’t lost on her and she found herself growing more and more anxious.  Though she could bet that his reaction to her shirt was the least of her worries at this moment.

Ginger sighed as he leaned against the hall wall, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he fought his exhaustion.  The past few days had allowed for very little sleep and its effect was being shown by all of the band.  Right now all of them could use a couple days rest but that option was highly unlikely at the moment.  “Ging,” came a barely there, female whisper from the far end of the hall; making him wonder if he was hallucinating.

“Ging, down here,” came the whisper again, barely any louder but more urgent.  Blinking in confusion, the exhausted drummer moved down to the end of the hall that lead to the stage.  The quiet voice sounded like Amanda, but there was no way she could be here.  Their venue was miles away from Jonathan’s.  As he wearily rounded the corner, he found himself nearly tackled by an over enthusiastic hug.  Looking down, all he saw was a nest of brown curls and he pulled away to confirm his suspicions.  To his utter shock, he saw the familiar face of his girlfriend.

“Mandy!” he gasped, scooping her into a tight hug.

“What are you doing here,” he continued, not releasing her but bending so her feet touched the ground.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” she replied, clinging to him tightly as she pressed gentle kisses to his neck.

“I knew Davis was performing in this city but I thought the venue was miles away,” Ginger replied, pulling back slightly to lock eyes with her.

“Aww, I see you found my surprise,” came a familiar sing-song from behind the drummer, making the pair look at the source.  To no one’s surprise, there stood Pogo; a proud look on his make-up coated face.

“How the... what the... You know what... I don’t wanna know,” Amanda sighed, amazement and confusion clear in her green eyes.

“Pogo... what the Hell were you thinking?!  Do you know what’ll happen if  _ he _ sees  _ her _ or vice versa?!” Ginger hissed in a stressed voice, gesturing to the stage as well where they had come from.

“I know right?!  I should go make some popcorn,” cackled the insane keyboardist as he marched back off towards the dressing rooms.

“Fuck,” the pair hissed in unison before their gazes once again locked.  Ginger had a look of exasperation and worry on his painted face while Amanda looked reluctant.

“Goddammit!  I missed you Ging,” the curly haired female hissed, capturing his lips in a brief but passionate kiss.  Then she was running back to Raven, not seeing the look of faint anger and resignation on the bleach blonde’s face.

Manson laid on the couch with his eyes shut, an arm thrown over his face and Kathy sprawled on his chest.  Instead of the intense anger he had been exhibiting for two weeks, he was eerily still; the only movement being his thin chest.  Tim and John watched the singer, the guitarist looking helpless and off balance while the bassist maintained a calm, steady presence.  Right now, Tim’s stillness both irritated and eased the nervous male.  The only thing that kept the guitarist from asking his band mate how the fuck he did it was the outright fear of setting off Manson like nothing before.

Seeing the explosive singer this quiet, this still, was unnatural.  The whole band had been on edge for a few days due to the abnormal silence.  None of them had any idea what was coming and all of them were deathly afraid of a nuclear meltdown.  All of them, except Pogo.  Even now the man was amused with everything around him, the growing tension only adding to his joy.  As if John 5’s thoughts alone had summoned him, the mohawked man exploded into the room; slamming the door into the wall.  The wide grin on the troublemaker’s face gave both Tim and John pause.  “Looks like our venue got changed unexpectedly, eh Tim Tim,” Pogo cackled, elbowing the stoic Swede companionably.

Tim only looked down at his bandmate while John glared suspiciously.  “You wouldn’t have had anything to do with that would you?” the guitarist asked, narrowing his eyes.

“I might have.  Looks like we’re performing after Davis.  Guess who’s with him?” the keyboardist replied, his grin widening as he shifted his focus to the figure lying on the couch.  His words made the singer shoot straight to his feet, a heavy glare on his decorated face.

“What the fuck did you do,” Manson hissed in a deadly voice, stalking up to the giggling man.  John did the only thing he could think of, he hid behind Tim.

“What the fuck did he do?!” Raven snarled, half between rage and outright fear.  The distraught woman paced the side of the stage, her hands pulling at her hair lightly while Amanda and Jonathan watched.

“What the hell is going through the evil little mind of his,” she moaned, stopping in place to give a wary look to the backstage area.  So far everything was quiet but it was only a matter of time before Pogo stirred some shit.  It was in the man’s very nature to simply cause chaos wherever he went and it was even better if that chaos tweaked Manson’s volatile temper.

A large hand on her shoulder stopped her frantic movement and Raven found herself looking up at Davis.  The singer was looking down at her with a protective glare that made her skin tingle.  “It’ll be okay Raven, I’m not going to let him hurt you,” Jonathan assured, his jaw set with determination as he glared towards the backstage area.  Refocusing her gaze there, the black clad female could faintly hear angry voices coming from the dressing rooms.  Making a small, frightened noise, the shaking female slunk behind the taller male and peeked out from his right side.

To be honest, under the fear of his reaction to seeing her so soon; she was excited.  Her heart beat in her chest from both nerves and happiness from being so close to him again.  If she didn’t think he’d react with outright rage, she’d be running down to the dressing rooms just to see him.  Despite how badly the rock star had hurt her, her heart still cried out for him; making it very difficult for her to stay with Jonathan and Amanda.  Even now everything within her was screaming at her to run to him.

Manson paced his dressing room, keeping Kathy held tightly to his bony, scarred chest as he moved.  “What the fuck Pogo?!  What the  _** FUCK ** _ !” he snarled, glowering at the snickering keyboardist.

“You seemed to be missing her and I heard from Ging that Davis was bringing her on tour!  From there it was a simple matter of ‘politely asking’ the venue owners to change around a few things,” the mohawked musician replied, still smirking despite the flabbergasted look he was getting from John 5.  Of course at this moment, Ginger peeked into the room to see what all the commotion was about.  As soon as the drummer and singer locked eyes, they both knew.

Then the percussionist was running, Manson hot on his heels.  Running blindly, Ginger simply fled; not knowing he was heading right to the stage.  Just before he would have entered the sight of Raven, the bleach blond was tackled by the much taller male and turned to lay on his back.  The singer towered over him, his mismatched eyes glaring icily into him.  “I only saw Amanda!  I haven’t seen anyone else yet,” the acne scarred man whimpered, barely able to meet the other male’s gaze.  Releasing a low growl, the rockstar pulled himself off Ginger and looked toward the stage.

“Don’t!  You’re in no state to see her.  If you run into her now, you’ll probably end up yelling at her,” his bandmate hissed from beside him, a timid hand clamping firmly on his bare right arm.

Turning to shoot Ginger a glare, Manson only ripped his arm away before storming back to the dressing room.  Watching him for a few moments, the drummer heaved a silent sigh of relief before following.  He sincerely hoped this venue change was a one time thing, otherwise it was only going to get harder to keep the peace.  He also hoped that they didn’t run into eachother tonight.  Heaven knew what would happen if the two met.

Jonathan found his gaze travelling from Amanda to Raven, a worried look on his pale face.  Raven was doing everything she could to hide while throwing the backstage area longing looks.  Amanda was switching between looking at her friend with worry and also looking at the back area with longing.  Sighing the rock star gave the dark haired female a reassuring look before heading for her torn looking friend.  “Go back and talk to Ginger.  I can take care of Raven,” he whispered, placing a steadying hand on her shoulder.

The small, thin female gave him such a look of longing and worry that it nearly broke his heart.  “She’ll be fine with me.  I give you my word that I won’t let anything happen to her,” Jonathan declared.  Raven, who had stopped her pacing to watch the exchange, came to stand beside the dreadlocked male and gave her childhood friend a reassuring smile.

“Go ahead Mandy.  I know how much you’ve missed him.  Just don’t let Manson scare you off.  He probably knows I’m here by now,” the black haired female assured a smile on her face despite the worried look she gave the backstage area.

“Are you sure?” Amanda whispered in an unsure voice, turning to grab her roomie’s hands in hers.

“I promise, I’ll be okay Manda bear,” Raven assured, using a rather embarrassing nickname to get her point across and smiling as the predicted blush colored her roommate’s milky cheeks.

“I  _ told _ you not to call me that,” hissed the mortified female, her green eyes sparkling with humor and gratefulness despite her harsh tone.  Then she was running back towards the backstage, leaving behind Davis and Raven.

A muscled arm wrapped around Raven’s shoulders to pull her close as Jonathan looked down at her.  “Do  _ you _ want to go say hi?” the metal star asked, his tone sounding reluctant but protective.

“I doubt that would be a good idea after how we left things.  He had... a lot of things that made it difficult for him to be around me near the end,” she whispered, avoiding his gaze so he didn’t see the longing that was bound to be clear in her hazel eyes.

“What ‘things’ were these?” the rock star huffed, disbelief clear in his mid-tone voice.

“I... he... I know what  _ some _ of the problem was but not all of it.  What I  do know is deeply personal to Manson and... it wouldn’t feel right to tell someone that might be a stranger to him,” Raven stammered in an unsteady voice, staring down at her shirt.  A shirt that wore the face of the man they were talking about.  There was a sudden wrenching feeling in her chest as her heart lurched and tears began to clog her throat.  There was a lot that had happened between them that a lot of people would consider inexcusable, stuff she had been able to see under the surface of.

His temper, his violence wasn’t what broke it for her.  It wasn’t even his constant cheating near the end, though that would have broken her at  some point.  It was when he had started dating another female while she had been dating him.  She could forgive him the random sex but the possibility of him living with her while going out to the movies with another woman had been far too much for her to bear.  Yet she wasn’t truly angry with him about his actions.  After all the time she had spent with him, she had a sense that there was something under all of it that was causing him to ‘act out’.

That ‘something’ had been the cause of many sleepless nights for Raven.  Often, she found herself wondering if it was all her fault; if something she had done had caused him to fall apart.  It was only Dita that had stopped her from spiraling into a dark pit of self hate.  The pin-up star had assured Raven again and again that it was truly the model’s fault.  After a long tale of what had happened in their marriage and the true reason it had all fallen apart, the distraught woman slowly found herself agreeing.

As it turned out, Manson was as much at fault for the failure of the relationship as she was.  Unsurprisingly, the singer had been unable to accept the guilt he felt for his actions and instead turned it into venomous rage for Dita.  A tale that sounded all too familiar to Raven.  It certainly didn’t help that the woman had basically hounded every girlfriend he had after her.  The painfully beautiful female had told her that she had simply been worried for Manson’s well-being.  That she had heard horror stories from before she had met him and she didn’t want him to go through the same pain over and over.  What she had failed to realize was that she was inadvertently causing what she had feared.  Manson had become even more withdrawn and unwilling to let people in due to her actions, a fact Raven made sure she knew.

A large, callused hand on her shoulder broke her from her thoughts and the depressed female gave Davis a half-hearted smile.  “We only have a few more minutes before the guys are done setting up the stage.  I want you to stay close to me until I have to go on,” he sighed, his dark gaze full of worry.

“Okay,” the ebony haired female sighed, her hazel gaze travelling to the backstage with a mixture of longing and worry.  It had only been a few moments since Amanda disappeared but she found herself worried for her best friend.  While she was sure the curly haired firecracker could handle Manson’s temper, Raven was still concerned.  The singer could get rather violent, something Amanda hadn’t been around often.  All she could hope was that Ginger gave her roomie some sort of protection.

Peeping around the corner, Amanda only saw an empty hallway and the open dressing room.  Hearing loud voices from inside the room, the determined woman quietly crept towards the room.  Inside, she saw all the members of Marilyn Manson.  Manson looked pissed, a fact that didn’t surprise her.  Ginger, of course, was trying to stop the rock star from killing Pogo; who was practically laughing his fool head off.  Knowing that this nutcase was responsible for this mess, the brown haired woman found none of this shocking.  Watching the scene for a moment or two, she debated whether or not to just knock.

The chaos in the room all went silent as a gentle, insistent knock came from the door, causing the five band members to turn to look at the door.  When they saw Amanda, everyone froze and then chaos exploded.  Manson and Ginger dove for the female at the same time, causing the drummer to change direction to tackle the singer.  Pogo joined in the fray, pouncing on top of Manson and allowing Ginger to get off the Antichrist Superstar.  Clearing his throat and smoothing his rumpled, black shirt, the musician turned to look at the woman who still stood at the door.

Amanda watched the explosion with a mixture of amusement and horror.  Part of her wanted to charge in and help her boyfriend but she knew she would only get in the way.  Thankfully the situation took care of itself and Ginger was now looking at her with astonishment, a touch of irritation and worry.  “Mandy, what on Earth are you doing back here?” the drummer asked in a completely surprised, incredulous voice.

“I wanted to see you.  I haven’t seen you for two weeks and I’ve missed you.  I don’t really give a fuck how asshole there feels about me being back here,” she replied before simply walking into the room and giving the bleach blonde a tight hug.  Ginger froze for a few seconds before wrapping his own arms around her and reciprocating the embrace.

“How ya been Mandy Pan?” Pogo chirped from his position on top of a swearing Manson.

“Get the fuck off me Gacy,” the struggling singer hissed, warning clear in his baritone voice.

“Not on your life Manny Poo,” the keyboardist chirped, keeping the rock star’s wrists pinned to the floor.  Despite the humor in his voice, the mohawked man had an oddly serious glint in his eyes as he looked down at the male he was sitting on.  Manson only snarled loudly in response, renewing his struggles to get loose but not getting very far.

Ignoring the spitting, hissing rock star, Amanda turned her head to smile at Pogo.  “I’ve been okay Madonna, much better now that I have Ginger in my arms again,” she replied to his earlier question, giving the man in her embrace such a look of outright adoration that it should have a cavity warning.

“Well ain’t that just so fucking adorable,” Manson snarled, vitriolic anger clear in his raspy voice as he glared up at the pair from his position on the floor.  Amanda only sighed before shooting a glare at the singer.

“Just because you fucked your relationship doesn’t mean that you have to treat us like shit for having a functioning one,” she growled, her green eyes sparkling with anger and disgust for his behavior.  Yet the look of pain that crossed the performer’s face gave her pause.

“Take it easy on him, he’s had... a rough time,” Ginger pleaded, grasping her chin gently and turning her to look at him.  His chocolate colored eyes pleaded with her as the hand on her chin moved up to cup her cheek.  Amanda closed her eyes in pleasure, leaning into the drummer’s touch as a wistful smile curled her lips.

“I’ll try, it’s just hard to have any sympathy for him after what he put Raven through,” the curly haired woman sighed, her eyes shifting to the side as her expression turned sour.  Unlike Raven, she couldn’t find it within herself to forgive the super star for his actions.  In her eyes, he should have been able to control himself no matter what was going on in his head.

“What about what she put  me through,” Manson bit out, still pinned under Pogo who looked amused and bored at the same time.  Tim facepalmed at the declaration while John and Ginger both had looks of ‘fucking really?’ on their painted faces.  Amanda’s eyes narrowed at the outburst before she turned and began to walk toward the pinned singer.  Her boyfriend made a feeble attempt to grab her arm to stop her but missed by mere centimeters.

“Oh, and what the fuck did she do to you?  Besides rightfully leave you when you fucking brought a woman you were dating into the house?  After everything you pulled, including almost punching her, are you really going to lay all the blame for this solely at her feet?” the furious woman hissed, her vibrant eyes sparkling dangerously as she glared down at the prone rock star.

Manson jolted in place as if slapped, all the anger briefly leaving his make-up coated face for deep, roaring pain.  Then his cold mask slammed back into place and he jerked his head to the side as he avoided her accusing gaze.  This behavior threw Amanda for a loop and she found herself feeling a bit confused.  For a moment, it had almost looked like he was all too aware of his part in the farce that had been his relationship with Raven.  “She’s been doing a lot better lately.  Going on tour with Davis was a huge step forward for her actually,” Amanda sighed, answering the unasked question she had seen in his mismatched gaze.

“I don’t recall asking about... her,” he bit out, sounding relieved under his rage.

“If we let you up, are you going to charge Amanda?” Ginger sighed in an exasperated but worried voice as he came up to stand beside said female.  Manson only gave him a sharp glare before shaking his head in negation.  Pogo slowly got off him, looking all too ready to pounce again if the performer showed any signs of going after the tiny woman.

Instead of going anywhere near Amanda, Manson walked to the table he had left Kathy on when he had initially chased after Ginger.  Picking up the ratty plush, the rock star slumped his shoulders as he avoided looking at anyone in the room and threw himself onto the couch.  Finding themselves thrown off balance by the usually violent singer’s acceptance of defeat, the other five people in the room just looked at eachother non-plussed.  “So, can we go say ‘hi’ to Raven?”  Pogo chirped excitedly, breaking the heavy silence.  His exuberant words caused the rail thin male on the couch to flinch slightly but he showed no other signs of moving.

“Uh, sure I guess.  I know she’s missed  _ all _ of you,” the stunned, brown haired female replied, putting emphasis on the word all as her verdant gaze shifted to the figure on the couch.  He still hadn’t moved and in fact showed no sign that he had even heard her.

Before she could ponder too much about Manson’s odd behavior, Amanda found her arm being gently grabbed by Ginger and he gently led the group out of the dressing room.  “It’s best they don’t see eachother for right now.  He’s still a bit fucked up from Dita and the breakup,” the drummer murmured softly in her ear as he led the group of five toward the stage.

“What’s been going on?” Amanda asked, feeling a bit worried despite herself.  From the sounds of it, the asshat had been having as hard a time as Raven; if not worse.  Shaking herself free of the idea, the curious woman looked up at her boyfriend for his answer.

“A lot of drinking, until we took the alcohol away.  He was also exceedingly angry and violent until a few days ago.  He’s, uh, also been refusing groupies again and won’t even entertain the thought of a prostitute,” Ginger answered after a few moments, his dark gaze holding worry as he looked down at the superhero emblazoned woman beside him.  Most of his answer wasn’t unexpected, except for the last part.  In the time she had known the rock star, he had almost seemed to border on being a nymphomaniac.  The fact that he had abstained for so long was highly unusual.

“Jesus Ging,” she whispered, looking over her shoulder at the still open dressing room.  The musician only nodded silently, his hold on her arm tightening slightly as he held her against him.

Raven was pacing nervously when Amanda came back with the band in tow.  At first the dark haired female could only look at the group in utter shock before she ran forward and pulled Ginger into a tight hug.  “Oh, I see how it is.  Everyone likes Ginger better,” Pogo sighed in a overly dramatic voice, drawing a chuckle from the paper white woman as she released the drummer to give him a hug as well.

“Much better!  I missed ya Raven,” the keyboardist sighed, sounding sincere for once as he returned the hug with a rather crushing one; practically lifting her off her feet.

“Can’t breathe,” she gasped, humor in her voice as the mohawk wearing man set her back on her feet.  Then she gave a hug to both John and Tim, honestly overjoyed to see them all well.

“How have you guys been?” she asked, releasing them to step back and take a look at the group as a whole.  Under the joy of seeing her, there was deep exhaustion and worry; a fact that only made her want to run backstage all the more.  Knowing this would only make the situation worse for all involved, she force the urge to the back of her mind and continued to smile at the group of four men and her best friend.

“We’ve been hanging in there,” John 5 sighed, running a hand through his bleach blonde locks.

“Manson certainly hasn’t made that easy,” Ginger grumbled, his dark gaze avoiding hers as he looked at a wall.

“I don’t know what you guys are talking about.  I’ve been having a blast,” Pogo chirped, grinning at Raven with his normal, insane look.  The other three member looked at the keyboardist with varying looks of annoyance before simply shaking their heads.  Pogo was simply being Pogo, it would be pointless to try to reason with him.  Still, their responses only served in heightening the dark clothed female’s concern.

Before she could ask how Manson was doing, Jonathan was calling her from the stage.  Turning to look at the dreadlocked singer, she saw worry clear in his earthy eyes.  Giving him a reassuring smile, she motioned for the others to follow her as she stepped back onto the hidden side of the stage.  As soon as she was standing in front of the much taller man, Davis was grasping her hands in his and looking down at her with an odd look in his molten chocolate eyes.  “I have to go on stage now.  How bout a kiss for luck,” he chuckled, an oddly serious note behind his jovial tone.  Then he was wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close as his lips met hers in a chaste but very sweet kiss.

All of a sudden she felt herself being ripped from Jonathan’s arms and shoved behind a very familiar looking back.  Glancing up, her heart stopped in her chest as she saw the familiar tattoos and stage apparel of her recent ex.  She didn’t dare speak and draw his attention to herself, instead backing slowly away until she bumped into someone behind her.  Whirling around in a panic, the frightened woman only saw Ginger looking down at her with abject fear on his made up face.  “Get behind us,” Pogo hissed in an urgent voice, his eyes focused on the fuming rock star.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Davis bit out venomously, not the least bit afraid of the slightly taller singer.

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” Manson hissed, his mismatched eyes narrowed with rage.  His hands were clenched in shaking fists by his side, as if it was taking everything he had to not tackle the other rock star.

“What the hell do you care?  I don’t think you have much of a say about  _ what _ happens with Raven anymore,” Davis snarled, looking just as pissed.

Taking the opportunity to hide behind the four band members with Amanda, Raven peeked out from behind Ginger to watch what was happening.  Davis’ heated words seemed to deflate Manson considerably, causing the rock star’s shoulders to slump.  Then the bony male straightened, squared his shoulders, turned on his heel and stormed off the stage and into the back area.  The ebony haired female watched the distraught singer with concern clear in her eyes, wanting nothing more than to follow him.  Before she even knew it, her feet were carrying her to the backstage, among concerned calls of her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what, my main computer died and took a lot of WIP stuff that wasn’t backed up with it. Including a chapter for ‘Midnight Roses.’ All the more reason to just move to Google Docs...


	7. Rubbing Rough Edges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Huntin' humans ain't nothin' but nothin'. They all run like scared little rabbits.’ - Otis B. Driftwood (House of a Thousand Corpses)
> 
> Tainted Love (c) Soft Cell (cover (c) Marilyn Manson)

Standing outside the open door, Raven watched as Manson paced while cradling a very familiar looking canine plush.  The realization that it was Kathy hit her like a punch in the gut and her feet moved her into the room before she had any say about it.  Her traitorous arms even closed the door behind her, drawing his attention to her.  At first, when his mismatched eyes fixed on her, she found herself frozen to the spot as her heart halted in her chest.  Fear and happiness fought for top spot within the small woman as silence stretched between the pair.

Once the initial shock of her arrival faded, the rock star’s face went through a wide gamut of emotions.  It started with disbelief, changed to a stunned happiness, morphed to a heartbreaking sadness and finally ended with the seething rage she had secretly feared would rear its ugly head.  “Manson, I...,” she began, suddenly wondering why the fuck she was even in this room right now.  Had she honestly thought she would be able to comfort him?!  All her presence was doing was causing him pain, something she had wanted to avoid.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snarled, tossing Kathy gently onto the couch next to him.  The tone of his voice let her know he didn’t just mean her presence in the room.  Swallowing the thick fear that made her heart race and limbs tingle, Raven forced her eyes to meet his.

“Jonathan invited me to come on tour with him.  Seemed like a better alternative than being at home with the paparazzi outside my door,” she replied, not going into full detail about her current woes.  She knew Manson avoided the tabloids, so it was extremely unlikely he would have seen anything about her singing onstage for Davis and it launching a nationwide search for her.

“Why the fuck were ya kissing him?  Was I that easy to get over?” the fuming performer hissed, pain embedded within his rage.  Flinching but keeping her gaze locked with his, Raven stood her ground.

“ _ He _ kissed  _ me _ for good luck before his performance.  For fuck’s sake, I don’t think I could manage to have another relationship after you,” she replied, her confession slipping past her lips before she could get a tight rein on it.  Clapping a hand over her mouth, the now petrified woman wished desperately that she could rewind and simply force herself to not come back here.

Her unintended words caused the singer to sway in place as a look of pained relief and hope briefly crossed his make-up coated face.  As soon his eyes opened, his mask of fury slammed back into place; a sneer curling his black lips.  “What the fuck do I care?  You can go fuck the Pope for all I care,” he hissed, his venomous words causing a shock of pain to jolt through her heart.

“I see you got Kathy.  I’m glad she’s safe.  Look, I don’t even know why I thought coming back here was a good idea.  I’m just going to leave,” Raven replied, doing her best to swallow the oncoming tears.  Just before she turned to head to the door, the distraught female could have sworn she saw guilt briefly replace the seething anger on her ex’s face.  Deciding it was a trick of her eyes, the black clad woman chose the ignore it and strode quickly to the door.  Just as her palm met the cool metal of the doorknob, she felt a firm grip on her shoulder.

Taking a deep breath as her heart nearly stopped in her chest, Raven closed her eyes tightly as she desperately hoped he would just release her.  Instead, the hand only tightened and she turned her head to see Manson standing far too close to her.  Turning with a gasp, she pressed against the wood of the door in a vain effort to put some distance between them.  That was when she saw the strained, almost lost look on his painted visage.  Just seeing him with that expression caused her heart to clamp in a vise and it took everything within her to resist the sudden, terrible urge to hug him.  Then, just as suddenly, the super star was releasing her and taking several steps back; a muscle ticking in his cheek as a tortured expression appeared on his face.

Watching him with a confused gaze, Raven decided to try to leave again.  If he stopped her, she would stay to see if he wanted something.  Fumbling behind her for the doorknob, she gave the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ a weak smile.  “Was there a reason you stopped me?  If not, I’m just gonna go.  Staying is doing neither of us any good,” she tried to reason, feeling reluctant to leave despite the danger of the situation.  Although Manson hadn’t hit her once during their time together, he had come very close far too often.

At her declaration, he made a move to try to reach out to her but stopped himself.  The look on his decorated face was a mixture of exasperation with himself and desperation.  Before she could begin to ask, he began to speak.  “Don’t... not, not yet,” he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper; making Raven strain to hear him.  Her heart thudded hard at his quiet request and she felt the urge to simply throw her good intentions to the wind to rekindle their relationship.  Shoving that urge into a metal lockbox in the back of her mind, the pale female gathered her scant courage to form a response.

“Marilyn...,” she began.

“I’ve missed you Raven.  I’ve missed you so fucking much.  Just, just being near you makes me feel better and worse at the same time.  You have no idea just how much I want to gather you into a hug right now,” he interrupted, keeping his head turned to the side as he stared off into the distance.  It looked like it hurt him deeply just to utter those words but Raven found her heart soaring from them just the same.

She felt a guilty exhilaration at the fact that he was pining for her just as much but deep down she knew he was much better off.  He could find someone that didn’t have the amount of baggage she did, someone that could give him the physical relationship he so desperately needed.  She once again opened her mouth to reply, only to find his lipstick coated lips suddenly crashing down on hers.  The tall male had closed the distance scarily fast, his mouth meeting hers with a startling ferocity.  His tongue practically forced its way into her mouth while his arms wrapped tightly around the smaller female.  A few seconds into the assault and she melted, responding back with fervor as her arms wrapped tentatively around his neck.

As suddenly as it started, he was breaking the kiss; his hands twitching fitfully on her back.  “My life has been Hell without you Raven.  I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.  I can’t stop fucking thinking of you!” he bit out, sounding on the verge of tears as he stared down at her.  Seeing his agony, words crowded behind her lips and she nearly bit through her lower lip to keep them from spilling out.  She longed to tell him she missed him too.  She longed to tell him she felt as if she was half a person without him.  She longed to tell him life had lost any luster for her since the break up but she couldn’t.  As true as they were, all it would serve in doing is destroying all of her intentions.

As much as she desperately ached to just let go of everything and try again, she felt she was poison for the man holding her.  As good as it felt to be in his arms, to be loved by him; she had only brought him more anguish.  Her own body issues had obviously caused something within him to break, making him lash out at those he cared about.  For his own good, Raven couldn’t allow herself to put him through that anymore.  “You have no idea the wonders just taking in your scent is doing for me. Since you’ve left, I felt as if a part of myself was missing.  I know this is awkward but... just... just let me hold you for a little bit longer,” pleaded the broken sounding man as he burrowed his nose in her hair.

Her heart screamed at her to just give it up, to just give in to what they both obviously wanted but she refused to be that selfish.  Yet, hearing Manson so broken, Raven couldn’t stop herself from moving the arms around his neck to wrap around his back and resting her cheek against the cool, scarred skin of the singer’s chest.  “I’m sorry, for everything.  I should have had better control over myself.  I shouldn’t have let my own bullshit cause me to act out.  You didn’t deserve any of how I treated you,” he sighed, his hands flexing on the small of her back as he held her tight against him.  It was almost as if the rock star was afraid she would simply evaporate.  This, combined with what he had just said, crumbled away at her shaky resolve.

His words both made her happy but miserable at the same time.  He wasn’t making it easy on her to rationalize that what she was doing was for the best.  Taking a deep breath, Raven fought against herself as she looked up at her ex’s guilt ridden face.  To her shock, tears were streaking black mascara down his white coated cheeks.  The normally explosive, uncaring rock star looked like a broken shadow of himself.  Licking her dry lips, the shaken, miserable woman opened her mouth to respond, only to be interrupted by the door to the room flying open to reveal a concerned looking Ginger and Amanda.

As soon as the door opened, Manson was dropping her like a hot potato; a hateful mask slamming over his face.  “Raven!  Are you okay?  Did he hurt you?  Jonathan very nearly refused to go onstage to come after you!  It took Ginger and I promising him that we would go to make him continue with the concert,” Amanda exclaimed, rushing into the room and gathering her long time friend into a tight hug.  Blinking in bewilderment, Raven found her gaze traveling back to Manson.  His face was now a cold expression of rage and utter hatred, causing her heart to plummet to the bottom of her shoes.  Swallowing her pain, the distraught female forced a reassuring smile onto her too pale, strained face and returned her roomie’s tight hug.

“I’m fine Mandy, Manson didn’t even raise his voice to me,” Raven reassured, inwardly hoping her smile wasn’t showing just how close to tears she was.  She wasn’t surprised by Manson’s behavior and she should be happy that he was pushing her away.  Yet it still felt like her heart was breaking in half.  Just moments before, the proud male had been apologizing to her wholeheartedly; now he was acting as if she was worse than the dirt on his platforms.  All of a sudden she felt very weary.

“Come on, let’s get you back out there.  Jonathan was nearly beside himself when we went to find you and being around  him can’t be any good for you,” the brown haired female hissed, leading the taller woman out by her arm gently.  Looking back one more time before she exited the room, Raven could have sworn Manson looked like he wanted to stop her for a split second.  Then a look of utter contempt came over his face and she could no longer bear to look at him.  Barely able to keep her bitter tears back, the shaking woman fled from the room ahead of her friend; with Amanda close on her heels.

Left alone with the glaring performer, Ginger’s expression changed between exasperated and pissed.  Heaving a ragged sigh, the drummer pinched the bridge of his nose.  “What did you do?” the blonde breathed, releasing his nose and giving his boss a tired glare.

“Nothing.  She was telling the truth when she said I didn’t even raise my voice,” Manson replied, all the anger in his body leaving him and causing his tall, thin body to slump slightly.  The stricken look on the singer’s face gave the other man pause and he found his impatience leaving for sympathy as well as a bit of confusion.

“Then why the Hell did she look like you had ripped her heart out of her chest when she was walking out of here?” Ginger asked, his posture getting a lot less defensive as he watched his friend and often times assaulter.

“I... I apologized to her for everything and was very close to getting on my knees to beg her to take me back when you guys came bursting in.  When you two came in, I went back to my... usual defense,” the performer replied, sighing as he ran a black nailed hand through his shoulder length hair.

“Marilyn,” Ginger groaned, coming very close to facepalming as his frustration came back full force.  If he was guessing right, Manson had switched from being sincere and open to being closed off and furious.  Raven had to be extremely hurt and confused right now.

Amanda led her up to the side of the stage, stopping to hop up and down and wave her arms over her head to get the attention of the man in the middle of the platform.  Jonathan, who was in the middle of a song, turned his head slightly as he saw the movement.  Once his eyes landed on the overly pale looking Raven, the metal singer was walking towards her; still singing into the mic as he moved.  The strained looking woman gave him a faint look of reassurance but that wasn’t nearly enough for him.  Yet, despite looking like he wanted very much like he wanted to drag her out with him, he merely gave her a once over before moving back to the center.  Breathing a small sigh of relief, the weary, overwrought female leaned against her roomie as she watched him perform.

As soon as the song ended, he was striding back towards her with purpose in his dark eyes; essentially making her relief of earlier disappear instantly.  Meeping slightly, Raven hid behind her childhood friend.  “Hey!” Amanda protested playfully, grinning back at her mischievously.  Then the traitorous wench was grabbing her and shoving her into Davis’ arms.  As soon as their bodies met, the dreadlocked male dragged her onto the stage with him.  At first Raven did everything she could to fight it, digging the heels of her platforms into the slick, wooden surface; then Jonathan was pulling her into a tight hug.

“You don’t have to sing, I just don’t want you out of my sight right now,” he breathed in her ear before he released her.  Then he was pulling her to the center of the stage.  Without so much as acknowledging her to the audience, which the shy female appreciated, the rock star launched into his next song.

As the strains of the final song petered out, Raven clapped along with the crowd.  Despite being in front of a packed house, she had become merely part of the stage scenery and was largely ignored.  Thankful for that turn of events, the pale female grinned at Davis as he turned back to her and pulled her against his side.  “You okay?” he husked in her ear, his voice rough from a night of hard singing.

“Yeah,” she sighed, giving him a weak smile, “You did great tonight.”  Then she was giving him a light hug before making her way off stage.  She only got a few steps before she saw Manson and his band standing there.  The imposing singer still looked as bitter as before but his hands fidgeted at his side, as if he was fighting with himself.  All of a sudden she wanted to run and even started to back up, stopping when she hit a solid wall of person behind her.

Before she even knew what was happening, she was yanked by her shoulders and pulled behind Jonathan’s back.  Peeping around his left side and looking up, Raven saw a deadly look in the singer’s almost black eyes; a muscle ticking gently in his cheek.  A low, dangerous growl drew her attention back to Manson and she saw an absolutely terrifying look on her ex’s painted face.  The ‘Antichrist Superstar’ was more pissed than she had ever seen him, in fact she was secretly surprised there wasn’t steam coming out of his ears.

For a few tense moments, it looked like the rock star was going to launch himself at the metal star.  Yet, after what felt like an eternity, it became clear that neither was going to be the aggressor.  “Nice show Davis,” Manson bit out, sounding as if he was spitting the words.

“Good luck with yours Manson,” Jonathan growled before grabbing Raven by the arm and leading her firmly past the shaking male.  For some reason, seeing that bothered the pale female and she stopped; causing Davis to stop and look back at her in confusion.

Nibbling her lower lip, Raven came to a quick decision and dashed forward to give the bone thin male a tight hug.  “You’ll do great,” she whispered, not looking at him for fear of his reaction.  Then she made to dash away, only to be stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around her.  Gasping in surprise, the black clad female looked up at the performer holding her.  Manson glowered down at her, fury written in every line of his face and causing a sickening wave of fear to wash through her.  Slowly, the celebrity lowered his face to her ear; his hot breath tickling the sensitive appendage.

“Stay for the show,” he whispered, his voice soft and apologetic; a sharp contrast to how angry he seemed.  Then he was releasing her, storming onto the stage with three of his band following close behind.  Ginger only stayed behind long enough to give Amanda a farewell peck on the lips before he dashed out after them.

“Let’s get you on the bus,” came a baritone whisper by her ear as a gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder.  Turning her head to look at the mustached man, Raven only gave him a small smile.

“No, I want to stay for the show,” she replied, her heart an aching sore in her chest as she turned her gaze to watch Manson and his band set up and sound test the equipment.

“Why the fuck would you want to do that?” Amanda sighed, sounding shocked.

“We’re going to stay with you,” Davis stated as his band returned to the bus.

“You guys act like he’s some sort of monster!  Just... just go back to the bus.  I’ll be fine by myself,” Raven snarled, getting fed up with just how Amanda and Jonathan acted about her being around Manson.  He had said and done a few things to hurt her feelings and had come close to hitting her but the important thing was that he hadn’t.  Besides, he had asked her to stay for a reason and she was determined to find out what it was.

As the band finished setting up, Manson’s gaze shifted to the side of the stage; causing Raven to jolt slightly.  “After what he did to you, I’d say he’s more than a monster,” Amanda hissed, earning a confused look from Jonathan.  The metal star knew the gist of what had happened but not a lot of the details and he found himself wondering what his fellow musician had done.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it Mandy!  How would you know what it’s like to deal with the shit going on in his head?  No one fucking does but him so before you judge so freely, why don’t you just stop to think about that,” Raven snarled, turning to glare at the pair behind her with barely contained rage.  To her inner satisfaction, they both backed up and looked a mixture of ashamed and worried.

“Just go back to the fucking bus.  I really don’t want to be around either of you right now.  I’ll be okay, I promise,” she assured, heaving an exasperated sigh as she turned her gaze back to the stage.

Manson was still staring at her, a heavy scowl on his made-up face.  Then he was motioning to the band as Amanda and Jonathan slowly retreated.  “What the fuck did he do to her?” the dreadlocked male hissed into the female’s ear as they walked, earning an angry grimace.

“That’s something you’re going to have to ask her.  As much as I would like to tell you, it’s really her story to share,” the curly haired woman replied, sounding apologetic as well as pissed.  Davis only nodded reluctantly, his earthy gaze traveling back to the stage they were leaving behind.  Would Raven really be okay with the volatile superstar?  All he knew was that if Manson dared to hurt her, the man would feel a wrath unlike any other.

The imposing singer kept his gaze locked on the female at the side of the stage, as if wanting to make sure she didn’t disappear.  Then the first strains of a song began and he tightened his hold on his microphone as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  “Sometimes I feel I’ve got to...,” he began, his voice full of pain and heartbreak before he paused for a music cue.

“Run away, I’ve got to...,” the singer continued, sounding almost on the verge of tears as he once again stopped for the keyboard cue.

“Get away from the pain you drive into the heart of me,” Manson sighed, his gaze shifting to Raven to gauge her reaction.  The pale woman swayed on her feet as tears began to fill her eyes from what the singer seemed to be telling her.

“The love we share seems to go nowhere,” he growled through gritted teeth as his eyes slipped closed.

“I’ve lost my lights,” he breathed, sounding very lost and alone as his gaze once again shifted to her meaningfully.

“I toss and turn, I can’t sleep at night!” the rock star belted into the mic, his voice raw with emotion.  An emotion that pierced through Raven’s aching heart like a heated sword through butter.

“Once I ran to you, I ran.  Now I’ll run from you,” he continued, his voice full of pain as he stalked towards the lip of the stage.

“This tainted love you’ve given, I give you all a boy can give you,” he growled into the mic, sounding frustrated as well as on the verge of tears.  Raven’s heart clenched in her chest as tears began to roll down her cheeks.  Hearing the pain she had put him through was utterly devastating.

“Take my tears and that’s not nearly all!  Tainted love.  Ooo Ooo Ooo, tainted love,” he sighed, shoving himself away from the edge and beating himself in the chest.

“Now I know I’ve got to...,” Manson began, waiting for Pogo’s cue before continuing.

“Run away, I’ve got to...,” the singer sighed, beginning to pace as he waited for another keyboard cue.

“Get away,” he growled through gritted teeth as his gaze shifted to the distraught female hiding on the side of the stage.  Raven only jolted in place, a hand coming up to rest over her racing heart.

“You don’t really want anymore from me,” he breathed, his voice wavering slightly as his eyes stayed locked on hers.

“To make things right, you need someone to hold you tight,” the performer breathed, an ache in his voice that just sounded plain lost.  It was almost as if he was saying he knew Raven would move on eventually and the thought tore him apart.

“You think love is to pray.  I’m sorry I don’t pray that way!” Manson belted, very nearly throwing his voice out from how loud he screamed.  It was was pure torture to hear someone she loves in so much pain because of her actions.

“Once I ran to you, I ran.  Now I’ll run from you,” he sighed, his hand shaking slightly as he took a deep breath to continue.

“This tainted love you’ve given. I give you all a boy could give you,” the distraught male gasped, stray tears streaking mascara down his painted cheeks.  At the sight of them, Raven gasped and very nearly ran out to him.  Each clear droplet that rolled down his skin was like knife twist in her heart and she began to cry unconsciously from the wrenching pain in her chest.

“Take my tears and that’s not nearly all!  Tainted love.  Ooo Ooo Ooo, tainted love,” he snarled from between his teeth before grabbing ahold of John 5 and grinding against the unphased male.  This had happened a lot and the two members on the floor were quite used to it by now, learning to play through the assault

“Don’t touch me please, I cannot stand the way you teeeaaaaase,” Manson screamed into the microphone, shoving himself away from the guitarist and moving back to the center of the stage at an aggressively fast clip.

“I love you though you hurt me so,” he growled into the mic, locking eyes with Raven as he sang.

“Now I’m gonna pack my things and goooo,” the rock star screamed, not taking his eyes off the now sobbing female.

“Touch me baby, tainted love.  Touch me baby, tainted love.  Touch me baby, tainted love,” the singer belted, reaching up to give his hair a tug as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes.  Raven only stood and watched, silently sobbing to herself.  All this song was doing was confirming the correctness of her actions to her.  He may be saying that she hurt him by leaving but she took it to mean that she had hurt him and she was no good for him.

“Once I ran to you, I ran.  Now I’ll run from you!” the performer bellowed, keeping his eyes shut as his tears continued to flow freely.  Then he was charging to the edge of the platform and leaning over the huge crowd.

“This tainted love you’ve given.  I give you all a boy can give you,” he screamed, tugging on his hair occasionally; as if trying to ease his inner turmoil with outward pain.

“Take my tears and that’s not nearly all!  Tainted love.  Ooo Ooo Ooo, tainted love.  Ooo Ooo Ooo, tainted lo-uh-ve,” he finished, sighing out the last lines before shoving himself back.  Then he was dropping the mic to the polished, black surface of the stage and stalking towards Raven at a disturbingly fast pace.  Biting her lower lip, the still sobbing female braced herself for his righteous anger.  In her mind, he had every right to beat the piss out of her for what she had seemingly put him through.  His song spoke of so much pain, pain she had no doubt had a hand in.

The much taller man stomped up to her with a heavy glare on his face and it was all she could do to meet his eyes.  It was the least she felt she could do.  Instead of screaming at her like she thought he would, the rock star pulled her into a searing, possessive kiss.  Raven froze at first, unsure of how to react.  Then she was relaxing into his tight embrace, tentatively placing her hands on his bony, bare chest.  Yet, as suddenly as it started, the rock star was breaking the kiss and shoving her away roughly.  Looking up at him with pain and confusion in her hazel eyes, the black clad female saw he looked like he was once again struggling with himself.

With a harsh, frustrated snarl, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ stormed back onto the stage to pick up his dropped sound device.  He didn’t see the stricken look on his ex’s face.  Tears clogged her throat and her heart burned and twisted within her chest.  Then she was running to the tour bus, ignoring everyone on the vehicle and running to the back room; locking herself in.  Plopping onto Davis’ bed, the shaking, overwrought woman began to sob.  She sobbed for her hurt feelings, she sobbed for the guilt she felt but most of all, she wept for Manson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another interesting fact! I absolutely love writing Pogo! He’s an absolute blast of a character.


	8. Pressure Cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘I don't think anyone, until their soul leaves their body, is past the point of no return.’ - Tom Hiddleston

“She fucking ran away!” roared a ragged, broken voice as the sound of breaking glass came from the dressing room.  John and Ginger glanced at the closed door with identical worried looks while Pogo leaned against the wall beside it.  The keyboardist simply cleaned his black nails, whistling merrily while Tim stood beside him quietly.

“Do you think we should go check on him?” the drummer asked, looking at his fellow musicians with a helpless expression.

“Not unless ya wanna end up with more shit thrown at ya,” Pogo cackled softly, his voice holding an oddly serious edge.  Ginger only winced, remembering what happened when Manson had noticed Raven had fled after the song.  Still, the acne scarred male found himself wondering if the singer should be left alone right now.

“Let him calm down for a bit,” Tim rumbled in a far too neutral voice, his gaze fixed on both Ginger and John 5.  The pair only sighed softly, each ruffling their hair in exasperation.

“Was this what you were hoping for?” the drummer asked the mohawked man next to the door.  Pogo only grinned widely and gave his fellow band member a wink.

“I never hope for anything.  I find things are so much more interesting when I just do,” he continued, a satisfied smirk on his face as something heavy crashed into the door.  The pair across from him only shook their heads in unison, identical looks of exasperation on their painted faces.

“I honestly wonder what he expected, singing a song like that,” Ginger sighed out, leaning his head against the wall as he pulled up a knee to prop an elbow on.

“He wanted to show her how much this whole thing was hurting him,” John 5 replied softly from his left, pulling his own knees up to his chest and resting his white coated chin on them.

“I don’t think she took it like that,” Pogo replied before Ginger could.  Then he was shoving himself away from the wall and glancing towards where the tour busses were parked.

“Knowing Raven, she probably took it as him telling her how much she personally hurt him.  She probably thinks this distance is the best thing for him,” he continued, running a hand over the top of his mohawk.  Ginger opened his mouth to ask how the keyboardist could make such an assumption but shut it before he even began.

Now that he was thinking about it, Pogo was likely right.  Raven had almost always found some way to place the blame on herself, a habit that drove all of them crazy.  Looking up to tell Pogo this revelation, the drummer was shocked to see the band member striding toward the parking area.  “Gacy, where the fuck are you going?” Ginger asked with a suspicious tone, shooting to his feet to follow the troublemaker.

“Raven needs us,” he whispered simply, putting more speed into his long strides.  Instead of arguing, the drummer motioned for Tim and John 5 to stay behind.  While all of them had grown to love the female over time, she was much more close to him and Pogo.  Besides, the other two were much closer to Manson anyway.

Amanda and Jonathan were trying to coax Raven out of the back room when the pair came bursting into the tight tour bus.  Jonathan’s band was on their feet as one, creating a human wall between the two men and the pair behind them.  “Ginger?  Pogo?  What are you doing here?” came a female voice as Amanda poked her head around Munky.  Davis, on the other hand, was furious; shoving his way past his band to level a glare at the intruders.

“We saw what happened and we knew she needed us,” Pogo answered steadily, not even blinking at the singer’s rage.

“We’re her friends, even without her being in a relationship with Manson.  In the short time we knew her she became family,” Ginger offered, trying to defuse the tense situation.  Thankfully Amanda was on their side and came up to place a reassuring hand on Jonathan’s arm.

“It’s okay Jonathan, I don’t think they mean any harm,” she whispered, giving a smile to Ginger but giving Pogo an incredulous glance.  The keyboardist was unpredictable but he seemed to know when to be a pain in the ass and when to be serious.  Davis only gave her a disbelieving look before glaring at the blonde pair.  Behind them, the band dispersed back to their original positions; satisfied that they wouldn’t be needed.

“He really fucked her up,” the metal singer sighed before he led the way to the closed door.

“What did he sing?” Amanda asked as she walked beside the bleach blonde drummer.

“‘Tainted Love’,” the musician sighed, grimacing when the smaller female gasped slightly.

“No fucking wonder she was sobbing like that,” the curly haired woman whispered, looking at the closed door with much deeper concern.

“He didn’t mean to make her feel guilty.  He just wanted to tell her his life had been Hell without her,” Pogo replied softly, earning a surprised gaze from the other three people.  Then he was reaching forward and knocking gently on the door.

“Raven, it’s Pogo and Ginger,” the keyboardist called in a shockingly gentle voice.  Then, to everyone’s shock but Gacy’s, the door opened a small crack.

Raven’s miserable, pale face poked out of the opening, a shocked look on her face.  “It really is you,” she gasped, before her gaze moved to Jonathan and Amanda.  Releasing a small sigh, she opened the door more to allow the small crowd in with her.  To everyone’s shock, Pogo held up a halting arm.

“Just me and Ginger for a few seconds,” he whispered, grabbing hold of said drummer and dragging him into the room.  The door was shut and locked before anyone quite realized just what happened.

Before Raven even realized just what happened, she was pulled into a hug by Pogo.  “You okay lil sis?” he whispered, his arms shaking slightly.  It was then the dam broke and the heartbroken female began sobbing.  Instead of jerking away and shoving her to Ginger like she thought he would, the keyboardist simply made comforting sounds and pet her hair.

“None of this is your fault sweetie.  You didn’t force him to bring a strange woman home,” the mohawked man murmured, rocking her gently as she continued to sob into his black t-shirt.

“Why is he so angry at me if it isn’t somehow my fault,” she whispered, accidentally uttering her secret fear.  Logically, she knew Manson bore most of the guilt for their break-up but she couldn’t help but see her blame much more.  She couldn’t help but wonder just what she had done to cause his behavior.  Had it really all been Dita’s appearance fucking with him or had it been her reluctance to have sex with him.

“He’s just... he doesn’t know how else to...,” the keyboardist stammered, stopping when Raven pulled back and placed her fingertips on his red lips.

“I know, I saw that often enough when I was around him.  He doesn’t know how else to handle pain,” she whispered with a small smile, pulling back to wipe her streaming eyes.

“We saw what happened after the first song,” Ginger whispered quietly, giving her a sympathetic look.

“Does he really miss me that badly?  It’s honestly hard to tell under all the anger he puts forward,” the sad female sighed, turning her hollow smile to the drummer.

“Under all the rage, alcohol and coldness, he’s hurting very badly.  You’re... you’re the first person he’s ever actually loved this much.  Even with Melinda, he never felt guilty for sleeping with groupies,” Ginger replied, knowing he said too much when Raven looked at him with confusion and Pogo just plain looked exasperated and amused.

“Melinda?” Raven asked in a soft, questioning voice.

“She happened early on in his career.  He got very close to her, almost as close as he did to you.  He very nearly asked her to marry him but...,” the keyboardist answered, trailing off as a look of pain and fury crossed his painted face.

“Was she... famous?  What happened?” the curious woman asked, her hazel eyes moving from Pogo to Ginger.

“She was... she presented herself as a fan.  She... played innocent very well.  On the day he was going to propose to her, he overheard a phone conversation she was having.  It was about how he didn’t suspect a thing... that...,” the drummer growled, his voice growing rougher and rougher from his own anger.

“Poor Manson,” Raven breathed, before a worried look came over her porcelain colored face.

“Don’t even think it!  You are nothing like her!  She was using him from the beginning.  You, all you did was love him,” Pogo hissed from Ginger’s left, darting out to grab her t-shirt covered shoulders.

“But, but I... I can’t even let him see me naked without the thought of it sending me into a panic attack.  He’s not the only one with issues here,” Raven protested as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Sweetie, you can’t mean to imply you think your issues are the ultimate cause of all this...,” the keyboardist whispered, drawing their shocked gazes.  A stricken, half angry, half devastated looked was on his decorated face.  Raven could only look at him like a gaping fish, making exasperation tinge his already mixed expression.

“Tell me I’m being an idiot and reading you wrong.  Please tell me you don’t think so little of yourself that you don’t believe you have a right to decide when to have sex?” he husked out in a much deeper, more angry sounding voice as he pushed her back to the dressers gently but firmly in an effort to cut off any escape routes.  Ginger scrabbled at the back of his shirt but missed by several inches and had to settle for following his fellow musician.

“Pogo..,” he began, only earning a fiery look that could rival Manson on his worst day.

“Wait your turn Gingy, I’m not done yet,” the mohawked man hissed before turning to give the woman in front of them a stern look.  The nervous female couldn’t help but gulp.

“I want you to listen to me, very closely.  If one partner isn’t ready for the next step, the other has to exercise the maturity to wait.  If they are unable to do that, it is not the fault of the one who wants to wait,” the keyboardist whispered in a voice that left no room for argument.  Raven could only lick her lips nervously as her heart raced in her chest.  She wasn’t used to seeing Pogo angry or even close to being stern.  This complete change in behavior was highly confusing for her.

“Do you understand,” he hissed when she didn’t answer right away, giving her shoulders a hard, quick shake.  Gasping at the rough treatment, Raven gave a small nod.  Deep down, she knew what he was saying was right; if Amanda was in her situation, she would be saying the same thing.

“Good, good!  Ging, open the door,” Gacy chirped, suddenly back to his normal good humor as her released her and stepped away.  Ginger only gave him a strange look before looking at Raven for her okay.

“Go ahead, let them in.  I’m sure you and Amanda are nowhere near done with eachother,” the still shaky woman joked in a watery voice, wiping the tears from her eyes.  The drummer only blushed, throwing open the door to allow the pair of Jonathan and Amanda to fall to the floor in a heap.

Pogo giggled at the blushing pair and Raven couldn’t help but join him as they pulled themselves to their feet.  “We were worried,” Amanda murmured, looking like a child that had been caught stealing cookies before dinner.

“I did promise Johnny I’d keep an eye on you for him,” Davis whispered, rubbing the back of his head and looking just as abashed.

“It’s okay, I can’t say I blame either of you,” Raven giggled, knowing she would have done the exact same thing.  Ginger only smiled at Amanda while Pogo continued to cackle.  Then the drummer was pulling the curly haired female into a tight, but brief hug while her roomie did the same with Jonathan.  Once the pair had been reassured that the black clad female was alright, the long separated pair became quickly entangled with eachother.

“You two act as if you won’t see eachother again,” Pogo joked, earning a sour look from the scarred drummer.

“Well, unless you changed the rest of the tour so we’re sharing venues....,” the bleach blonde began, stopping when the insane keyboardist began to smirk.

“You fucking didn’t,” Ginger breathed, horror edging into his shocked voice when his fellow bandmate began to nod slowly.

“Pogo, are you insane?  Do you have any  _ idea _ what that’ll do to Manson?!” Raven exclaimed, panic and worry beginning to tighten within her chest.

“Do you have any idea what being without you is doing to him  _ now?! _ ” the mohawked male replied in a deadpan voice, all humor gone for a dead seriousness that got everyone’s attention.

“He brings that silly plush you sent him everywhere.  Sleeps with the damn thing every night.  Almost every new song in this album has been about you two,” he continued, keeping his earthy gaze locked on the shell-shocked woman standing before him.

“He... he’s been... with Kathy,”she whispered in a touched, happy voice as she slowly slid to her knees with a hand pressed to her racing heart.  Pogo only nodded with a small smile before grabbing Ginger by the arm and fairly yanking him away from Amanda.

“Hey!  I wasn’t done with that yet!” the brown haired female protested, giving the keyboardist a playful glare.

“I know ya weren’t and I know he certainly wasn’t done either but we have to go!  Manson will be done feeling sorry for himself soon and we’ll be off to our next location,” the keyboardist cackled, holding a limp Ginger tight against him.

“Since we’re going to the same place, couldn’t he just travel with us?” Amanda asked in a tiny voice, earning a sympathetic look from Raven and Davis.  The drummer in Pogo’s arms only gave a small, sad smile and shook his head.

“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.  There’s barely enough room for you and Raven.  We’ll see eachother soon,” he assured gently, pulling away from the man holding him to give his girlfriend a hug and loving kiss.

Pogo merely rolled his eyes and bounced on his platforms while Raven logged away the embrace for later teasing material.  Jonathan, on the other hand, had sneakily moved himself to stand beside the pale female; wrapping a loose arm around her shoulders.  After a few seconds, the drummer broke the kiss the rest his make-up coated forehead against Amanda’s.  “I’ll see you soon,” he announced again, giving her lips one last peck before he and the keyboardist he came with turned and left.  As soon he was out of sight, the curly haired female slid to her knees and began to cry; not even flinching when her childhood friend enveloped her in a tight hug.  Thankfully Amanda was alright within seconds, giving Raven a hug as she pulled herself to her feet.

“That Pogo, changing the entire tour so we share venues,” she sighed in a watery but playfully exasperated voice as she dried the rest of her tears.

“Yeah, that’s just fucking great,” Raven sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as panic and nervousness fought for top spot within her.  After the events of the night, she wasn’t too sure how she would handle being around Manson for any extended period of time.  She felt torn in two opposite directions, one that led to making up with the singer and ending both their torment while the other led to staying away from him and letting him find someone he could truly be happy with.  A large hand on her shoulder drew her out of her spiraling thoughts and she grinned up at a worried looking Davis.

“It’s too late to call off any of this.  It’s a wonder that Pogo was able to change venues this short notice,” the metal star whispered, giving her shoulder a light squeeze.

“Not if you actually  _ know _ the man.  These venue owners probably heard horror stories and complied out of sheer fear,” Raven replied, smiling slightly despite the seriousness of her tone.  Amanda only groaned in response, running a hand over her milk white face.

“The sad thing is, you’re probably right,” the curly haired woman giggled, sounding half afraid.  Then the bus roared to life beneath their feet and began to move, bringing them closer to another day of tension.

Raven was jolted from a sound sleep by the sound of familiar whimpers.  Knowing all this stress had probably caused another nightmare, the groggy female shoved herself to her feet and walked to the back room where Davis slept.  Opening the door as gently as she could, the black haired woman poked her head slowly in and softly called the rock star’s name.  This time he sat up immediately, his eyes looking around blindly.  “Raven?” he called in an unsure voice, already reaching for her.

“I’m here,” she whispered, slipping slowly into the room and closing the door.  Then she was moving forward as the singer turned on his bedside lamp.

“Fuck, another fucking dream,” bit out the distraught male as he pressed the heels of his hands into his forehead.

“I’m not surprised with all the stress you’ve been under tonight,” Raven soothed, slowly sitting on the bed and making sure she was within easy reaching distance.  She wasn’t all that surprised when he quickly grabbed her and pulled her into his lap.  She was surprised, however, when his arms wrapped around her and he rested his chin on the top of her head.

“Are  _ you _ okay?” he asked in a solemn voice, his arms a protective cage around her.

“Don’t worry about me...,” she began, earning a playful but firm swat on her t-shirt clad arm.

“Raven, I’m well used to dealing with these nightmares on my own.  What I’m concerned about is how you’re dealing with things.  You can’t tell me you haven’t been plagued by your  own nightmares tonight,” he whispered, petting her hair gently while his heart raced in her ear.  At first, she opened her mouth to protest but quickly shut it when she actually thought about it.  Just moments before she had heard Jonathan, she had awoken from a very nasty nightmare about Manson.

“What was it about?” he asked in a gentle voice, beginning to rock her gently.  Raven only nestled into his naked chest, reluctant to give voice to what she had dreamed.

“Now what was it you told me?  Remind me Raven,” Jonathan continued, his voice holding a stern edge.  Knowing he meant business and that he wasn’t going to wait long for an answer, the quiet female took a steadying breath before beginning.

“I had this dream before, when he and I were still dating and before all the bullshit happened.  Manson is singing in the middle of the stage while I watch from the side.  Only this time, instead of a fan stabbing him to death; it’s me holding the knife,” she whispered, beginning to shake as she got the very clear memory of the feeling of his blood running over her hands.  The look of betrayal and heartbreak on his pale face was all too clear as well, drawing a distressed noise from the now crying female.

“It was just a dream.  You know you’d never hurt him,” Davis whispered softly, continuing to hold her as she began to sob outright into his chest.  It was a few minutes until the crying had tapered off into watery sighs that was interspersed with shuddering.

“You really love him don’t you?” the singer whispered, making the woman in his arms smile sadly.

“More than anyone will ever understand.  The man saved me during my teen years, he became this comforting presence, this paragon of strength.  His music got me through enough rough days to fill anyone’s lifetime ten times over.  All I wanted to do was meet him once!  The fact that he wanted a relationship with me, it blew my fucking mind,” she replied quietly, pulling away from the celebrity to stand and wipe her tears.

“I know I sound like a fangirl that only wanted to get into his pants but it was so much more than that.  Every song of his that I heard, it felt like I could feel his pain along with him.  I was in love with him long before we met at that concert,” Raven continued, sounding both scared and miserable.  Everything that happened between them seemed so long ago and yet she felt as if it had only been yesterday.  Suddenly she felt very tired.

“I know you don’t know the whole story and I really don’t want to tell it.  All I can say is I miss him.  I miss him so much that it feels like there’s a part of me missing but...  God Jonathan, what do I fucking do here?!  I thought I was doing the right thing but is it still right if it makes us both this fucking miserable?” the desperate woman asked, tugging at the over-sized t-shirt she wore as pajamas.

“I can’t answer that for you.  As you said, I don’t really know everything that happened.  All I know is that you’ve been miserable since the day Johnny introduced us.  You’ve done a good job of hiding it but it’s obvious that something’s bothering you,” the dreadlocked male whispered, getting to his feet and closing some of the distance between them but not touching her.

Raven only sighed before leaning in for her to take her in his arms.  “I’m so tired of fighting what I want so badly but I’m also afraid.  He’s so... angry,” she whispered in a small voice, burying her face in the singer’s naked chest.

“I don’t... I don’t handle angry men well and I’m honestly afraid of how he’ll handle the suggestion of getting back together,” the frightened woman continued, looking up at Jonathan to gauge his reaction.  The taller, more muscular man was only looking down at her with a faint expression of anger.

“Are you afraid he’s going to hurt you?” Davis whispered in a gentle but gruff voice, his arms tensing around her slightly.

“Logically no but... in the past a man being angry usually meant I got hurt,” she replied quietly, hoping he would get her meaning.  Thankfully, the rock star seemed to understand instantly and the anger faded for sympathy.

“You’re sleeping in here tonight,” he declared suddenly, picking her up and placing her on his bed.  Before she could protest, he laid next to her and pulled her into a one armed hug.

“You can even have the bed to yourself, just... please.  It would make me feel so much better,” he pleaded, his brown eyes turning into large puppy dog eyes.  Giggling at his expression, the exhausted female only gave a nod.  It had been a long day for everyone and she no longer had the strength to argue.  Besides, sleeping next to Davis would probably keep her nightmares away.  Sighing softly, Raven simply snuggled into the metal singer and allowed herself to slowly drift back to sleep.

The next day she found herself in the middle of horrendously loud chaos.  Both Jonathan and Manson were currently screaming at eachother outside the bus.  They were arguing so loudly that it had awoken her from a sound sleep to a full on panic attack.  At first she had been afraid that her ex was attacking Davis for the events of last night but she soon came to realize it was over something much more petty.  The two singers were arguing vehemently over who got to set up first.  The change of venues had caused all sorts of chaos with the show schedule and the two rock stars were now without a proper billing.  Technically; whoever wanted to go first, could.

Amanda, who had also been awoken by the yelling match, glared out of the open door while the coffee pot on the counter did its thing.  “Try not to kill them?” Raven requested meekly through the crack in the door as she pulled on a pair of black jeans.  She knew how her roomie could be when she was awoken suddenly.

“Can I at least hurt them?” hissed the curly haired spitfire as she turned her glower to the coffee pot.  If looks could kill, the innocent appliance would be a puddle of melted plastic.

“How about you have your coffee first, then see if you still want to incur violence,” the black haired artist sighed as she pulled a fresh t-shirt over her head.  Then she took a look at the shirt she had grabbed and decided fate was playing a cruel joke on her.  Once again, she was wearing a Marilyn Manson shirt.  She didn’t even think she had packed that many and here she was wearing two in a row.

Swearing to get back at the Gods who were no doubt laughing at her, Raven left the back room and went into the bathroom to put her hair into a ponytail.  Once that was done, she came into the main body of the bus to see Amanda still glaring at the brewing coffee.  “Glaring at it won’t make it brew any faster,” the black wearing woman suggested to her childhood friend, earning a heated glare.  Throwing up her hands in surrender, Raven went to the small fridge to dig out one of the Red Pops she had packed for the trip.

“You went first last time!” came Manson’s scream from outside, drawing an exasperated noise from the superhero emblazoned woman who was still glowering at the coffee pot.

“Why don’t you kids just fucking flip a coin!” she screamed, earning a blessed silence as the coffee finally finished.  Thankfully that seemed to settle the dispute and Manson moved away from the tour bus.

Jonathan came back on not soon after, a surprised look on his mustached face.  “So, who’s going first this time?” Raven asked curiously, screwing off the top of her soda and taking a long swig.

“We decided Manson gets to go since I did go last time.  Only seems fair since Pogo fucked everyone’s schedule,” the metal star replied, faint worry in his chocolate gaze as he watched the pale female closely.  To his surprise, Raven only nodded; a faintly thoughtful look on her face.

“What are you thinking about doing?” Amanda asked suspiciously, her green eyes narrowed as she watched her friend.

“Nothing at all,” Raven replied before getting to her feet and simply walking out of the tour bus.  Come Hell or high water, she was going to talk to Manson and see if there was anything they could salvage from the wreckage of their relationship.

Said singer was pacing by the side of the stage as she came up, making her rethink her whole plan.  She had run from him rather unexpectedly last night, there was no telling what his reaction would be.  Gritting her teeth, Raven gathered her scant courage and decided to charge forward.  Even if he sent her into a spiraling depression after he smashed her heart to bits, at least she would know she had done something to try to help.  Yet, as she got closer, she found herself growing more and more hesitant.  Especially when his anger filled gaze landed right on her and stayed there.   _ ‘Oh fuck why does he have to look so angry?’ _ she whimpered to herself as her steps slowed down until she stopped a few feet away from him.

Swallowing her nerves, she gave a small smile and a wave, only to have him turn his back to her dismissively.  Feeling her heart plummet to the bottom of her shoes, Raven tried again.  “Um, Manson.  I’m sorry about... running away like that,” she whispered in a small voice, startling when she heard a faint growl in reply.

Then, instead of answering her, he stormed on the stage and began directing the set-up.  The pale, shaken female watched in stunned silence before walking onto the side of the stage.  She did her level best to get attention but the rock star seemed hellbent on ignoring her, a fact that hurt rather deeply.  After a few more moments of fruitless trying, Raven simply gave up and returned to the tour bus.  As she walked she found herself wondering if what everyone was telling her was simply wrong.  One moment he acted like he had missed her more than anything and the next he was acting like she was beneath the dirt on his boots.  Confused and hurt, the pale female forced a smile on her face as she rejoined her friends on the bus.


	9. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Flattering child, you shall know me, see why in shadow I hide!’ - The Phantom (Phantom of the Opera)

Three days,  _ three days _ _._  It had been three days of Manson treating her like utter shit every time he saw her despite her best efforts to try to avoid him.  It almost seemed like he was actively searching her out just to sneer at her and summarily ignore her.  She had tried her best to ignore the behavior but it was starting to wear her down.  Just last night she had cried herself to sleep and she wasn’t sure just how much more of this she could take.  It was only through sheer strength of will that she was even able to continue to leave the tour bus.  She was only thankful that neither Jonathan or Amanda had noticed what was going on.

Sighing, Raven stared at the closed door of the vehicle with apprehension.  Her childhood friend had left first to go find Ginger and Davis had left soon after to set up for his performance.  Today was Manson’s turn to go first but since the night she had tried to set some foundation for fixing things, she had been staying in the bus while he performed.  Figuring he should be done by now, the pale woman took a deep breath and left the looming mode of transportation.  She knew she had to get to Jonathan before he started to worry but the closer she got to the door the more her booted feet dragged.

Looking up at the closed door, she reached out and opened it; only to end up face to face with the one person she hadn’t wanted to run into.  Taking a few hasty steps back, Raven lowered her eyes submissively and murmured a barely audible apology.  Her entire body was tensed, as if expecting a blow and she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a pair of hands descend on her black clad shoulders.  “You’ve been getting thinner,” came a semi-worried husk from in front of her.  Not daring to look up, the frighten female closed her hazel eyes and hoped that he would just let her go and move on.  After his treatment of the past few days, this concern was extremely confusing and messed with her head.

Unfortunately the option of avoiding his gaze was taken from her as her chin was lifted in a gentle but very firm grasp.  Whimpering, Raven opened her eyes to look at the singer; letting out a small gasp at the worry and longing she saw in his mismatched orbs.  “Manson, please.  I can’t do this anymore.  Do you hate me?  Do you love me?  Do you want to make things better?  Do you want to keep your distance?  I don’t know what you want anymore,” she whispered in a pain filled voice.

“What do  _ you _ want Raven?” he whispered in a surprisingly gentle voice, his eyes locked on hers.

“I... I don’t want to hurt you anymore.  I don’t like seeing you like this.  I’ve known you long enough to know all this anger really stems from deep pain.  I just... I want to do whatever you need me to to help you feel better.  The whole reason I broke up with you was ultimately so you could find someone that could give you what you need, what I can’t.  What I want is for you to be happy,” she replied in a small, quiet voice, her heart thudding in her chest.  Manson only stared down at her, a strange look on his face.

“You... you didn’t leave because of how I was treating you or the woman I brought home?” he asked in a stunned voice, using the fingers that held her chin to caress her skin.

“The woman was definitely part of it, along with the cheating but the main reason was I could see what I was doing to you.  You were getting worse and worse.  All I could think to do to help was to let you go,” she replied quietly, doing her best to squash the hope that was slowly rising within her.  With the situation the way it was, it wouldn’t do to get her hopes up.

To her utter shock and confusion, his arms wrapped tightly around her; his hand moving from her chin to the back of her head as his lips crashed down on her hungrily.  Raven could only freeze in utter surprise as he pried her mouth open with his tongue, taking her mouth with a possessiveness that ripped a moan from her chest.  Her hands flew up of their own accord to rest on his bony, bare chest while his tongue moved through her mouth thoroughly.  Then, as suddenly as he started, he broke the kiss with a low growl to rest his painted forehead against hers.  “You have no idea what hearing that means to me.  Raven, I’m...,” he began only to be interrupted by Jonathan calling her name.

It was as if hearing the other singer’s voice hit a switch inside his brain and his indifferent, angry mask slammed back into place as he pushed himself away from her.  Giving her an absolutely withering look, the rock star shoved past her and stalked to his tour bus.  Raven stood where he had left her, a stunned look on her face as her heart broke into pieces.  It was all too much and her eyes filled with tears as her body simply ran.  She didn’t care where she was going, she just ran.  She ran from her pain.  She ran from her confusion.  Most of all she ran from Manson.

“Anyone seen Raves?  She’s usually here by now,” Jonathan asked his band.  The other men shook their heads in unison, making worry rise thickly within the metal star.  Taking a quick look around, he didn’t see Amanda either but it wouldn’t be hard to locate her.  Yet, if the female had been in the back with Ginger the whole time it was doubtful she would have seen the missing party.  Sighing, the worried rock star decided to go see if she was back at the tour bus.

As he approached the looming vehicle, he saw that the door stood slightly ajar.  Frowning, Davis entered the bus and called Raven’s name; only to be greeted with empty silence.  Fear bloomed in his chest as he moved to the back room to see if she was just taking a nap.  That fear changed to panic when he saw that room was empty as well.  “Shit!  Maybe she’s with Manson,” he hissed, getting a bad feeling in the pit of his gut that wasn’t the case.  Then he was heading out and toward the other bus that was parked several feet away, doing his best to control his rising terror.

Manson had flung himself onto the couch and was leaning his head back with his eyes closed when a banging came from the tour bus door.  Sitting up with a confused look, the thin male stretched before opening the entry.  His jaw nearly dropped open when he saw a frantic looking Jonathan.  “Is Raven in there?” he asked in a desperate voice, craning his head to try to peek around the superstar.

“Uh, no.  I thought she was with you,” the singer replied, fear spiking his heart like an icicle.

His memories went right to what had happened before he had come here.  He had been just about to apologize for his confusing actions when he had heard Davis calling for her and his jealousy had reared its ugly head.  He had to get away from her before he did or said anything he regretted and had ended up reverting back to his rage out of sheer habit.  This realization nearly made him collapse to his knees as his fear changed to outright terror.  “Get Amanda, her and Ging are in the dressing room.  I’ll call Johnny,” Manson ordered, pulling out his phone to do just that.

Davis didn’t stop to ask questions, he simply turned and ran off to get the woman.  Pinching his nose, the taller performer exited the bus to pace outside.  Right now the large bus would feel much too claustrophobic.  Everything within him was screaming for him to run off in search of Raven but he had no idea where she could have gone.  It would be a much better idea to wait and formulate a plan with the others.  “Brian?” came a questioning, concerned voice from his phone, effectively breaking him from his thoughts.

“Johnny, you’re going to be pissed when you hear what I have to say,” he sighed into the black device, not relishing what he was about to tell the protective actor one bit.

“What the fuck did you do now?” snarled the movie star, sounding absolutely furious.

“Raven ran away,” the singer replied closing his eyes and bracing for the explosion.  He wasn’t disappointed.

“What did you fucking do to her?!” Johnny screamed, forcing Manson to pull the phone away from his ear for a moment.  Then he took a deep breath and launched into the lengthy tale of what had happened.

When Raven became aware of things around her once more, she found herself in the middle of an absolutely gorgeous park.  Despite the fact that it was nearing sunset, the area was well lit and there was even a large fountain.  Feeling relatively safe despite having no worldly idea where she was, the shaken woman headed to a bench and sat down.  Her heart was a painful ball in her chest and tears flowed freely down her pale cheeks unnoticed.  Taking a few deep breaths, she desperately tried to stave off the sobs building up in her chest.

If he wanted nothing to do with her why couldn’t he just leave her alone?  Sighing, Raven pulled out her deep red phone and stared at it.  She really didn’t want to go back to the concert right this moment and therefore couldn’t call Amanda or Jonathan for comfort.  Calling Johnny would only make the actor panic and calling Manson was out of the question.  With a shaky hand, she called the only other person she could think of that could offer her some form of an anchor in this sea of sorrow and confusion.  “Raven?” came a confused, familiar male voice from the other end.

“Hey Twiggles,” she breathed in a far too shaky voice as her trapped sobs rose up to clog her throat.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” he asked, getting right to the meat of the matter.  That was all it took for the floodgates to swing open and the shaking, distraught female burst into tears.  Soon she was telling the whole story between sobs.

After Manson had explained to the entire group what had happened between him and Raven, he found himself the recipient of some very angry glares.  Having already been read the riot act by Johnny, the rock star simply stood his ground and kept a neutral look on his face.  “The best thing we can do is split up and canvas the city.  She can’t have gotten that far on foot,” Ginger suggested, keeping a tight arm around Amanda to keep her from charging the rock star.

“Good idea Ging.  I got north,” Pogo offered.  Soon everyone had chosen which direction they were going with the exception of Manson.  When he even suggested going, the others nixed it harshly.

“You are  _ not _ going with us!  The last thing she fucking needs is to see  _ you _ right now,” Amanda snarled, barely restraining herself from outright punching the celebrity in front of her.  Manson opened his mouth to argue when he was stopped by a pleading look from Ginger.

“Marilyn, I know you’re scared to death right now but this  _ is _ your fault.  Seeing you could set her off worse,” the drummer reasoned in a gentle but angry voice, his brown eyes holding accusation.

Sneering, the rock star only glared at the group silently.  They only glared back before they turned and left, each dashing off in their respective directions.  As soon as they were out of sight, Manson dashed off on his own.  At this point it would have been impossible for him to sit by idly while others looked for Raven.  He would have ended up going crazy.  As he charged off in a random direction, his phone rang in his pocket; the familiar ringtone making his heart jolt.  Not wanting to stop, the singer simply yanked the phone out his pants pocket and pressed it to his ear.  “Jeordie?” he panted as he continued to run.

“Brian!  I know where Raven is.  Dude, what the fuck?” asked the exasperated man, his words making the performer stop in his tracks.   
“Where is she?” he asked in a breathless, frightened voice, his mismatched eyes moving restlessly as everything within him screamed to keep moving.

“No, first you tell me just what the fuck is going through the brain of yours and then maybe I’ll tell you where she’s hiding,” the ex-musician snarled in a no nonsense tone, sounding ready to hang up at the the slightest provocation.  Manson only ran a shaky hand through his shoulder length hair as he began to pace.  Then, ever so slowly, the story came pouring out.

Raven stared down at her phone as she continued to take calming breaths.  Twiggy had urged her to at least call everyone to let them know she was okay and she had just finished doing that.  All of them had begged to know where she was but she honestly didn’t want to see anyone right now.  The only person she had told was Jeordie, having to find the park name on the fountain when the former guitarist practically begged her for it.  He insisted that at least one person should know just in case she needed help and she honestly couldn’t argue that logic.  Sighing, she leaned her head back on the bench she sat on and closed her hazel eyes.  She idly wondered just how far she had wandered away from the concert but honestly found herself unable to care that much.

A few moments later she was jolted awake by a familiar, outright frantic voice screaming for her in the distance.  Fear and heartbreak jolted through her in a shock and her body froze as her heart cramped within her chest.  Barely able to draw breath due to the painful feeling in her breast, Raven clenched a hand in her plain black t-shirt and did everything she could to disappear into the bench behind her.  “Raven!  Please!  Are you here?!” came another desperate scream from a bit closer, drawing looks from curious park goers.

It was then she realized his voice sounded absolutely thrashed, as if he had been calling for her for a long time.  A part of her wanted to answer him, unable to stomach hearing the fear in his ragged voice.  The other part of her desperately wanted to flee, to just get away from him and go home.  Right now she was regretting ever coming on this tour.  “Raven!” came another yell from just a bit closer, sounding more like a sob.  A sound that made her heart clench like it was in a vice and tears clog her throat.

“Over here Manson,” she found herself calling back, immediately regretting giving into that impulse.  What would he do when he found her?  What would  she do?  One thing was for sure, she never felt a stronger urge to run in her entire life.

All too soon she heard the sound of platforms running through the darkening gloom and, within moments, she saw the pale form of her ex running to her like his life depended on it.  A strained, terrified look was on his make-up smeared face and sweat made his hair cling to his forehead.  He panted harshly and his legs shook from exertion, yet he managed to keep up the pace; reaching her in seconds.  Looking on the verge of collapse, he pulled her into a frantic hug and burrowed his face into her neck; his entire body shaking from exhaustion and fear.

Before she could begin to react, the singer was slowly sinking to his knees; as if all of his strength left him at once.  Yet, even as he sank, his grip on her never loosened so he ended up dragging her down with him.  That was when Raven became aware of moisture hitting her skin and soft, ragged sighs leaving the rock star.  With a jolt, she realized the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ was crying.  “Manson, I’m okay,” she found herself assuring as her arms came up and wrapped around him without her permission.  Despite everything that had occurred, she still felt a drive to offer him comfort.

“Fuck, fuck... fuck,” he gasped out over and over, his voice angry and frightened at the same time.  His entire body began to shudder and his black nailed hands twitched on her back spasmodically.

“I thought...  Anything could have...,” he stammered, the shaking getting much more violent as he broke out into a cold sweat.  Then he was pushing away from her, crawling a few inches away and vomiting violently.

In a flash all the strife between them was forgotten and Raven was kneeling beside him as she rubbed his back.  “R-ran all the way when Jeordie finally fucking told me,” he gasped out, still shaking as he braced himself on his hands and knees.  Thankfully the people had cleared out of the park for the most part, giving the pair some much needed privacy.

“You ran here?  How far is this place from the venue?” she asked in a worried voice, looking around for a source of clean water.  With the way he was acting, he was possibly in the early stages of dehydration and exhaustion.  He had severely over exerted himself to find her, a fact that made guilt fill her with a flood.

“A few blocks.  Are you hurt?  Did anyone try to touch you?” he panted out before proceeding to vomit again.

“I’m fine.  I was perfectly safe.  I’m going to get you some water,” the black clad artist announced before getting to her feet and heading toward a water fountain.  She didn’t make it too far before she felt a strong hand grab the seat of her pants.  Looking down, she saw Manson looking up at her with an absolutely terrified gaze.

“Don’t fucking run again, please.  I wouldn’t be able to follow,” he pleaded in a broken voice, his hand trembling on the black, denim material.

“I promise I won’t.  I’ll be back in a second,” Raven replied before gently pulling herself from his grip and dashing to the water fountain.  Her hands shook as she fumbled at the cup dispenser on the side.  Fear and worry made her heart pound in her chest, making it hard for her to breathe as she filled the small cup.  Hurt feelings, heartbreak; all of that took a backseat to the potential emergency on her hands.  If she couldn’t get Manson to stop shaking and vomiting, she would have to call an ambulance; something she doubted the performer would be okay with.

Rushing back to his side with the water cup in hand, Raven helped him into a sitting position and held the small cup up to his black lips.  “Small sips,” she advised, tipping it just slightly so he could take a tiny drink.  Thankfully he took only a tiny sip despite how thirsty he must have been.  Then he took the small cup from her hands, taking occasional sips until the small container was empty.  By the time the water was gone, his shaking had improved just slightly.

“I’m just going to keep getting you water until you tell me to stop,” the pale woman informed him before dashing off to get him another cupful.

After five more cups, Manson’s shaking had tapered off to occasional shudders and he had been able to gather the strength to at least move to a bench.  Sitting beside him, Raven watched as he slowly downed his sixth.  The color had returned to his body and he seemed be regaining just a tiny bit of his energy.  When he was done, she reached for the cup; only have him shake his head at her.  “No more for a bit.  Starting to feel a little nauseous again,” he whispered, leaning his head back and closing his eyes while he took deep breaths.

“Call the others and let them know I found ya, though I doubt they’ll think that’s good news,” he suggested, a small tremor running through his body; making his teeth chatter slightly.  Giving the male beside her a worried glance, she opened her phone to do just that; calling Amanda first.

“What the Hell do you mean you won’t fucking tell me where you are?!” her friend was screaming a bit later, making a headache begin to pound in the back of her head.

“I’m not telling you or anyone until all of you calm down,” Raven sighed, keeping an eye on the celebrity sitting next to her.

“Jonathan and I are nearly fucking frantic!  Just tell us where you are so we can get you away from that psycho” her roomie snarled.

“Mandy, I’m going to hang up now and call the others.  When I call back, we can discuss this like two adults or not at all,” the black clad female bit out before hanging up and dialing the others.

Unfortunately none of them handled the news of Manson being around her particularly well.  By the time she was done smoothing all the ruffled feathers, she had a splitting headache.  Even as she hung up, she still wasn’t fully convinced the others wouldn’t rip the rock star next to her to shreds.  “Do you need anymore water?” she asked in a quiet voice, only feeling slightly better about his condition.  He still looked a bit pale and small shudders occasionally wracked his thin body.

“No, thank you,” he whispered, wrapping a shaky arm around her shoulders and resting his head on one of them.  An action that made all the feelings she had shoved aside come back full force.

“Raven, I’m sorry for the past few days.  I still have a lot of shit going on in my head and seeing you around Davis just sets me off.  I couldn’t be around you because I was afraid I would yell at you.  When I heard you ran away...  Hun, I about went crazy with worry.  It made me realize just how much you mean to me,” he murmured as his mismatched orbs slid closed, his voice sounding rather odd.  Craning her neck, she saw he was crying once more.

“Manson...,” she began, his pain making her heart ache despite her confusion.  She almost dared to hope he was going to ask for another chance and inwardly scolded herself for it.  After what the two of them had been through over the past few days, she doubted it would be a good idea to pursue anything.  Yet, if he asked, she would be unable to tell him no.

The truth of the matter was, she knew he honestly didn’t mean the way he had been treating her.  Even before she had met him, all his rage and alcoholism seemed a front for deep emotional pain.  Pain the singer didn’t seem to know how to deal with.  “I know it’s a lot to ask of you after everything I’ve done to you, but I would like you to stay with me for the night,” came a quiet, almost shy sounding voice, effectively breaking her out of her thoughts.  She had never heard Manson sound so vulnerable and she found herself at a loss.

“Please, please.  I can’t... I’ll go crazy if you aren’t in my sight.  You won’t have to see me ever again if you don’t want to after tonight, just please.  I need... I need to know you’re alright,” the singer continued, his hold on her tightening as his voice grew more lost and distraught.

“I... what did Jeordie tell you?” she asked, feeling a bit thrown off by this whole situation.  He was begging her, sounding more broken than she had ever heard him and was even openly crying.  It was almost enough to make her brain explode.  Just a few days ago, she wouldn’t have thought the cold, angry man capable of doing any of this.

“Everything, after I told him what I did first,” the performer replied in an unsteady voice, his body starting to shake violently again.

“Shhh, shhh.  Just relax.  I’m safe.  I’m fine,” Raven whispered as she wrapped a loose arm around him, unable to see his pain without offering some form of comfort.  The fact that he was so shaken by her running off filled her with a deep guilt and, despite wanting to just give in and stay for the night, she honestly didn’t think it would be good for either of them to be around eachother so soon after the recent upheaval.

All too soon, Jonathan and Tim drove up in the respective tour buses.  While she couldn’t see the vehicles, she could hear the engines as well as familiar voices frantically calling her name into the park.  If they followed the path, they would easily find her and Manson so she wasn’t too worried about calling out to let them know where she was.  Honestly, she didn’t relish them finding her period.  Manson still seemed a bit fragile and she had no idea what would happen if even the slightest bit of pressure was put on him.  He was already starting to go back into a panic at the sounds of the voices, wrapping both arms around her and burrowing his face into her neck as his body began to shake and spasm violently.  “Manson, shh.  It’s okay, I won’t let them hurt you,” she reassured even though she knew full well that wasn’t why he was acting like this.

“Fuck em,” he whispered, drawing a ragged breath as hot droplets of water began to hit her skin.

“Before they get here, I need to know you’re going to be staying with me.  Please, you have no idea what I’ll be like if you say no,” the rock star pleaded, his grip on her almost getting painful.  Raven could only look down at the broken man hanging off her, her heart twisting painfully in her chest.

“I’ll stay but I doubt Jonathan will like the idea,” she replied in a soothing voice, finally caving in.  Even if he awoke to scream at her the next day, it would break him much more if she refused.  The only problem would be selling Davis on the notion.

Her words did wonders for the performer hanging onto her like a lifeline, causing him to collapse instantly as he went limp with relief.  “Thank you,” he whispered, staying pressed against her.  He didn’t even move when the huge group came running up to them a few minutes later.

“What the fuck is  _ he _ doing here?” Amanda snarled, barely held back by Ginger holding her around her thin waist.

“Amanda, if you or anyone else if going to lay into Manson I’m going to have to ask you to back the fuck off,” Raven hissed, trying to stand to put herself between them and the singer but finding herself held in place by his refusal to let her go.  In fact, her just moving to get away seemed to set off his panic once again.

“Mea, Raven...,” the curly haired female began, anger fading for unsureness.

“No Mandy.  None of what happened before matters right now.  Fucking use your eyes and just look at him,” the black clad woman hissed, petting Manson once more in an effort to stop the shaking that had started up again.  Thankfully that was enough to make the entire group pause and actually look at the ‘Antichrist Superstar’.  The explosive man was a mere shadow of himself, clinging to Raven like a small child to a security blanket.

“Manson?” asked Ginger in a quiet, soothing voice as he slowly approached the pair.  The singer stiffened and gave the drummer an absolutely terrified look.

“Easy, easy Bri.  We just want to get you and her safe okay?” the blonde soothed, seeing Manson like this making him highly concerned.  Then he was straightening and gesturing for the others to back off.  Only Pogo stayed where he was, spreading his arms out with his palms facing forward.

“Let’s get you two onto the bus,” the keyboardist whispered in a gentle voice before slowly walking forward to join Ginger.

Grinning up at the pair gratefully, Raven helped Manson to his feet; Ginger having to go to his other side to support his weight.  Soon they were moving forward slowly, the rock star barely able to walk from how over exerted he was.  His long legs shook badly but he kept the dark haired female pressed tightly against his side.  Looking up at the man that was leaning heavily on her, the black clad woman could only hope he would calm down more once they got him inside the tour bus.  “I’m going to be staying with him tonight,” she announced, giving Davis an apologetic but stern look.  The metal singer could only nod in agreement, wondering just how Johnny was going to take current developments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My thoughts and prayers are with France. Stand strong!


	10. After Effects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Nothing amazing happens here. Everything is ordinary.’ - Naota (FLCL)

Manson seemed summarily unwilling to let Raven far from his side, even when they were safe in his tour bus.  Currently the distraught singer was on the couch, holding the pale woman tight against him.  “Ging, can you get him a drink to settle his nerves?” the freelance artist asked, giving the man next to her a worried look.

“Uh, we took all the alcohol off the bus,” the drummer replied with a grimace, liking the looks of the rock star less and less.  The normally angry male almost seemed like a broken shell of himself, hanging off of Raven like she was a living security blanket.

“I’ll go get some,” Pogo declared, his own gaze also locked on Manson.  Then he was dashing out of the large vehicle, leaving the group in awkward silence.  Amanda seemed torn between anger and sympathy while Jonathan seemed to be just plain worried.

“Raven, are you sure this is a good idea?” asked her long time friend.  Raven only gave her roomie a vaguely impatient look as Manson began to cling to her tighter, his painted face firmly burrowing in the spot where her neck met her shoulders.

“Not at all but I don’t have much choice.  Just look at him Mandy, do you really think I can leave him in this condition?” the much paler woman sighed, exasperation tinging her voice when she felt the singer’s shaking start up once more.  Automatically, her hand came up to rub his back soothingly as she looked up at her worried friends.

“No... he looks pretty bad honestly.  I’ve never seen him act like this,” the curly haired woman replied, sounding begrudgingly concerned as she rubbed the back of her head nervously.

“You know we’re just a few feet away if you need us,” Davis replied, sounding just as reluctant to leave her with the performer as her roomie did.

“I’ll be fine.  Besides, I can always call you.  Right now though, I think it’s best you leave.  Not only should you and Amanda try to keep Johnny from flying out here, I also doubt you being around is helping Manson right now,” she ordered in a semi-stern voice, her hazel eyes silently begging them to comply.  Thankfully Davis gave a nod before gently taking Amanda by the arm and leading her out.

As soon as the pair was gone, the distraught male relaxed considerably but he didn’t remove himself from his position.  “Let’s get you in the back where it’s quiet,” the black clad female suggested, still rubbing his tense, shirt covered back.  Manson only nodded mutely against her, moving only when she stood and following her to his room in the back.  Once they were inside, Raven shut the door and helped the rock star over to his bed; sitting down on it with him when he refused to let go of her.

Taking the opportunity to look around a bit, the pale female noticed not much had changed since she had last been on here.  The floor was still riddled with dirty clothing and empty alcohol bottles.  The only thing different was Kathy laying on his bed, not a stain on her worn fur.  Just seeing her treasured plush safe and on his bed made her heart swell with warm feelings for the mercurial man clinging to her.  Smiling despite her lingering apprehension, Raven grabbed the well loved plush and gently placed it on Manson’s lap.

The gruff singer’s reaction was instant, completely out of character and utterly heartwarming.  The instant Kathy hit his jeans, he was scooping her up into a tight hold; pressing her tightly against his scarred chest while he continued to keep his face burrowed in Raven’s neck.  “You’re really not leaving?” came a small, scared voice that almost didn’t sound like the temperamental male at all.

“I promise,” she replied, feeling extremely guilty when the celebrity sagged against her in relief.  Normally this man’s only emotions were rage and lust, seeing him like this tore her apart.

“I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.  For all of it.  I can’t... I can’t take being away from you any longer,” he uttered in a tear choked voice, hot moisture hitting her skin as he began to cry again.

“Marilyn...,” she began, only to be silenced by the adamant shaking of his head against her.

“I know with the way I’ve been acting that it’s seemed like I utterly hate you and can’t stand to have you anywhere near me but the exact opposite is the truth.  I’ve never actually needed someone so much before.  When you’re gone it feels like a piece of me is missing,” he confessed in a lost, frightened voice, the hand that wasn’t holding Kathy coming up to wrap in her midnight shirt in a needy fashion.

His words and his actions had her heart and mind going in two places at once.  One half was euphorically happy, ready to forgive everything and start up where they left off.  The other half was apprehensive, knowing that none of this could be a good idea and that it would be best for all involved if she got out as soon as possible.  Yet, despite the confused state of her head, she knew that if he asked she would crumple.  “I... I know it’s a lot to ask after what I’ve put you through recently but I’ve never felt this way about anyone.  When you ran away and actually losing you became a possibility, I felt more afraid than I have in a long time.  I... can we please try again,” he pleaded, more of his tears hitting her skin as he began to shake.

This was it, the moment she knew was coming and had been dreading and yet praying for.  To be honest, she felt more at peace than she had in weeks and the thought of forcing herself to be away from him again made her heart ache in her chest.  Could she place her heart in his hands again so soon after he had ripped it apart?  Yeah the girl he brought home hadn’t been the driving factor but it certainly hadn’t helped matters.  With him still unstable, would she only be dooming herself to failure if she came back now?  None of his issues had been resolved and she honestly doubted she could go through him bringing home anymore women.  “Manson...,” Raven began, stopping when she noticed he had pulled away from her neck to lock eyes with her.

“Please Raven, I need you.  I’ve never needed anyone...,” he husked, tears streaking black mascara down his white cheeks.

“You’re wrong about that you know.  You may not realize it but you need your band.  They’re like your family,” the confused, torn female replied, doing her best to fight against her urge to just give in.  She was fairly certain that reinitiating right now would only be an exercise in futility.  With how things looked, they would be broken up again within a week.

“While you’re right, you know what I meant.  Just holding you like this, I feel more stable than I have since our break-up.  Please, just tell me we have another chance,” the singer begged, his hand tightening in her shirt as his breathing began to stutter.

“We always did, I’m just not sure it’s a good idea to...,” the hesitant female began before she was stopped by a needy, wet kiss from the rock star.  Raven froze at first but soon melted into the surprisingly sweet embrace.  Her hands even found their way to his shoulders before they were interrupted by a quiet knock on the door.

Taking one look at Manson, the black haired female decided against trying to move for the door.  With how the singer was acting, he was bound to mistakenly think she was trying to leave.  “Come in,” she called, not surprised when she saw Ginger and Pogo standing in the door.

“Boy, you got that quick.  Did you drive at mach 10?” Raven asked teasingly, watching as all four members slowly filed into the tiny room.  The knowledge that his band was so worried about the man in her arms warmed her heart and she smiled warmly at the small group.

“How’s he doing?” John 5 asked quietly, his concerned eyes fixed on his boss.

“ _ ‘He’ _ is doing fine asshole,” Manson snarled, a bit of his old self slipping into his voice as he turned his head slightly to fix a glare on the guitarist.

“There’s literally a liquor store on every corner here.  I didn’t have to drive too far,” Pogo replied, seemingly ignoring the playful grouching to hand the female beside the singer the bag.

“Somehow, I’m not surprised,” the pale artist replied, giving the keyboardist a smile as she pulled out a bottle of absinthe and a bottle of vodka.  Within seconds they were whisked from her hands, almost making Raven wonder if she had been holding them at all.

Turning her gaze to the singer, she watched as he took a drag from both bottles before recapping them both and setting them on the floor.  Already he was much more relaxed but his heterochromic gaze never wandered from her for long.  “You’ve seen I’m still alive, now get the fuck out,” bit out the ever temperamental male, as he wrapped his arms around Raven and pulled her into his lap.  It was all the shy female could do not to scrabble out of his tight hold and off his lap as soon as possible.  She could already feel him hardening beneath her butt, making anxiety and mortification ripple through her.  Yet, under all that, there was the faintest thread of desire; a fact that honestly surprised her.

The four men in front of them only gave them varying degrees of knowing looks.  Tim looked like he had expected nothing else, Pogo had a perverted smirk, John 5 looked like he was very close to facepalming and Ginger looked at Raven with stark worry.  The embarrassed woman only gave the drummer a reassuring smile and a very slight nod.  “Come on, let’s give these guys a bit of privacy,” the ever mischievous Pogo chirped before herding the others out before him.  As soon as the door was shut once more, Manson relaxed considerably; a tension neither had noticed leaving his body in a rush.  His nose once again burrowed itself against her alabaster neck as he released his grip on her shirt as well as Kathy to allow his hands to roam over her back.  “Now, where were we,” the singer murmured softly, pressing gentle kisses to her heated skin.

“Marilyn... it’s just not a good idea right now.  The wounds are still too raw.  Besides, I doubt whatever caused the issue in the first place has been dealt with,” Raven responded, her voice strained and unsteady as she fought against her own extreme urge to just burrow into him and never let him go again.

“The only issue here is me and my own hang-ups with relationships.  We don’t have to get back together right now but will you at least stay with me for the rest of the tour?  I just... I don’t want you far from my side right now,” the rock star pleaded, pulling back to lock his eyes with hers.  Raven only looked up at him while nibbling her bottom lip.  Some part of her desperately wanted to stay with him, to allow a relationship to build between them again.  Another, more logical part of her was cursing her as a fool.

“I... I... Okay,” she replied in a soft, quiet voice, unable to say no to the heartfelt request.  A large part of her just wanted this too badly to listen to the logical part of her brain.  A part that was now stewing and silently telling her this was a huge mistake.

In an instant, Manson was pulling her into a possessive, passionate kiss that immediately rekindled her feelings for him into a roaring inferno.  Inwardly agreeing with the small voice but unable to care, Raven opened to the singer to return the kiss with a desperation and passion of her own.  Her hands wound into his shoulder length, ebony hair as her tongue fought with his.  A low growl coming from the male holding her, the distracted female felt his hands in her hair as well and found herself smirking ever so slightly.  Then he was breaking the kiss to draw in a ragged hiss of breath, his rock hard arousal now throbbing insistently against her jeans.  Thankfully ‘Somebody to Love’ came blaring from her pocket, giving Raven the perfect excuse to extricate herself from the performer.

Giving Manson an apologetic look, the ebony clad female pulled herself from his embrace to flip her phone open and press it against her head.  “Johnny?” she asked, even though she knew perfectly well who it was.

“Raven, are you okay?  Why the Hell are you staying the night with him after he caused you to run away?  Just what the fuck is going on over there?” came a worried rush from the star, making the pale female squirm in shame.  She both felt bad that she had caused him worry and a bit exasperated that he was questioning her decision.  She couldn’t really blame him after everything the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ had put her through but it didn’t aggravate her any less.  She had her fill of people doubting her ability to make good decisions.

“It’s a very long story Johnny but I’m fine now.  I’ll tell you what happened after things calm down for a bit but just know that I’m safe.  You don’t need to fly down her or anything,” Raven assured, doing her best to keep her irritation out of her voice.  The actor was quiet for a few moments before a quiet sigh came over the line.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make it sound like you’re incapable of making a good decision but you have to admit the situation is very strange,” the actor replied after a few beats of silence.

All of a sudden Raven found her phone taken from her hands and she was looking up at a rather exasperated looking Manson.  “She’ll call you if she needs you but for right now just leave us the fuck alone,” the irritated rock star snarled before simply closing the black object and handing it back to her.  A bit surprised he didn’t turn it off and take it, the stunned woman turned it off herself before it could ring again.  From the look in the singer’s eyes, he had a lot more to say to her and his mood would only get worse if they were interrupted any more.

“Before you say anything, let me lock this door to prevent anymore intrusions,” the nervous woman suggested before locking the door and quickly moving away from it.  The approving, appreciative look in his mismatched eyes made her heart flutter and she couldn’t help but smile shyly.

“Come sit with me for a bit,” came an almost shy request, the sound of his voice nearly making her wonder if he had been replaced with someone else.  Looking up, she saw the rail thin man moving to his bed to sit on it, patting the sheets next to him with an almost unsure look on his make-up smeared face.  Her heart lurching in her chest, Raven gave him a reassuring grin before sitting beside him and cautiously leaning on his shoulder.  Right now it felt like they could both use some closeness, damn everything that had happened before.

Just breathing in his scent helped her relax and, from the arm wrapped around her shoulder, it seemed Manson felt the same way.  His hand moved slowly up and down her mostly bare arm, the roughness of his palm sending pleasant chills racing up and down her spine.  “Thank you Raven,” he whispered in a soft voice, pressing a kiss to her forehead.  The flustered, resigned woman only nodded before placing her own kiss on his cheek.  Then the pair sat in silence, simply enjoying eachother’s company.

Raven sat bolt upright in the pitch black room, her wide, hazel eyes looking around blindly for anything familiar.  Then her memories returned and she relaxed slightly as she realized she was safe in Manson’s room on his tour bus.  That was when she heard a small whimper beside her and she became aware of the reason she had awoken in the first place.  Looking over at the man next to her, she saw tears rolling down his pale, naked cheeks as he struggled with unseen horrors.  “Raven... please,” he gasped out in a heartbroken voice, grasping onto Kathy as if she was a lifeline.

In seconds she found herself wrapping her arms around his shaking form, whispering comforting words in his ear.  Gradually the distraught rock star began to quiet, turning to nestle into her arms with a sigh.  Inhaling deeply, his thin but strong arms came up to wrap around her and pull her tight against him.  It was then she became aware of the fact that he was very naked, causing mortification and just a bit of desire to rush through her.  Taking a few deep breaths to try to slow her racing heart, Raven wrapped her own arms around him and kissed the top of his head.  Soon his slow, steady breaths lulled her into a deep sleep once more.

The next thing she became aware of was light snoring as well as the fact that she was hopelessly wrapped around a much taller person.  Looking up blearily, everything came into focus in an instant when she saw the sleeping face of Manson.  Remembering last night, as well as feeling his flaccid manhood pressing against her thigh, Raven began to try to extricate herself from the singer’s hold.  All this accomplished was his arms tightening as his brow furrowed ever so slightly.  Resigning herself to staying where she was, the flustered woman simply laid her head on his bony chest and listened to his heartbeat.

It seemed like an eternity later when she felt the super star stretch under her and she scrambled to pull away from the naked man in embarrassment.  Again, this only succeeded in the singer tightening his hold as he slowly regained consciousness.  “Mmmm, I know that smell,” came a drowsy purr as a nose burrowed itself in her midnight locks and inhaled deeply.  A shudder of nerves and lust shot through her body in a cold flood, making Raven tense slightly as Manson shifted to lay on his side and practically cocoon her with his naked body.

“It sure doesn’t  feel like a dream,” came a raspy husk as a lazy pair of lips came to rest on hers in an elongated press.  A giggle bubbled from Raven’s lips against her will and she lifted her head to give the singer a sweet, brief kiss.

“If it’s a dream, I certainly don’t want to wake up,” she found herself whispering and honestly meant it.  Right now all their former angst didn’t matter, all that mattered was how safe and at home she felt in his embrace.  Manson’s warm, genuine chuckle, as well as his rapidly awakening erection, snapped her back to reality like a bucket of ice water and she felt mortification slowly begin to take over.

A sudden knock on the locked door thankfully made the singer pull away from her to sit up.  “You guys want any food?” came John 5’s familiar voice from the other side, giving Raven enough time to compose herself and try to put her protective walls back up.  Being on guard was nearly impossible around Manson.  His music had saved her life.  She had loved and trusted him from afar for so long that she doubted she could keep him at arm’s length for very long.  For her sake as well as his, she hoped they figured out just how to move forward soon.

“Yeah, sure.  Raven, what would you like to eat?” the rock star asked, effectively breaking her from her thoughts.

“Uh, A-arby’s?” she asked in an unsure voice, a bit thrown off by how much this felt like nothing had ever happened between them.

“Huh, haven’t eaten there in forever.  Why not.  Hey, tell Tim we want Arby’s,” the rock star hollered before turning his gaze fully to her.  Then he was tackling her to the sheets, a playful chuckle leaving him and only causing more confusion for Raven.  She had never seen him act this way and found herself, once again, at a loss as to how to react.

“Mmm good morning darling,” came a satisfied purr against her neck, making some of her apprehension fade for the pleasant feeling from earlier.

“M-morning,” she whispered, still unsure of just what was happening but deciding to go along with it.  In fact her body was way ahead of her, her hands having found their way onto the small of the performer’s back without her noticing.  Something that the male currently covering her apparently approved of, a low rumble bubbling up from his scarred chest.

“Thanks for last night,” he sighed, lifting up just enough to plant a heated but chaste kiss on her lips.  His callused hands found their way to her hips, rubbing gently as he broke the kiss to look her in the eyes.  There was a happy, peaceful smile on his pale face and he almost seemed content.

“Y-you would have done the same for me,” she replied in a far too shaky voice as her heart began to pound in her ears.  While the contact between them was not yet sexual, it wouldn’t take much to push it that way.  Something she wasn’t ready for before their relationship ended and certainly wasn’t ready for now.

As if sensing her unease, the singer rolled himself to lay beside her; wrapping an arm around her to keep her close.  “Let’s try to start out with a clean slate, okay?” he whispered in quiet, pleading voice, reaching up to cup one of her cheeks.  The only thing that ruined the moment was an insistent throb of his now awake member.  Blushing, Raven let out a small squeak as she shifted her lower body away from Manson; a fact the superstar didn’t seem to like one little bit.  In fact one of his hands came to her lower back to keep her pressed close against him.

“I-I... but what about...,” the flustered female began, looking up at him with just a touch of fear in her hazel eyes.  The thing she was most worried about was the Dita in his head rearing her ugly head.  If that happened and he began acting out again, she had no idea if she could handle it.

“No, she’s fuckin’ gone.  I promise you.  You... you mean too much to allow myself to get in the way anymore,” he hissed, a bit of his erection flagging to her relief.  Then the bus was starting up around them, making the already high strung female jump.

“Hey,  hey... you’re okay.  I’m not going to hurt you,” the rock star whispered before he pulled back to put some much needed distance between them.

“I-I know I just, I don’t know what to expect,” the shaken woman whispered, nestling into him almost instinctually despite the fact that he was causing most of her distress.  Despite his earlier request, she found it a bit hard to just put everything that happened behind her and move on as if none of it did.

“Let’s just see where things go,” Manson sighed, throwing a blanket over himself and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.  Raven only sighed as relief washed through her.  Just having that barrier between them helped her feel more comfortable and she allowed herself to cuddle up to the thin male.

“I can do that,” she whispered, shoving all of her concerns to the back of her head.  If he was willing to let go, she would have to allow him that chance.  It would do no good if she kept clinging to all the bad things that had happened.

All too soon the vehicle stopped and Raven reluctantly pulled herself away from Manson to head to the door.  She only stopped when she felt a calloused hand wrap around her wrist.  “Just wait, they’ll ask what we want.  I’d rather not leave this room unless I have to,” the rock star pleaded, his mismatched eyes locked on hers.  Unable to take the puppy dog eyes, the shy female curled up beside him once more; placing her head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat.  Chuckling, the tattooed male began to pet her and she found herself wondering just what she had gotten herself into as her heart practically melted.

“And I’ll love you, if you won’t make me starve!” Manson hissed into the mic as the final notes of the song faded to silence.  Raven watched from the side of the stage, Jonathan standing beside her while Amanda stood slightly behind her.  The curly haired woman had her lips pursed in disapproval, obviously not liking the fact that her childhood friend had chosen to give the relationship another try.  In fact, she had gone so far as to not talk to the black clad female for the past three days; a fact that honestly bothered the fragile woman.

“Mandy, stop punishing me please,” the overly pale female tried to hiss in an angry voice, only succeeding in sounding like she was begging.  The female slightly behind her stiffened a bit before she grabbed Raven in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry Raven, I’m just....  He didn’t exactly treat you that well,” Amanda whispered, her arms tight around the slightly older female.

“I know but...,” the gothic female sighed, watching Manson as he tossed his microphone and began to head their way.  Giving Davis an apologetic look, Raven walked away from the pair.  So far, the rock star had been on his best behavior but she saw no reason to invite anymore trouble.  Things still felt a bit tenuous between the two singers and Manson himself often seemed a bit more possessive of her after seeing her too close to Jonathan.

“As much as I’m afraid of what will happen, I honestly just want to work everything out,” the paper white female continued as the rock star quickly closed the distance between them.  Her long time friend opened her friend to protest but stopped suddenly.  Just as Raven was about to ask what was wrong, she felt a hand settle on her shoulder.

“I know I haven’t always treated Raven the best and that I really don’t deserve this second chance.  I can assure you, I will do everything in my power to make it up to her and prove myself,” the superstar whispered in a  sincere tone, his gaze locked on Amanda and Jonathan.

The dreadlocked male only narrowed his eyes slightly before moving his earthy gaze to the ebony clad female.  “We’ll never be far if you need us,” the metal star reminded her, looking reluctant to leave her alone with his fellow performer.  Then the two males locked eyes again and both their bodies went stiff as a silent but powerful communication passed between them.  A moment that only lasted a few seconds before Manson was gently leading her past her two friends and out of the venue.

Soon they were in the tour bus, the tense male pushing her toward the back and into his room before locking the door.  Like all the other times when Davis had simply been around her, the normally unflappable singer pulled her into his lap and proceeded to wrap himself around her as tightly as possible.  It was almost as if he wanted to merge into her, claim her in every way possible.  A fact that both excited her and scared the shit out of her.  “Mare, take it easy.  I’m not going anywhere,” Raven reassured, running a hand through his unwashed hair in what she hoped was a soothing motion.

Thankfully he relaxed against her with a deep sigh, his arms sagging slightly.  “You have no idea what it means to hear you say that,” he breathed,  pressing a brief kiss to her forehead before lifting her off his lap and setting her on his rumpled bed.

“I’m gonna grab a quick shower and brush my teeth.  It’s,uh.... it’s been awhile,” he grumbled in an embarrassed voice, rubbing the back of his head cutely before he grabbed a pair of black, silk boxers and left.

As soon as he was gone, Raven took a moment to actually assess her situation.  Compared to how he had been when things had fallen apart, Manson was night and day different.  He didn’t push sexual contact on her, didn’t go after groupies and barely touched the alcohol.  Most nights he seemed content to simply hold her in his arms while he slept.  There  were some nights that the rock star seemed to want more but he never so much as mentioned it, helping her confidence that things could actually work out.  If things kept going this smoothly, it would only be a matter of time before she could actually convince herself that she was back in this relationship.  A bit afraid and happy about this, the content female simply laid back on the bed and hugged Kathy to her chest as she waited for the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ to rejoin her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, yeah my fiance had a seizure. He’s fine but the event sorta makes this chapter a bit ironic.


	11. 'Depp' Charge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: “We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and - in spite of True Romance magazines - we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely - at least, not all the time - but essentially, and finally, alone.” - Hunter S. Thompson

Raven had been snuggled against a lightly snoring Manson when the first of two bombs arrived.  “Where the fuck is she?” came a panicked, all too familiar baritone from outside the bus, jolting her awake.  Sitting up with a groan, the extra large t-shirt clad female pinched her nose in frustration as nervousness and irritation fought for top spot.

“Sounds like your friend found you,” the rock star grumbled in a strained voice, pressing the heels of his palms against his closed eyes as he seemed to be fighting off a headache.

“I asked him not to do this,” the pale female gritted out and she flung herself to her feet and threw on a pair of black jeans.  Then she was striding to the door, only stopping when she felt a calloused hand close around her small wrist.

Turning her head slightly, she saw the singer giving her a concerned look through his ebony hair.  “Let me go with you,” he offered, pulling himself to his feet despite being heavily hungover.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.  If he sees you with me he might just go nuclear,” she sighed, inwardly grateful for the offer.  Still, the look on his face told her it had been anything but optional.

“Please, please.  Just stay here for me.  It’ll make this go so much smoother,” she pleaded before she left the room and headed for the door of the vehicle.

“Jay calm down.  She’s been doing fine,” Davis reassured the panicked looking actor as the man paced the parking lot nervously.  The normally well put together man looked disheveled, his clothes rumpled and wrinkled and a severely ungroomed goatee.  Even his hair was scraggly, strands of it hanging loose from his ponytail.

“You don’t know what he did to her.  He slept with multiple women during their relationship, each one chipping away a bit more at her self confidence.  You’ve been around her enough to know there isn’t much there to begin with,” the star protested, raking a shaking hand through his dark hair as he moved.

“That  _ is  _ true but you really don’t have to worry so much.  I may not always make the best decisions but I can take care of myself,” sighed an exasperated female voice from behind them, making both men jolt in surprise before they turned to look at her.

“Raven,” Johnny gasped, relief clear in his face as his entire body sagged.  All her earlier irritation fled for worry and she was running to the movie star to help him stay on his feet.

“How long have you been awake?” the now worried Raven asked as she helped the weak male into Manson’s bus.  It wasn’t ideal but it was the closest area with a place to sit and she doubted he would make it to Davis’ vehicle.

“Four days,” he sighed, avoiding her gaze as he leaned back on the couch she deposited him on.  Raven only stared at him, unsure of how to feel about his admission.  That had been pretty much as long as she had been back with Manson.  Had he been  _ that _ worried something awful would happen?

She opened her mouth to scold the exhausted male but found it quickly snapping shut.  After the way Manson had behaved for most of their relationship, she could truly blame him.  So far the singer had refrained from even looking at groupies and was also managing to kept his contact with her mostly platonic.  Right now, the past was just the past and she had to focus on what was going on now if they were ever going to move on.  “Johnny, I know you don’t have much reason to trust Manson around me right now but I want you to hear me out,” the ebony clad female requested in a quiet voice, taking one of his tanned hands in hers.

To his credit, despite how tired and stressed he was, Depp made a concerted effort to sit up and met her eyes with an attentive, sincere gaze.  “Ever since I... had bit of a breakdown Manson has been like a different person.  It’s like he’s determined to prove to me how much I mean to him and I’m willing to give him a chance.  I know it’s hard to believe, but he hasn’t so much as looked at any other females since I agreed to stay with him for the rest of the tour.  I guess you could call this a probationary period,” the artist explained, smiling at his effort as she rubbed his skin with her thumb.

The grizzled male only gave her a searching look before slumping forward with a quiet sigh.  “I need you to promise me something,” Johnny whispered in a gruff, unsteady voice as he leaned backward and closed his bruised looking eyes.

“What’s that?” she asked, worry tinging her voice as she gently brushed a strand of his black hair out of his handsome face.  A stab of guilt went through her at seeing the actor so worn out on her behalf.  Whatever he asked of her, she would give it to him without question.

“Don’t run away again.  There’s always a safe place to escape to with Jonathan and Amanda.  If you need to get away, go to them.  Promise me,” he begged, his voice fading as he barely clung onto consciousness.  The dark haired femme could only stare at him, stunned.

“I promise,” she whispered, sadness weighing on her heart as the man slipped into sleep as soon as she finished speaking.  The fact that he had put himself through so much made guilt rise within her in a sick wave.  Growing up, Amanda had really been the only person she had allowed herself to get close to so having all these people caring about her threw her a bit off balance.

“He’s really been watching out for you,” came a respectful, awed rumble by her ear, nearly making her heart jump out of her chest.

Turning to look at Manson, Raven gave him a small smile as her heart clenched in her chest.  “Yeah, when we broke up he pretty much became my anchor.  He drug me out of a deep depression and even introduced me to Jonathan and his band.  If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be on tour with you.  I’d be hiding from the paparazzi and honestly wishing I could just call you to hear your voice,” she confessed, allowing herself to be pulled into his arms.

“Why on Earth would you be hiding from the paparazzi?” the taller man asked, looking down at her with confusion in his white-blue and brown eyes.

Blinking, the stunned female looked up at the genuinely clueless celebrity.  Had he been under a rock?  There was no way he wouldn’t have at least seen a newscast that was looking for her.  “You’re kidding me right?” she asked, honestly shocked when he only looked more confused.

“I don’t pay attention to tabloids, especially when it pertains to someone I care about; remember?  What happened?” he asked, concern replacing his befuddlement.  Raven could only gape at him for a few moments before she mentally face-palmed.  It seemed like it had been forever since he had told her that but now that he reminded her, she felt silly for not remembering it on her own.

“When Johnny introduced Jonathan to me, he was at a concert.  He decided to have me sing a song while I was there,” she explained, sincerely hoping he would be able to put the rest of it together himself.  Thankfully realization briefly crossed his face before a scared protectiveness took it’s place.

“Fuck.  They’re after you because of me,” he rasped, fury quickly replacing his fear as he grabbed ahold of her hand and drug her out of the tour bus.  As soon as they were outside, he was spinning her around and grasping her half bare upper arms in an urgent grip.

“Stay close to me and don’t worry about Johnny.  He’ll be fine on the bus but I bet he’ll have one hell of a crick in his neck when he wakes up,” the agitated rock star hissed, worry clear under the mask of rage.  Then he was scooping her up in his arms and practically carrying her into the venue, as if he was afraid someone would try to steal her from him.

“Marilyn, this is a bit excessive.  I highly doubt there’s a group of them waiting in there for me.  In fact, right now none of them know where I am.  As long as I don’t put the spotlight on myself, it’s likely to stay that way,” Raven reassured, very slightly amused by how protective the superstar was.  Just seeing him like this made what little misgivings she had left simply fly out the window.  At this moment, she had never felt more protected or cherished.

Manson only snorted at her comment, his grip on her tightening as he strode into the dressing room.  Only when they were inside did he gently let her down before striding over to his make-up table.  “Maybe I just wanted an excuse to hold you in my arms,” he husked, smirking at her over a tattooed shoulder as he reached for some lipstick to touch himself up.  Then he was returning his gaze to the mirror, leaving the stunned female to gape like a fish behind him.

His words had filled her with a warm, tingling feeling and she found herself walking forward to lean against the taller male, wrapping an arm around his bare shoulders as her chin came to rest on the crook of his neck.  Pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek, she smiled lovingly at his reflection in the mirror; her heart jumping when he placed one of his black nailed hands over hers.  A calloused thumb rubbed over the skin in small circles as his finished his lipstick and placed the metal tube on the counter of the vanity.  “Good luck out there,” Raven whispered sincerely, filled with love for the singer who looked at her so intently.

Lifting the hand on his shoulder to his lips, the rock star gave the top of her hand a light kiss before pressing her palm against a make-up coated cheek.  “Before I go out there I need you to understand something.  I may act like a complete jerk to you, I might grind up against my band members, I might invite someone on stage just to sexually abuse them but none of that is actually me,” he whispered, his kohl surrounded eyes squeezed shut as if he was afraid of her response.

Instead of being afraid like he had feared, Raven only chuckled before pulling back slightly to give his hair a ruffle with her free hand.  “Did you forget I was a fan of yours for years before we ever met?  I already knew this and sorta know what to expect, though I never thought I would see it in person,” she reminded him, giving him an amused grin as he straightened and turned to face her.  The rock star smirked back, his arms coming up to wrap around her and pull her close against him.

“Never thought about some of the perks of dating a fan.  You already know all the dirty secrets the paparazzi have uncovered, let alone the ones you see while I’m on stage,” he rumbled, bending down to capture her lips in a chaste but no less passionate kiss.  Then he was breaking it to rest his painted forehead against hers, his mismatched eyes staring down at her solemnly.

“I want you to stick close to Jonathan and Amanda while I’m performing, okay?” he asked, a tinge of fear in his baritone voice as his hand moved from her back to her shoulders.

“I’ll be fine!  I seriously doubt anyone knows I’m here.  Besides, I doubt they’d let me out of their sight anyway,” the black clad female soothed, feeling a bit flustered by his outward concern for her.  It almost felt as if the bad shit had never happened and she found herself easily falling back into their relationship.

“Just humor me and promise okay?  It’d make me feel a bit better about leaving you,” he pleaded, his hands twitching on her shoulders as his hair fell into his face.

“I promise,” she whispered sincerely, lifting one of his hands to place a kiss on it in an effort to calm the distraught singer.  Thankfully the gesture had the intended effect, causing him to relax visibly as affection shone clear in his heterochromic gaze.

“I love you Raven,” he whispered, removing his hand from her loose grip to cup her cheek as he bent down to give her one last kiss.  It was full of love and lust and he even gave her lips a brief lick before he pulled away to spin her to face forward.

Giggling a bit as her heart soared at his words, the pale female turned her head back to give him a smile.  “I love you too Mare,” she whispered, reaching down to grab one of his hands and lace their fingers together.  The singer returned her bright smile, bringing their joined hands up to his lips before leading them out the open door.  They only made it a few steps before they heard a voice calling for them from the direction they were heading.  Tilting her head a bit, Raven tried to discern where she had heard the voice before.

“That almost sounded like Twiggles,” she whispered, blushing a bit at her accidental use of the embarrassing nickname.  Manson only chuckled before he nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, it really did,” he remarked, continuing to lead her forward.  As they walked, the voice came again; much more clear and much closer.

Once again, the ebony clad woman stopped in her tracks; tilting her dark haired head as she listened.  “Jeordie?” she called in a hesitant voice, her heart leaping in her throat at the possibility that the ex-musician could be here.

“Raven!” came the excited response as the dreadlocked male skidded around the corner from the direction of the stage.  As soon as the trio locked gazes, they had very mixed reactions.  Twiggy and Raven immediately ran for each other’s arms while Manson hung back with a very guilty look on his decorated face.  As soon as the pair was done embracing, Jeordie was giving the abashed looking rock star a studying look.

“Sweetie, would  ya mind going on ahead without us?  Bri and I have a few things to talk about,” he requested, giving her a small smile as he returned his focus to her.

“Take it easy on him okay?  He’s been doing a lot better,” the artist pleaded before she ran off towards the stage.

As soon as she was out of sight, Manson looked extremely concerned; like it was taking everything within him not to follow her and make sure she was alright.  “Her running away really did a number on ya,” Jeordie whispered sympathetically, striding forward to close the distance between them.

“I  _ was _ going to make sure you were going to treat Raven right from now on but I don’t think I have to.  Now all I want to do is ask if I can come along,” the former band member sighed, pulling his ex into a hug.

“Where’s Jay?” Jonathan asked as soon as the concerned looking female showed up.  Jolting at the question, Raven gave a sheepish grin as she looked up at the metal singer.

“He, uh, fell asleep in Manson’s trailer,” she replied, her gaze traveling to the backstage area nervously.  A large hand on her shoulder nearly made her heart stop and she whirled around to see Davis smiling down at her gently.

“Twiggy wasn’t pissed, just worried.  Now then...,” the dreadlocked performer trailed off before picking her up in his well muscled arms and twirling her.  Raven burst into giggles despite her somber mode and was smiling by the time he set her on her booted feet.

“That’s better,” chirped the ever jovial rock star, giving her midnight locks a fond ruffle.  Amanda, who had been watching the entire exchange, only raised her eyebrows at her childhood friend teasingly.  Raven stuck her tongue out in return before going to stand by her amused roomie.

“How have things been with Ginger?  You guys always go off on your own when you come to visit him,” the black clad female asked, fiddling with the hem of her Marilyn Manson shirt.  Her pal only blushed heavily, clearing her throat as she avoided Raven’s gaze.

“Things have been going great!  Ging is a really sweet guy,” the curly haired woman replied, her green gaze looking the slightest bit bothered under her happiness.  This didn’t go unnoticed by the dark female watching and she instantly turned all of her focus to her roommate.

“What’s bothering you Mandy?” the concerned artist asked, placing a hand on the shorter female’s shoulder.  Her friend gave her such a tortured, confused look that her heart instantly sank.  Then the blue clad female was clinging to her, beginning to cry softly.

“Oh Meagan... I don’t know what to do anymore.  I love Ginger, I really do but I can’t stop thinking about Tom.  As soon as I saw him it was like something... clicked,” the thin journalist whimpered, clinging to a stunned Raven like she was a lifeline.

Giving Jonathan a worried look, she moved Amanda to a dark, secluded corner of the stage before wrapping her in a tight hug.  “How does it feel when you’re around Tom?” the ebony clad woman asked, an uneasy suspicion brewing inside her.  If what she suspected was happening, she truly felt bad for both of her dear friends right now.

“I don’t know how to describe it.  I just feel almost like I’m coming home,” the curly haired writer sighed, running a shaking hand through her semi-tight curls.  Hearing that only made Raven’s heart sink further.  It almost sounded like her roomie felt the same way about the actor as she did about Manson.

“I can’t really tell you what to do here Mandy.  Just do what makes you happy.  Whatever you decide, I’m sure Ginger will understand,” the pale woman assured her shaken companion, her heart aching for both people involved.  It would more than likely end up with Amanda choosing Tom but not without a fair amount of hardship.  This event was sure to break both of them in some way and she suddenly wished Welling had never shown his face.

Amanda only looked at her miserably before looking at the hem of her Superhero emblazoned shirt.  Ginger was a fantastic person and treated her like she was precious but Tom...  She had never experienced anything close to the spark she had felt between them and she barely knew the guy.  Nibbling her lip as tears continued to pour down her ivory cheeks, the distraught woman found herself torn in two directions.  She would have to make a decision soon but no matter what she chose, her heart would be broken.  Frustrated at her dilemma, the journalist found herself silently cursing the unfairness of life.

The somber moment was interrupted by the untimely appearance of Pogo and Ginger coming back from setting up on stage.  Just seeing the drummer was enough to send Amanda into a whirlwind of misery, something the empathic blonde noticed right away.  Giving the keyboardist next to him a warning look, the musician strode toward his distraught girlfriend; a questioning glance on his painted pace as his gaze shifted to Raven.  The casually dressed female only shrugged before getting up and moving to rejoin Jonathan.  After what was said, she knew the pair would need some privacy.

While the pair talked in the hidden alcove, Manson and Twiggy came striding up to the stage; the rock star taking the stunned female into his arms as soon as he saw her.  Then he was pulling back to look her over, as if afraid something terrible had happened in the few moments they had been apart.  Then he was turning his mismatched gaze to Jonathan, a frown quickly coming across his decorated face. Davis only narrowed his dark eyes, a tense silence stretching between the two singers.  “We’re gonna have a bit of fun while Manny boy performs!” Jeordie announced, breaking the tense silence like a soap bubble and wrapping his arms around Manson and Raven.

Thankfully that did the trick and the taller superstar relaxed significantly.  Davis, being the jolly person he was, immediately followed suit; a smile replacing the apprehensive anger of earlier.  “Would you guys mind hanging out by the side of the stage?” Manson asked, his heterochromic gaze returning to Raven as anxiety began to take over his expression.

“Awww, she won’t disintegrate if she leaves yer sight,” Pogo teased, causing a mask of fury to slam over Manson’s face in a split second.  

Then he was capturing Raven’s lips with a possessive snarl, pressing her against the wall while their small audience watched.  The only thing that saved the temperamental male from getting yanked off her bodily by Davis or Amanda was the fact that his ‘victim’ didn’t seem to mind one bit.  In fact, she began returning the kiss with a fervor that embarrassed the small group that was watching.  After a few seconds, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ broke the embrace with a threatening noise before he simply stalked off onto the stage.  “Did he have to be so aggressive?” Amanda groused, breaking the tense silence.

“It’s just part of his stage persona.  Pogo appearing out of the blue like that shocked him into it,” Raven explained, moving into a position where she could watch the preparations.  Ginger came to stand beside her, Amanda right by his side and the other two not too far behind.

“He doesn’t mean anything by it honestly,” the pale female continued, smiling wistfully as the rock star gestured for Ginger to join him.  The drummer jolted in place beside her before giving Amanda an apologetic look and joining his bandmates.

“How can you stand the constant, unannounced changes in demeanor?” her lifelong friend sighed, sounding sympathetic and terrified.

“As weird as this sounds, it helps that I watched a lot of his concerts.  I sorta already know what to expect from him so it’s really not that much of a surprise when he turns on a dime like that.  It can be a bit confusing sometimes but you have to take his actions with a large grain of salt when he’s like this,” the black haired artist replied, her smile growing slightly as she watched Manson give Ginger an almost affectionate looking bonk on the head with the microphone.

Amanda, on the other hand, failed to see the humor in the action.  In fact, the curly haired woman puffed up like an angry cat; looking like she wanted nothing more than to storm onto the stage and tear the offending performer into confetti sized chunks.  Thankfully Jeordie broke the building tension but throwing himself between the two females and slinging his arms around their shoulders.  “How you gals been?” chirped the dark skinned male, squeezing them in such a way that their cheeks met his in a light touch.

“It’s been a bit rough but things seem to be looking up for once,” Raven replied, grinning at the former guitarist gratefully.  She was sure that if he hadn’t intervened, she would have had to have stopped her roommate from killing her boyfriend.

“I’m having a bit of a dilemma,” Amanda confessed with a sigh, all the fight going out of her as her shoulders sagged.  Jeordie and Raven only looked at her sympathetically before the dreadlocked male released the ebony clad woman to lead off her friend.  The curly haired female only had a second to realize just what was going on before she was yanked out of the venue.

The amused artist only watched, barely holding back giggles as she imagined Twiggy and Amanda having ‘girl talk’.  In all honesty, Jeordie seemed to have a knack for helping those in emotional distress and her friend could certainly use him right now.  Assured that her precious acquaintance was going to be safe, Raven returned her gaze to the stage in time to see the lights come up and a spotlight focus on the figure standing in the middle of the platform.  As she watched, he positioned the mic in front of his mouth and began to sing.  While he sang, Jonathan came to stand beside her; smiling down at her as the concert got underway.

The effeminate male lead her to Manson’s tour bus, only stopping for a second when he saw Johnny asleep on the couch.  Shrugging it off and motioning her to be quiet, the former band member led her back out and to Davis’ bus.  Once inside, he sat her down and began to rummage in the cupboards above the sink until he found some hot cocoa.  With the box in hand, Twiggy got to work making two mugs.  “What’s on your mind?” the dreadlocked man asked gently as he popped their beverages in the microwave and set a time.  Amanda took a deep breath before spilling the whole story to the ex-guitarist.

“We can’t haunt this home!  Home anymore!  No, no, no, no, noooo,” Manson belted, his voice ragged from a half hour performance of hard singing.  Sweat streaked the white make-up on his face and his lipstick was smeared from all the water he had drank and spat out at the crowd.  Used condoms, empty water bottles and debris from broken props littered the stage but the rock star didn’t even seem to notice the items.  Instead, he simply panted as he basked in the wild applause of the rabid crowd surrounding the raised platform.

Raven watched from the shadows, barely aware of the fact that Jonathan was standing next to her.  The only time she became aware of him was when Manson started stalking towards the side of the stage with a familiar fire in his eyes.  Just seeing his fellow singer like that made Davis’ protective instincts kick in and he was shoving Raven behind himself out of sheer reaction.  This did not sit well with the taller male.  In seconds, he closed the distance and was ripping the metal singer away from a stunned Raven; slamming the much more muscular male against a wall by his throat.

The pale female could only watch for a few seconds, not quite comprehending just what had happened in the span of a handful of seconds.  Then her body was moving forward as she grabbed Manson’s tensed forearm, giving him a pleading look.  “Marilyn!  Let him go!  What the hell are you doing?!” came her panicked voice, almost seeming to come from someone else.  The rock star under her hand turned his glare to her, relaxing instantly as he let go of Davis to back away from both of them.  In a split second, he was defused and giving her a fearful, guilty look.  Unfortunately the peace was soon broken by Jonathan giving the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ one hell of a right cross.

“I know he deserved it but did you  _ really _ have to punch him,” Raven scolded as she dabbed the mustached male’s torn knuckles with alcohol soaked swabs.  Manson held a cold compress against his spectacular black eye but didn’t seem the least bit angry.  In fact, he seemed quite contrite.

“Man, I’m sorry about that,” the goth rocker sighed, giving Davis a sincere look of apology as he extended his free hand.  The dreadlocked singer looked down at the offered hand for a second before he shook it.

“It’s all good.  You were just trying to protect Raves,” the metal star conceded, a smile on his tanned face.

“Are you going to be done with your tour soon?” came a tired baritone, causing the large group turn to a sleepy Johnny who was rubbing his neck.  Even though he had been asleep for most of the day, it looked like he hadn’t slept at all.

“Only a few more venues, then we’ll be going back to Raven’s house,” the superstar replied, keeping the compress against his eye.  Just hearing that filled the black clad female with both happiness and apprehension.  Having him home with her would force them to be closer together, spend more time together.  Just the thought of it made her heart race with nerves and excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bad pun with the title.


	12. I'm Going Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Servo [as Megalon]: Nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah! Your father was a lizard! Your mother was an A-bomb! ...Your uncle was a robot!’ - MST3K

The next few days were a whirlwind of concerts, Amanda eventually relaxing just a bit around Manson.  She didn’t necessarily like him but she certainly tolerated him a lot more than she used to.  It all had to do with how drastically the rock star’s attitude had changed in regard to Raven.  It was as if he was determined to prove he was willing to become better for her roomie and the curly haired female slowly grew to believe him.  The singer hadn’t let Raven out of his sight since she had agreed to stay on his tour bus and was beginning to show his affection for her around others much more frequently.

Johnny had left after a full night’s sleep, asking Raven to call him that evening before he went.  The actor had seemed reluctant to leave but had to get ready for a roll in a movie soon.  His only solace had been that Twiggy was staying.  The dreadlocked male had an oddly maternal streak and would make sure things didn’t get too out of hand.  Still, when the freelance artist had called him, he had felt a flood of relief.  He could see Brian was doing his best but there was still a lot of darkness within him, darkness that had yet to surface.  The star was frightened what would happen when Raven dug too deeply under the surface.

Said female was honestly never happier.  Manson had been treating her so lovingly that it made her heart swell with affection every time she saw him.  So far, he had kept contact between them entirely platonic but it was obviously beginning to wear on the rock star.  Every time they locked eyes, she could tell he wanted nothing more than to press himself up against her and inhale her scent.  To be honest, this was the part that confused her the most.  She had never known him to hold back in the short time she knew him, in fact he seemed more inclined to make what he wanted blatantly clear.  Now he almost seemed gentlemanly and aloof despite the half starved look in his mismatched eyes.

To be honest, Raven was just the slightest bit glad that Johnny had left as soon as he had.  With him gone and Twiggy around, Manson had seemed to relax significantly.  He had even started to joke around a bit; behavior she hadn’t seen before and, from the reaction of his band, the others hadn’t seen either.  Shaking her head at how much things had changed in the past few days, the pale female leaned against the outside of the tour bus as she watched her boyfriend and Jonathan playfully wrestle eachother.  Yet, even as she watched this, she felt just a hint of unease.  After all, none of the issues that had caused the initial break-up had even been talked about.  Sooner or later, they would have to be addressed and she found herself dreading breaking this peace.

Watching the usually temperamental male laughing and honestly enjoying himself, the dark haired female felt no urge to drag things back into the dark.  She had no idea what bringing up what was going on with him would do.  She seriously doubted he would react well and she began to nibble her lower lip nervously, a gesture that was not lost on Twiggy.  The former guitarist had been standing right next to her and noticed right away that something was deeply bothering her.  “Better spit it out before he notices,” the effeminate male whispered in her ear, tugging her into a one armed hug.

Looking up at him with a shocked expression at first, Raven tilted her head so her gaze focused on the ground.  All of a sudden she felt shy and apprehensive.  How much of what happened would Manson be comfortable with her sharing with Jeordie?  How much did he know due to being around during that time?  “Are you worried about what caused him to act the way he did after that concert he took you to?” Twiggy asked quietly, getting right to the heart of the matter.  The stunned female next to him could only nod slowly, keeping her gaze focused on the dirt beneath her platforms.

“We don’t have much time but I can tell ya it has a lot to do with Dita and the effect she had on his head while they were together,” the bronze skinned male murmured quietly, confirming her suspicions.

After having Dita’s side, Raven was a lot less likely to place all the blame on her.  Sure she had done some fucked up things while with him but her heart was in the right place.  The model had used Manson’s affection for her to try to control him but it was because she was worried for his health.  From only a short time around him, even Raven had to agree he had a worrying drinking problem and tended to make bad decisions.  Yet, despite agreeing with that side of it, the artist had been wholly opposed to the pin-up’s methods.  In the end, Dita had come to realize just how damaging what she was doing had been and expressed very real regret.

Still, hearing just how much she was  _ still _ affecting him bothered the ebony clad female.  Would there ever be a way she could shove the dark shadow of Dita from his mind?  She honestly didn’t know but she was determined to try.  Just like her, Manson was haunted by the ghosts of his past and needed help to pull free.  This revelation made her feel even more connected to the currently relaxed and laughing superstar.  Maybe they could help eachother if they just gave in and trusted one another.  Maybe, together, they could both overcome the demons in their heads.  Just the thought made her heart fill with hope and she felt a bright smile curl her lips.

It was at that moment that Manson turned to look at her, seeming to freeze in place when he saw her expression.  The look on his own face faded from one of open happiness to one of simple and pure love.  Then he was walking towards her, her heart racing as a blush filled her porcelain cheeks.  She had never seen such a look in his eyes before and she found herself feeling more and more flustered the closer he got.  Soon he was a bare inch from touching her body with his own.  To both their surprise, she was the one to initiate the kiss; her tongue licking against his lipstick coated lips as her arms wrapped around his neck.

In an instant his long arms wrapped around her and held her tightly to him, opening his mouth as he allowed her to direct the kiss.  A bit shocked at this, Raven began to cautiously stroke his tongue with hers; growing bolder when she heard his breathless groan.  That was when she began to kiss him in earnest, her tongue making sure not not miss a single part of his mouth.  All too soon she had to break for air and she did so reluctantly, giving his lower lip a nibble as she let out a soft keen.  Panting to catch her breath, the embarrassed female tried to ignore the shame and shyness swirling within her.  She had nothing to be ashamed of dammit!

Manson was just as out of breath as she was, his breathing ragged and coming out as a shuddery growl every exhale.  Then he was tugging her into the looming vehicle, closing the door behind them before practically devouring her mouth once more.  “Oh God Raven, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment,” the performer rasped between kisses as his hands twitched on the small of her back.  Just hearing those gruff words were enough to make her flusterment rise to all new levels but she quickly squashed that in favor of listening to the lust singing through her veins.  Right now she couldn’t give a fig for all her hang-ups, all she wanted was to enjoy this moment.

All of a sudden she found herself in the back room with the tall male with the backs of her thighs hitting the foot of the bed.  It was then the reality of the situation crashed into her and all the horrible things her parents and exs had said to her came back with a vengeance.  Looking up at Manson with fear and nervousness clear in her hazel eyes, she saw the rock star giving her  a pained, resigned expression.  Then he was giving her a patient smile as he removed his hands from her arms and backed up a few steps.  “No!” she found herself exclaiming, frustrated tears rolling down her cheeks as she found herself angry with, well, herself.

The lithe male tilted his head to the side, a confused, concerned look on his painted face.  “Raven, it’s okay.  I can leave if you need me to,” he offered in a quiet, soft voice as he began to back towards the closed door.

“No, please!  It’s not...,” she began before stomping a foot out of simple rage and frustration and sitting on the bed to cup her face in her hands.  Then she was releasing a watery sigh as she ran her hand up her face, up her forehead and over her ebony hair; sweeping the shoulder length locks out of her pale face.  Tears streaked down her paper white cheeks as she took several deep breaths to calm herself.

“I... I really,  _ really _ want to, especially after how well you’ve been treating me lately but...  Every time we even get close everything I’ve been told comes back into my head and I just...,” she whispered, gritting her teeth as her heart clenched in her chest.  Right now, she couldn’t be anymore furious at herself.  Hadn’t he proven to her over and over this past few days that he thought she was attractive?  Shouldn’t that be enough for her?

Only when she felt him taking her face in his hands did she notice Manson kneeling in front of her with an all too understanding look on his make-up covered face.  “There’s really no rush.  Just having you around is more than enough for me right now,” he replied in a gruff voice, wincing slightly for a brief moment.  It was then that Raven came to the realization that a man that had practically been a nympho had basically deprived himself of sex of any sort for her sake.

“I’m sick of this, I’m sick of being the only thing holding us back from having a sexual relationship.  I’m sick of all the drama!  We just started getting on track here, I don’t want to be the one to put that in jeopardy,” the frustrated woman sighed, hating how she sounded like she was whining.  In all honesty, the man on the floor in front of her had it more rough than she had and here she was acting like a child that didn’t get a lollipop.

“You aren’t the only one with shit holding you back,” he replied in a quiet voice as he crawled onto the bed to sit beside her.  Then he was placing a tattooed arm across her thin shoulders and tugged her close to his side.  The fact that he was dressed in his normal stage costume only served to make her a bit more flustered but at least she was able to relax into him.

“You’re already doing much better than our first attempt at a relationship.  You’re trusting me with a lot more a lot faster, something I’m grateful for.  I may not know all of your past but I do know enough to know that this level of trust with me is not to be taken for granted.  Now, I find myself in a position where I have to return that amount of trust and I honestly don’t know if I have it within me,” Manson continued, his whitish blue and brown eyes fixed on her as an apprehensive look crossed his decorated features.

Raven only gave him a small smile, wrapping her own arm tentatively around his thin waist and leaning her head against his bony side.  “My father... he...  I guess it all started when I was just a young child.  He treated me like his buddy, took me with him everywhere until I turned thirteen.  My brother had already been born by then and he had already become a bit aloof but it really changed at that age.  He started treating me more and more like an object, something to do things for him and my brothers.  Soon it got worse from there.  He began to mentally abuse me, telling me I was never good enough.  That I was fat, which I  was overweight at that time so those comments really did a number on me.  My mom was no better,” she whispered, feeling a bit like she was letting pus out of an infected wound as each word left her mouth.

When she had finished, tears were rolling down her cheeks unconsciously and she swiped them away before she nestled more into the taller male’s side.  “It wasn’t long before he began to beat me as well, his rage towards me only seeming to grow the older I got.  I began to spiral into a deep depression and came very close to killing myself a few times.  What eventually ended up saving me from that pit of abuse was Tony.  When I first met him, he had been completely different.  He was kind, treated me well and gave me a place to get away from my parents to.  I eventually moved in and that’s when things started to go downhill.  He... he began to... act a lot like my father, eventually getting to the point where he hit me when he was drunk.  He very nearly killed me one night.  It was only Amanda coming over that save my life.  She told me she just knew something was wrong and ended up calling 9-11 when she found me.  She forced me to move out and in with her soon after.  We eventually had to move to a different state because Tony kept stalking me,” Raven continued, beginning to shake from the fear of her memories.

They may have happened years ago but just talking about them made her feel as if these things had happened yesterday.  More tears left her as her breathing began to hitch from the sheer amount of distress she felt.  The only thing that kept her anchored was the feeling of Manson gently rubbing her half bare arm and murmuring comforting things in her ear.  “It wasn’t long after that that I met Miah.  It was almost the same thing over again.  He started out very sweet and was even outraged when he had heard how Tony had treated me.  Once again, when I moved in with him everything changed.  He became very verbally abusive, often punishing me for imagined slights by taking away ‘privileges’.  Soon he and Tony joined forces, the bastard coming out to live with us.  They had me trapped for years until I escaped one night and pretty much hitchhiked my way home,” Raven finished up, her voice clogged with tears as a ball of pain rose into her throat.

Silence followed, only broken by soft sniffling and gentle shushing.  Then Manson was tilting her chin up to place a loving kiss on her lips.  “I had no idea it had been that...  Fuck Raven,” he whispered, petting her dark haired head gently.  The distraught female only clung to the celebrity like a lifeline, sobs ripping from her throat and sounding like she had held onto them for far too long.

“I haven’t e-even t-told you everything they did to me,” she whispered, shaking as the tears continued to leave her like a flood.  It was almost as if a dam had been broken deep inside of her and all of her past agonies were finally leaving her.  To her shock, instead of feeling worse the more she cried, she began to actually feel cleansed.

“I don’t want to know sweetie.  I don’t think I could withstand it without flying into a rage and scaring you.  If you still feel a need to later, you can but just not now,” the superstar murmured, his voice gruff with thinly hidden anger that wasn’t directed at her.  In fact, his hold on her was gentle and very protective.

Then he was slowly releasing her and getting to his feet, moving to two familiar bottles on his messy dresser.  Before she could even begin to miss his presence, the six foot six rocker was walking back to her with them both in his hands.  He settled back in beside her and handed her the bottle that was full of green fluid and labeled Absinthe.  “Take a tiny sip of that.  Just a tiny one,” he advised, his heterochromic eyes watching her closely.  Raven looked from him to the bottle before taking a closer look at the bottle.

“148 proof?!  Holy shit, how does this not taste like rubbing alcohol to you?” she asked, all her earlier angst fleeing for sheer shock as she cautiously twisted off the top and took a sniff.  To her surprise, the jade colored liquid didn’t smell as alcohol-y as she thought it would.  It more smelled like black licorice and something bitter and earthy.  In all honesty, it didn’t smell too bad but she saw why he had cautioned her to only take a tiny sip.  She had only had Pucker before, nothing  this strong.

“That’s why I said only a tiny sip.  It’ll help calm you down a bit,” Manson replied, taking a sip out of the Vodka bottle in his hand.

Making a face, Raven gave the bottle a wary look; as if she was afraid it was going to attack her.  She had never really like the taste of any form of alcohol, not even wine coolers.  She only drank if someone asked her to and that wasn’t often.  Giving the man next to her a nervous look, she took the tiniest sip she could; shuddering at the bite of the Absinthe.  It didn’t taste bad so much as it burned from how strong it was.  It burned all the way down, warming her and making her shudder slightly.  “Phooo that is fucking strong,” she hissed, her eyes watering as she handed the bottle back to the singer next to her.

“Yep,” the thin male replied from next to her before taking a pull from the bottle she had just handed him.  Then there was an urgent knock from the door, drawing an irritated sigh from the performer.

“Can’t have a moment’s peace,” he grumbled, giving her a frustrated smile before he went to the door and opened it.  On the other side stood the entire, concerned group.  Their eyes immediately went to an amused Raven and varying expressions of shame came over the assorted faces.

“As you can see, we are fine.  Since I already performed tonight, I have no more obligations and bid you all a good night,” Manson declared in a completely neutral but firm voice before he closed the door and locked it.

“They mean no harm, they’re just worried,” Raven soothed, getting to her feet and walking over to him to place a hand on his upper back.

“They act as if I’m going to attack you.  Nothing could be further from the truth!” the irritated singer sighed, turning to pull her into a hug and kissing the crown of her head affectionately.

Instead of digging up that sore spot in their past, the pale female lead him back to the bed and sat beside him; leaning against him once more.  “Raven, I don’t often feel guilt for the sake of my girlfriends.  I usually find it hard to put someone else’s wants ahead of my own.  I guess a lot of that has to do with my own childhood.  I don’t know how much you know but my boyhood was not a happy one.  There were good moments but there were also a lot of bad ones.  My parents did their best with me but they had their own shit they were dealing with and I often got the worst end of it.  I guess the moment that changed my life was with my neighbor.  I’d known him since I was little, I never dreamed he would...  I wasn’t the same since then.  I found myself unable to let people in or treat my partners right.  I think I was afraid to let anyone get close to me again, at least until Melinda.  Then there was Dita, which only made things worse.  You... you’re the closest I’ve felt to actually being in love with someone for a very long time,” Manson told her in an eerily calm manner, only the pulsing of his fingers letting her know just how hard this was for him.

“Manson...,” she whispered, looking up at him before reaching up, cupping a cheek and forcing him to turn to face her.  Then she was kissing him with all the love and gratitude she felt for him in that moment, not caring when he began to bend her towards the mattress as he deepened the kiss.

Then he was breaking it with a pained whimper, his eyes fixed on her as he panted raggedly.  “I love you Raven.  I love you and trust you,” he murmured, hovering above her as his mismatched eyes fixed on hers.  It looked like it was taking every drop of his control not to pounce her to continue to kiss the life out of her and she felt heat flush through her body to pool in her core.  The flustered, shy female only nibbled her lip before gently pushing the much taller male back just slightly.  The look of disappointment on his face almost made her feel guilty but she knew what she was about to do would wipe that look off his face.

Taking a deep breath and gathering what determination she had within her, the shaking, nervous female lifted her shirt up and over her head.  She had lost a lot of weight since he had last seen her and she found herself looking at the stretch marks that littered her fishbelly body due to her fluctuating weight.  Her boobs were large but slightly saggy due to her constantly changing body mass and she felt shame as well as panic begin to clog her throat.  How could she be so foolish to believe the stunning male before her would find any of this beautiful.

That was when she was very nearly tackled backwards as Manson’s lips crashed into hers fiercely.  His tongue pried her mouth open and dove in while his arms wrapped around her tightly.  Raven went stiff at first but soon relaxed into the kiss with an unsure whimper, more tears rolling down her marble skin.  Was it possible that he didn’t care about her tiny flaws, that he didn’t see her as ugly like almost everyone else that had been important to her seemed to.  It was in that moment that she felt truly accepted and loved, leaving her feeling like a bit of a fool for not doing this sooner.  “Beautiful Raven, you’re absolutely gorgeous,” the performer husked when he broke the kiss to pull back and allow his eyes to rove over her half clothed form.

Even that small amount of scrutiny was almost enough to make her want to cover herself but she forced herself to leave her body open to his gaze, to trust what his expression and actions were telling her.  Taking another deep, steadying breath; she got to her feet, removed her platforms and slid her pants down.  Already, her heart was racing once more but she forced herself to continue; keeping her eyes on the ground as she removed her crimson panties.  She also had stretch marks on her thighs and lower stomach, another source of shame for her.  Her entire body shook as she waited for Manson to say or do anything as she kept her hazel gaze fixed on the carpet.

Just as her stressed sobs were beginning to bubble past her trembling lips, Raven felt a firm hand lifting her chin.  Looking up, she saw Manson looking down at her with a mixture of reverence and downright lust.  “Lay on the bed hun,” he rumbled in a gentle voice, his lips briefly brushing against hers.  Her heart racing in her chest, the nervous artist nodded before laying on her back on the bed; sitting up just enough to watch the rock star across the room from her.  The longer she was naked around him that he wasn’t acting revolted, the more it was helping her relax and her body slowly began to stop shaking as the singer started to untie the corset around his torso.

As the piece of leather hit the floor, she was struck by the surrealness of just what was happening.  It wasn’t too long ago that she would have fantasized about this very thing happening and now, here she was.  A bit of her shyness coming back, she licked her dry lips as she watched his hands go to the g-string that covered him.  Granted, she had seen him naked before and had even had his member in her mouth and between her legs.  Yet this situation was very different and she felt flusterment as well as mortification whirling around within her.  It certainly didn’t help that Manson was now smirking at her as he pulled them down slowly, as if he was teasing her.  Then he was naked and she felt a hot blush color her cheek as her gaze went right for his erection.

It seemed even larger than before, pointing at her from a nest of dark pubes as a drop of white fluid gathered on the slit.  Swallowing slowly, Raven forced her eyes back on Manson’s; forcing her breathing to slow as he slowly came toward her.  “I’m not going to hurt you Raven.  Lay back and try to relax,” he soothed in a throaty voice before his lipstick covered lips closed around a pert nipple.  Just that small action caused a bolt of electricity to shoot right through her core, drawing a soft moan from her lips as her back arched.  Chuckling, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ swirled the sensitive nub with his tongue; seeming to revel in her gasps and keens.

While his mouth was busy, a hand slipped between her legs; causing her to tense at the unfamiliar touch to her most private of areas.  “Shhh, it’s just me,” he murmured against her breast, giving the small button a long pull.  A roll of pleasurable sparks rushed through her, coiling and pulsing deep within her as her thighs relaxed.

“Good girl,” the ‘God of Fuck’ rasped, reaching between her legs to give her sex an ever so gentle brush.  Then he was switching to her other breast and her world dissolved into pleasure while his skilled fingers began to play with her pearl.

“M-marilyn, oh fuck,” she gasped out, her back arching as arc after arc of thick pleasure rippled through her body and pulsed right into her core.

“You’re so fucking wet Raven.  So fucking ready for me,” he husked, his index and middle fingers lightly pinching her clit between them as they rubbed up and down.

“M-mare,  haaa, f-feels so... gnnnh,” the writhing female grunted, beginning to see stars as a coil within her wriggled and tightened.

“Let go, cum for me.  I  _ need _ to fucking be inside you but I’m not going to take you until you cum,” the panting male rasped in an urgent voice, his teeth biting her neck passionately as she keened his name like a mindless mantra.  Then she was stiffening and pressing her slit into his hands as her world exploded, her juices pouring out beneath his digits.

“That’s it.  That’s good Raven,” came a relieved rumble before his warmth left her side.

She didn’t have long enough to feel bereft before he was back, a distinctive crinkling noise filling the room.  Nerves once again washed through her as he crawled over her and cradled himself between her open thighs.  His mismatched eyes met her hazel ones as he rested his plastic coated manhood against her moist womanhood.  Concern and need warred for dominance as he seemed to hold himself back from simply taking her.  “Are you okay?” he asked in a raspy voice, his arms shuddering from the effort of not giving in to his urges.

Taking a deep breath and relaxing as much as she could, Raven gave a small nod before pulling Manson down for a tender kiss.  Using this as a distraction, the rock star hilted himself within her and stilled instantly; breaking the embrace with a small hiss.  Then he was murmuring softly, kissing her face lovingly as she tried to relax beneath him.  Thankfully it wasn’t long before the pain began to fade and she was urging him to move, which he did with enthusiasm.

Breathless keens left her lips as she rested her sweaty forehead against his pulsing shoulder.  Each movement within her set off sparks of pleasure that burst within her like explosions.  Her nails raked down his back over and over as she called his name like a prayer.  Manson’s own snarls of her name joined hers as his hips began to jerk and snap against hers, each thrust hitting something that both hurt and felt extraordinarily good at the same time.  Then she was imploding as a cry of his name left her lips blacking out just as Manson found his own release within her.


	13. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!: Graphic Extreme Domestic Abuse. Marked by this **
> 
> Author’s Note: ‘All right! Let's blow stuff up!’ - Sly Cooper

The first thing she became aware of was a throbbing soreness radiating from between her legs.  The next thing she became aware of was the fact she was held in a tight, protective embrace.  Then the memories came back in a rush and her stomach clenched from a sudden wave of nausea and panic.  Scrambling out of the hold of her companion, Raven was running to the bathroom; barely making it in time before whatever she had eaten last night made a return appearance.  As her stomach heaved and clenched, panic as well as shame whirled within her tortured mind.  Manson had seen her body, every last bit of it!  Surely he would come to his senses and end this farce of a relationship.  Surely someone like the ‘God of Fuck’ wouldn’t want someone with less than flawless looks.

Once the wave had stopped, she sobbed as she looked down at her pudgy thighs.  At some point in the night, Manson had dressed her in one of her over large t-shirts but she could still see enough of herself to feel disgusted.  Every little thing her father, mother and exes said came back to haunt her, turning into a whirlwind of self hate and depression.  What on Earth had she been thinking?!  How could she ever bring herself to face the rock star again after what he had seen of her?  Just the thought of having to face him again brought on another wave of nausea and she found herself praying to the porcelain God once more.

When Raven had torn herself from him, Manson had come awake instantly; the sound of her vomiting moving his feet faster than he had ever moved when just waking up.  In seconds he was in front of the slightly open bathroom door, listening to his distraught girlfriend sobbing in a manner that practically tore his heart out.  Without knocking, the singer rushed into the tiny room; his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach at the sight of the distraught female.  Then he was moving forward and kneeling beside her to take her into a tight embrace.  “Oh sweetie,” he whispered softly, his voice full of sympathy and worry.

At first, the shaking, sobbing woman had stiffened; giving him a look so full of fear and resignation that it made his heart clench.  “M-manson...  Last night... you... do you... am I..,” she began before rapidly turning back to the toilet and dry heaving violently.  Just hearing her broken, scared voice was enough to fill him with both extreme sorrow and vicious anger towards those that had made her feel this way about herself.  Being sure to carefully mask his boiling anger, the rock star grabbed the female’s face to force her to meet his eyes.  The pain, self hatred and unsureness in her hazel orbs nearly took his breath away; very nearly causing his thin veneer of neutrality crack.

“Meagan, listen to me.  Can you do that?” he asked quietly, using soothing, low tones in an effort to draw her out of her panic.  Thankfully the panicking, traumatized woman focused on him right away, her eyes holding a questioning that hurt his very soul.  As much as he hated to admit it, she seemed to believe he was going to reject her because of how she perceived she looked.

Forcing himself to give her a smile despite the clenching feeling in his chest, Manson caressed her damp cheeks with his thumbs before pressing his forehead against hers.  “You’re beautiful, inside and outside.  In fact, I can’t wait until I see you naked again,” he whispered in a lightly husky voice, forcing a seductiveness he honestly didn’t feel.  Right now all he wanted was to bundle her into his arms and hold her tight.

“R-really?  You don’t find all of this...,” she whispered in a disbelieving tone, gesturing to herself, “disgusting?”  Her words were like a punch in the gut, very nearly making him lose his grip on his carefully crafted mask.

“Babe, if I found ya disgusting I wouldn’t have fucked you last night,” he replied before he could stop himself, the world seeming to grind to a screeching halt as her vibrant eyes widened.  Then she began to giggle as a blush spread over her milky skin.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.  You’ve never been the type to give someone a pity fuck,” she replied in a shaky voice before heaving a shuddery sigh.  Then she was wrapping her arms around her boyfriend and burrowed her face in his chest.

“Thanks...,” she whispered, not protesting when Manson stood and helped her to her feet.

“You guys okay in there?” came the concerned voice of Jeordie, startling the pair badly; making Manson instinctually shield her with his body.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” the superstar replied, still keeping Raven safely behind him.  An action that honestly amused the pale woman due to the fact Jeordie meant her absolutely no harm.  Then the singer holding her was ushering her out of the bathroom and into the back room.  Once inside, he shut the door before tugging her over to the bed.

Both of them sat down on the bed, the much taller male tugging Raven against him.  As he looked down at her, he found it increasingly hard to control the anger whirling within him.  If he ever saw her exes or her father again, he was fairly certain he would fly into a horrible rage.  These despicable people had to have done a number on the female in his arms for her to react like that to what had been the most special night of his life.  What he had felt while making love to Raven had defied any explanation.  There were simply not enough words in the english language to describe how whole, how at one with Raven he had felt.  He had both felt like he would die from the feeling and that he was simply going to live forever in that moment.

Raven was very quiet as she leaned against him, shame for her behavior beating inside her brain.  On top of that was the lingering fear and embarrassment over her appearance.  No matter how hard she tried, the words her parents and exes had said to her whirled within her mind; repeating over and over like a sick mantra.  As if he sensed her mental decline, Manson was grabbing her chin and pulling up her head to look at him.  His heterochromic gaze almost seemed to burn into her as he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.  “I’ll tell you this until I’m blue in the face.  You are beautiful,” he murmured in a gruff voice.  Raven could only smile as her heart swelled with happiness and love.

Unfortunately, Pogo choose that exact moment to impose himself on that pair.  The often mischievous keyboardist  flung the door open, making the doorknob bang against the wall loudly and causing the couple to jump.  “Goddammit Gacy!” Manson roared, getting to his feet to place himself between the stunned artist and the perceived ‘threat’.

“Sorry, sorry.  Just thought you’d like to know we’re done setting up for you,” the mohawked male responded, the grin on his painted face telling them he was anything but sorry.  The now seething rock star curled his shaking hands into tight fists before taking a deep breath and blowing it out through gritted teeth.

“Thank you, we’ll be out in a second,” the lithe singer gritted out, glaring at his bandmate until he left.  Then the superstar was stomping over to his dresser, a muscle ticking in his cheek as he desperately tried to calm himself down.  Pogo bursting in like that had caused a fear based reaction and one of the ways he dealt with fear was anger.  Already close to losing his shit, Manson gripped the wooden top of the dresser as he cursed the musician under his breath.  If anything else happened, he was fairly certain he was going to explode.

Raven watched her boyfriend with concerned hazel eyes.  He seemed downright pissed and yet, underneath that there was fear.  It almost seemed as if her vulnerability had caused him to go into a super protective mode and she found herself wanting to comfort him.  Under that urge there was a slight bit of fear.  Memories of him coming very close to punching her flashed through her mind, making her shake herself to drive them away.  Since the night she had run away, Manson hadn’t so much as raised his voice around her.  There was honestly no reason to be afraid of him.  Gathering her scant courage; the black clad female walked up to the ‘Antichrist Superstar’, wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her cheek against his bare upper back.

At first Manson stiffened, turning his head slightly to look at her.  Once he saw who it was, he turned fully to wrap his arms around her in turn and kissed the top of her dark haired head.  “If you don’t relax, you’re going to pop.  I can see it all over you.  No one here is gonna hurt me,” she whispered, nuzzling into his chest with her cheek and looking up at him with her greenish-brown eyes.  The performer chuckled a bit bitterly, a thin thread of shakiness under the derisive sound.

“I know, I know but...  Seeing you like that this morning...  If anyone makes any wrong moves,” he murmured, his voice getting more and more throaty the more agitated he got.  If he kept going like this, he would tackle anyone that dared to come close.  This was his last concert before they headed home, it wouldn’t do for him to get arrested.

“Mare, please.  All the people here are my friends.  None of them are going to harm me.  Would it make you feel better if I stayed in the bus today?” Raven asked, a bit startled by the instant fear reaction she saw cross his naked face.

“No!  No... I... I need to see you and know you’re okay,” the rock star replied, loud and panicked at first but growing more quiet towards the end of his sentence.

“Then you need to try to calm down.  If we go out there like this, you’re bound to go off like a bomb.  With Jonathan and Amanda actually starting to get along with you, I really don’t want to take the chance of ruining this,” Raven pleaded, releasing his waist to reach up and grasp his pale face in her hands.  Manson closed his eyes, leaning into her touch as all the tenseness left his body in a rush.  In fact, he had to lean against the dresser behind him to keep himself upright.

Then his hands came up to grasp hers as his mismatched eyes opened.  “I’ll do my best just... stick close to me and... try not to let Jonathan too close today,” he suggested in a shaky voice before he backed out of her embrace.  Then he was wandering around the room, looking for his trademark corset and g-string.  Raven blushed a bit at the prospect of watching him change as she began to look herself.  Soon the pair found the items he needed and the singer swiftly changed, lacing up and tying the corset himself; an action that honestly impressed the pale woman.  She was certainly flexible but she highly doubted she would be able to accomplish such a feat.

Once he was finished dressing, Manson grabbed her hand and dragged her with him to the bathroom.  Instead of fighting, the black clad female simply followed behind; closing and sitting on the toilet once they were in the room.  Giving her an approving nod, the rock God turned to the mirror and uncapped a container of waterproof, non-smearing face paint.  Scooping up some in one hand, he slapped it onto his left cheek with a wet ‘pap’, smearing the white substance all over his visage.  Once that was done, he reached for a tube of black lipstick; putting it on with a practiced hand and smacking his lips to even out the coating.  The final touch was the kohl around his eyes, then he was washing his hands and turning back to face a nearly drooling Raven.

It was a bit surreal and very much hot to watch a man that had long been her idol put on his make-up.  Just seeing him like this made her inner fangirl squee and she had to fight to keep herself from doing just that.  As if he could sense this, Manson proceeded to give her a smirk that made her toes curl and a pleasureable pulse to ripple through her junction.  Blushing deeply due to her reaction, the nervous female cleared her throat before straightening.  Still smirking, the ‘God of Fuck’ offered her his arm; leading her out once she had taken the offered appendage.  Still, despite how relaxed he had seemed, the taller male instantly stiffened the moment they exited the bus; very nearly snarling at the large group of people that was milling around outside.  It was going to be one Hell of a long night.

For what felt like the 50 billionth time, Raven looked over at Jonathan with an apologetic look, only to have the dreadlocked male wave it off.  When she had warned the metal singer about Manson, said man had been right beside her and had glowered heavily at his fellow musician.  Thankfully Davis had understood and simply shrugged off Marilyn’s behavior.  Amanda, on the other hand, had gotten concerned.  The curly haired female saw it as the temperamental rock star taking several steps backward and had even told Raven as much right in front of him.  It took the artist placing herself in between them to stop the tattooed male from launching himself at her roommate.  Then she had shoved the still tense superstar towards the stage door, murmuring soothing things to him the entire way.

Turning her attention back to the stage, the nervous female watched as her boyfriend ground himself against John 5.  Twiggy, who had been the only one Manson was comfortable with her being around at this moment, stood by her side; a hand on her right shoulder.  “What happened?” he whispered in her ear as he kept his brown eyes on the overly violent male.

“We... we had sex for the first time last night.  I... have a few body issues and I wasn’t exactly in a good state when I woke up today.  I had a bit of a break down, sobbing and vomiting.  I must have woken Manson up because he came running in a few seconds after,” she replied quietly, shame beginning to rise within her once more; this time more about her behavior.  Jeordie only looked down at her with concern and sympathy before he heaved a deep sigh.

“Yeah, seeing you like that would do it all right.  I hope you know he’s only acting like this because he’s worried for you, not because he’s angry,” the former guitarist replied, his worried gaze moving back to Manson.  The corset wearing male had stormed back to the lip of the stage, belting out the chorus to ‘Antichrist Superstar’.

Raven only gave him a reassuring smile as she patted his hand.  “Don’t worry, I saw him before he put on his mask,” she responded simply.  Though that didn’t stop her from being worried for his hapless band members.  Her worries were only confirmed when the fuming male turned and hucked his mic stand at poor Ginger.  The drummer barely dodged in time, very nearly getting a face full of metal stand.  To his credit, the blonde didn’t even seem phased; simply kept playing as if he hadn’t nearly been killed.  Amanda, on the other hand, looked ready to murder.   _ ‘ If there’s a deity up there listening, please let this all end peacefully,’ _ the black clad female pleaded silently, her hazel eyes rolling up to the ceiling.

Manson stood in the middle of the stage, breathing heavily as he ran a hand through his shoulder length hair as he gathered himself for one last song.  Flicking his heterochromic gaze to Raven, the singer gave her a brief smile before he brought the mic to his lips once more.  “I'll swallow up all of you.  Like a big bottle of big, big pills,” he began, his eyes locked on his girlfriend as a blush began to color her pale face.  Grinning even wider, he spun to face the audience as a spray of sparks shot up from the stage.  Then he began to sing in earnest, his mismatched eyes fixed on the flustered woman.

As soon as the concert stopped, all Hell broke loose.  It was only Jonathan’s quick action that stopped Amanda from tackling the much taller rock star.  As it was, the infuriated woman hissed and spat like a cat; doing everything she could to break free.  Thankfully Ginger was there in moments, taking the ruffled journalist into his arms and rubbing her soothingly.  That seemed to do the trick and the blue clad female simply melted into the bleach blonde’s arms.  It was only then that Raven felt comfortable enough to run up to the worn out Manson and hug him tightly.  “You did great out there,” she whispered, smiling up at him before she stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his painted lips.

The performer responded instantly, his own arms wrapping around her as he returned her kiss with a passion that took her breath away.  Then he was breaking it to scoop the female into his arms and carry her out of the venue and into the bus.  “We’re going home,” he sighed, plopping on the couch and placing the stunned artist in his nylon clad lap.

“Hey, since when is my house your home?” Raven quipped jokingly, snuggling into his bony chest with a blush.  Manson only chuckled, kissing the top of her head as his band, Amanda and Jeordie boarded the bus.

“My home is wherever you happen to be,” he purred, making the pale woman giggle.

“That’s so corny.  Sweet but corny,” she replied, sighing deeply as she ignored the glare her friend shot at Manson.  As long as a yelling match didn’t break out, things would be fine.  Amanda only glowered before heaving a sigh and flopping beside the singer.

“You best take good care of her this time mister,” she hissed, narrowing her green eyes.

“I will, I can’t bear the thought of losing her again,” he replied softly before looking up at a Ginger.

“Oh, hey man.  Sorry ‘bout nearly beaning ya back there,” the super star apologized, reaching around a stunned Raven to offer his hand.  The drummer look just as shocked, looking at Manson like a poised viper before cautiously offering his hand.  The rock star gave the appendage a vigorous shake before getting up to place the female in his lap on the couch beside her roommate.

Suddenly Pogo clapped his hands loudly, startling everyone and drawing attention to himself.  “Alright!  That’s a fucking wrap!  Let’s have a motherfucking party!” he hollered before striding to the back room and bring out the two bottles of booze.  Everyone in the bus groaned before a knock came from the door.  Looking at the entry curiously, Manson strode forward to open it; revealing Jonathan Davis.  The dreadlocked rocker gave the taller man a submissive grin and a small wave.

“Uhm, can I say goodbye to Raves?  She and I became buds and I’d like to at least say farewell,” he asked in a quiet, small voice; looking ready to back off if the other musician took issue with his presence.  Manson gave him a heated glare before heaving a sigh and moving out of the way.

“It’s a bit crowded but come on in,” he grumbled, still glowering at the more muscular male.  The mustached singer smiled gratefully before slowly entering the vehicle.

“Hey Raves,” he murmured, an oddly sad expression on his pale face.  He only had a few seconds before the black clad female launched herself at the metal singer.  Chuckling, the normally jovial male looked up at Manson for permission; waiting until he nodded to wrap his arms around the pale artist.

“Good luck on the rest of your tour.  What are ya gonna do when you’re done?” the midnight clad woman replied, looking up at a person that had become one of her best friends.  In the short time she had known him, they had clicked on an entirely platonic level; with the exception of that one kiss.

The taller man shrugged, smiling down at her with sad eyes.  “I might come visit for a bit.  I only have a few more days on the road left myself,” he rumbled before heaving a sigh and releasing her slowly.

“Take care of yourself and don’t let that ass push you around too much,” the rock star joked, ducking a playful punch from Manson.  The taller singer glared down at his fellow musician, a smile on his painted face despite his severe expression.

Raven only smiled at the pair before releasing Davis and moving back to the couch to sit beside Amanda.  “Whenever you can, feel free to come right on over.  Our house is open to you,” the smiling artist offered.  Jonathan grinned widely before heaving a sigh and looking out the door reluctantly.

“I know you want to get on the road as you no doubt have a long way to travel before you get home.  Just... take care of yourself,” he whispered, his brown eyes full of disguised concern.  Then he turned around and left.

As soon as he was gone, Pogo busied himself pouring mixed shots for almost everyone while Tim started up the bus.  Manson only pinched his nose, taking the shots meant for him and Raven from the mohawked drummer.  “Aw c’moon Manny, I think Raven could handle a little drink,” the mischievous man giggled, taking his shot in one gulp and rapidly pouring himself another.

“Not one this strong,” the performer hissed before taking his shot and handing the one meant for his girlfriend to Ginger.  An action that surprised everyone in the large bus.  The small group had expected him to take it himself, not hand it off.  Without another word, he grabbed Raven’s hand and dragged her to the back room.

_ ** ‘Darkness and the feeling of blood running from her nose.  Her bruised hands covered her ears as she rocked her emaciated body back and forth in the tiny room.  Coats hung above her head and shoes surrounded her.  She had no idea how long she had been there, only that it had been long enough to have to go to the bathroom in a corner of the closet she had been locked in quite a few times.  She hadn’t been allowed to eat for a week at least and had been shoved in here at some point for daring to fall asleep when she was supposed to be doing chores. _

_ They had kept her awake for days, taking shifts to make sure she was always doing something.  She had been so tired and Tony had dozed off.  She simply had been able to help herself and had given in to her body’s needs.  Now she was paying for it.  Gripping her dark haired head, the wasted female looked up at the closed doors; only to be slightly blinded as they opened.  “Hello pet.  Come on out and let’s get you cleaned up,” came the deceptively gentle voice of Miah. _

_ Whimpering, the weak woman crawled her way out; her body shuddering in the cold air outside the closet.  “Aw, I told him not to be so rough on ya,” murmured a soft baritone as a rough hand rested on her bare side.  Then she was being picked up and carried, her tired body placed in a hot bath.  She knew this was a trick, she knew this was some sick way to try to make her more subservient to them but she couldn’t help but be grateful for the kindness. _

_ “I... I don’t know if I can keep this up for much longer,” sighed his tortured voice as gentle hands began to bathe her. _

_ “Shh, shh, easy Raven,” he murmured, sounding almost as if he was coming from a dream as Raven drifted in and out of consciousness.’** _

“Shh, shh, you’re safe sweetie,” murmured a soothing baritone in her ear as a pair of protective arms tightened around her, blurring into the leftovers of her nightmare.  It was at that moment that she became aware of a strange noise coming from her lips.

Coming awake with a gasp, Raven looked up to see a tired pair of mismatched eyes looking down on her.  Making another odd sound, the distraught female nestled into his chest as the nightmare that had been mixed with memories continued to play behind her closed eyes.  “Manson,” she gasped, her hands coming up to rest on his scarred chest as he kissed the top of her head.

“I’m right here hun,” he reassured, fumbling around with one hand to turn on a dim lamp that sat on a stand beside the bed.  For some reason, that small amount of illumination helped Raven feel just the tiniest bit better.  The singer holding her only hummed softly, petting her hair lovingly.

“Where are we?” she asked in a slightly raspy voice, taking in deep breaths as she tried to slow down her heart rate.

“Somewhere around Oklahoma,” he replied, rolling onto his back while keeping her pressed tightly against him.

“Nearly home,” the worn out artist replied, sounding both relieved and just a bit nervous.  Already, her fright was fading; Manson’s scent soothing her.

“Yes, nearly home.  I’m sure Johnny and Lady will be very happy to see you,” the rock star yawned.  He was curious about what her nightmare had been about but could clearly tell his girlfriend didn’t want to talk about it.

“I can’t wait to see everyone again, not to mention sleeping in my own bed,” Raven responded, wrapping an arm around his torso as she closed her eyes and tried to relax.

“Do you want me to keep the light on for you?” Manson asked, his callused hand moving slowly up and down her back.

“Please,” sighed the exhausted female.  To be honest, she was grateful he wasn’t asking anything about her dream and she let him know with a kiss to his chin.  Then she was nestling into his bony chest, heaving a sigh; falling back to sleep while her boyfriend watched over her.

As Raven drifted back into a dreamless slumber, Manson felt worry and rage rise within him once more.  He had a suspicion her nightmares were a result of them having sex the other night.  This bothered the Rock star badly and he found himself barely resisting the urge to get drunk enough to ignore his boiling rage.  The only thing that stopped him was the female nestled on his bony chest.  If he got drunk, his emotions were bound to run more wild and she would bear the brunt of it; a thought that terrified him more than what possibly awaited his girlfriend at her house.  In the face of the rabid paparazzi, her past was the least of his worries.  Because of the increased attention, the people she least wanted to find her house would probably end up there.  Sighing, he kissed her forehead as he stared up at the ceiling.

A sudden jolt made the super star realize he had fallen asleep and he sat up to a very unwelcome sound.  Outside the tour bus, he could hear the raised voices of the press hounds.  The vermin had probably seen her in the background during the tour and had been following them to find out when they would be returning.  Grimacing at this realization, Manson looked over to see a pale Raven look around with fear in her vibrant eyes.  “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” the tall male snarled, getting to his feet to pull on his clothes.  Raven could only watch, doing her best to ignore the yelling from outside.  Soon they’d be inside and safe, soon these horrible people would get bored.  Taking a deep breath, the artist pulled on her own clothes and steeled herself for the circus that awaited them.


	14. Stress Test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Born to be a king, I ask one thing in return: a front seat to watch Earth burn.’ - Loki (Marvel)

Getting through the mob of camera wielders had been an absolute nightmare.  As soon as the bus doors had opened, the mass of people had crowded in and began firing off camera flashes.  Manson had reacted instantly, shoving Raven behind him while keeping a tense arm wrapped around her.  As soon as the crowd saw them together, all new questions burst forth as they pressed forward with microphones outstretched.  “Get the fuck back!” Jeordie snarled, causing the sea of humanity to part.  Not wasting time, the small group ran for the house; locking themselves inside.

“Holy fuck Megs,” Amanda groaned, leaning against the closed door.

“They’ve been out there since this morning,” a baritone sighed, causing the group to startle badly.

“Tom,” Raven gasped out, barely managing to grab Manson’s arm to stop him from charging forward.  The amused actor held up his hands as he grinned at the high strung crowd.

“Toooom,” Amanda groaned, looking torn between wanting to hide behind Ginger and wanting to charge forward to give the TV star a hug.  The square faced male only smirked at the flustered journalist, only stopping when two black blurs darted from behind him and nearly knocked him over.

The stunned artist and her roomie only had mere seconds before their respective pets barreled into them, knocking the two females to the ground.  Lady’s tail wagged wildly as she licked her master’s face, Mystery doing the same to the curly haired female that belonged to her.  “I think they missed us,” Raven giggled, missing the panicked look that had briefly flashed across Manson’s make-up coated face.  For a few seconds, the rock star looked about ready to kick the dog before he took a deep breath to compose himself.

“Anyone else here,” the stressed singer gritted out, his angry, mismatched eyes moving to the unexpected and unwanted guest.

“Who do you think let him in?” came a familiar baritone from the living room, drawing everyone’s attention to said room as an exhausted but relieved looking Johnny appeared.

Manson stiffened slightly at first, his mismatched eyes narrowing for a split second before he relaxed with a defeated grin.  Then the tall male was walking into the house, dragging Raven behind him as he lead her to the living room.  “Good to see ya man,” the rock star murmured to the ragged looking actor, placing a companionable hand on his shoulder.  Behind him, Ginger was giving Welling an outright death glare as he wrapped an almost possessive arm around Amanda’s shoulders.

During the tour, Amanda had pulled him aside to tell him about the actor as well as her confused feelings.  As much as it hurt the drummer, if the journalist chose Tom; he would let her go.  Until then though, he was going to fight for the woman he loved.  The T.V. star only gave him an arrogant smirk before his blue gaze shifted to the flustered, blue cad female beside the musician.  As soon as his gaze landed on her, his expression shifted to one of tender longing for a brief second before his suave mask slammed back into place.  Just seeing that let the bleach blonde know his job would not be an easy one.

“How was your trip?” the dark haired male asked, breaking the silence as he turned to gesture for them to come into the house.  Ginger only narrowed his eyes before sighing and moving into the kitchen.

Manson threw himself on the couch, dragging a stunned Raven to sit beside him.  Lady, who had trotted behind them, hopped in her lap and got comfortable.  Ignoring the canine, the superstar pulled the midnight clad female close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.  Giggling slightly at the small gesture, the artist looked up at the rocker and was just about to give him a kiss of her own when a loud bang on the front door caused her to jump back.  The singer’s reaction was immediate, his tattooed arms wrapping tightly around her as he began to murmur softly in her ear.  “The police will be here soon,” assured the forgotten movie star, drawing the attention of a tense Marilyn.

“Good, thanks,” he bit out curtly, the burning look in his heterochromic gaze telling the actor to fuck off.  Right now he desperately needed some space to just be with Raven and decompress.  Unfortunately, that didn’t seem about to happen.

Just as a compliant but concerned looking Depp was about to leave, his band shoved into the large room; talking amongst themselves loudly.  Releasing a quiet growl, the high-strung ‘Rock God’ scooped up his terrified girlfriend and stormed upstairs.  He didn’t see the concerned gaze Johnny was giving his retreating back.  “It’ll be okay.  A lot happened after you left and Manny is feeling a bit protective.  It’s best we just leave them be for now,” Twiggy whispered gently as Pogo sauntered past them and flung himself on the couch.

“C’mon John-o!  Let’s just sit back and relax,” the keyboardist urged, patting an empty cushion next to him with a grin.  The tanned actor only grimaced before choosing to sit in a chair instead.  As much as he was worried for the shy, soft spoken female, he knew Jeordie was right.  The best thing he could do was just wait until the pair came back down.

The room that Manson had once occupied while living with her was depressingly empty.  His mismatched eyes narrowed before he simply turned around and lead her to her room instead.  “Hope you don’t mind.  I would rather not have reminders of what happened right now,” he gritted out, a muscle ticking in his painted cheek as he swung her door opened and ushered her inside.  To his shock, the poster still adorned her wall right where it had when he had first come in here.

“I... cared about you a lot before I even met you.  I was... obsessed with you for quite a long time when I was a teen.  I owned a lot of your shirts, several posters, all of your CDs.  I wrote fanfics, read wiki articles.  After a while, I began wanting to actually have a relationship.  I guess it was kind of a strange fantasy I turned to because of what was going on in my life,” she found herself blurting as a blush colored her cheeks.  Manson turned to stare at her, an indiscernible expression on his make-up coated face that made her nervous.

“It... it got better as I got older.  I gradually grew to accept that something like a relationship between us couldn’t happen and that helped a lot of my more obsessive tendencies.  Yet I kept worrying about you, kept looking up information just to make sure you were alive.  Everytime something bad happened to you, I couldn’t help but want to help you in some way.  You were all I had for so long, it didn’t seem right that you were so miserable,” she continued avoiding his gaze as she walked over to her bed and sat on the deep red sheets.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she clasped her shaking hands between her tensed thighs.  She had no idea why she was telling him all of this, Hell she knew just how bad it sounded.  To anybody else, she would sound like a crazy stalker, obsessed with knowing his every move.  In reality, all she had done was look at a wiki article every so often just to assure herself he was doing alright.  What she had seen was a man that was just as unstable as she was and her heart had gone out to him.  She had never actively searched for his address or anything but she had secretly hoped to meet up with him.

The sinking of her mattress startled the nervous woman badly and she found herself instinctively flinching back from Manson when she noticed he had sat down beside her.  To her shock, the tall male looked hurt by her fear.  “Well, you already told me some of this but it certainly explains a lot.  I guess that would make us even in how much we know about each other, huh?” he rumbled in a joking tone before he wrapped a long arm around her shoulders.

“N-none of this bothers you?” the stunned artist asked, staring up at him as her heart continued to beat in her ears.  Instead of looking angry, paranoid or disgusted, the rock star simply looked a strange mixture of amused and worried.

“Not really.  Despite how much stuff of mine you collected, you haven’t pinned any fantasies on me.  You seem to have no expectations of me despite knowing all that you do and I honestly appreciate it.  Raven, I honestly feel comfortable around you; something I’ve never felt around anyone,” he whispered, wrapping strong arm around her shoulders and leaning his forehead against hers.

Stunned, the artist couldn’t help but giggle as relieved tears began to stream down her marble cheeks.  To be honest, she had been dreading telling him this part about herself.  She had been afraid he would leave her, accuse her of only wanting to get in his pants because she was obsessed with him.  It was so much more than that to her!  He had saved her life, had given her a reason to keep living.  She had only wanted to repay just the tiniest bit of that, maybe even be his friend.  Now, now she found herself sitting on her bed with the rock star; the much taller man beginning to press loving kisses to her face.  If her younger self had been here, she would practically be doing cartwheels.  “All this means is that you’ve loved me for a long time and I bet you only really wanted to meet me at first,” he murmured quietly, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“You seemed so lonely, all I wanted to do was help in some way.  Even if I managed to just bring a smile to your face, that would have been enough.  Though, I honestly wanted to be your friend.  You just seemed like you had so few that you actually trust,” Raven replied, a sad smile on her face as her eyes shyly met his.  The expression in the whitish blue and brown orbs nearly took her breath away.

A man that was infamous for his sour temper, for never caring for anyone but himself; was staring at her with such adoration that it made her heart ache.  Swallowing a lump of happy tears and not quite succeeding, the timid female slowly craned herself up to meet his lips with hers.  Two tears escaped down her cheeks, getting caught immediately by the singer’s thumbs as his hands came up to cradle her head in his hands.  “Raven, you have treated me more human than anyone else ever has; an impressive feat for someone as obsessed as you had been.  You don’t see me as some superhero here to save you.  You don’t see me as only my anger or my nymphomania.  You don’t badger me about my drinking despite the fact that it worries you.  You have forgiven me for far more than you should and yet ask nothing in return,” he rasped, his voice shaky with emotion as he pulled back just long enough to say those words.

Then his lips were devouring hers hungrily as he laid her back on her red silk covered bed.  Breaking the kiss with a ragged growl, Manson shocked them both by pulling back and closing his eyes tightly.  His thin chest heaved with the effort of holding himself back as his hands opened and closed spastically on the bed.  Raven could only look at him from her position on the bed for a few moments before her body moved of it’s own accord.  “Mare?” she asked in a questioning voice as she sat up, wondering immediately if she had done something wrong.  Old fears filled her in a rush and she felt bile rise from her stomach.  Maybe he wasn’t attracted to her after all.

“I can’t... as much as I want to all I can think about is those fucks out there surrounding your house.  Where the fuck is the motherfucking police?!” the rocker fumed, stress clear under the fury in his tone.  Every muscle in his body was tense, as if it was taking everything inside him not to rush out and beat the paparazzi to a bloody pulp.

“Manson, calm down.  We’re safe in the house.  As eager as those assholes are for a story, I doubt any of them want to have a B&E on their record,” the black wearing woman soothed, placing a hand on his arm in an effort to draw his attention back to her.

The superstar flinched at her touch, giving her a briefly terrified look before relaxing ever so slightly.  “Yeah, yeah you’re right.  It’s not as if you’re really all that famous anyway.  The longer you stay out of the limelight, the sooner they’ll get bored and move on,” the painfully thin male murmured, almost as if he was trying to reassure himself.  The woman beside him could only give him an understanding, worried smile as she wrapped her arms around his and snuggled into his side.  Closing her eyes and breathing deeply, she took in his scent; smiling at the comfort she felt from just his smell.

Despite how tattooed it was, the skin of his arm was almost baby soft and she found herself rubbing her cheek along it like a cat.  Blushing a bit at her actions, the flustered artist cleared her throat and pulled back just slightly to look up at the rock star’s face.  His decorated visage stared back down at her fondly, a small smile playing on his black lips.  Looking up in his mismatched orbs, Raven found herself coming to a decision and straddled his lap.  Manson seemed just as shocked by this development as she was and looked up at her with a dumbfounded expression.

Clearing her throat and nibbling her lower lip shyly, the flustered female carefully pulled herself off his lap and gestured for him to pull himself on the bed.  “Raven, wha...,” the confused male husked out, his black nailed hands clutching in the crimson sheets as his chest heaved.  His approval of the situation stood out in clear relief in his skin tight black jeans, making her body flush with desire and embarrassment.

“J-just trust me okay?” she begged, her heart racing in her chest as she moved to the door on shaky legs and locked it.  The sound of the tumblers turning was like a gun going off in the tense room and the already unsure Raven found herself very much regretting this idea.  Maybe what she had in mind would only make things that much worse, not better.

Thankfully Manson only gave her a nod before positioning his long body on the bed.  His head was propped up by her pillows and his intense gaze was fixed on her as he watched her curiously.  Coughing nervously, the freelancer rubbed her arms as she began to approach him like one would approach a hungry wolf that hadn’t been feed in weeks.  All too soon she found her shins meeting the bed and she took a deep breath to steady herself before she crawled onto the mattress.   _ ‘It’s just your boyfriend for fuck’s sake!  You’ve fucking done this before!  Get a goddamn grip!’ _ her mind supplied helpfully as she found her gaze unable to move up from her red sheets.

“Raven,” came a soft rasp, making her look up at the understanding gaze of the celebrity.  Before he could say anything else, the frustrated femme was locking her lips on his as her hands fumbled with the button on his too tight pants.

“Mmph,” the stunned man hummed, his body tensing as his hands moved to stop hers.

“Mmm.. Raven shtop,” he whispered, his voice distorted by the fact her lips were on top of his.

Instead of stopping, the determined woman tilted her head to deepen the kiss; her tongue licking his soft lips as she fought off his hands.  Soon the tense male gave in with a groan, his arms wrapping around her as he opened his mouth to allow her in.  Meeting his tongue with her own, Raven fumbled blindly until she pulled his awakening member free of the denim material encasing his bony hips.  Then she was breaking the kiss, dragging in a ragged inhale as her hazel eyes met his blueish white left eye and brown right eye.  The mismatched orbs were full of lust, protectiveness and a deep worry for her.  The look on his make-up coated face told her that he needed a way to release some tension or there was going to be a violent explosion very soon.

Giving him a gentle smile, the embarrassed artist slowly moved down his lithe form until her eyesight was level with his quickly hardening manhood.  The knowledge that it was her touch that was awakening him helped boost her confidence greatly as she slowly bent down to give the slightly musky flesh a slow lick.  Manson’s reaction was quick and violent, his hips jerking as he let out a harsh hiss.  His hands flew to her head as he began to try to pull her up.  “Mare, please.  We’re safe in here, the door is locked and everything.  Let me do this or you’re going to explode,” the flushed female begged, looking up at him with pleading eyes as she fought to stay right where she was.

The tense performer was looking down at her with a conflicted expression, his erection pulsing and hitting her under the chin.  This seemed to be the last straw for the highly sexual male and his hands fell to his sides.  Groaning loudly, his watched her intently as she licked along his rod; giving the mushroomed tip a loving kiss.  “Christ Raven,” he rasped, his hands clenching in the silk sheets as she slowly engulfed his head in her mouth.  Then she was moving slowly down his pulsing flesh, eliciting a ragged moan.  His hips tensed and shuddered from the effort to keep from thrusting and the singer’s head was tilted back with his eyes squeezed shut.

To her, it looked like her was both suffering immeasurable pain and indescribable pleasure at the same time.  Inwardly pleased by this, Raven began to move slowly up and down on his turgid flesh; her tongue pressed flat against the veiny underside as she sucked.  She could feel the muscles in his lower stomach pulsing as she increased speed, his tiny keens music to her ears.  “Mnnn, fuck love,” the ‘God of Fuck’ hissed, his hips thrusting shallowly as his hands wound in her ebony hair.  Then he was tugging gently and whimpering as he tried to pull himself free of her mouth.

She was just about to stop and beg him to let her finish when she heard him let out a heart breaking whimper that was full of pain.  “Please, please.  I wanna... after all this time... please, let me cum inside you,” he pleaded in a breathless voice that sounded on the verge of tears.  Slowly pulling her mouth off him, Raven looked up to see tears rimming his heterochromic orbs.

“Please... let me feel you again,” the rock star husked, wincing slightly as his manhood pulsed; pouring pre on his stomach.

Feeling her old panic rising within her but unable to say no to the begging look in his eyes, the determined woman quickly removed her pants and panties before positioning herself over Manson’s manhood.  Licking her too dry lips, the nervous woman positioned him so she could easily slide down on him before she looked up at him with realization all over her pale face.  They had forgotten a condom and she currently lacked any birth control.  In all honesty, she had never planned to have sex and found the whole thing unnecessary as well as expensive.  “Check my pocket,” came a growl that was full of urgency, making her jump just slightly.

Giving the singer below her an embarrassed grin, she reached into the pocket of the jeans he still wore.  Inside was a packet of condoms, making her wonder idly if it was simply a habit from his days of sleeping around.  If it was, she certainly wasn’t going to complain.  It saved them both unwanted STDs as well as pregnancies.  It also helped her feel a bit better about his past indiscretions to see he had at least used protection.  Tearing one off the strip and opening it, Raven couldn’t help but examine the odd object.  She had read plenty of fanfics but had never actually seen a condom up close.  It looked like a round disk of plastic, not at all something that would fit on the pulsing flesh beneath her.  To be honest, she had no idea how to put the thing on.

Manson only gave her a half amused look as he reached out an open palm for the rubber object.  “Here, let me do that,” he offered, a teasing glint to his heterochromic eyes as he gestured for her to lift herself off him.  To be honest, it made something darkly feral stir within him to know she was too innocent to know how to put on a condom.  The fact that he was corrupting her so thoroughly made his blood race in his veins and his black nailed fingers shook as they rolled on the lubricated sleeve.  He hated the feeling of the plastic on his skin as well as the way it was nearly choking a very vital part of him but he was more willing to put up with this than he was and STD or an unexpected child.

Raven took deep breaths in an effort to calm herself as her famous boyfriend put the condom in place.  Her heart still thudded loudly in her ears as her vision swam and blurred from her building panic.  Biting her lip and using the pain to clear her mind, the determined female straddled his lap and positioned him once more.  His thighs rose up behind her as his hands came to rest on her hips, his lust clouded gaze staring at her expectantly.  “Are you ready?” he husked out in a concerned voice, his left hand snaking under her to touch her slit.

His fingers on her flesh were electric, causing the artist to arch her back in pleasure as a groan escaped her quivering lips.  Skilled fingers delved past her plump lips and into her slick passage, probing lightly at the slickness they found there.  “Mmm.  Not quite yet.  Take off your shirt for me,” Manson hissed, his tone urgent and throaty as his hand continued to play with her womanhood.  Releasing a shuddering moan, Raven closed her eyes as she peeled off her shirt; leaving her in just her bra.

“The bra too,” he rasped, his fingers leaving her now aching, pulsing passage to play with her sensitive button.

Biting her lower lip once again, the ashamed female slowly removed to last shred of her clothing; doing her level best to hold back the wave of self hatred that washed over her.  Then his hands were pressing into her back, forcing her to lean forward to allow his lipstick coated lips to cover a sensitive nipple.  The touch of his tongue against her drew a shuddery moan from the panting artist, causing electric shocks of pleasure to race through her body and collect in her womb.  Then there was the noise Manson released as he gently scraped his teeth along her sensitive flesh.  It was a low, raspy snarl, the sound seeming to center in her womanhood and pulse pleasurably.

Wetness gushed from between her shaking thighs, coating the fingers that relentlessly teased her engorged clit.  Releasing her nipple with a low growl, the panting rock star craned himself up to press his lips against hers.  The hand between her legs moved to grasp his pulsing, rubber coated manhood, positioning it to make it easier for the female above him to lower herself onto him.  His mismatched orbs watched the flustered, lust filled woman intently, secretly wondering if she was going to chicken out at the last second.  A possibility that nearly made him shake from fear.  He had no idea what he would do if that happened and had no desire to find out.

Raven panted heavily as she felt heavy desire rise and ebb within her in thick, jolting pulses.  Her thighs shuddered as a pleasurable ache emanated from her junction.  Giving the expectant male below her a heated glance, the pale female reached between them to assure herself of his position before slowly lowering herself down.  As his condom coated tip began to enter, she hissed at the slight burn as she stretched around him.  In seconds his fingers were there, gently teasing her clit in an effort to ease her descent.  “Relax as much as you can, it’ll help,” Manson rasped in a breathy voice, his hips jerking ever so slightly despite his best efforts.

Taking a deep breath and focusing on the fingers teasing her sensitive pearl, the milky female waited until she felt the pain abate a bit before continuing her slow descent.  “Mmmm fffuck.  So goddamn tight,” the superstar sighed in a tortured voice, one of his hands rest on her hip while the other continued to play with her.  Raven could only release a throaty groan, her head rolling on her neck as she felt her pain turning into pleasure.  Lust and need rolled through her body in pulses, centering and tightening in her lower belly.

Soon he was hilted within her, giving her the sensation of being more full than she ever had.  Moaning at the sensation, Raven arched her back as she lightly raked her nails down Manson’s heaving chest.  The rock star below her released a strained groan, his hips bucking once before he stilled and waited for her to adjust.  “So fucking tight.  Soooo fucking tiiiight,” he hissed in a throaty voice, his breath coming in quick gasps as his dilated pupils fixed on her.

“M-manson, oh God.  S-so full,” the shuddering woman gasped out before she began to move up and down.

All too soon her rhythm faltered,her body simply unable to overcome the immense amount of pleasure racing through her veins.  It felt so good it nearly hurt and her entire body shook from the power of what was happening inside her.  Manson only released a low snarl, his hips snapping up into hers as his painted nails dug into her skin.  Then her vision was going white as she exploded, her body going stiff as his name left her lips in a loud cry.  The singer stiffened soon after, whispered her name heatedly as he clasped her close to his scarred torso.

The spent pair lay together for several long moments, his softening member slipping free of her wet warmth.  Manson groaned in a way that made need pulse dimly through her once more as his painted lips ghosted over her sweaty face.  “Thanks,” he rasped, his arms wrapping around her as he pulled her tight against his slightly bony body.  Raven could only blush heatedly, coming to the realization that everyone downstairs must have heard her cries.  All at once panic began to override her sated stupor and her body went stiff as her heart began to race in her ears.

Suddenly her chin was being tipped up and her lips captured in a heated kiss, his hands pulling her hips tight against his.  “Don’t worry about them,” he growled in a stern tone, his hands massaging her buttcheeks.  His fingers molded and kneaded the soft flesh like bread, occasionally spreading her open to the cool air.

“B-but,” she stammered, whimpering slightly when his lips met hers a bit more insistently.

“No,” he stated simply, pulling her to nestle against his slightly sweaty body.  Then he was releasing her slowly to pull off the full condom, dumping the semen filled object into the trash next to the bedside dresser.

“You’re going to have to clean that out mister,” Raven murmured in an unsteady but playful tone as she slowly began to relax against him.  As odd as the sensation of him playing with her ass was, it honestly felt good.

Manson chuckled gruffly, slowly pulling himself away from her to stand up.  Just as she was about to protest his absence, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ removed his clinging jeans.  Then he was rejoining her, pulling her tight against him once more as he released a content sigh.  “I’ll do it after a quick nap,” he purred, nestling his nose into her hair and inhaling deeply.  Feeling a bit exhausted from their earlier activities, Raven simply couldn’t find it in herself to argue.  Instead; she simply cuddled into his bony chest, heaved a deep sigh and let his slow breathing lull her to sleep.


	15. Downtime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.’ - Jeremy Irons
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you Mary for your very honest criticisms! I am sorry for those of you that have been disappointed in this so far. This is unbeta’d and a rewrite of a very old story I did when I was 16. I promise to do my best to improve it from here-on.

The first thing on Raven’s mind that morning was oddly enough not the singer snoring like a runaway train on her bed.  The first thing on her mind was a certain red, sugary fluid she had been deprived of while on tour with Davis.  Ignoring the sleepy protests of the nude singer, the half awake female stumbled her way out of the room and down the stairs.  She was going to the kitchen and heaven help who was in her way.  Amanda, who had been preparing her third cup of coffee, raised a brow at her zombie-like friend.  After living with the other female for so long, she knew that look very well and also knew better than to get in the way.

Manson, who had followed the swaying woman down, was leaning against the open entryway of the kitchen as his half focused gaze searched for Raven.  Ignoring everyone around her, said female opened the fridge to reach in and pull out a bottle of ‘Red Pop’.  Grabbing the revered soda, the mostly unconscious female rubbed it’s cool plastic against her cheek with an almost Gollum-like coo.  “Yeeessss, we are finally reunited my lovely,” she hissed, her voice  ironically raspy from just waking up.

The half horrified, half amused look on the rock star’s face was enough to make Amanda finally burst into the laughter she had been fighting since her roomie had wandered into the room.  Her outburst seemed to be the catalyst for his own because Manson soon started laughing right along with her.  Raven ignored the both of them, cradling her soda in her arms like a newborn and moving to the kitchen table.  Then she unscrewed the familiar white cap and downed half the bottle in two swallows.

Once she was finished, she lowered the bottle from her lips to let out a loud belch; earning applause from the small group in the living room.  “Encore, encore!” Pogo called, making the pale female blush as the sugar began to wake her up.  It was at that moment that she became very aware that she wasn’t alone, making the red on her cheeks grow even deeper as it spread to cover her face.  Both Manson and Amanda were still howling with laughter, only serving to deepen her mortification.  Right now she wanted nothing more than to sink into the tile itself and disappear.  Then, to her further horror, Manson began to slink towards her; still giggling slightly.

Her face burning, the artist focused her hazel gaze on the table before her; so when he placed hand between her shoulderblades she very nearly jumped out of her skin.  “When you’re done with that, come back to bed,” he whispered in a sleep husked voice before pressing a loving kiss to her temple and going back upstairs.  Raven only licked her lips in response, barely able to breathe due to her heart beating so fast.

“I guess you musta really missed that soda,” teased a female voice by her ear, finally making the high-strung female jump to the ceiling.

“Mandy!” Raven exclaimed in a half scolding, half surprised tone, clutching her Marilyn Manson t-shirt where her heart was.  Her curly haired friend only gave her a shit-eating grin before sitting in a chair next to her and sipping her coffee.

Sighing, the freelancer finished the other half of her soda before letting her head fall on the table with a thud.  “That might have been the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me...,” she grumbled into the wood of the table.

“What about that time your little brother decided to flash me when we were kids?  Or the time your mom asked if you changed your underwear in front of your friends during that sleepover?” her childhood companion teased, smirking as she watched the dark haired female’s ears getting even more red.

“Stop, stop, stop!  If Manson heard any of that, I think I would die on the spot,” the mortified woman begged, turning her tomato red face to look at the woman beside her while keeping her head on the table.

What about Johnny, Twiggy and the others?” the brown haired journalist quipped, smiling around her mug as her green eyes moved to the entry of the kitchen.

That froze Raven in place, time seeming to slow down and cause everything to move in slow motion.  It almost seemed to take years to move her head to face the doorway, her hazel eyes going wide as saucers when she saw the amused faces of the entire group.  Making odd squeaking noises, the flustered female sat up so she could slide down in the chair; leaving only her deep crimson forehead visible above the table.  To make matters worse, the entire group chuckled at her in amusement.   _ ‘Can this get any worse?’ _ she groaned to herself, immediately regretting the thought as she heard a pair of platforms walking towards her.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed about.  It’s practically a mother’s job to embarrass their child,” came Jeordie’s amused voice as a callused palm came to rest on her head.

Reluctantly, the embarrassed female looked up at the bronze skinned male; utter mortification in her hazel eyes.  Twiggy only smiled down at her, laughter still sparkling in his brown eyes.  “You should hear some of the stories about what my mother did to me.  Might have a lot to do with why I like to wear dresses actually,” he confessed, ruffling her hair affectionately as his gaze shifted to the others in the door.  The group of men looked just as amused and yet all of them had a slight tinge of embarrassment.

“When I was little, I used to play dress-up in my mom’s clothes.  She recorded video of several occassions and would show them every Christmas,” Ginger confessed quietly, a blush on his white cheeks as he rubbed the back of his blonde head cutely.

“My mom hung my underwear out on the laundry line for all of our neighborhood to see,” Pogo giggled, not looking the least bit bothered.

“My mom made me take piano lessons and forced me to go to recitals.  I was terrible but that didn’t stop her from recording it and sending it to every agent she knew,” John 5 sighed, pinching his nose as his cheeks went pink.

“My mother would do my hair for the first day of school but she was horrible at it.  I always ended up with the worst class pictures because of it,” Tim offered in his Swedish accented voice, his face as devoid of emotion as always.

“My mother used me to test make-up on and would take pictures.  She would always show them to family, friends and even girlfriends,” Johnny murmured, a slightly pained grimace on his tanned face.

Just hearing all the confessions honestly helped her feel better and she even found herself giggling along with them as she pulled herself to sit properly in the chair.  Then she let out a loud yawn, showing just how much the tour ordeal had honestly exhausted her.  Normally she wasn’t the type of person to just be able to go back to bed after getting up and walking around a bit.  “Well, I’m going back to bed.  Are you gonna stick around today Johnny?” she asked the goateed actor.

The handsome male only smiled softly, making her heart ache for what could have been between them.  It wasn’t that she didn’t love Manson with all her heart, it was just that it was hard not to notice the actor’s affection for her.  To be honest, it made her feel horrendously guilty; as if she was leading him on somehow.  “Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were alright after yesterday,” the star replied, a slightly bittersweet look in his earthy gaze.  Just seeing that made her guilt spike her right in the heart and she bit her lip in an effort to keep from crying.  What the Hell was she doing to this man?

“Johnny... we need to talk,” she whispered in a small, quiet voice, pushing herself away from the small, round table and heading to the door that lead to their fenced backyard.

Looking a bit stunned, the tall male followed her out and closed the door behind him.  As soon as she heard the click, Raven was turning to the movie star with a sad look on her paper white face.  “Johnny, maybe... maybe it would be better if you left town for a bit,” she suggested in a voice so quiet he could scarcely make it out.  So quiet he honestly hoped he had misheard her.

“I... You’re waiting for something that just won’t ever happen.  I can’t stand to watch this eat you alive anymore.  I love Marilyn, I always will; even if he decides to leave me again.  I can’t even think of giving my heart to another at this point.  So... you need to leave.  You need to find someone else you can be happy with, someone who can give you the love you deserve,” the artist continued, startling when she felt large hands on her shoulder.

Craning her head up, she saw Johnny giving her such a stricken, angry look that she immediately regretted what had come out of her mouth.  “No.  I don’t care what you say, I’m not going anywhere.  Raven, I’m well aware of all the things you have told me and have come to accept them over time.  I’m okay that we can’t be more than friends but you simply mean too much to me to just forget about you,” he announced in a quiet but stern voice before he pulled her into a hug.

“B-but,” the confused female stammered, gazing up at the lithe but well muscled male that held her.  The actor only let out an exasperated noise before he placed a finger on her lips to silence her.

“Raven, I feel the same for you as you do for Manson.  I don’t tell you this to hurt you, only so you understand that what you’re suggesting pains me deeply.  To think of moving on to another woman when I would always be wishing for you, it wouldn’t be fair,” he explained, echoing her own reasons.

Her heart clenched in her chest at his words as guilty tears rolled down her porcelain face.  All at once she wished she had never met this man.  At least then she could have spared him this fruitless pining.  As if he could read her mind, Johnny was grabbing her chin to force her to focus on him; his nearly black eyes boring into her as he gave her a deadly serious look.  “Stop that, whatever you’re thinking about quit it.  I will never regret meeting you that day in the park or anything that happened afterward.  Could you bring yourself to regret anything with Manson?” he nearly growled, his dark eyes swimming with intense emotion as his defined chest heaved.

That question gave Raven pause and she found herself honestly thinking about.  He was right, she couldn’t regret anything; not even all the bad events that had happened.  All of it had been time spent with someone she loved body and soul and was precious to her.  “I’m sorry she whispered, giving the actor a tight hug as her guilt shifted to a different reason entirely.  She could honestly understand how he felt and she felt bad for not thinking of it herself.  Thankfully Johnny didn’t seem angry, petting her shoulder length hair as he held her to him.

“It’s okay sweetie, just promise me one thing.  Promise me you won’t suggest I leave again or try to push me away.  You have no idea what that would do to me,” he requested in a voice thick with emotion as he kissed the top of her head.  Raven could only nod, her heart clenching at the thought of Manson doing the same to her.  As terrible as the situation was, they were stuck with it.

Soon the taller male was releasing her, gently ushering her back inside.  “Go upstairs and rest.  We’ll hold down the fort down here,” he urged, his hot hand in the small of her back leading her to the foot of the stairs.  Giving him one last, guilty look, Raven made her way back upstairs to where her famous boyfriend was sleeping.  It was still odd to think of him like that and yet she felt a rush of exhilaration every time she did.  In all honesty, sometimes she wondered if she had somehow slipped into a coma and this was nothing more than some dreamworld her mind had created.  If that was the case, she really didn’t want to wake up.

Slowly opening the door, she saw Manson curled on his side with the blankets thrown haphazardly on his painfully thin body.  The guy looked like he didn’t eat regularly, something that had always worried her about him; even before she had met him.  Still, she knew she shouldn’t expect him to change that.  He was stubborn and set in his ways, forcing him to do anything would only set off his temper.  He was the type of person that had to come to conclusions on his own, no amount of nagging or guilt tears were going to change that.  Besides, Raven wasn’t the type to use her tears as a weapon anyway.  Shaking away these thoughts, the t-shirt clad female slowly moved into the room and closed the door behind her.

As soon as the latched clicked, the singer was sitting bolt upright; his half focused eyes flicking around the room with fear and a bit of protectiveness.  “It’s just me,” Raven reassured softly, slowly moving back to the bed and crawling onto it.  Immediately his tattooed arms wrapped around her, pulling her against him as he laid back down.  Then he was nuzzling against the base of her neck, making a contented noise as his rough hands moved up and down her back.  It was almost as if her absence had distressed him greatly despite the fact she had only been gone a few minutes.

Releasing a content, relieved sigh, the rocker lazily threw the covers over her before nuzzling back in and going back to sleep.  Just knowing he had been worried about her while she was gone made her heart swell with love and just a bit of guilt.  She hadn’t meant to make him worry by not coming right up after she had finished her soda.  Kissing his cheek lovingly, the tired female wrapped her own arms around the sleeping singer and nestled into his chest; allowing herself to drift back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

There was an odd feeling of something soft and yet moist being pressed against her forehead.  Then the sensations moved away, only to land on one of her closed eyes.  Making a confused noise and stretching, she found herself being held very tightly against another body.  Opening her eyes in confusion, Raven saw a rather bedraggled looking Manson smiling down at her.  “Good morning,” his baritone rumbled, much more raspy and throaty due to him just waking up.  His lips met her nose gently as his hands slowly moved under her shirt to rub her skin.  Blushing at what the contact was doing to her, the freelancer turned to look at the clock on her nightstand.  It read 2:00 p.m. in glowing green numbers.

“Don’t you mean afternoon?” she quipped, reaching up to boop his nose.  Then she was squirming out of his grasp and getting to her feet.

“What’s the rush?” the performer groaned, sitting up slowly and swinging his thin, hairless legs over the side of the bed.

“I have work to do.  I have a few projects I have to finish up and send out today,” she responded, grabbing some clothes before heading to her door.  She was only stopped by a firm grip on her wrist.

“You could just change in here,” the taller, very naked rock star suggested, smirking as her pale face went several shades of red.

“I.. er, that is...  Gee is it hot in here?” she squeaked, sounding like she was going through puberty all over again.

“I’ve seen all of you already and have had sex with you twice.  Mind-blowing sex I might add,” he cajoled, his hands moving to her shoulders as he moved forward; putting her in very close proximity with his awakening manhood.

Just seeing him harden at the mere thought of seeing her disrobe filled her with both lust and mortification.  At the same time, her very low opinion of her looks went up just the slightest bit, making her blush to the very roots of her hair.  “Sh-shower!  I need a shower,” she gasped out in a vain attempt to give herself an excuse to leave the room.

“I’ll join you,” he purred, grabbing the pair of black jeans he had worn yesterday and his black shirt.  Raven could only watch him with her mouth hanging open, inwardly cursing at herself over and over.

Before she knew it, she was being tugged out of her room and into the bathroom across the hall.  “U-um,” she murmured in a high pitched voice, some of her old nervousness rising to the surface.  In a blink Manson was cradling her face as his mismatched eyes met hers.

“Don’t let those thoughts win Raven.  Focus on what I tell you, on how I worship your body, what the mere thought of you naked does to me,” he sighed, his voice no more than a rumbling growl as the hand that held hers forced her fingers to meet his erect flesh.

With a firm tug, he forced her palm to meet his hardness; his fingers making hers wrap around the slightly pulsing shaft.  “This, this Raven.  This is how much the thought of seeing your body arouses me,” the ‘God of Fuck’ snarled heatedly before his lips claimed hers in a fiery kiss.  The stunned, flustered female could only gasp as arousal and shyness battled for supremacy.  Releasing a shaky sigh when he broke the kiss, she moved her hand a few times on Manson’s rigid length; making him release a heated moan.

“Fuck,” he hissed, his hips bucking slightly as she continued to move her hand slowly along him.  Then she was releasing him, staring down at the tile as she pulled the over large t-shirt she wore over her head.

Taking deep breaths to keep herself calm, the shaking female moved over to the shower and turned it on; doing her best not to look in Manson’s direction.  If she saw him, the look in his eyes, she would be lost and they would have sex right here on the bathroom floor.  The feeling of rough hands on her hips and an erection pressed between her clothed buttcheeks as she bent to check the temperature of the water was enough to let her know the singer wasn’t opposed to that idea one bit.  Thankfully the water was perfect, giving her an excuse to pull away so she could remove her panties.  The low groan she heard Manson make because of the action made her confidence and nerves spike just slightly.

Then she was getting in, relaxing as the hot water began to beat on her pale body.  She only flinched when she felt Manson press against her as he pulled the curtain closed.  The taller male pressed gentle but heated kisses on her skin, leaving a tingling spot where they had touched.  “You’re fucking beautiful and I’ll prove it as many times as I have to until you start believing me,” he rumbled, his lips pressed where her neck met her back.  Large, rough hands rested on her wide hips, moving up to cup her ample, but slightly saggy breasts.  The dexterous appendages began to massage and knead the fleshy orbs like soft bread dough, his fingers occasionally pinching and flicking her sensitive pink nipples.

Raven released a heated moan as she felt jolts of pleasure shooting from those points in her chest to pool and tighten in her core.  Her hips arched back into the male behind her, pressing her butt against his rock hard manhood.  Manson growled in response, giving her neck a none too gentle nip.  Then he was spinning her to face him, his mouth eagerly replacing his hands.  His tongue swirled around the sensitive bud, one of his hands moving to her junction.  Two of his fingers gently slid between her plump lips, playing with her pearl.  “Oh God...,” the panting female gasped, her knees shuddering as she leaned against the tiled wall to support herself.

The taller male only growled against the nub in his mouth, his fingers pinching the small button between them lightly; increasing speed and pressure as they moved back and forth.  Then he was releasing her flesh with a pop to lock eyes with her, his pupils dilated with lust.  “You’re so fucking wet for me,” he rasped in a voice thick with animalistic need.  Then he was back to suckling at her breast aggressively, his fingers moving faster as he released her hip to grasp his erection with his free hand.

“M-manson,” the squirming female gasped, her hands wrapping around his back to rake her nails lightly down his skin.  Hot water beat on both of their bodies and their pants and moans filled the tiled room.

The freelancer leaned her dark haired head against the slick wall behind her as she closed her eyes and simply let the sensations wash over her.  His tongue flicked and swirled around her taut nipple, causing wave after wave of rippling pleasure; pleasure that was heightened by the skillful motions of the fingers between her legs.  Whimpering as she felt a familiar pressure building within her, the panting woman whispered his name like a mantra as her thighs began to shake.  “Cum for me,” he demanded, his voice more growl than words; then his mouth moved to her unoccupied breast and she was seeing stars.

“Marilyn,” she gasped as she went over, barely hearing his slight grunts and moans as he brought himself to completion.  The hand that had been between her legs moved up to steady her as he panted, his other hand slowly coming up to brace against the wall as he recovered.

Touching his forehead to hers, he gave her a gaze so full of love that it very nearly took her breath away.  “I love how you say my name when you orgasm,” he rumbled, giving her a gentle kiss as he reached for a loofa.  The small bunches of fluff were in a basket hanging from the showerhead and his large hand grabbed a lime green one.  Giving her a gentle peck on the lips, the bony male pulled back to bend down and grab a bottle of three-in-one shampoo from the rim of the bathtub.  Giving her a look that made her skin tingle despite how sated her body was, Manson squirted a generous amount into the loofa; working it in before beginning to gently scrub her right arm.

Raven only released a relaxed sigh as she felt the material gently brushing against her pale skin.  Manson chuckled lightly, giving her a peck on the cheek as he moved the green bundle across her arm and to her ample bosom; giving them a good groping while he scrubbed.  “Hey, if you keep going like that we’ll be in here all day,” she admonished teasingly, making a grab for the green material.  The taller male easily held it out of her reach, giving her a teasingly firm look.

“What if I  _ want _ to stay in here all day?” he husked, making a faint shock of desire race through her womanhood.

Chuckling at the blush on her milky cheeks, the singer whirled her around so her back leaned against him as he moved the loofa down her torso.  “Don’t worry.  I just want to explore you a little.  Learn where you react to being touched,” rasped his voice by her ear as he gently began to wash between her legs.

“M-mansooon,” she half complained, half moaned, this whole scenario feeling much more intimate than anything they had done beforehand.  He only chuckled before he spun her again, allowing the water to wash away the soap.  His mismatched eyes fixed on her upper body as he washed the suds get washed away, a low growl emanating from his chest.

Then he was washing her back, catching her hazel eyes with his.  To be honest, the fact that he found her attractive still slightly blew her mind but she slowly found herself getting used to the idea.  The superstar certainly seemed unable to keep his eyes and hands off her clothed or nude.  In fact, the hands on her back slowly moved down to her ass; the one that wasn’t holding the loofa grabbing a good handful.  It almost seemed as if he had been starved during the entire time she had stubbornly held onto her inner fears.  As things were right now, she was wondering what she had been afraid of in the first place.

Suddenly the tattooed male was releasing her to move back and give her an expectant look.  At first she was confused about what that expression could mean, then realization hit her like a ton of bricks and she blushed to the roots of her midnight hair.  Manson wanted her to wash him in return, probably in an effort to get her more comfortable with him.  Taking a deep breath to steady herself, the flustered artist washed the rest of her soap off herself before awkwardly moving to the side so the thin male could squeeze past her.  He only chuckled as he shimmied by her, giving one of her breasts a grope on the way.  Then his back was turned to her, giving her a glorious view of his ass.

Swallowing thickly as she licked her lips, Raven gently took the loofa and shampoo from his hands; squirting more soap into the scratchy cloth before beginning to scrub his upper back.  The much taller male hummed in satisfaction, giving her a small smile over his shoulder.  Returning the smile a bit nervously, the shy female found her gaze constantly traveling back to the pale globes that practically called her name.  Gathering her courage and reasoning that he wouldn’t mind, she moved the bundle down his back and began to rub his butt in small circles.  Her other hand came up to join the soapy material of its own accord, giving him a firm grope.

Manson only groaned before raising a hairless brow in surprise.  “I wasn’t expecting that,” he chuckled, smirking at her as the water continued to beat down on their bodies.  Giggling a bit nervously, the pale artist finished sudsing his rear and slowly slid her hands around his front in a tentative attempt to be sensual.  The skinny performer only gave her a warm smile before turning in her grasp.  With his heterochromic gaze so focused on her, the already flustered woman found it a bit hard to look at him as she placed the loofa on his scarred, bony chest.  This seemed to amuse the rocker as he chuckled warmly before tipping her chin up.  “You’re so cute when you’re like this,” he rumbled, his eyes shining with humor and love as he bent to kiss the tip of her nose.

Giving him a nervous smile as she flushed, Raven scrubbed his torso before slowly moving to his hips.  Her heart beat hard in her chest as she took his semi-hard member in her palm and began to wash it.  Under her touch, he soon grew to full hardness and a hungry lust took over the amusement in his eyes.  Forcing her gaze onto the organ she held, she could see his size and girth growing before her eyes.  Soon he was at full attention, a bead of pre pearled at his slitted tip.  Then, to her shock, her turned around to wash the soap off himself.  Watching him in shock, the confused freelancer took a gob of the three-in-one and began to shampoo her ebony locks.

Soon the pair had both washed themselves completely and the almost skeletal looking singer turned off the shower before getting out.  Raven could only watch him with a bit of shock and worry.  Almost immediately she wondered if she had done something wrong and played back the scenario in her head.  When she could find nothing, she only grew more confused.  “You okay?” she asked as she got out, grabbing a towel and drying herself before she started to get dressed.

“Never better!  I just wanna get stuff packed and get going,” he reassured in a cheerful voice as he pulled on his skin tight jeans.  This response made her blink as she wondered what she had just missed.

“Going?  Where are you going and for how long?” she whispered, feeling her heart clench in her chest at the thought of him leaving so soon after they had gotten home.

“ _ We’re _ going to a hotel for a few days.  I really want to spend some alone time with you and I don’t think we’re going to get that here,” he responded in a light, unusually happy voice as he tugged on his form fitting shirt.

Raven could only stare at him as her brain caught up with what he had just said.  As she pulled on her own shirt, it finally hit her what he was suggesting.  He was taking her somewhere so they could be alone for a few days!  Just the thought of it made her heart race with nerves.  A light kiss on her lips broke her out of her thoughts and she found herself being led back to her bedroom.  “Go pack.  I’ll go tell the others,” he informed before he turned and left.  Stunned and more than a little nervous, the artist began to pack a bag with shaky hands.  A few days alone with Manson; the more she thought about it, the more excited she became.


	16. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human. I felt very puny as a human. I thought, "Fuck that. I want to be a superhuman.”’ - David Bowie

As they drove to the hotel Manson had booked, Raven couldn’t help but giggle at the chaos they had left behind.  As soon as she had finished packing, she had come downstairs to find the singer booking the room they would be staying in; much to Amanda’s consternation.  “What do you mean you’re taking Raven somewhere?  How long are you guys going to be gone?” the curly haired female asked in a worried voice.  It was clear the journalist still didn’t entirely trust the rock star but at least she wasn’t throwing an all out fit.

“Marilyn and I need some time alone.  No offence, but do you really think we’d find it here?” the midnight clad female answered as she reached the landing and set her duffel bag down.  As if to prove her point, Pogo ran naked across the hall and into the kitchen; followed quickly by John 5 and Ginger.

Both Raven and Amanda looked at eachother with identical expressions of violation before shuddering heavily.  “Okay, I just saw  _ way _ more of Gacy than I ever cared to,” the freelancer groaned, a blush coloring her pale cheeks as the image kept replaying in her head over and over.

“How do you think I feel...  That’s the second time I’ve seen him sans clothes,” her roomie replied, a grimace on her face as her gaze moved back to the impatient rock star.

Sensing what the problem was, the black haired female grabbed her friend’s arm in a gentle grip and lead her to the living room.  “Sit down Mandy, we need to have a talk,” the slightly taller woman sighed as she sat on the couch, patting an empty cushion.  Her childhood companion gave her a worried look before taking a seat and giving her full attention.

“I know Manson fucked up pretty badly before we broke up.  It must have been hard to see me so scared when he was around and yet so depressed when he left.  There’s a lot about him that you don’t know and isn’t really my place to tell you.  I just want you to know that he’s really and truly trying right now.  You not giving him a chance could very well set back any chance he has at changing himself for the better,” Raven reasoned, looking her roommate and best friend in the eyes as she spoke.

Amanda couldn’t help but wince, rubbing the back of her head slightly as she thought over what her roomie said.  On one hand, she had seen a significant change in Manson and she felt a bit encouraged by it.  On the other hand, she didn’t want to see Raven end up in another situation like Tony and Miah.  She had seen flashes of the rocker’s temper that had her frankly more than a little frightened for her friend.  Still, she wasn’t all that experienced with men in general; let alone ones with tempers like his.  Taking a deep breath, the journalist nodded to herself as she decided to trust Raven’s judgement.  “I’m sorry for how I treated him lately, I was just worried for you.  In the long run though, treatment like that will only create a self fulfilling prophecy.  I can’t promise I’ll ever like the guy but I can promise to try to give him some leeway.  Who knows, maybe he and I will be able to have a conversation at some point,” the brown haired female joked before getting to her feet.

“That’s all I really ask Mandy.  Where are you going?” the t-shirt wearing femme asked as she got to her feet as well.  A picture of Manson from the ‘Portrait of an American Family’ era graced her torso but she had long since gotten over the embarrassment of her attire.  She loved a lot of these shirts and wasn’t going to stop wearing them anytime soon.

“To apologize to long, dark and gruesome out there,” the formally dressed twenty-seven year old sighed, giving a smile to show she was joking about the nickname.  Then she was going back into the hall, leaning against a wall as she waited for the performer to finish his phone call.

Manson hung up with an exasperated sigh.  The normal staff had thought he was pulling a prank and he had to call back several times to get a manager.  That man hadn’t been much better, very nearly hanging up until he threatened to sue the hotel.  After that, things went much more smoothly and he was able to acquire a suite at a steep discount as an apology for the mix-up.  Feeling eyes on him, he turned to see Raven and Amanda looking at him.  Wondering what the curly haired shrew wanted now, the weary male raised a naked brow to show she had his attention.  “I’m sorry for being such a bitch,” the small female sighed, nearly bursting out into laughter when his jaw dropped from sheer shock.

“Excuse me, what?” he asked, wondering if he could have heard her wrong.

“I said I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you.  As long as you’re willing to try, I should be willing to give you a chance,” she responded, stepping forward to offer a hand.  She still didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him but she was willing to try to start building that trust, if not for Raven’s sake.

The stunned ‘Antichrist Superstar’ stared down at the offered hand before extending his own and giving it a shake.  “I accept your apology,” he replied in a quiet voice, a bit touched despite himself.  He would probably never really like the tiny female but he was willing to try for civil.  Grinning mischievously, he pulled the curly haired journalist into his arms; chuckling when she pulled away from him with shocked look on her pale face.

“Did I hear something about the two of you leaving?” came a sleepy baritone, making the small group turn to face the source.  In the right hall under the stairs stood Johnny Depp, a tired smiled on his goateed face.

Pogo chose that exact moment to go streaking by again, cackling madly as Ginger made a wild tackle for him and missed; crashing to the floor with a loud thud.  “Only for a few days.  Can you blame us?” Raven joked as Amanda rushed to the fallen drummer to check on him.  The dark haired actor only chuckled before his chocolate eyes moved to Manson.

“I won’t be here when you guys get back.  I have a few things to do, a few movies to shoot but I will be coming back soon,” Johnny announced quietly, giving his singer friend an assessing look.  What he saw put him at ease and he smiled widely before he came forward to wrap Raven in a tight hug.  Then he was releasing her to hug a stunned Manson, patting his old pal’s back solidly.

“I hope you guys have a great few days,” the star said, sounding like he honestly meant it.  Then he was moving into the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee.  Before Raven could follow to say goodbye, Pogo was charging back into the kitchen; his flaccid penis flopping on his upper thighs.

“Johnny!” he called in an oddly musical voice before jumping into the air.

“Oh dear God no!” came the actor’s distressed reply right before a loud thud was heard.

The pale artist could only grimace before looking at her nonplussed boyfriend.  “You know, I’m packed and you haven’t unpacked yet so let’s take my car and go,” she sighed, hefting the duffel she had brought downstairs over a shoulder and leading the way out the front door.  The lithe male behind her only chuckled before squatting by his drummer and giving him an apologetic look.  Ginger only grimaced as he got to his feet and went into the kitchen to wrangle the keyboardist.

“You’re not really gonna leave me here alone with this group!” Amanda protested playfully as she straightened.

“You’ll be okay Mandy, I believe in you,” Raven reassured playfully just as they heard John 5’s violated sounding voice take on an unusual pitch in the kitchen.  The curly haired journalist only grimaced before moving into the small kitchen to help.

Her car coming to a sudden stop startled her and Raven looked around to find herself in front of a rather intimidating looking hotel.  This one looked even fancier than Johnny’s and she found herself honestly wondering if he could afford something like this.  While she considered his music great, he certainly wasn’t as famous as some of the other singers out there.  Manson’s music appealed to a very niche market and his reputation only helped to cement that.  “Holy fuck came out of her mouth as the singer beside her pulled the keys out of the ignition.

“Only the best for you my dear,” he purred teasingly before placing a warm kiss on her white cheek and getting out of the car.  The flustered woman sat there for a few seconds, doing her best to get a handle over her extreme urge to let out a rather excited, fangirl squeal.  They were well beyond all of this by now!  His small gestures of affection, as well as the fact she would be alone with him for lord knows how long, shouldn’t be affecting her like this!

Taking a deep breath, she opened her door and got out, moving to the rear of her car to get her duffel.  Before she could make a move to grab the canvas strap, Manson was grabbing both bags and closing the trunk.  “Come on, I wanna get up to the room and settled,” he urged, grinning widely as he strode toward the entrance.  The stunned female could only stare at his back for a few seconds before following close behind.  Once she reached his side, the taller male gave her a wink before going into the revolving glass door.  Gathering her courage, Raven took a deep breath before following him in.  Once inside, she couldn’t help but gape at the beauty that greeted her.

The ceiling arched up in an elegant dome, the sides of the sloping pillars painted a decorative gold.  The focal point of the high ceiling was the gorgeous chandelier that hung in the exact center.  It seemed to be painted gold and was covered in shiny stones that suspiciously resembled diamonds but surely had to be quartz.  At least that was what she told herself.  The walls themselves were painted an almost pearlescent looking white, tapering down to dark mahogany baseboard.  From that baseboard stretched a rich carpet that was beautifully and uniquely designed, almost having an abstract art feel.  The front desk was no less elegant than its surroundings, a highly polished, dark reddish-brown podium that had a marble top.  The man behind it was likewise perfect, his blonde hair slicked back and his black tux pressed neatly.  “May I help you?” he very nearly purred, his cobalt eyes fixing on them straight away.

“Steven?” Manson asked, grabbing her hand and practically dragging her behind him as he headed toward the other man.

“Ah, Mr. Manson.  I thought I would come to greet you personally to assure there were no more mix-ups,” the slightly shorter man replied, coming around to the front of the desk to offer his hand.  The rock star merely smirked as he took the appendage in a brief shake before releasing it and reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

After a quick check of I.D., the man Raven assumed was a manager gave them a beaming smiled before leading them to a near-by elevator.  “I do hope you enjoy your time with us.  Everything in your room is complimentary and if you need anything, simply call the front desk and ask for me,” he announced as he pressed a button and rode up with them.  Once the small, metal box stopped and opened its doors, he was leading them down a long hall that had intermittent doors on the walls.  Finally, he stopped in front of the last door on the right; handing Manson the keycard personally.

“I took the liberty of giving you our best suite, enjoy,” the smartly dressed man declared before giving the pair a bow and going back to the elevators.

Manson watched the manager until the steel doors closed, then he was sliding the keycard in the slot on the door.  After a loud click, he was swinging it open and turning on a light.  Before Raven could move to enter the no doubt huge room, the singer was placing their duffels down and scooping her up in his arms bridal style.  “Mare, wha?!” she gasped out in a shocked voice as her arms wrapped around his neck subconsciously.  The normally severe, temperamental man almost looked giddy as he smirked down at her, rubbing his nose along hers lovingly.

“I always wanted to do this,” he chuckled as he carried her across the threshold.  The only problem was that once they were inside, the superstar didn’t seem all that inclined to let her on her feet.

“Manson,” she tried, getting a bit concerned about their bags despite how nice his arms felt and just how good his scent was.

“Just a moment longer.  You have no idea how long I’ve ached to be able to hold you like this, to not feel obligated to put up a tough guy front,” he pleaded softly, turning so they could keep an eye on their discarded luggage while he held her.

His thin, but muscled arms tensed around her as they simply stared into eachother’s eyes.  “Everyone sees me a certain way, always has a certain expectation for how I’m supposed to act.  Now that I’m finally alone with you I can be as close to you as I want without fear of interruption.  I can take the time to get to know you and have you get to know the real me,” he whispered, placing a kiss on her lips.  Then he was reluctantly setting her on her feet and heading to the door to gather their bags.  Raven could only watch him, excitement and nervousness bubbling inside her as her fingertips ghosted over her lips.

Soon he had their luggage inside and the door shut, heading towards her to scoop her into his arms once again.  Then he was heading to the huge couch, sitting down on the white monstrosity and placing her in his lap.  His mismatched eyes slid closed as a look of peace came over his pale features.  “You know, your band doesn’t really expect anything from you.  If anything, they just want to see you happy,” she whispered, surprising them both badly.  Yet, despite the shocked look on her boyfriend’s face, the artist couldn’t bring herself to regret what she had said.

“Yeah, I know and I can’t really blame all of my behavior on acting how I think they’d want me to.  A lot of it comes down to...  Let’s not talk about this right now.  Let me just enjoy being alone with you right now,” he replied in a quiet voice, burrowing his nose in her ebony hair.  Raven only nodded, all too eager to leave all of the drama behind for the moment.

The couple sat in silence for several long moments, the singer’s rough hand moving over her hair as he hummed ‘Coma White’ softly.  “Raven?” his throaty voice sighed by her ear, making her skin prickle pleasantly.  Smiling, the freelancer looked up to see the rocker looking down at her with a look that made her breath catch in her throat.  His heterochromic orbs held lust and a deep love as well as trust.

“I don’t care why or how you came to love me, all I care about is that I’ve never felt happier in my life,” he murmured, his words filling the pit of her stomach with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Smiling, the blushing female was about to reciprocate when her stomach reminded her very loudly that she had yet to eat.  Chuckling, Manson gently lifted her off his lap to set her on the couch.  “I’ll order us some lunch,” he offered, his eyes roaming over her form before he prowled over to the nearest phone.  Cursing her body’s timing but grateful for it at the same time, the flustered woman took a remote off the coffee table in front of the couch and switched on the flat screen that was mounted over the fireplace.  A white, fluffy, shag carpet adorned the floor in this area, giving it a very romantic, yet rustic feel.

Taking a moment to pull off her platforms so she could curl her toes in the plush carpet, Raven took great joy in the feeling of the faux fur as she began to surf through the channels.  Soon she happened to land on a music channel that was showing a video for ‘I Don’t Like the Drugs but the Drugs Like Me’ and stopped there.  Despite the fact she had the man right behind her, she wanted to watch this one clip.  She had always liked the video for its strange, surreal nature and only found it even more-so in HD.  “You really are obsessed hun,” came an amused purr by her ear as a warm pair of lips pressed against her cheek.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen this one in years and its one of my favorites.  Almost feels like I’m watching a Kubrick film or something,” she explained, a red blush staining her paper white cheeks.  Just watching it again gave her the same feeling of unease as it did all those years ago and she found herself transfixed.

As soon as the last notes ended, the singer was gently pulling the remote from her hand before turning off the TV.  “I want to actually get to know you Raven and share my own life in return.  Can we do that until lunch arrives?” he asked in a throaty voice before picking her up to set in his lap when he sat down.  Licking her dry lips, the shy female only nodded before thinking about where to start.  She had already skimmed over all the bad parts in her life and there wasn’t much good in there left after that.

“Well, I guess I could tell you about my early childhood,” she offered, fiddling with the hem of her shirt as she avoided meeting his gaze.

“I was thinking more along the lines of things about you personally.  What do you do for fun?  What music do you listen to besides mine and Davis’?  What are some of your fears?  What are your favorite foods as well as the ones you can’t stand?  What movies do you like to watch?  That type of stuff,” Manson responded in a slightly amused tone, his naked forehead resting against hers.

“Oh, uh...  Well I already told you I’m a freelance artist.  I also tend to write things for fun off and on.  I like a wide variety of music, ranging from ‘Bile’ to David Bowie; it really depends on what I’m in the mood for at the time.  As for fears, well I don’t like spiders or heights and I’m just a tiny bit afraid of the dark,” she replied, pausing to allow him to make fun of her if he wished.  She knew being afraid of the dark was a bit childish but she just couldn’t help it.  Something about the endless void of blackness just made all the hair on her body stand on end.

“Go on,” urged a soft voice, instead of the teasing or laughter she had honestly been expecting.  Giving him a shocked look, the pale woman cleared her throat before continuing.

“I also like a wide variety of movies but I have a few favorites to narrow it down.  Repo: The Genetic Opera, Batman: The Dark Knight, The Thing (the original version), Dead-Alive, Gremlins and A Clockwork Orange just to name a few.  My favorite foods tend to be american but I do like beef stroganoff, kielbasa, tuna casserole and tater tot casserole,” she finished feeling a bit awkward.  Thankfully a knock on the door saved her for the moment.

Manson reluctantly set her on the huge couch before moving to the door to answer it for their room service.  Soon he was wheeling in the over large stand, a grin on his face as he picked up the dome covered tray and brought it over.  “I don’t think you ever did show me any of your drawings,” he cajoled gently, chuckling at the flush that took over her milky skin.

“Ah, yeah I never got around to it,” she whispered, reminded that she had a few orders to finish and fax off today.  A hotel this fancy was bound to have a fax machine so she wasn’t all that worried.  What she worried about was the artwork that lurked in the back of her sketchbook.  Despite him accepting the fact that she was quite an obsessed fan, she was still afraid of how he would react to her doodles.

She had made several animal characters based on many celebrities but the ones she had drawn most were Manson and his band.  She had even gone so far as to make a character for herself, drawing the two of them in many different scenarios.  It was mostly harmless but she was still worried about what he would think about them, especially the more sexual ones.  Finished what food she had grabbed, she got up and made her way to her duffel; rummaging around until she found the large, black, faux leather bound book.  The singer watched her all the while, using a fork to spear a piece of chicken.  The kitchen had sent of a platter of all of their foods, giving them more than enough to choose from.

Giving the superstar a nervous look, the freelancer grabbed her pencils and markers before making her way back to the couch.  “Most of these are clothing designs with a few character designs thrown in.  There’s nothing overly sensitive in there so feel free to have a look,” she offered, her heart thudding loudly in her ears as a cold sweat broke out over her body.  The rock star only gave her a reassuring smile before motioning to the platter and taking the book.  Licking her dry lips, Raven did her best to focus on eating some of the delicious steak and not the sound of turning pages filling the silent room.

She could hear it in his breathing when he started to come across some of her more personal doodles.  His lion character’s body was covered in the inward scars the rocker had carried and had an attitude to match.  There wasn’t a single picture where he smiled fully, always seeming to frown in some way.  There were many pictures of him with his band but further in she had begun to include her own character more and more.  She had drawn herself as a white lioness with a grey belly and eye markings.  Black tipped her rounded ears and long tail.  When he got to the more adult pictures, she could hear his breathing hitching on occasion.

The longer the quiet stretched, the more unease settled and bubbled inside her stomach.  Was his reaction good or bad?  Was he about to pounce on her or throw her out?  Her nerves got so bad her appetite had fled her and she shoved the platter away as she fixed her gaze on the furry carpet.  He wasn’t even seeing all of the artwork she had done nor had he heard the backstory she had given both characters.  It was clear she had been dealing with a few issues at the time but she simply didn’t have the heart to change them.  To change them somehow felt wrong, as if she was taking away their pasts.  A rough pair of hands clasping hers brought her out of her thoughts as she found herself looking up into Manson’s intense gaze.

The unreadable expression on his naked face only heightened her anxiety and she took a few deep breaths in an effort to calm herself.  “It seems like there’s a bit of a story between these two,” he murmured softly, a small smile curling the left corner of his mouth.  A small chuckle left her unconsciously and instantly dissolved her inner tension.  He wasn’t angry or frightened, in fact the look in his eyes told her he was slightly turned on by some of what he saw.

“Y-yeah.  I made a character based on myself and you.  Your band is in there too, as I’m sure you saw,” she replied shyly, watching as the taller male removed the platter from between them to set it on the coffee table.

“You’re quite an artist,” he purred, turning the sketchbook to an image of the two lion anthros sharing a rather intimate moment.  Just seeing it made her cheeks flush with embarrassment and she cleared her throat nervously.

“Th-thanks.  You’re pretty good yourself,” the artist responded, doing her best to divert his attention from her hopeful doodles.  Most of them were ways for her to live out her fantasies but there were some that weren’t in the sketchbooks that were much darker.

Manson chuckled deeply before setting that aside as well and taking her into his black clad arms.  “I’d like to hear the story behind those two some time but right now I’m more interested in continuing to learn more about you,” the rock star rumbled, pulling her into his lap once more and inhaling her scent.

“There’s not much more to tell.  I occasionally like to play video games and I love reading books.  I also recently found out I like to cuddle,” the embarrassed woman whispered, nestling into his chest, a light, warm feeling in her chest as his arms caged her lightly.

“I’m more than happy to oblige,” the smirking performer rasped, bending to place a kiss on the tip on her nose.

“What about you?” she urged gently, curiosity beginning to overtake her shyness.

“Same as you for the most part actually.  I love watching old sci-fi movies and b-movies and I also really like Bowie.  Actually, David inspired a lot of my own act,” Manson’s voice rasped in her ear before warm lips placed a kiss below the lobe.

Giggling slightly, Raven heaved a sigh before reluctantly pulling herself from her boyfriend’s lap.  “I have to finish a few things, like I said earlier.  After I fax them off, we can pick up where we left off,” she assured gently, grabbing her supplies and moving a bit further down the long couch.  Thankfully the superstar gave an understanding smile before he picked up the tray of left overs and carried it over to the stand it had come on.  Soon she was coloring in the last touches on a few dress designs, the sound of her marker scratching on paper the only sound in the room.

“Done!” she announced, carefully tearing out the pages along the perforated lines.  Gathering all the pages, she moved to the phone to call the front desk and ask where the fax machine was.

As soon as she hung up, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and a smooth cheek press against hers.  “I’ll come with you,” purred a husky voice before his warmth left her back.  Craning her head, she saw the rocker rummaging in his duffel until he found a pair of over large sunglasses.  Just seeing them made her remember her own, reluctant celebrity status and she wondered if he had an extra pair.  Before the freelancer could even open her mouth to ask, the lithe celebrity was handing her a matching set.

“Thanks,” she whispered, smiling softly as she put the frames on her face.

Thankfully her business downstairs didn’t take long and was uneventful, allowing them to get back to their room without incident.  As soon as they were inside, Manson was leading her back to the couch; sitting down and tugging her to settle beside him.  His warm lips met her forehead as he reached for a small, black remote on the table.  With a press of a button, the fireplace flared to life; making a gasp of wonder leave Raven’s lips.  “Wow, I didn’t even know they made them like that,” she whispered, her hazel gaze fixed on the dancing flames.  The performer holding her only laughed lightly, entwining her hands in his.

Suddenly he was plopping a pillow on her face before getting up to run away, leaving her to collapse from the lack of support.  “Manson!” she gasped out, half shocked, half amused.  The ‘Antichrist Superstar’ only laughed lightly, grabbing a pillow from a chair.

“Oh no you don’t” the midnight clad woman hissed, deciding to just go with it as she got to her feet.  Right now she didn’t care that this behavior seemed wildly out of character for the infamous male, all she cared about was that she had never seen him this open with anyone.

Giggling wildly, she hucked her fluffy payload at the rock God; ducking out of the way as he returned fire.  Soon it degenerated into an all out pillow fight, playful cries echoing through the large, empty room.  It all ended when the much taller man pounced on her, tackling her to the fur-like carpet.  His mismatched eyes glittered down at her as he smiled in a carefree manner, all traces of his hard past gone from his face.  In that moment, she saw the man that truly lay under the mask and felt her breath hitch in her throat.  Reaching up with a shaky hand, she cupped his make-up free cheek as she felt her love for this man swell to a painful feeling in her chest.  “Marilyn,” she breathed, a bit touched that he trusted her enough to let her see him this open, without any masks.

His heterochromic gaze turned unbelievably tender as he turned to plant a kiss on her palm.  Then he was getting to his feet, bending down to scoop her into his arms before she could attempt to do the same.  “I know we’re starting over with a blank slate but I feel compelled to tell you this, I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you.  I love you Raven, so deeply that its been very scary for me sometimes.  Its been a long time since I let anyone in like this and I’m happy it can be you,” he rasped in a throaty, clogged voice, tears rolling down his cheeks as he carried her to their shared bedroom.

Blushing at his words, Raven couldn’t stop the happy tears that rolled down her own cheeks as she broke into a wide grin.  “That means so much to me Mare.  I feel the same way for you.  I have never felt more at home or at peace than when I’m in your arms.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” she confessed, making sure their eyes met as she spoke.  The rock star’s breathing stopped briefly before he was closing the door behind him and taking her lips in the sweetest kiss she had ever felt from him.  That night they made love many times, filling the suite with their cries of ecstasy and love.


	17. Two Sides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘And it's a human need to be told stories. The more we're governed by idiots and have no control over our destinies, the more we need to tell stories to each other about who we are, why we are, where we come from, and what might be possible.’ - Alan Rickman
> 
> Also, prepare for major cavities.

The first sensation of the day was a pleasurable suckling feeling on her left breast.  Each caress of the moist appendage on her skin sent electric jolts of need to her junction, drawing a groggy moan from her dry lips.  Inhaling deeply and arching into the mouth on her flesh, Raven slowly opened her hazel eyes to be greeted with a lust filled pair of mismatched eyes.  At some point, her normal nightwear had been removed and yet she couldn’t fight it in herself to care.  Sighing the singer’s name softly, the artist wove her delicate fingers through the dark waterfall of his hair to hold him against her.  This drew a rather possessive sounding growl from the naked rock star as he positioned himself above her.  Then he was giving her sensitive bud a light bite, his left hand coming up to cup her right breast.

Raven couldn’t help but gasp as a jolt of pleasure/pain shot through her body like a shock.  The sound she makes seems to goad the taller male, causing him to make a throaty noise as he repositioned himself slightly.  Then she felt fingertips touching her sensitive pearl, wrenching a strangled cry from her throat.  “Fuck Marilyn,” she hissed, her hips bucking against her will.  Manson released an animalistic noise at her cry, releasing her flesh to level her with a heated gaze.  A gaze that made the want in her lower belly coil and tighten almost painfully.  Then he was smirking as he removed his fingers from her quivering slit and began to slide down her shuddering body.

“M-manson?” she panted, feeling a bit of nervousness bloom in her chest.  The look he gave was downright predatory as he kissed his way down her slightly chubby stomach, pausing briefly at the waistline of her lime green panties.  With an even more smug smirk, the rocker slowly slid her underwear off before nestling himself between her thighs.  Before she could say anything else, his tongue met her moist outer lips.

Arching her hips with a gasp, Raven found her hands landing on his head as his tongue licked a path up her womanhood.  Soon his lips found her protruding clit and enveloped it with a quiet growl.  Eager hands spread her thighs, settling them over his bony shoulders as he sucked on her pearl.  It was all she could do to breathe, the pleasure was coursing so thickly through her body.  She could feel a painful, lust filled coil tightening and pulsing within her lower stomach and she was vaguely aware of the fact that she was breathlessly calling Manson’s name over and over.  The lithe performer only let loose another low, gruff sound as his tongue occasionally delved between her folds.

Soon she was mewling and keening while the man between her legs let out almost continuous growls.  Then she felt his dextrous fingers enter her slick passage and she was lost, his name a sob on her lips.  Languid licks followed her implosion, slowly cleaning her of any remaining juices before he pulled back to give her a satisfied grin, his mismatched eyes blazing with hunger.  “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” husked his rough voice as he prowled back up her body to plant a heated kiss on her lips.

As his tongue slipped between her pliant lips, Raven could taste a faint sweet taste on his saliva; making her wonder if she was tasting herself on his tongue.  Wrapping her arms around his neck, the freelancer closed her eyes with a sigh and returned the kiss sweetly.  Their tongues performed an intricate dance, the pair breathing through their noses so they wouldn’t have to break contact.  Groaning, Manson leaned into her so his pulsing erection rested along her damp slit.  This caused the female beneath him to break the kiss with a gasp, her eyes holding a slight nervousness under the heavy lust dilating her pupils.  Giving her a reassuring smile, the tattooed male gave her another loving kiss as he entered her tight heat.  “Fuck Raven,” he snarled against her mouth as he slowly pushed forward, only stopping when he had hilted.

His arms shook around her from the incredible effort of holding onto the thin threads of his control.  Feeling her silken walls pulsing around him was almost his undoing and he gritted his teeth as he breathed harshly.  “Mmmm, m-move Mare,” Raven gasped, the raw need in her throaty voice effectively dissolving his carefully placed binds.  His hips thrust into her hard as he burrowed his face into the base of her neck.  The writhing twenty-eight year old released breathless, almost pained keens of his name as she rested her forehead against his tensing shoulder.  For the both of them this went beyond the feeling of sex, it almost felt as if their very souls were mixing together and merging; their voices merging into one wordless cry as they both tipped over the edge.

Her vision flooded with white as her body tingled with wave after wave of pleasure, small sighs leaving her unconsciously as her boyfriend wrapped her in his loving embrace.  The panting male only chuckled shakily, planting light kisses all over her slightly sweaty face.  “That’s certainly one way to wake up,” Raven found herself joking breathlessly, turning in his arms to lay her cheek on his scarred, bony chest.  The rocker only chuckled harder, the sound rumbling up from his chest and vibrating against her cheek.

“Maybe some day I’ll get to return the favor,” she whispered shyly, kissing his chin before wriggling out of his hold to get out of bed to search for her duffel.  She hadn’t bothered unpacking when they came in, finding it easier to just rummage through her jumbled clothes.  It wasn’t as if she had packed anything too fancy, just her normal t-shirts and jeans.  In the middle of her quest, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist as a half erect manhood pressed itself between her buttcheeks.  Then he was leaning forward, enveloping her in his body heat as he lazily nipped a spot behind her ear.

“Since when did you become such a little minx?” husked his throaty voice as rough hand roamed her milky skin.  Raven only giggled nervously, a faint hint of her previous anxiety rising within her before it simply disappeared.  The look in his heterochromic gaze told her all she needed to know and she felt a pulse of lust within her lower belly despite being well sated.

“I don’t know.  I... uh... I read a lot of fanfics, as I believe I’ve said before.  I figure maybe if I start acting like I have more confidence, I’ll actually feel it in time and I’m using what I read to help me along,” she replied, digging out a plain black t-shirt and a pair of black jeans.  Then she was scanned the carpet for her panties, before grabbing them with a triumphant noise.

While the artist had been moving around the large room, the singer had headed to his own duffel, digging in the front pocket for something.  “Are you on birth control?” he asked, pulling out a small box.

“Yeah, a depo shot every three months.  Though I was due for a shot yesterday,” she replied, barely catching small object he had tossed to her.  Giving him a confused look, she looked down to see a small box of morning after pills.

“Where the Hell did you get these?” she whispered, knowing that you had to ask for them at most pharmacies and, in most states, they were illegal.

“Pogo knows people and having a small supply can come in handy on the road.  You never know when you might have a night where you were too fucked up to remember to use protection,” he responded, watching the freelancer as she read the dosing instructions carefully.

“Better safe than sorry,” Raven agreed, feeling the leftovers of his cum beginning to run down the insides of her thighs.  Then she was taking one pill and swallowing dryly before heading to the bathroom to take a bath.  After all the activity they’ve been engaging in, she honestly felt a bit gross.  She didn’t get too far before she felt a hand grab her wrist.  Giggling, she merely moved her hand so it rested in his; entwining their fingers as she pulled him along gently.

Soon they were in the bathroom, the taller singer watching his girlfriend as she bent over the deep tub and began to fill it with hot water.  The large, firm globes of her ass were almost beckoning for his hands and he simply helped himself with a lusty growl.  The too pale woman in front of him let out a surprised, but playful squeal; turning to shoot him an amused glare.  The rock star only gave her a semi innocent look, his hands lazily kneading the flesh off her butt.  “Stop that!” she protested, with no real heat in her voice as she lightly slapped his hands away.  Then she was straightening and moving away, as if to try to remove any further temptation to play with her.

“Make me,” the performer challenged, prowling up to her like a big cat, his grin matching the current vibes he was sending her way.  Everything about him screamed lust as he closed the distance to press her against the surprising cold wall.  This, of course, drew a yelp of surprise from Raven as she arched instinctually; forcing their mouths to meet accidentally.

The bony male holding her took full advantage of the situation, tilting his head to deepen the kiss; his tongue parting her lips easily to languidly explore her mouth.  It was almost as if he was kissing her this way for the first time because of how thorough he was being.  He carefully explored every nook and cranny, as if he was trying to map her mouth with his tongue.  Sighing, she began to return the embrace when she remembered the bath water with a shock.  Breaking the kiss with a small squeak, the midnight haired femme rushed to the tub just in time to stop it from overflowing.  Cursing colorfully, the vaguely irritated woman pulled the plug to let it drain just slightly.  Thankfully Manson was a lot more cooperative and let her accomplish this task unmolested.

Testing the steaming water with her hand, the naked artist set her clothes on the closed toilet lid and slowly slid into the tub.  Warm water enveloped her sore muscles and she released a sigh of contentment as she allowed herself to sink in up to her neck.  For the moment, she completely forgot who she was with and let the water wash the cum off her thighs.  “Sit up,” urged a gentle baritone by her ear, shocking her back to reality.  Twisting her head and covering herself out of instinct, she turned to see Manson giving her that hungry look again.  Giggling nervously as a blush colored her cheeks, Raven awkwardly sat up and moved a bit forward; allowing the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ to slide in behind her.

As soon as he was in place, he pulled her back to rest against him; his hairless legs rising up beside her.  “Much better,” he husked in her ear, sighing deeply as he seemed to relax as well.  Smiling, Raven placed a kiss under his chin before simply nestling into his nearly emaciated body.  Unfortunately, when she opened her eyes, she saw the water had turned murky from the sheer amount of cum that had been within her.

“Jesus Manson,” she whispered in a slightly embarrassed voice before leaning forward to grab a washcloth.

When she leaned back, the rough material was gently taken from her loose grip.  “Let me,” came his gruff voice, the tone it held making her insides quiver nicely.  Nodding mutely, she simply laid back into him and watched as his hands washed her body almost reverently.  Spots she had seen as ugly, he caressed as if they were the most beautiful things he had seen.  His hands even lingered on her stretch mark covered stomach, lingering over each mark an equal amount of time.  Soon both their breaths were heavy and heated as he moved past her womanhood and to her likewise marked thighs.  His cheek rested against hers as pleasant tingles of lust and desire raced through her blood.

“Spread your legs,” rumbled his quiet voice by her ear, his voice holding a slightly urgent edge.  Feeling a flush of heat wash through her, Raven slowly complied to his charged request.

“Good girl,” Manson sighed approvingly, his hands moving to her now aching center slowly, teasingly.  The relaxed woman could only sigh breathily as he touched the washcloth to her junction with a feather light touch.  Her arms wound around behind his neck of their own accord and she arched her hips up into his gentle hand.

The man holding her only chuckled gruffly, pressing a kiss to her temple as he slid the soap covered material slowly up and down her sensitized slit.  Then he was releasing the washcloth, allowing his fingers to spread her plump lips and delve inside.  “I want to make sure you’re nice and clean,” purred his raspy voice as his surprisingly gentle fingertips scooped out more of his left over cum.  An action that made a shock of unexpected need to clench her core.

“Manson,” she breathed, her breath puffing against his taut cheek.  The singer holding her releasing a shaky groan before he was scooping her into his arms and clambering awkwardly to his feet.

Instinctually, her arms flew around his neck to steady herself at the sudden change of position; the faint ache in her junction making her pant slightly.  Next thing she knew, she was being carried back into the bedroom and laid tenderly on the soft sheets.  “Haven’t you had enough yet?” Raven teased in a breathy voice, her dilated pupils telling him she was just as turned on as he was.  The towering singer only smirked down at her as he slid down on his knees, his eyes level with her freshly washed womanhood.

“Never,” he rasped, tugging her hips forward as he went in for a ‘second course’.

Amanda had the day off today and by God she was going to sleep in!  Nuzzling into her pillow, the comfortable female sighed as she continued to slumber; only conscious of the soft purring of her cat and the soft ball that was Lady.  When Raven had left, the curly haired journalist had allowed the canine into her room so the pet wouldn’t get lonely.  She was in the middle of a very nice dream involving Ginger when there was a loud yell from downstairs, effectively making the scene of them making love slowly dissolve.  Growling, the twenty-nine year old got out of bed to dig in her dresser for some casual wear.  Whatever was going on down there had better be damn important or there was going to be a very nice decoration staked out on their lawn as a warning to the others.

Once she got downstairs, she wasn’t surprised to see the antagonist had been the keyboardist.  What she  _ was _ surprised by was who the victim was.  Instead of it being John 5 or Ginger, it had been Tom Welling.  The poor man had an almost violated look on his squarish face, rubbing at a spot on his cheek.  “Tom, what are you doing here?” she gasped out, shock evident in her soft voice as she couldn’t seem to tear her gaze away from his lean body.  Just being in the same room as him made everything else fade away, with the exception of Ginger.  The drummer lurked in the back of her mind, making her feel exceedingly guilty for her almost instinctual draw to the actor before her.

“I came to visit you, see how you were doing with this house full of nutters by yourself,” he responded, still watching the restrained keyboardist warily.  Pogo only grinned back, making a kissing motion with his lips; not even struggling against John 5’s hold.  Ginger, who had been watching events unfold from a spot against the wall, shifted his brown gaze from the TV star to the woman who currently held his heart.  He pursed his red painted lips before shoving away from the wall to stand beside her, wrapping an almost possessive arm around her shoulders.

Tom puffed up visibly, his blue eyes narrowing as he straightened.  For a moment, it almost looked as if the two would come to blows; making the nervous journalist walk between them to make sure they kept their distance from eachother.  Thankfully that seemed to diffuse the two, making their focus shift to her.  “I also wanted to see if you would join me for lunch,” the dark haired male continued, the expression in his eyes softening into something that made her skin tingle.

“I’m flattered by the offer, really, but I have a boyfriend,” she tried to deflect, backing up until she bumped into Ginger’s body.  Immediately his arms came around her protectively as a gentle kiss was placed on her temple.  Tom, unfortunately, didn’t seem the least bit deterred by this information.  In fact, he was almost smiling.

“Bring him along!  I look forward to getting to know the guy that managed to claim such a beautiful creature,” the slightly taller male murmured, his words causing a warm glow of happiness to bloom in her stomach.  The bleach blonde behind her only narrowed his eyes, his metaphorical hackles raised.

A sharp giggle followed by a playful slap filled the cheery ‘living room’ of their suite.  “Marilyn, I need to get dressed at some point,” Raven complained with amused exasperation as she finally managed to pull on her jeans despite the rock God’s heated protests.

“If we don’t get dressed and get some food in us, we’ll spend all day in bed,” she continued, dancing out of his reach as she awkwardly fastened her bra.

“What if I  _ want _ to stay in bed with you all day?  Do you know how much I’ve longed for the feel of you, the taste of you,” the painfully thin male husked, making an ill timed leap for her that she easily dodged.

“Because I like to eat, unlike you from the looks of it.  When’s the last time you had three meals a day,” the artist scolded lightly, waggling her finger for emphasis as she shimmied into her t-shirt.

The performer on the floor only heaved a suffering sigh before rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling.  His long, bony hand splayed on his stomach as an almost thoughtful expression passed over his naked face.  “Not since Dita,” he confessed quietly, his skeleton quite visible under his too white skin.

“Could you... could you maybe try to get back into the habit?  Seeing you like this, it just makes me worried for your health,” the freelancer pleaded softly, her concerned eyes tracing the stark outlines of his ribs.  She could even see the points of his hips, making her worry spike painfully in her chest.  Clearing her throat and turning her gaze from the nearly emaciated male, Raven did her best to get her fear for him under control.  It wasn’t as if he was going to die or anything, he just needed to adopt healthier eating habits.  She was so focused on keeping her tears at bay that she nearly jumped out of her skin when he wrapped his tattooed arms around her.

“Of course, if you looked anything like I did I wouldn’t be too happy either.  Why don’t you order us some breakfast while I get dressed,” he husked in her ear, giving her temple a brief brush with his lips before he walked back to the bedroom they shared.

“Don’t you mean lunch?” she called after him after seeing it was around noon.

“Nope, I feel like breakfast,” he replied over his shoulder with a grin as he continued on his way.

The freelancer instantly found her gaze traveling to his butt and all her earlier worry melted away.  He  _ had _ agreed after all and she doubted he would be going on any tours for a long while.  Smiling to herself, the ebony haired female trotted over to the phone and called down to the front desk.  Soon she had been given a complimentary breakfast platter that was rushed up to their suite in what seemed like seconds.  It seemed like the hotel was sucking up to them and Raven made a mental note to ask Manson how the registration for their room had gone.  At first she thought the behavior was typical of a hotel towards a famous guest but now it seemed more like a ‘don’t sue me’ apology.  Snickering just a bit at the strange thought, she removed the dome over the tray to reveal what looked like a bit of everything from the breakfast buffet.  “Good to see they were serious about making it up to me,” came an approving baritone, making her turn to to look at the source.  What she saw very nearly made her forget her very empty stomach.

Manson was dressed in what looked to be an all black leisure suit, a red t-shirt sitting under the open jacket.  His pants were a form-fitting cotton, tapering with his long legs to slightly covered his black dress shoes.  “A bit fancy for breakfast in the room,” she whispered in a slightly husky voice as she found her eyes roving every bit of his attire.  Despite her teasing words, she honestly couldn’t approve more of the sight that was given to her right now.

“I plan on taking you out on the town after we finish eating,” he replied smiling with his now lipstick covered lips.  There was also a light dusting of kohl around his eyes as well as a light dusting of white make-up on his face.  He was even wearing the fedora she found so dorky in many pictures on the internet.

Biting her lips against her traitorous giggles, the artist began to pile bacon and scrambled eggs on her plate.  She topped the mound of fluffy goodness with a generous dollop of ketchup and a sprinkling of salt.  Grabbing a handful of strawberries for dessert, Raven looked up to see Manson giving her a rather amused glance.  Feeling a bit self conscious about putting ketchup on her eggs, she gave her taller boyfriend a shy smile.  “I like them this way,” she squeaked, weakly defending her choices.  To her relief and annoyance, his amusement only grew.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me besides, I like mine the same way,” he replied, smirking at her as he loaded his own plate with bacon, toast, pancakes and scrambled eggs.  True to his word, he added a blop of the infamous tomato condiment on his eggs.  To finish it off, he grabbed a handful of assorted fruit before leading the way to the long couch they had shared the other day.

Grabbing some silverware, Raven followed close behind; sitting next to him while the two of them ate.  “So, where are we going?” she asked, looking up at him curiously as she nibbled on her last piece of bacon.

“Maybe a museum or an aquarium, I haven’t quite decided.  It’s too cold to go to the zoo,” he responded, chuckling at her delighted expression.

Raven loved going to things like museums, aquariums and zoos.  She also had an appreciation for Opera as well as plays.  Although Manson could have just chosen to go to the mall and she would have been perfectly happy with it.  “I haven’t been to the museum in forever,” she replied in excitement, earning a bright smile from the singer next to her.

“Then the museum it is,” he declared, gathering their plates to set out for housekeeping.

If the two of them didn’t stop glaring at eachother she was going to scream.  Sighing, Amanda picked at her chicken sandwich; something that had sounded delicious before the tension had become unbearable.  “Will the two of you stop it?  There’s no need for any of this.  I’m with Ginger, end of story.  Can we just have a nice lunch please?” the brown haired female pleaded, not daring to look up at the two men.  Thankfully her plea seemed to do the trick and the tension eased as the trio began to eat.

Unknown to the content woman, the two kept shooting glares at eachother on occasion.  Despite what she had said, Tom simply wasn’t willing to give up without a fight.  He had never felt such a deep need for anyone before, making him much more tenacious in his pursuit.  None of this was lost on Ginger, the bleach blonde being fairly good at reading people due to his years with Manson.  When you lived with a man whose moods could change rather violently on a dime, it was best to be on your toes.  The drummer shared the actor’s determination and narrowed his hard, earthy gaze before turning his focus back to his food.

The rest of the meal passed peacefully, the trio falling into uneasy conversation.  There was still an underlying current of distrust between Welling and Fish but at least they were making the effort to talk amiably.  They never quite became friendly but the atmosphere lightened enough for Amanda to joke with the duo.  By the time they paid their bill and left, there were smiles on the pair’s faces.  “Thanks for a nice time Tom but we better get home to assess the damage that Pogo has done in our absence,” the journalist announced, looking apprehensive about the state of her home.

“The pleasure was all mine,” the star hummed as his rival steered her away.  Neither of them noticed his ice blue eyes watching Amanda as she walked.  He continued to stand there until the pair was well out of sight, a steely look in his cerulean orbs.

The fedora and sunglasses were doing their job as evidenced by the fact that no one had bothered the pair since they had left the hotel.  A fact that made Raven feel much better about her feeble disguise.  Soon she was yammering excitedly about the various dinosaurs, listing off various facts she had learned through various documentaries.  When it came to learning things, she was a massive nerd and tended to ramble on and on about a single subject for hours at a time.  Though, to Manson’s credit, he endured it all with a wide smile.  In fact, the celebrity seemed amused by her factoids; often asking her for more.  Right now she was rambling off facts about the Tyrannosaurus Rex.  “As it turns out, they actually cared for their young for the first few years of life,” she finished, staring up at the articulated skeleton.

“I never knew that.  Is the t-rex your favorite?” he asked, his left arms slung loosely around her shoulders to hold her close to his side.

“Yeah actually, though ‘Jurassic Park’ has a lot to do with that.  The t-rex in that movie is fucking badass,” she replied, a wide grin on her face as they moved onto the rock exhibit.  Most people would find this part of the museum to be boring but she found a lot of the rocks on display beautiful.

After hours touring the huge building, Manson was finally leading the still enthusiastic Raven out of the museum.  “But we only spent a few minutes in the Ancient Egypt section,” she protested, walking along placidly despite her objections.

“I know but your stomach has been growling for the past half hour.  Besides, I have a very special place in mind for dinner,” the rock star replied, amusement clear in his voice as he lead her to her car and opened the passenger door for her.  Just hearing his words made a rush of nerves wash through her and she found herself feeling fidgety.  This would only be her second time going out to dinner with him and the first time had ended with him singing a song from his new album for her.

To her surprise, everything seemed to be going fairly normal.  They went into a rather nice restaurant, making her feel bad for her casual attire, and were seated by a very patient maitre’d.  “I wish you had told me we were coming to a place like this.  I would have tried to pack something nice,” she whispered, despite the fact that she really didn’t have much in the way of fancy wear.  Manson only smirked at her, raising a hairless brow teasingly.

“Oh shut up.  I have a couple dresses,” she huffed, blushing a bit as she picked up her menu to avoid his intense gaze.  Something about his energy seemed different than earlier and she found herself feeling a bit on edge because of it.

Soon their waiter came to take their order, Raven being calm enough to order something she actually liked this time.  Then they were only left with an empty table and eachother.  “How did you get into drawing,” the suit wearing male across from her asked before taking a sip of his water.

“Oh, gee I guess that started when I saw the Lion King in theaters as a ten year old.  I started drawing my own characters based on the style of the movie and ended up making up stories for them along the way.  I stopped for a few years but picked it back up when I was sixteen.  By that time I had improved enough to feel comfortable posting onto a fanart site I had found.  It was around that age that I also discovered you and made my own character a... mate.  It kind of exploded from there into an entire world,” she replied, smiling at the memory as she looked at his black nailed hands.

“Why aren’t you working on that?” Manson asked curiously, his question drawing a slightly bitter sigh from the artist across from him.

“I can only draw animals, animal-like designs, clothing or backgrounds.  I’m not too good at humans.  That can be kind of a liability in the art world.  No one wanted to accept a graphic novel about different animal characters.  In the end, I had to give up on that dream to stay alive,” the freelancer responded quietly, taking a drink of water to wash away the pain in her chest.

One of the things she had always wanted to do was share her character’s stories with the world.  To be told over and over that the market would be too niche had been soul-rending.  To not be able to do something she felt called to do was gutting but she had to move on in the end.  “That’s bullshit!  Your art is fantastic and while I don’t know what stories you were going to tell, I can at least say you should have been given a chance,” the celebrity across from her growled, grabbing one of her hands from across the table and drawing her hazel gaze.

“Marilyn,” the pale woman whispered, her lips parting slightly as the pain inside her faded for a simple, stunned feeling.  The look in his whitish blue and brown eyes was pure indignation on her behalf and she could help but feel a bit warm and fuzzy on the inside from the sight of it.  Unfortunately their waiter chose that moment to bring their food and the pair had to separate.

The pair ate their food in companionable silence, each offering the other little bits of their food.  By the time their plates were clean, Raven felt quite full and found herself having to turn down Manson’s rather insistent pleas for dessert.  “You could always bring it home with you,” he cajoled, waving the waiter over and ordering for them both despite her protests.

“But I don’t even know if I’ll eat it!  I’m just not that big a fan of sweets,” the flustered woman argued, no real fight in her voice.  She knew when she had already lost.  She just wondered what was so damn important about her getting dessert as well.

Soon the waiter was setting a covered dome between the pair before leaving them in peace.  It was at that moment that Raven noticed Manson looked a little... twitchy.  The normally composed male was shifting in place with a slightly nervous look on his lightly made-up face.  What on Earth could the ‘God of Fuck’ be nervous about?  Shaking off the strange observations, the artist watched as he removed the top to reveal two individual cakes.  What was on top of hers instantly explained his behavior and seemed to make all noise in the room fade to a dim hum.

There, on a tiny piece of paper, was a silver ring crowned with a blood red garnet.  The ring itself almost looked like a dragon claw clutching the stone and she suddenly found it hard to draw breath as her heart thudded in her chest.  Movement in front of her drew her gaze to a kneeling Manson and she felt her heart instantly stop as her throat began to clog with tears.  “Raven, I know we’ve only known eachother a short time and I have caused you more pain than I should have,” he began in a soft, shaky baritone, his mismatched eyes full of fear, love and hope.  The stunned female could only swallow thickly as she tried to keep her focus on him and not the people watching what was going on.

“After losing you and regaining you, I think I can safely say I can’t bear to live my life without you anymore.  I know I’m not offering you much.  A temperamental alcoholic with a violent streak a mile wide, but, so far you’ve been able to look past all that,” he continued, his eyes watching her reaction closely as he reached for the ring; grabbing it and offering it to her in the palm of his hand.

“Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” he whispered, tears edging his own eyes as he waited for her response.

She was so stunned by the suddenness of it all that she was basically struck speechless.  Closing her mouth and clearing her throat, the now crying woman nodded slowly as she felt sheer joy clench her heart.  The singer before her gave her a bright smile, slipping the ring on her right ring finger and getting to his feet to pull her into a tight embrace.  “I love you,” he rasped in her ear as the crowd cheered around them.

“I love you too,” she whispered, in a quiet, ecstatic voice as she pressed a light kiss just below his ear.  The tightening of his hands on her lower back told her this would be a wild night and she actually felt excited at the prospect.


	18. In Your Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice.’ - The Marquis de Sade
> 
> ‘Running to the Edge of the World’ (c) Marilyn Manson

The first thing she became aware of was the fact that she was wrapped in a tight embrace.  The next thing she became aware of was the feeling of something on her right ring finger.  Inhaling deeply, Raven turned in the arms that held her to face Manson.  In sleep, the singer looked more relaxed and innocent than she ever saw him awake.  Smiling softly, the freelancer reached forward to brush a lock of his dark hair out of his too pale face.  She remembered everything and felt a strange glow of happiness and peace within her.  She was engaged to Marilyn Manson and everything was right with her world.  Giving his nose a brief kiss, she pulled herself free of his arms to walk to the bathroom.

The cold feeling of the bed next to him was so unfamiliar that it startled the rock star.  For a few breathless moments, panic filled him as he scanned the room for any sign of his new fiance.  When he saw the closed bathroom door, he let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding before swinging his legs over the side of the bed.  Just as he was getting to his feet, his black phone began to play ‘Crazy Bitch’; drawing an aggravated groan from the performer.  What the hell could the irritating woman want?  Doing his best to remember to play nice, the rail thin man flipped open his phone and managed a fairly amiable hello.

“Good morning to you too sunshine.  Listen, I know she probably forgot and even if she didn’t; I doubt she’d tell you.  Today is Meag... er, Raven’s 29th birthday.  Have a good... whatever you’re doing,” the other woman informed him before hanging up, leaving Manson with a stunned look on his naked face.

“Why wouldn’t she.... right... this is Raven we’re talking about here.  Probably some bullshit about how she doesn’t see it as important,” he sighed in a half irritated voice, wishing he had known this a day earlier.  If he had forewarning, he would have saved the proposal for today.  Now he was at a complete loss for what to do for his fiance’s birthday.  Blinking, he realized he had the perfect gift already.

Raven came out of the bathroom with her shoulder length hair tied back in a ponytail and a Marilyn Manson shirt on her torso.  She looked rested and relaxed until she saw the singer was up and about.  “What are you doing awake?” she asked, taking note of the fact that he was also fully dressed.

“You being gone woke me up,” he purred, giving her a warm smile as he walked up to her and took her hands in his.  It was at that moment she noticed the strange look he had in his mismatched eyes.

“Remember when I took you up to the top of the hill?  We had our knives drawn,” he began in a gruff voice, making her breath stop in her throat.  This was one of his new songs, one she hadn’t had a chance to hear.

“They were as sharp as we were in love,” he continued, beginning to sway her softly as he sang.  Raven could only hold her breath as she met his glittering eyes with hers.

“If God crossed us; we'd take all his drugs, burn his money and his house down, and wait for the fire to spread,” he breathed, almost sounding as if he was singing a love ballad to her.

“Sometimes hate is not enough to turn this all to ashes,” he belted out, pulling away to watch her face as he turned them in a lazy circle.  The stunned female in his arms could only look up at him with an achingly happy expression, making his heart swell with love for this woman.

“Together as one against all others.  Break all of your wings and make sure it crashes,” he sighed in a reassuring, determined voice as he continued to sing.

“We're running to the edge of the world.  Running, running away,” he whispered his eyes squeezing shut as he led them in a slow circle of the room.  Raven could only take it in breathlessly, listening to the lyrics that sounded like they had been written for her.

“We're running to the edge of the world.  I don't know if the world will end today,” the performer rasped, resting his forehead against hers as his hand pulsed on her lower back.  He had obviously written this soon after the break-up and remembering the circumstances hurt him greatly.

“I had no choice, I erased the debt of our family, let you say goodbye with lips like dynamite,” Manson continued, his eyes opening to bore right into hers, making her feel like he was singing right to her soul.

“And everyone turned their backs because they knew when we held on tight to each other, we were something fatal, that fell into the wrong hands,” he whispered, placing a needy kiss to her lips as he turned them in a slow circle.  Hearing the aching loss that had been there when she was gone made her close her eyes with a grimace.

“Sometimes hate is not enough to turn this all to ashes,” the performer sighed, tilting her chin so she was looking up at him again.

“Together as one against all others.  Break all of your wings and make sure it crashes,” he nearly declared in song, his grip tightening on her back as he used his other hand to grab hers and entwine their fingers.

“We're running to the edge of the world.  Running, running away,” husked his shaky voice as he pressed his lips against hers gently.

“We're running to the edge of the world.  I don't know if the world will end today,” he nearly whispered, loving kisses peppering her face.  Slowly her guilt left for love and joy again.  Even then, he had been determined to try to get her back at some point and the thought made her feel warm on the inside.

“We don't seek death, we see destruction; death, we seek destruction.  We don't seek death, we see destruction; death, we seek destruction,” he sighed, leading them in a slow circle through the room once more; his cheek pressed firmly against hers.

“We're running to the edge of the world.  Running, running away,” he belted, stopping so his eyes looked straight into hers; vicious determination shining in his mismatched orbs.

“We're running to the edge of the world.  I don't know if the world will end today,” the rock star snarled, before taking her lips in a vicious kiss.  Then he was breaking the kiss to repeat the previous four lines against her lips.  Raven could only continue to allow him to lead, in a state of shock and swooning.

“See a new beginning rise behind the sun.  We can't never catch up to them as fast as we run,” Manson sighed, leading her in a tight circle as he repeated the line three more times.  Once he was finished, Raven wasn’t sure she wasn’t still dancing.

With his voice still humming through her body, the utterly swept away female looked up at the rocker with an utterly heart-breaking smile.  Then she was pulling him down into the sweetest, most loving kiss she had ever given him.  Her tongue gently parted his lips as she shyly explored his mouth, wrapping a shaking hand in his shoulder length locks.  All too soon she was breaking it to burrow her heated face into the dark material of his long sleeve shirt.  “Thank you,” she whispered in a soft, happy voice, her joyous tears wetting his shirt.

“Happy Birthday,” he murmured, making her pull back with an absolutely shocked look.  In fact her expression made him chuckle heartily as he leaned forward to kiss her nose.

“How did you...,” she began until she saw the humor dancing in his mismatched gaze.

“Fucking Mandy,” Raven growled, no real anger to her voice.  After what Manson had just done for her, she couldn’t find it in herself to be angry at her friend.

“She told me you weren’t going to tell me.  Now why would you do a silly thing like that?” the performer sighed in a slightly annoyed voice.

“You’re just going to make fun of me,” the embarrassed woman murmured as she lowered her gaze and began to poke her index fingers together.

“Probably, but I want to know anyway,” the taller male teased, relaxing slightly as soon as he realized it wasn’t a self-depreciation issue.  The pale woman in his arms huffed semi-playfully as she lightly smacked his right forearm.  Then she quickly sobered, lowering her gaze as she grimaced.

“I... I’m afraid of aging...,” she murmured quietly,shuffling in his arms nervously as she waited for the laughter to start.

“Are you afraid to die?” the superstar asked, sounding as if he was trying to understand.  Giving him a grateful smile, Raven shook her head.

“I don’t want to die but I don’t fear it.  I fear growing old.  I fear my body failing me, losing my memory, being in chronic pain, not being able to do any of the things I used to love,” she elaborated, looking a bit disturbed just talking about it.  Manson only watched her silently, listening to every word she said.

“I dread living to be sixty or even eighty.  My body is giving me hell already, I really don’t want to see what I’ll be like when I’m elderly,” she continued, shuddering slightly as she rubbed an arm.

“What do you mean?” the celebrity whispered, an alarmed look on his naked face.

“It’s nothing too serious, don’t worry.  I broke my left elbow when I was nine and it’s never been the same since.  It’s gotten so bad that I can’t lift anything with it without horrible pains signals shooting through it.  I also have a few issues with my stomach, back and knees.  I’m only twenty-nine and I feel like I’m forty,” she explained, feeling a bit happy that he was so concerned for her.

Her confession only seemed to deepen his worry and a frown crinkled his brow.  “Why haven’t you seen a doctor for these things,” he husked out, slowly letting her go to allow his eyes to rove over her.  It was almost as if he was checking her for outward signs of damage.

“Being a freelance artist doesn’t bring in a lot of money.  I can’t afford health insurance right now but I have gone to a few free clinics.  The most I can afford is some cheap pain meds and Lansoprazole, I just can’t keep up with prescriptions,” she explained, reaching forward to give his right hand a gentle squeeze.  Manson only narrowed his eye before he took a deep breath and slowly relaxed.

“Well, it won’t matter soon anyway.  Once we’re married, you can be added onto my insurance.  Until then, how about I cover your prescription,” he offered, smiling slightly as he led her out into the living room of the suite.

“I can’t possibly let you do that!  I’m fine with over the counter remedies and even through a free clinic, the medication can run $100,” she protested, only earning a raising of a hairless brow.

“Hun, with how much I make do you think that matters to me?  The doctors probably want you to take that medication for a reason and as long as I’m able, I’m not about to let you go without,” he declared, a steely look in his heterochromic eyes.

“But...,” she began, not quite feeling right about having him pay for anything.  She was an adult, she should damn well be able to take care of herself.

“No buts Raven.  If you don’t start taking this, you could get worse.  Besides, you’d do the same for me if our positions were reversed,” the taller male sighed, tugging her gently over to the couch.  Then he was sitting down, pulling her down onto his jeans clad lap.

“Yeah, you’re right on that one but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  I almost feel like I’m using you in some way,” she grumbled, nestling into his too bony chest as she wrapped her arms around him.

“I certainly don’t see it that way.  The way I see it, I’m just helping you which is what I’m supposed to be doing anyway,” the rock star holding her sighed, brushing her dark hair out of her face before wrapping his own arms around her.

“So, what would you like to do on your birthday?” he asked after a few moments of relaxed silence, looking down at her curiously.  Raven could only blink for a few seconds before she got a thoughtful look on her milk white face.

“Do you like gory movies?” she asked, a strange glint in her hazel eyes as she look up at him.

It was official, she would have to take time off until Raven returned or there would be no house to return to.  She had come downstairs to find her living room in shambles with Pogo in the middle of the room, pinned by Ginger and John 5 as Tim and Jeordie picked up the scattered movies.  Once again, her poor coffee table had received a tombstoning from her T.V. and the curly haired female found herself having to take deep, slow breaths to stop herself from pouncing on the keyboardist to kill him in a terrible manner.  “Gacy... darling, I thought we’ve had this conversation before,” the too pale woman gritted out, her hands curled into shaky fists by her sides as her green eyes sparkled with outright fury.  All movement in the room stopped as all the men turned to face her, a terrified silence following soon after.

In his short time around the journalist, Ginger had never seen her this angry.  Not even when Manson was acting like a jerk to Raven during the tour.  “Oh we did but you must have missed the part where I don’t give a fuck,” giggled the infuriating male beneath him and John, making the drummer wish he could rewind time and put a hand over the fool’s mouth.  Silence filled the room and everyone in the room could  _ feel _ the rage rising in the air as red began to flush the tiny female’s cheeks.

“If you guys don’t get off him and give him a head start, I’ll kill him where he lays,” hissed the livid female, making the two band members on top of her victim run away like a bomb was heading their way.  Then Pogo was running while cackling, Amanda close on his heels.

Tom could only stare up at the house, a slightly confused look on his squarish face.  From what he was hearing, it sounded like there was a war going on in there.  Just as he raised a hand to knock, he heard a loud crash and began to seriously consider coming back another time.  It was only the promise of seeing Amanda that kept him in place.  Squaring his blue clad shoulders, the broad actor knocked firmly on the door.  He only had to wait a few seconds before it was opened by a rather disheveled looking Twiggy.  “Who are you? the pink dress wearing male asked, tilting his dreadlocked head to the side.

“I’m Tom Welling, one of Amanda’s friends.  I was here yesterday,” the dark haired stair answered smoothly, doing his best not to stare at the other man’s outfit.  The actor admittedly knew very little about Manson and his band, only that they were a strange bunch.  Still, seeing a guy wearing a dress was a new one for him.

“Oh, it’s you.  Come on in I guess but don’t expect to be greeted right away,” Jeordie replied, a faint look of hatred in his brown eyes as he stepped aside for the minor celebrity.

Tom could only blink in confusion before coming inside.  It almost seemed as if the guy was pissed off at him for something.  Maybe it was because he was after Amanda, who was in a relationship with one of the band members.  Brushing it off as a brotherhood thing, the unphased T.V. star walked into the living room to be greeted with a strange sight.  The object of his affections was currently chasing a mohawked man around the ruins of a T.V. that had been driven into a table.  Blinking at the unusual display, the actor loudly cleared his throat to get their attention.  Thankfully this had the desired reaction but with disastrous results.

Everyone turned to look at him, including the pair that was still running; resulting in a crash as Amanda rammed into Pogo’s back and knocked the taller male over.  Soon the two were a tangled heap of limbs, the nutty keyboardist howling with laughter as the flustered journalist tried to extricate herself from him.  Ginger was by her side in moments, beating Tom’s reaction time by mere seconds; making the minor star grit his teeth in irritation.  “Are you okay Amanda?” he asked, watching as her... boyfriend pulled her free of the still cackling band member.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good.  Er, what are you doing here?” the embarrassed journalist murmured, avoiding his cerulean eyes as she straightened and brushed herself off.

“I wanted to spend some time alone with you,” Tom replied, earning a glare from Ginger as he released the journalist’s shoulder.  In fact, all the men in the room seemed to be growing steadily hostile, their brown eyes narrowed in fury at his audacity.

As if sensing the brewing violence, Amanda immediately placed herself in front of the actor to prevent him from being attacked.  “I’m not going on a date with you.  If you can’t respect the fact that I’m with Ginger, I’m afraid that we can’t be friends,” she declared much more sternly than she really felt.  On the inside, she felt like she was being torn in half.  One part of her wanted to get to know the man a lot better due to how drawn to him she felt.  The other part felt disgusted at her indecision due to her already being in a relationship.  All at once, she wished Raven had never met Manson in the first place, a thought that made her feel sick to her very core.  Her friend was more happy than she had seen in years, what kind of person was she to wish that hadn’t happened just to save herself some grief.

“I know and I accept that fact.  I wasn’t asking for a date anyway.  Just some time to get to know you better,” he replied, the look in his eyes making it very hard for her to say no.

Sighing, she looked unsurely at her boyfriend, nibbling her lower lip.  Ginger only narrowed his eyes at Tom before giving Amanda a sweet smile.  “It’s okay for you to go out with a friend Mandy,” he reassured, despite the fact that he very much wanted to forbid her from going.  As satisfying as that would feel, it would only show that he didn’t trust her to stay faithful to him.  Besides, the relieved smile she gave him in return made it all worth it.

“Where did you want to go?” she asked shyly as she followed the taller man.  She never saw the incredulous looks the band and Jeordie were giving the drummer behind her.

“Are you just going to let her go?” John 5 hissed in disbelief, disgust clear of his pale face.

“I trust her.  It’s not like Tom is going to try to rape her,” the acne scarred man sighed, already feeling anxious about the two of them being alone.  He wasn’t worried Amanda would act on her feelings, only worried that they’d grow closer.  He would have had to have been blind not to see the growing connection between the pair and he felt his heart ache in his chest.  If he lost her, he didn’t know what he would do.  How would he ever be able to let anyone else that close?

A sudden arm around his shoulders brought his attention to an oddly concerned looking Pogo.  A bit suspicious of the normally crazy man, Ginger gave him a wary look as he leaned away as politely as possible.  “Come on let’s go out to get the new furniture so we can watch some ‘Scooby-Doo’,” he consoled, leading the stunned drummer out of the living room.  The others simply shrugged and began to pick up.

“Do you think she’ll stay,” John 5 sighed as he picked up a bit of the shattered table.  Twiggy only sighed before moving one of his dreds behind an ear.

“I don’t know.  I’ve only seen such a strong connection between Raven and Manson.  She just doesn’t seem to have that underlying current with Ginger.  That’s not to say she doesn’t love him though,” the ex-guitarist responded, looking at Tim.  The stoic Swede only gave his normal neutral look as he picked up his own share of debris.

“We will have to see what happens,” the bassist replied in his thickly accented voice as he gathered half the table and carried it out of the living room.

Raven gleefully watched Manson’s reactions to one of her favorite movies.  She had chosen to show the rock star ‘Dead-Alive’, the goriest movie she had ever seen.  Yet, despite the bloodiness, the movie was also exceedingly funny; ending up as a perfect mixture of horror and comedy.  She knew it was going to be much more entertaining to watch her boyfriend’s face as soon as the opening screen came on.  While the would-be explorer fled from a group of angry natives, followed closely by his guide that was carrying a bamboo and burlap cage; Manson was watching with utter confusion.  Then came when the ‘explorer’ got bitten during their escape in a Jeep.  When they cut off his hand and blood spurted free, she thought she would die laughing because of how shocked the singer looked.  Whatever he had been expecting, this certainly wasn’t it.

Soon he seemed to be enjoying the strange love story / zombie movie, laughing at the appropriate moments and even seeming to enjoy some of the excessively bloody scenes.  Then there had been the scene when the zombie nurse and zombie priest began to fuck on the kitchen table while the poor protagonist was trying to get his skeezy Uncle to leave.  The look on his face had very nearly made her burst out into helpless laughter.  The performer looked beyond violated and gave her a very judgemental glance that wasn’t helping her hold in her giggles.  Oh how she wished she had a camera right now!  Then the birth scene happened and the female had to pause until her laughter calmed.  “Oh wow!  I really wish I had a camera!  The look on your face is absolutely priceless!” she hooted, wiping tears of mirth from her cheeks.  Manson only gave her a playful noogie before taking the remote from her and pressing play once more.

As the story continued to unfold, the singer beside her grew more and more perplexed by the strange story.  The protagonist was keeping the zombies in the basement like an odd family or a group of very dangerous pets.  When it came time for him to get rid of him due to his Uncle blackmailing him over keeping dead bodies in the cellar, Raven could barely stop herself from crying.  Yes these were rotting, killer zombies but they still had personalities and seemed to have an odd affection for the poor hero.  So when it came time for him to inject them with an overdose of tranquilizers, she was very close to outright bawling her eyes out.  Even Manson seemed a bit choked up, his throat working as he swallowed thickly.

A few minutes later, their sorrow was made to be superfluous as the protagonist was shoved into the basement by his Uncle; making a horrifying discovery.  The tranquilizer was meant for animals only.  Just as he made that discovery, the dirt floor began to crack and bulge and the zombies below resurrected.  When they popped free of the ground, they were pissed.  Yet there was one zombie missing, the hero’s mother.  Still, the protagonist had more things to worry about as the large crowd of zombies chased him out of the basement to escape into a party his Uncle was throwing.  From there, things descended into absolute bloody chaos.  There was even an animated pile of guts crawling around at one point, only adding to the oddness of the events unfolding onscreen.

After plenty of blood, the movie finally reached her favorite part and the freelancer leaned forward with anticipation all over her pale face.  The superstar next to her only raised a naked brow before returning his focus to the screen.  That was the point the ill-fated man came into his house with a push mower, holding the machine so the blades faced the mob of zombies.  Then he proceeded to mow them the fuck down, blood and limbs flying off everywhere.  While this was going on, Raven was cackling like a mad woman; seeming to enjoy the wanton destruction just a tad too much.  “Aren’t you squeamish?” the frankly shocked rocker asked, with a hairless brow quirked.

“With real blood, certainly.  This is all fake.  The effects are great though,” she answered enthusiastically, feeling a bit disappointed when the scene ended.  The lawnmower scene was one of the most creative things she had ever seen and she had never seen anything quite like it since.

“You’re a very strange person,” Manson remarked, amusement tinging his voice as he pulled her against his side to watch the rest of the film.

When the final face-off came with the thing that had been the hero’s mother, Raven once again turned her attention to her fiance to see his reaction to a coming scene.  Sure enough, when the thing that was the protagonist’s mother opened her stomach to envelop him like a twisted fetus, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’s’ eyes very nearly bugged out of his skull.  The expression on his face was so ‘what the fuck’ that she very nearly burst into laughter again.  Then everything came to a spectacularly gory conclusion, ending with the blood covered man cutting his way free of the monster, grabbing his girl, ziplining down to the street and pressing a bloody kiss to her lips as the credits rolled.  “So, what did you think?” she asked, barely able to hold in laughter as Manson gave her an extremely incredulous look.

“It was certainly... something,” he replied, still looking a bit shell-shocked by what he had just seen.

“I know right?  It’s one of my favorite movies!  What did you think of the lawnmower scene?” she gushed excitedly, nearly bouncing from her high amount of energy.  The singer only gave her a surprised glance before chuckling.

“It was pretty fucking awesome, I have to admit,” he replied with a smile, reaching for the phone to order some lunch for them.  To be honest, he wasn’t as shocked by the movie as he was by the fact that Raven liked it so much.  He never thought his timid fiance would like something so bloody.  Of course this only made him want to see what else he could find out about her and he merely grinned as he placed an order for their food.

Amanda and Tom sat in a crowded diner, the curly haired female just finishing up a story about how she had gotten Mystery.  The man across from her only listened silently, his blue eyes focused on her as she spoke.  “I have a question for you, I just hope you won’t think I’m rude for asking it,” he murmured, appearing to brace himself as her green gaze settled on him.

“Go ahead,” she replied, taking a sip of her cola.  She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach about what he was going to ask but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Are you happy?” he whispered, his gaze locking with hers.  The curly haired female only grimaced before pushing her mostly empty plate away, having lost her appetite.

“Tom...,” she sighed, her voice holding just a hint of warning.  She really didn’t want to have this conversation, truly afraid of where it would lead.

“I’m not trying to make you leave him, I promise.  I’ve never felt as drawn to anyone as I do to you,” he replied, his cerulean orbs holding a pleading edge.

Amanda bit her lip, both exhilarated and upset by his declaration.  She felt the same way but she didn’t feel right about acting on any of that, let alone telling him.  There was nothing either of them could do about this connection with her being in a relationship with Ginger.  She loved the drummer far too much to hurt him by leaving for someone else, let alone someone he knew she felt drawn to.  “I am.  Ginger is a very sweet guy,” she replied quietly, avoiding his gaze.

“Aren’t you lonely when he goes on tour?  What about if Manson leaves Raven again?” he whispered, his voice sounding a bit fevered as his hands clenched the tablecloth.

Amanda only narrowed her eyes before getting up and placing money for her meal on the table.  “Thank you for lunch,” she whispered, a steely anger in her voice.  Then she was stomping out, her angry mask slipping for the very real panic she felt on the inside.  He hadn’t said much but it was enough to make her think about a few things, things that were already nagging at the back of her mind.  She could deal with the drummer going on tour, it was the very real prospect of Manson and Raven breaking up that she couldn’t handle.  The pair seemed fine now but their history wasn’t exactly all that good.  If the worst happened, what would she and Ginger do?  The musician couldn’t very well leave the band and she couldn’t go with them.  Shuddering at the unwelcome thought, the journalist did her best to shove it to the back of her mind.  After all, there was little point in worrying about things that might never happen.


	19. One Hell of a Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘Join me in my quest to build a better world. It is only as a collective with a singular, focused vision that we will be able to reject the ugliness of this reality and transform the world into a Utopian Playland.’ - Doctor Phineas Waldolf Steel

“What the hell do you mean they won’t leave?  We’re coming home today,” came an irritated snarl, drawing Raven out of a sound sleep.

“Okay, at least the police are on the way.  What do you mean there’s something else?” the voice continued, getting more and more irritated.  Sensing trouble brewing, the drowsy female slowly sat and opened her eyes to look at her new fiance.

Manson looked absolutely livid, every muscle in his body shaking as his lips pursed.  “Sure, put Ginger on...  Now, tell me what the fuck is going on,” he growled, running a hand through his hair as he paced.  Then he froze his eyes traveling to her as they filled with anger and disbelief.

“Come again?  I don’t think I heard you right,” he hissed, his free hand curling into a fist as his gaze seemed to bore right into her.  Of course, her first thought was  _ ‘What’s going on and why is he looking at me like that?’ _

“Uh huh.  Thanks.  No, I promise I won’t.  Yeah, yeah I know.  We’ll see you guys soon,” he sighed, defusing slightly but looking no less angry.  Then he was closing his phone before releasing a slow breath and pinching his nose, the ambient light in the room shining off his naked body.

Silence stretched between the pair, the confused freelancer not daring to make a sound.  Then Manson was opening his mismatched orbs, all his earlier anger gone for faint betrayal and confusion.  “That was Amanda.  The paparazzi are hovering outside your house again.  It seems they have impeccable timing.  On top of that, Ginger told me Dita dropped in to see how you were doing,” he declared, his words knocking the breath from her body.  With everything that had happened, she had completely forgotten about her friendship with Dita.  To be honest, when she had befriended the other woman she had no idea she and Manson would get back together; let alone get engaged.

“I, uh... she came by right after the break-up.  She felt really bad about what she had done to me while we were together and wanted to try to help improve our relationship because she felt she was the reason it was failing.  When she found out about what happened, she insisted on giving me her number.  We became friends soon after that,” she found herself explaining as anxiety began to grip her heart.  The singer wasn’t aware of the things the pin-up had told her, not to mention he seemed to blame a facsimile of her voice for fucking with his head.  It was very likely he wasn’t going to take this information all that well.

“What has she told you,” he sighed, surprising her with the lack of violence in his reaction.  She had been expecting a full on freak out, maybe even a relapse that drove him to leave their suite and seek out a prostitute.

“She explained her side of things, why she acted the way she did.  I already told her that I refuse to serve as a bridge of communication between you two.  She just wanted to offer her advice and then a shoulder in case I needed it,” Raven replied quietly, avoiding his gaze as her shaking hands began to worry the hem of the overlarge t-shirt she wore.

“Has she asked about me?” came his urgent voice, his hands settling on her shoulders and making her nearly jump out of her skin.  Meeting his eyes with hers, she merely shook her head.

“Not that much actually and I mostly refused to answer beyond whether or not you were okay,” the pale woman whispered, her hazel eyes wide as her fiance practically glared at her.  Then he was shoving away from her to pace, running his hands through his shoulder length hair as his agitation grew.

“Mare, calm down.  She’s not trying to stalk you or even communicate with you.  If she wanted that, do you think I’d be talking to her?” she whispered, not daring to move in case she accidentally set him off.  Thankfully her words had the desired effect and he stopped in place as he got a considering look on his pale face.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.  It’s just... just thinking about her...,” he snarled, giving her a torn look as he gripped one hand in his inky hair.  In a second Raven was up and closing the distance, placing a hand on his upper back.

“I know.  She was probably just worried because she hasn’t heard from me in a couple days,” she soothed, wrapping her arms around him in a loose hug.  The rocker relaxed immediately, wrapping his own arms around her as he burrowed his nose in her ebony hair.

“I just hope for her sake she’s being genuine.  If she’s using you to get to me..,” he began, his entire body shaking from rage as he stared at the wall.

“Shh, let’s just get home.  Amanda’s probably going to kill me as it is for not telling her I got engaged,” Raven urged, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before scampering off to pack her things.  She didn’t see the tense expression still in the singer’s eyes.

“Whoa, whoa!  Easy!  Dita and Raven are friends,” Amanda tried to reason, placing herself between the model and the advancing group of men.  Twiggy only sneered before rolling his brown eyes.

“You don’t know her like we do!  She’ll use any route to get close to Manson again,” John 5 hissed, venom dripping from his mid-tone voice as his earthy eyes spat fire.

“And you don’t know that she started a friendship with Raven before they were even thinking about getting back together!  She hasn’t even asked about him beyond what happened,” the curly haired female returned, giving Ginger a pleading look.  Said drummer looked torn, looking like he both wanted to be on her side and help the others at the same time.

“I know that we tend to demonize her a bit but some of her actions did drive away some of Manson’s past girlfriends.  He has a lot of fear and betrayal attached to her because of that.  I just don’t think its a good idea for her to be here when they get back, no matter how good her intentions,” the acne scarred drummer suggested, perking slightly at the sound of sirens outside.

Amanda opened her mouth to argue more and only stopped when she felt a tentative hand touch her upper arm.  Turning, she saw Dita giving her a pleading glance.  “No, it’s okay.  It’s probably not a good idea for me to be here if Brian is coming back.  I just wanted to check on Raven as I hadn’t heard from her in a while,” the beautiful woman replied in a placating tone, just as there was a din of yelling from outside.  Thankfully the sincerity of her words seemed to set the group of men at ease and they back off just slightly.

“Sounds like the cops are shooing away our visitors.  Why don’t you wait until they’re gone to leave?” Pogo offered a bit begrudgingly, his eyes seeming to bore right into her.  The pin-up star only gave a polite smile before shaking her dark haired head.

“No, thank you but I’d rather not take the risk of setting off Brian.  Last time I showed up...  Well, let’s just say I don’t want something like that to happen when things are just getting stable again,” the older woman replied, before turning and heading to the door.

“Just tell Raven to call me.  I would love to hear how this came to be,” she joked before opening the door and walking out.  This silence that followed was almost like a living thing as the five men gave eachother variations of considering looks.

“I don’t like it!  She’s never been buddy, buddy with one of Manson’s girlfriends, current or ex.  I know you said that they were friends before Raven and him got back together but I still don’t like it.  Granted she’s never tried to get to him by using someone else but I wouldn’t put it past her,” Jeordie growled, placing a hand on a pink clad hip as he narrowed his dark eyes.

“Neither would I but, if that was the case, why would she leave when she knows Manson’s coming back today,” John 5 replied, looking apprehensive and angry.  Only Tim and Pogo didn’t look speculative, merely thoughtful.

“Now, now.  That’s a bit paranoid.  Up until now, Dita was only doing what she thought was right for Marilyn.  Yeah, she went about it in a dick-ish way but I doubt it was due to true maliciousness,” the mohawked keyboardist argued, the bassist next to him nodding silently.

John 5 looked about to argue when he was interrupted by Ginger stepping towards them.  “Gacy is right.  She’s never tried to use any of us to get to him and I doubt Raven would fall for it,” the drummer agreed, still looking apprehensive despite his words.

“There is no point in worrying when there isn’t a problem.  We should just keep an eye on things,” Tim offered, looking as neutral as ever.  The other four turned to him briefly before nodding.

The exasperated Amanda could only watch the small crowd before releasing a groan of annoyance.  She could understand their suspicions, especially given how Dita acted before, but this was almost conspiracy level paranoia.  Then again, had she acted any better around Manson?  Seeing how they were acting made her take a closer look at how she viewed the singer.  It was entirely possible that she had allowed the past to shade over what she was expecting of the infamous male.  Heaving another sigh, the brown haired female slumped slightly as guilt and a very slight sardonicness filled her.   _ ‘Great, now I’ve got to find some way to apologize,’ _ she grumbled to herself before moving into the kitchen to make herself some rather strong coffee.

Thankfully, Manson had calmed significantly by the time they had pulled into the driveway.  He was even laughing and joking with Raven as he put her car into park.  “Looks like the police took care of your friends,” the singer observed as he took the key out of the ignition and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Yeah, thank God for that.  A bunch of cameras and microphones shoved in my face were the last thing I wanted to deal with as soon as I got home,” the black clad woman sighed as she unbuckled her own seatbelt and opened her door.  As she got out of her car, she couldn’t help but hope that Dita hadn’t stuck around long after she had seen the band.  After everything they had spoken about, the model had certainly  _ seemed _ to understand how her presence affected the rock star.

The towering singer also got out of the car, giving the house an apprehensive glance as he squared his shoulders.  Not liking how tense he looked, the freelancer shut her door before going to his side and looping an arm in his.  Jumping slightly at the contact, Manson turned to look at her and managed a shaky grin that didn’t reach his mismatched eyes.  “We can get through this together Marilyn,” she assured before leading him gently to the shut door.  Before she could even reach for the doorknob she heard what sounded like a bunch of cats being skinned coming from inside.

“Are you sure we can’t go back to the hotel for a few days?” Raven groaned, giving the man behind her a grimace.  The singer could only return her reluctant expression before turning the metal knob and swinging the door open.

Pogo sang badly into a toy microphone while Tim strummed a guitar controller in rhythm to the song ‘Epic’.  Amanda grimaced in pain as she plugged her ears, Ginger doing the same beside her.  John 5 was playing a second guitar controller while Twiggy played on a drum set controller.  The scene was so surreal that both Manson and Raven considered leaving and coming back again to see if it was an alternate dimension they had accidentally wandered into.  “What the hell happened while we were gone?” the amused artist giggled, making the gamers stop mid-note.

“Megs?” her curly haired roomie whispered hopefully before releasing a jokingly dramatic sigh and throwing herself at the slightly taller woman.

“Oh Megs, it was terrible!  They broke the T.V. and coffee table again!  I had to take time off work to make sure they wouldn’t destroy our house!  Please promise you won’t leave me again,” the journalist begging, going down on her knees and giving her best friend the most pathetic look she could manage.  Raven could only laugh, the sound of the level failing punctuating the group of men coming at them at once.

Then the pair were enveloped in a huge hug, assaulted by many voices asking them something different at the same time.  “One at a time, one at a time,” they protested in unison, humor in their voice as they watched the six people immediately began bickering for the right to speak first.  It was no surprise to anyone when Amanda won that right, leading the black haired artist into the kitchen for some ‘girl talk’.  This left Manson at the mercy of his worried, inquisitive bandmates.

“Was it really that bad?” Raven joked as her childhood companion ushered her into a chair and shoved a ‘Red Pop’ into her hands.  The slightly older woman only gave her a violated look before pouring herself a mug of coffee and sitting in a chair across from her.

“You have no idea.  Pogo was nude nearly the entire time and, on top of that, Tom Welling won’t leave me alone,” the journalist sighed, looking honestly stressed out at she took a sip of the bitter beverage.

The midnight clad woman only nodded, her previous good feelings deflating in the face of her friend’s pain.  “I thought you would be happy about that, what with the massive crush you have on the guy,” she tried to joke, hoping to lighten to mood.  All this achieved was a pain filled, sardonic laugh.

“Yeah, you would think.  If I had met Tom before Ginger I would have jumped at the chance to date the man.  Now, now I’m just trying to get him to leave me alone.  It’s not that I don’t like him or feel a connection to him, as you know,” the miserable writer whispered, fixing her green gaze on the wood of the table.

“I know.  You wouldn’t feel right leaving Ginger for him,” the more goth female responded, grimacing as she took a sip of her soda.

“I thought I could just be friends with him because at least then we could still be around eachother.  Tom seems unwilling to just let it drop at that however.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  When I’m around him, I feel more whole and at peace than I have in a long time but there’s also what I have with Ging.  I just, I don’t know what to do anymore,” the tortured female whispered, gripping her head tightly due to her confused emotions.

Raven only pursed her lips, anger beginning to surge in her veins.  It was one thing that her friend was having problems deciding which man she wanted.  It was another thing entirely when said man refused to respect her decision.  “Has he been trying to drive you two apart or anything?” she asked, taking a deep breath to try to relieve some of the rage she felt.

“Not yet but he did mention something I’m already afraid of,” the distraught journalist responded, grimacing just thinking about it.

“And what was that,” Raven asked, despite having a very good idea what it was.

“He asked me what would happen when Manson went on tour or if you two broke up again,” Amanda sighed reluctantly, keeping her gaze on the table as she braced herself for her friend’s anger.

The incensed female shot to her feet, slamming her palms down on the wood of the table as she snarled through her flared nostrils.  At first the curly haired writer was afraid the rage was directed at her but quickly realized it was more directed at Tom.  “That sonova...  Listen Mandy, no matter what happens between Marilyn and I, you need to follow your heart.  Don’t be afraid to be with Ginger if that’s what you want!  Besides, if this is how Welling is going to act, I’m not so sure I want you to be in a relationship with him,” the artist announced, grabbing her long time acquaintance’s upper arms and gripping hard.  It was at that moment that Ginger and Twiggy came running in, making the pair jolt away from eachother like guilty teenagers despite the fact they had been doing something perfectly innocent.

“Uh, did we interrupt something?” the confused drummer asked while the former guitarist giggled behind a pink nailed hand.

“No!” both females exclaimed in unison, their consequent blushes not helping their argument.

“We were just talking about Tom,” Amanda offered after a few seconds of silence, still avoiding her boyfriend’s gaze as her teeth worried her lower lip.  In seconds, the bleach blonde closed the distance and captured her chin in a gentle grip; forcing the smaller woman to look up at him.

“Whatever you decide, I won’t be angry.  I could never be angry with you.  Just don’t expect me to let you go without a fight,” he whispered before bending down to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  Then he was turning around to leave, shooing the still giggling Jeordie out as he went.

Manson, who had been heading in to see just what was going on, was bumped into by the pair; raising a hairless brow as they squeezed by him.  “What happened?” the performer asked, stepping into the kitchen to see his fiance hugging her housemate.  Raven only shook her head, giving him an apologetic look as she pet her friend’s wavy locks.  She was just about to explain that things were under control when the woman in her arms surprisingly took the reins

“We were talking about a problem I’m having,” she replied quietly, shocking the pair badly.

While he didn’t like the tiny female, he couldn’t help but feel some sympathy hearing how miserable she was.  Raven, seeing this as an opportunity for the two to bond, gave her friend a few pats on the back before simply walking out and leaving them alone.  Glaring at where his fiance had disappeared, the rock star took a deep breath before approaching the table and taking a seat across from Amanda.  The female looked just as uncomfortable as he did, fiddling with the Superman emblazoned shirt that adorned her torso.  “How do you feel around Mea... er, Raven,” she whispered shyly, avoiding his gaze.  The taller man could only blink for a few moments before getting a considering look on his pale face.

“It’s hard to explain.  Every moment with her feels like coming home after a long trip.  I trust her with every fiber of my being, not something I can say for a lot of people.  She just... makes me strive to be a better for both her and myself,” he replied, an out of place soft smile on his make-upless features.

Just hearing that made the last of her apprehension about the singer go away as well as helped her come to a very important decision.  “You know, as drawn as I feel to Tom, I can safely say that I feel the same way around Ginger,” the journalist sighed, barely able to contain a giggle due to the rocker’s completely nonplussed expression.

“Come again?” he asked, tilting his head to the side as his brow furrowed slightly.

“Didn’t Raven tell you anything?” she asked, half exasperated and half grateful.  On the one hand, she was happy her childhood friend had kept her secrets just that.  On the other hand, she was annoyed that she would have to explain everything from the beginning.  Manson shaking his head slowly only cemented her assumptions and the brown haired writer sighed before launching into a concise explanation of what had been going on.

“So, this Tom Welling guy, you feel a strong connection to him but you love Ginger too much to go anywhere,” he summarized once she was done talking, an angry expression on his face.  One of the things she had told him about had been the actor’s attempt to play on Amanda’s innate fears and he had to say he was pissed about it.  Using such tactics reminded him too much of what Dita did to him during and after their relationship, making him seriously want to strangle the man despite the fact he was sure they had never met once.

“Right.  Thanks to what you said about Raven, I think I know what I need to do for myself,” she replied, a peaceful smile on her face as her body completely relaxed.  Just knowing she had made a final decision made her feel much better.  The only thing that ruined her mood was that she would have to break the news to Tom, a prospect that made her grimace slightly.  Somehow, she didn’t think the minor celebrity would take the news that well.

“Would you mind telling me what that decision was?” Manson asked, sincerely hoping the brown haired female had made the correct one.  Amanda could only raise a delicate brow before shrugging and nodding.

“I’m staying with Ginger.  If Tom can’t accept that, he needs to leave,” she declared, determination shining in her green orbs.  Then, to her great shock, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ was on his feet and pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you.  No matter what happens between me and Raven, Ginger deserves to be happy with you.  If you had chosen that asshole, I’m afraid I would have ended up punching him for coming between you two,” he rasped, his arms tightening before he was letting her go.

Amanda could only stare at him dumbfounded for a few seconds before a smile broke out on her pale face.  Raven, who had been waiting outside, slowly stuck her head in the door; smiling at what she saw.  “Looks like you two might start getting along yet,” she teased as she ambled into the kitchen.  The pair only rolled their eyes at her, smiles on their faces despite the annoyed looks they were giving her.

“Anyway, there was sorta something I wanted to tell you,” she continued, grabbing Manson’s arms before he could even think of retreated.  The captured singer could only give her a pleading look, getting an ‘I’m not doing this alone’ one in return.

Blinking, the journalist nodded before motioning her friend to continue.  The nervous woman only nodded before taking a deep breath to steady her nerves.  “Manson and I got engaged the day before my birthday,” she said all in a rush, half hoping the blue clad journalist across from her would miss most of it.  Unfortunately for her it seemed to click, as Amanda’s eyes went wide.  Then a squeal erupted from the thin female as she flung herself at the stunned freelancer and enveloped her in a tight hug.

“Oh my God I can’t fucking believe it!  Why didn’t you tell me the day it happened!” she gushed excitedly, bouncing up and down while still holding onto Raven.  The still shell-shocked femme could only laugh as she was forced to jump in place.  Manson, who was still beside her, watched the whole thing with an amused look on his pale visage.

“It just sorta slipped my mind?” the artist offered lamely, bursting into laughter at her roommate’s exasperated expression.

“You’d forget you head if it wasn’t attached,” the brown haired writer sighed, giving the woman in her arms a playful glare before releasing her.  Raven only laughed before leading her roomie to the living room.

“Yeah, yeah I know.  Let’s go tell the others the good news,” she offered, Manson following close behind.

What had started out as a simple engagement announcement, turned into Amanda also telling Ginger what she had decided and Pogo declaring a party.  Now the booze was flowing like water, the only ones not drinking being Raven, Amanda and, surprisingly, Manson.  The rock star had been the first they thought would join in, now it seemed he was perfectly content to watch the drunken shenanigans of the others; an arm slung around the black clad freelancer’s shoulders.

Currently, Pogo and Twiggy were having a sing off on ‘Rock Star’ while Tim and John 5 sat and nursed their drinks.  Ginger was currently eyeing his lounging girlfriend before smiling, scooping her up in his arms and sitting down to place her in his jeans clad lap.  At first the brown haired female was thrown off balance, then she gave the drummer a heart melting smile as she rubbed her nose along his affectionately.  “Ugh, get a room you two,” Manson joked before giving his fiance a quick peck on the cheek.  Mandy only stuck her tongue out at the thin man before planting a kiss on Ginger.  From there, it devolved into a strange competition between the two; each seeming to try to top the other.

Raven soon caught on to what was going on and pulled away from the singer to give him a playfully angry look.  “Mare,” she sighed before rolling her eyes and clambering into his lap and placing her forehead against his.

“If you wanted to do this, you should have included me,” she purred, before taking his lips in a passionate kiss.  The singer replied with gusto, urging Amanda to up the ante.

Watching the pair with pursed lips, the determined writer grabbed ahold of her drunk boyfriend and practically shoved her tongue down his throat.  Rolling her hazel eyes, the artist beside her pulled away from the celebrity she was straddling.  “Alright, you win,” she conceded before slowly pulling herself off Manson’s lap.  Then Raven was grabbing his hand and gently urging him to his feet, giving him as seductive a look as she could muster.  Thankfully the taller male returned the look with one of his own, slowly getting to his feet and settling a hand on the small of her back.  Giving Ginger and Amanda a smirk, the black clad singer led the freelancer toward thee stairs.

As soon as they were gone, the blue clad woman in Ginger’s lap broke the kiss to make a disgusted face.  “Well that ruined the mood.  Sorry but I just can’t stay feel amorous knowing my best friend is getting boned upstairs,” she grimaced.  The bleach blonde under her only chuckled, pressing a moist kiss under her chin.

“Are you sure?” he husked in a tone that made her core clench with need.  Flushing at her reaction, Amanda cleared her throat as she found her body leaning into his instinctually.

“Maybe not so sure,” she whispered, shivering as he ran his hands up and down her hips almost lazily.

“Maybe I can convince you,” he murmured before simply scooping her into his arms once more and getting to his feet.  Ignoring the resulting wolf whistles from Pogo, the musician took his girlfriend’s lips once more as he carried her out of the room and up the stairs.

“Seems like a tie to me,” the keyboardist joked before taking a long draw from a bottle of Vodka.  The other men only burst into laughter as the bottle passed around, quickly descending into a drunken party while the two pairs were otherwise occupied.


	20. What They Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘And you're having a ball, oh yes, you're doing it all. Your filthy world's complete. Then your face, it contorts into that of a horse and you've got no more hands and feet.’ - Doctor Steel (Donkey Town)
> 
> ‘Bring Me to Life’ (c) Evanescence/Amy Lee

Raven was busily sketching some costume designs for a client, her brow crinkled with concentration.  The entire house could have collapsed at that moment and she wouldn’t have paid any mind, a fact that greatly amused Manson.  “You do realize Pogo is naked on the couch in the living room right?” he announced.  The midnight clad woman only shook her head as she continued to sketch.

“Good for him.  I’ll disinfect it later,” she responded, reaching for an eraser and scrubbing at a mistake viciously.  The singer only chuckled, pressing a kiss to her cheek before going to let Lady out.  The fluffy, black canine wagged her curly tail wildly, bouncing slightly while he clipped the leash to her collar.  Then she was out the door like a shot, making the lithe male chuckle slightly.

Heading back to the working female, the rocker placed his hands on her bony shoulders and pressed his naked cheek against hers.  “Don’t work too hard,” he suggested quietly, placing a kiss on her white skin.  Pulling away, the taller singer meandered into the living room; grinning at what he saw.  Like he had told Raven, Pogo was lying naked on the couch; Jeordie pseudo leaning against him as he played ‘Spyro the Dragon’ on Raven’s PS3.  John 5 was sitting in a chair, doing his best not to look at the naked keyboardist while Tim and Ginger simply huddled in the other chair and watched the game.

“Are you going to put clothes on at some point?” Manson sighed, before motioning for the nude band member to sit up.

“Hmmm, nope,” the mohawked male responded cheerfully, shifting slightly to allow his boss to sit down.  Rolling his mismatched eyes, Manson sat on Pogo’s right side and leaned back to watch the game unfold.

“So is it true you and Raven are engaged?” Ginger asked after a few moments.  Blinking, the black clad male turned his gaze to the band member.

“Yeah, did Amanda tell you?” the performer responded, quirking a hairless brow.

“Last night.  Congrats man.  When are you going to make it official?” the acne scarred male asked, offering a hand for the superstar to shake.

“Pretty soon.  I was thinking about calling the press today if Raven was up for it.  I know it’ll make the paparazzi come around more often but they’d find out eventually,” he sighed before taking the drummer’s hand and giving a single shake.

“Speaking of which, they’re already starting to gather out there,” John 5 stated, motioning to the front of the house with a lazy flick of his wrist.

Immediately, Manson was on his feet and snarling.  Storming to the front door, the rock star was flinging the door open to see a stunned gathering of photographers.  “What the fuck does it take to get you people to leave us the hell alone?!  Get the fuck away before I really give you something to put in those gossip rags of yours,” he warned, smirking slightly as the crowd scattered.  Closing the door, the towering male sighed before heading back into the kitchen.  As much as he didn’t want to bring this up while she was so busy, he knew it was better to just get the announcement done and over with.  The longer they waited, the more controversy it would stir.

Raven was just putting the finishing touches on the design when the singer came back into the room.  “I’m almost done Mare.  Then you’ll have my full attention,” she announced, lifting her gaze to give him a brief smile before going back to work.

“Well, that’s good because we have something we need to talk about,” he replied, taking a seat by her right side.  Blinking, the freelancer only gave him a raised brow before she went back to what she was doing.  She only had a few more things to do and then she could focus on what he had to say.

The next few minutes passed in a comfortable silence until Lady started scratching at the door to be let back inside.  Giving Raven a motion to stay seated, Manson got up to let the mutt in; getting his face licked for his troubles.  “Thanks!  Just a few more...  There!  Done!  Now what did you want to talk about?” the artist announced, closing her sketchbook to smile at her fiance.  Manson only pursed his lips as he placed his hand over hers.

“Raven, I know you already have the paparazzi on your ass as it is but we need to make an announcement about our engagement,” he sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable fear she would display.

As predicted, the artist was on her feet and pacing; a stressed look on her pale face.  “Oh shit I never thought of that.  Fuck, with you being famous, it’s better to get something like this out as soon as possible.  But once its out there...,” she murmured, trailing off as her hazel eyes went wide with terror.  In an instant, Manson was on his feet and taking her into his arms.

“My mother is bound to see this and with my address being out there...,” she moaned, fisting her hands in the singer’s black shirt before burrowing her face in his chest.

“Shhh, everything will be okay.  I’m not going to let her hurt you,” he murmured, rubbing her back as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.  Just hearing her words made him tense and he barely suppressed his urge to growl.  If the woman dared to even raise her voice around Raven, he would mount her head on a pike as a warning to all.

“I’m not worried about her physically hurting me.  She’s never been one to actually hit.  My mother more uses her words.  She finds the things that bother you the most and uses them as weapons,” she replied quietly before pulling away from the singer to run a hand through her shoulder length hair.

“No offence but you’re exactly what she didn’t want me to end up with.  Also there’s the lovely little fact that she thinks you’re the antichrist.  Not even joking.  She honestly thinks you’re Satan’s son made flesh.  When she found out I was obsessed with you...  Well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty,” the distressed woman explained, avoiding her fiance’s gaze as she began to pace due to her growing anxiety.

“Raven...,” the performer began only to be stopped by her holding up her hand for silence.

“No, I know.  We can handle anything that comes at us but that doesn’t mean I want my mom to come barreling in, screaming her head off at me.  I may be an adult but her words still have the power to do a lot of damage.  Still, this is kinda what I signed up for when I started dating you.  We  _ need _ to make an announcement,” she replied worrying her lower lip before she got a mischievous look on her paper white face.

“What are you...,” the taller male began before she grinned and rubbed her hands together.

“Yes, that would be perfect!  And it would get Amanda’s mind off whatever she’s planning to do for my recent engagement,” she cackled, slightly scaring the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ that was in the room with her.

“Manson, you up for an impromptu concert at the park tonight?” the freelancer asked with a sudden fervor, frankly startling the now worried singer.

“I suppose I could be,” he replied cautiously, raising a hairless brow slightly.

“Great!  Call who you need to and set things up, I have every confidence you’ll pull it off.  I’ll be back in a sec,” the plotting woman responded, a strange grin on her lips as she ran off toward the living room.  Blinking at her departure, the confused rock star only shook his head before heading into the hall to sift through the phonebook.

Soon Raven was running into the tiny passage, an excited look on her face as the goth rocker hung up the phone.  “So?  What’s the word?” she asked, very nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet as the thin man turned to face her.

“After a lot of talking I managed to get the mayor to agree to this performance as long as it’s short,” he responded, still looking confused.

“Great!  We only need the stage for a couple songs and our announcement,” the normally shy female chirped, making Manson wonder if all the stress had finally made her lose it.

“Would you mind filling me in?” the celebrity asked, his curiosity finally getting the better of him.

“Oh I had the perfect idea is all,” she giggled, patting him on the arm before flouncing back into the living room.  Stunned, the midnight clad singer merely followed her; noticing Ginger seemed a bit twitchy.  In fact, everyone in the room seemed to share a secret that he didn’t.

“Are you going to tell me what this idea is?” the confused rock god asked, not sure if he liked the fact his fiance was treating Pogo’s nudity so casually.

“Some of it.  Ging is going to propose to Mandy after a song.  A very specific song,” the black clad femme responded with a grin, just a shadow of nervousness under her smile.  Before he could even ask, the front door was swinging open to announce Amanda’s return.  Shooting Manson a look to stay quiet, the too pale artist rushed to greet her tired room mate.

After a lot of convincing and outright begging on Raven’s part, the brown haired journalist was convinced to attend the concert.  “Great!  Go get some casual clothes on cause we’re leaving as soon as possible,” the artist had announced before scampering upstairs to put on her own clothing.  She didn’t have very many other outfits outside her normal wear, the only other outfits she owned being things she wanted to experiment with.  Thankfully she already had something in mind, tossing open her closet to search for said items.  Soon she was pulling out a black corset that had a line of green outlining the straps as well as a pair of fingerless arm warmers.  Next she was pulling out a matching, lacy looking skirt that looked like it would come up to her mid thigh at the most.  Blushing at the thought of showing off so much skin, the nervous freelancer took a deep breath before beginning to get changed.

Once she had on her new clothing, Raven rushed to the bathroom across the hall to do her hair and even make-up.  She normally hated wearing this shit and only had the barest understanding of how to put it on.  Sighing, the tomboy simply shrugged and hoped for the best as she began to spread Manson’s white pancake make-up on her face.  Soon she was coloring her lips with black and outlining the tops of her eyes with red.  Honestly happy with her solo job, the freelancer put her ebony hair up in a messy ponytail before taking a deep breath, gathering her courage and making her way downstairs.  “Bathroom’s all yours Manny,” she announced as she descended the steps.

“Thanks hun.  We managed to get another tour bus for today and everything’s being packed on it.  Only a few more minutes and...,” came the reply as the black clad singer came out of the living room, his voice stopping as soon as he laid eyes on her.

Nibbling her lower lip nervously and fighting the urge to hide the exposed tops of her breasts, Raven waited nervously for his response to her costume.  “So, what do you think?  Do I look the part of a rock star?” she asked shyly, looking at him through her eyelashes due to her nervousness.

“Mmm you look even better than the first time I saw you in something like that.  Come here and let me have a better look,” he purred, his heterochromic gaze growing heated as he held out his arms for her.  Giving him a small smile, the timid woman made her way down the stairs until she was standing in front of him; allowing his arms to wrap around her tightly.

“I have to say I like this outfit better than the one I picked out,” he husked out, rubbing his nose along hers affectionately before giving her lips a chaste peck.

“You’re silly.  They look nearly identical,” she protested against his mouth with a playful chuckle before breaking the kiss to gaze up into his eyes.

“Maybe its because this is something out of your personal wardrobe,” he purred before the moment was interrupted by Amanda playfully clearing her throat.

“If you two are quite done, would one of you mind telling me what the big rush is?” asked the sarcastically frustrated female, a smile on her lips as she watched the couple.

“Hmmmm, nah,” Raven chirped before flouncing out of her lover’s hold and giving her best friend a hug.  Rolling her eyes, the journalist hugged the slightly taller female back before Ginger tapped on the frame of the front door.

“We’re ready out here.  Let’s get this show on the road,” the drummer announced, giving his girlfriend a nervous smile through the open entry.

“Are you sure I’m not under dressed?” the brown haired writer teased, gesturing to Raven’s attire with a wry grin.  The black haired artist only grinned back, ruffling the other woman’s frizzy hair affectionately before running out the front door.

“Get back here!” the blue clad female hissed playfully before giving chase, shoving past her chuckling boyfriend.  Then his earthy gaze was moving to Manson to see the taller, very intimidating male stalking toward him with a glower on his make-up coated face.

Before Ginger could even think of running away, the towering rock star had a hold on him and was giving him a downright suspicious look.  Then he was lowering himself to the bleach blonde’s level, his black coated lips brushing the outer shell of his ear.  “Raven has something else planned doesn’t she.  She only had me prepare one song but said there would be two.  She insisted that she had the second one taken care of so spill, what the fuck does she have in mind?” he snarled, no hint of anger in his eyes despite his terse tone.

“Sorry, I can’t tell you,” the drummer whispered, thanking any deity watching when a squeal from the pair of females distracted the performer long enough for him to escape into the relative safety of the tour bus.  Soon the rest of the groups joined him, the tattooed, corset wearing male shooting glares at him on occasion.

“Alright, Pogo set the drums there would you?  Oh!  And Twiggy, would you mind grabbing a guitar for yourself?” Raven half ordered, half requested as she positioned the microphones on the lip of the stage.  Chuckling, Manson only watched with amusement as John 5 rolled his chocolate eyes.

“If you guys spend much more time together, she might end up as a female clone of you,” he groaned playfully before sprinting off to help Tim with the amps.

“Oh I doubt that.  She doesn’t have the temper for it,” the singer chuckled before mounting the steps to join his harried looking fiance.

By the time everything had been set up, quite a crowd of curious people began to gather around the outdoor stage.  “Alright Mister, put your all into this song,” Raven chided playfully, only serving to further confuse the off balance rock star.

“You still haven’t given me any notes for the second song!” the lithe male protested before he was stopped by a passionate kiss crashing down onto his lips.

Blinking, the taller rock star made a surprised sound before she was breaking the kiss to shove him out onto the stage.  “Don’t worry about it!  Just sing what I picked and go with what happens after,” she urged, a nervous look on her face as she retreated to stand beside her childhood friend.  Making a confused noise, the singer only rolled his mismatched eyes before storming out to loud cheers and heated protests.

“Megs, just what are you planning?” a voice hissed in her ear, very nearly making the edgy female shoot into outer space.

“Ah heh heh heh heh.  You’re just gonna have to find that out.  Let’s just say I’m killing two birds with one stone.  Well, make that three actually,” she replied cryptically, turning her attention to the performer taking center stage.

Of course some of the crowd responded by throwing various items like water bottles or whatever they had in their hands.  Rolling his eyes and choosing to ignore behavior he was well used to, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ simply rolled his heterochromic eyes before launching into his cover of ‘Sweet Dreams are Made of These’.  “Perfect!  Things are going smoothly!” the freelancer announced, eyeing the growing crowd of press.

“You’re  _ happy _ those parasites are out there?” Amanda asked in a stunned tone, only getting more confused when the shy woman nodded in agreement.

“Yep!  Oh and stand about here,” the taller, nervous looking goth responded, shoving the shocked journalist in front of her.

Soon nearly all her questions were answered when Ginger practically dragged her onstage after the song had ended.  Raven followed close behind, taking her place beside her fiance and looping a loose arm around his thin waist.  Ignoring the flashbulbs going off, the nearly bouncing woman watched as the drummer got down on one knee and presented a tiny box.  The look on Amanda’s face made what was coming next all worthwhile.  The curly haired female looked utterly shocked before shooting a semi-accusing gaze at a now giggling Raven.  “Amanda Rosehart, I know we haven’t known each other for a long time but I’ve never felt this way for anyone before.  Before you came into my life, I didn’t know I could feel such a deep love for anyone.  I want to be there to protect you, to grow old together, to watch our children grow.  Will you allow me this?” the make-up coated musician whispered, just loud enough to be picked up by the microphones.

Stunned, the superhero emblazoned female could only nod; beginning to cry happy tears as Ginger shot to his feet to give her a tight hug.  Smiling, the darkly dressed artist stood on her tiptoes to kiss her beloved’s cheek before reaching for the microphone.  Just as her fingertips brushed the cylindrical object, an unwelcome visitor began to approach the stage; Tom Welling.  In seconds, the band was in the front and forming a line to protect Ginger; Manson very nearly charging toward the approaching actor.  He only stopped when he felt a hand on his arm.  Pursing his black lips, the towering superstar turned to see Raven glaring at the intruder.  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing,” she snarled as she ripped the mic off its stand.  This caused the crowd to freeze as they turned to murmur amongst themselves in confusion.

“Stopping my soulmate from leaving me,” the TV star yelled as he kept walking, his eyes fixed on the line of men that hid Amanda from his view as he got closer.

“Soulmate or not, she already made her choice!  A choice you need to respect,” the pissed female snarled into the round, metal ball inches from her lips.  Tom opened his mouth to argue when Amanda burst through the manmade barrier.  The pale writer looked livid with rage as she glared down at a man she still had feelings for.

“She’s right Mr. Welling.  We’re more than done here.  At this point, I can easily say I want nothing to do with you,” she snarled, her green eyes spitting venom and deep betrayal.

“Mandy...,” the square faced male began, flinching when she shook her head fiercely.

“No, no more.  I don’t even want to see your face anymore,” she spat before turning and walking into Ginger’s open arms.  The dark haired star could only stare up, a stricken look on his sculpted features before he simply turned and made his way back through the crowd.

Raven let out a low growl as she watched his retreat before clearing her throat to get the audience’s attention.  “Sorry for that interruption.  Manson and I have our own announcement but first, allow me to do something for all the people out there.  No matter how long I run, I doubt I’ll ever be left alone again.  I might as well just give in and accept the inevitable,” she sighed, motioning to the band behind her.  Amanda and Manson could only stand in place, staring at her, then at eachother with identical expressions of confusion on their faces.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” they said at the same time, breaking the slight tension and causing the pair to giggle.

“Stick around and find out,” Twiggy cooed playfully as he wandered past them to get into place.  Shrugging, the still blushing journalist simply moved to the side of the stage to watch just what was going to happen.

Once everyone was in place, Raven walked over to grab Manson’s hand before giving the band a nod.  Pogo nodded back before starting a haunting piano riff on his keyboard.  Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, the artist waited for a few minutes before opening them again and beginning to sing.  “How can you see into my eyes like open doors?” she fairly sighed as a few bass notes were added.  Manson could only freeze in place, the breath stopping in his body as he tried to place what she was singing.

“Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb,” she continued in a hauntingly sad voice.  That was when the guitars and bass came in as Ginger began to play a beat on his drums.  Then she was moving to the lip of the stage, dragging her stunned lover behind her.

“Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold.  Until you find it there and lead it back home,” she sang, cueing Twiggy with a flick of her free hand.

“Wake me up,” the dress wearing male snarled into the mic as he strummed his instrument.

“Wake me up inside,” Raven belted, earning a roar of applause from the approving audience.  Manson, on the other hand, could only listen to what she was telling him through the lyrics.

“I can’t wake up,”  the dreadlock wearing guitarist responded, focusing on the guitar he was playing while he sang.

“Call my name and save me from the dark,” the artist sighed, locking eyes with the man to her right before continuing.

“Wake me up,” the pink wearing musician rumbled dutifully in response, still hitting his notes perfectly as he danced slightly in place.

“Bid my blood to run,” the black clad female sighed in a pleading tone, very nearly causing Manson to walk forward and envelop her in his arms.

“I can’t wake up,” Jeordie nearly ordered, oblivious to what was going on with the pair.

“Before I come undone,” Raven continued in a pain filled voice before closing her eyes.

“Save me,” the man behind her and to her left belted out in a heartbroken tone, cueing John 5 to start wailing on his own guitar.

“Save me from the nothing I've become,” hissed the pale woman, her eyes squeezed shut as she let her emotions shine through. Then she was reopening her eyes to lock gazes with her fiance once more, wanting him to see what she felt in her eyes.  Manson swallowed visibly in response, his mismatched eyes urging her to continue.

“Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me.  Breathe into me and make me real,” she rasped before taking in a deep breath for the next part.

“Bring me to life,” she nearly screamed, emphasizing each word loudly.  Then the band really began to play as she danced around the stage while repeating the previous chorus with Twiggy.

“Bring me to life,” she sighed, leaning towards the rapt crowd as she sang.

“I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside,” the former band member yelled, cueing Raven to repeat her previous line with much more conviction.

Then the music wound down, telling her to pause and close her eyes.  “Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling,” she sighed, nearly flinching when an arm wrapped loosely around her corset clad waist.

“Only you are the life among the dead,” she continued, belting out the last word and extending it as she opened her eyes and shifted her gaze to her fiance.  He was giving her a glance so filled with emotion, it came close to causing her voice to falter.

“All this time I can't believe I couldn't see.  Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me,” Jeordie roared, obviously taking the place of Manson’s response.

“I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems.  Got to open my eyes to everything,” the midnight clad freelancer belted, stepping away from her fiance to move along the edge of the platform.

“Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul,” Jeordie chanted from his spot.

“Don’t let me die here,” Raven sighed, making sure to stay out of Manson’s reach so she could finish the song.

“There must be something more,” the guitarist screamed, merging into Raven’s response.

“Bring meee to liiiiife,” she belted before repeating the chorus.  As she finished the last lines of the song, she finally came to a stop to allow the taller male to tug her into a tight hug.

“Raven...,” he husked in her ear before taking her lips in a kiss that made her insides ache.  The lightly shaking female melted into the kiss for a few moments before breaking it and giving her fiance an apologetic glance.

“On that note, Marilyn Manson and I are engaged,” she announced into her mic, only having just enough time to get the words out before he retook her lips hungrily.  Then he was scooping her into his arms without breaking the liplock, carrying her off the stage and through the mob of cameras and microphones.  His tongue viciously claiming her mouth, the towering singer carried his fiance into the tour bus and closed the door behind him.


	21. Unwanted Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘I'm shy, paranoid, whatever word you want to use. I hate fame. I've done everything I can to avoid it.’ - Johnny Depp

As soon as they were in the back room, his lips were on hers; a low, husky growl trailing from his mouth.  Gently, the taller male was shoving her back toward the bed; laying her down gently and nudging her thighs open with his own without breaking contact.  His tongue pried her mouth open as one of his black nailed hands tangled in her ebony hair.  Half gasping, half moaning at the assault, Raven could only wrap her arms around his neck as she began to respond to the kiss.  “Do you have any idea the Hell you’ve brought upon yourself,” he rasped against her mouth as he broke the embrace just long enough to utter those words.  Giggling against his mouth, the freelancer broke the lip lock again so she could answer.

“I’m tired of hiding Mare.  Tired of running.  No matter where I go, they’re going to be there; with or without you,” she responded before her lips were once again claimed, one of his rough hands moving to remove her left breast from the top of the corset.  Making a purely possessive noise, the rock star broke the kiss to take her pink bud into his mouth; his tongue wrapping around her nipple to pull it into his mouth.

“Oh fuck!” the writhing female gasped, a shock of need rippling through her body to center in her core.  Manson only chuckled against her soft flesh before his hands flew to the buckles on the front of the leather contraption she wore.

“As much as I love seeing you wear things like this, I’m glad you don’t wear it more often.  It’s too hard to get you out of,” hissed the frustrated male against her breast as his fingers impatiently fiddled with the buckles.

“At least they’re in the front and not the back, otherwise I’d have to get up,” Raven joked as he managed to work the first one free after a few seconds.  The nearly frantic singer only growled low in his throat before reluctantly pulling away from her to focus on what he was doing.

“If this didn’t look so expensive, I’d cut it off,” he snarled as the bus started up with a shudder.  Raven could only shiver as his heated words caused another pulse of sheer lust to clench her womb.

“Well I appreciate that.  This thing cost $1000.  It took forever to save for,” she responded in an attempt at a joke, only to gasp at the heated look her lover gave her.

“Would you mind sucking in just a bit?  The leather is a bit stiff,” the singer requested, sounding more and more frustrated by the lack of cooperation from her garment.  Giggling nervously, the artist complied; giving the struggling male some much need slack.  Thankfully this was enough to allow him to undo the rest of the buckles and practically rip the corset off her torso.

As soon as she was bared to his gaze, he let out a relieved noise as one of his hands moved to her left breast; his thumb playing with her nipple.  “That song Raven, fuck.  I’ve heard it before but the way you sang it...,” he rumbled before covering her lips with his own once more, his leather covered crotch resting against hers.

“I would have used one of yours but this one seemed more appropriate,” she replied against his mouth, earning a frustrated noise from the thin performer.

“Are you going to stop talking and let me fuck you?” he teased in throaty voice before beginning to pepper her neck with kisses.  His thumb busily played with her rosy flesh as Raven moaned heatedly, bucking against his clothed manhood.

Purring against her skin, the rail thin singer pulled away from her to pull off his shirt.  Raven used the space to sit up and fumble with his pants, grinning up at him shyly when the singer gave her a look of absolute shock.  Giggling shakily, she kept eye contact as she unfastened the button.  The sound of the zipper going down filled the room, making Manson’s eyes fill with heavy lust.  “Fuck Raven,” he rumbled in a gravelly voice, his hand moving from his pants to her skirt and panties, removing them in one motion before flinging them and the corset onto the floor.

“Lay back and spread ‘em,” he ordered gruffly, giving her a lust filled smirk when she did as he asked.  Giving her an absolutely lascivious look, the bony male began to kiss his way down her pale body; stopping when he reached her womanhood.

Meeting her eyes with his mismatched ones, the rock star deliberately licked his lips before moving his gaze to her slit and giving the silky flesh a loving kiss.  Then his tongue was slowly licking along the outside from bottom to top, his eyes watching his fiance as she released a soft moan.  Her hands immediately tangled in his hair to keep him in place, causing the amused superstar to chuckle against her before delving past her outer lips to lap at her passage.  “Marilyn,” Raven gasped, releasing a heavy moan as she felt pleasurable pressure begin to build up within her.  Manson only released an animalistic noise against her before pulling his tongue out of her to latch onto her aching button.

“Ooooh, feels so goood,” the dark haired femme sighed, her hips moving in small circles as his dextrous muscle lapped at her; the tip occasionally entering her quivering passage.

One of his black nailed hands snaked onto her lower body, pressing down on her mound before pulling up slightly to open her more to his assault.  The panting woman only released a shuddering moan as he intensified the attention to her clit, causing the pulsing coil within her to grow tighter and tighter.  His name leaving her lips like a breathless mantra, Raven’s breath caught in her throat as she felt her insides clench hard from orgasm.  Then she was pouring into his mouth, her vision filling with white as he kept licking; as if reluctant to pull away from her sweetness.

Then he was coming up from her junction, a haughty smirk on his make-up covered face.  Keeping his whitish blue and brown gaze fixed on her, the celebrity deliberately licked his lips slowly; chuckling gruffly when the female beneath him blushed heavily.  “I don’t think I ever asked you, is it everything you thought it would be?” the tattoo covered male husked out, his black coated lips still quirked as his slitted tip came to rest against her drenched, sensitive opening.  Raven only let out a heated, slightly pained moan as her arms came up to wrap around his back.  An admittedly smart ass remark danced on her tongue but it flew away as he hilted slowly, drawing a low, raspy groan from somewhere deep in her chest.

“Fuck,” she hissed breathlessly, her right hand fisting in his shoulder length hair to push his head down so she could take his lips in a ravenous kiss as her legs wrapped around his thin waist.  The lithe male only chuckled gruffly, his own arms wrapping around her to pull her against his heaving chest as he began to lazily make love to her.

“I guess that answers my question,” he purred against her lips, his hips moving slowly and causing a very slow, sensuous pressure to build within her body.

“Are you, mmmmm, gonna shut up and, oooooh, fuck me?” she teased, mirroring his words from earlier; earning a laugh from the rock star.  The feeling of his manhood jolting inside her drew a moan from them both and Manson’s eyes glittered as they met hers.

“I love you Raven,” he murmured, his hips still moving agonizingly slow and drawing a groan from both of them.

Breaking the kiss, the lightly panting male resting his forehead on hers as he continued to take her slowly, sweetly; the sounds of their soft moans gaining in volume as his back muscles pulsed beneath her hands.  “I, oooooo, love you too Marilyn,” she gasped out, arching into him as she felt the first pulse of a beginning orgasm ripple through her body.

“Oh shit.  Cum for me,” he rasped as he angled his hips so he was entering her at a slightly upward angle.  Making a high pitched keening noise, Raven raked her nails down his back as her walls clenched around him.  Then she was whimpering his name as she orgasmed long and hard, her silken passage fluttering around him.

Huffing hard through his nose, the singer snapped his bony hips a few times before he was spilling into her; his mouth moving to the crook of her neck and biting hard.  The freelancer cried out in surprised pain, her womanhood giving him another squeeze as he released her to lick the tooth marks in a soothing manner.  Then he was pulling out of her to collapse next to her, rolling onto his side to pull her against his slightly shaking body.  Peppering her face with light kisses, the infamous rocker held her close as they both caught their breath.

After a few moments, Raven chuckled breathlessly as she kissed her lover’s make-up coated chin.  “Sometimes I still have trouble believing this all wasn’t some sort of dream.  Something like this happening to someone like me is an impossibility,” she sighed, nestling into her once idol’s chest and sighing contently.  His spicy, slightly sweaty scent filled her nose and she knew she would never get tired of moments like this.  For once, she wasn’t even remotely worried about the fact that she was completely naked.  The performer holding her only rumbled laughter before placing a kiss on the top of her head.

“Before, I could honestly say I would never find someone I trusted enough to become close to ever again.  After what happened with all my other exs, I just didn’t think love was for me.  So I would say we were sort of in the same boat,” he rumbled, his rough hands moving over her back as the bus continued to move.  Giving the man she had loved since teenhood a smile, the black haired femme yawned before snuggling in and allowing herself to drift off to sleep.

It was some time later that she woke up in her own bed, wrapped tightly in the superstar’s arms as he quietly read one of her books.  To her amusement, it was ‘Gunslinger’ by Stephen King.  “What time is it? she asked drowsily, giggling when the normally intimidating man jumped out of his skin and came close to dropping his book.  Placing a hand over his heart, the goth rocker gave her a slightly admonishing look before it gentled into a smile.

“One in the morning.  How are you feeling?” Manson murmured, Lady groaning from the foot of the bed as he rolled slightly to face her.

“A bit sore but other than that I’ve never felt better,” she replied, wrapping an arm around his thin waist and tugging herself to lay against his side; placing her cheek on his scarred, bony chest.

Making a soft sound, the singer wrapped his right arm around her to rest his hand on her lower back.  Then he was back to reading again, his warm hand moving slowly along her back as his heterochromic eyes scanned the pages.  “Ever read those before?” the lounging artist asked quietly, listening to the slow beat of his heart as he stopped his perusal to lock eyes with her.

“I don’t have the time to read much and this series has been on my list for a long time.  Since I have some downtime, I figured why not catch up a bit while you’re asleep,” he replied quietly, smiling down at his relaxed fiance.

“That series is one of my favorites.  Are you enjoying it so far?” the freelancer asked curiously, pulling herself up slightly so she could see where he was in the novel.  Chuckling indulgently, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ lifted his arm so she could get situated before wrapping it back around her. 

“Yes, it’s very good so far.  I’ve just gotten to the part where Roland met Jake at the Way Station,” he replied, using his thumb to hold his place as he shifted his focus to her face.

Raven only grimaced slightly before laying her cheek back on his chest.  “Would you read to me for a bit?  I like the sound of your voice,” she requested quietly, not looking forward to what was coming in the story.  Giving her a confused look, Manson merely shrugged before beginning to read out loud; earning a content smile from the relaxed female.  Soon his voice was faltering as he got to the point in the story where Roland was going to have to choose to save Jake or go after the ‘Man in Black’.  When it reached the inevitable conclusion of the Gunslinger choosing his quarry over the boy, albeit reluctantly, the singer looked absolutely livid.

“Why?  Why does he leave him!” the nearly starved looking male bit out, not seeing the surprised look Raven was giving him.  He was reacting far more violently than she thought he would be.

“You’ll find out later...  He doesn’t get out of this decision scot-free,” Raven reassured reaching up to give his naked lips a gentle kiss.  The rock star only made a grumpy noise before resuming his reading, eventually getting to the part where Roland is simply left alone to continue his journey; a lot older than he had been when he had started.  By the time the performer’s voice had trailed off into silence, it was nearly ten in the morning.

“Mmmm, fuck have I really been awake all night reading?” Manson murmured in a quiet, slightly raspy voice as he slid down on the covers and turned onto his right side to envelop her with his body.

“I’ve done it too, don’t worry.  Those books are really hard to put down,” she chuckled before yawning loudly and stretching.  As she moved, she noticed she had been dressed in one of her over large Marilyn Manson t-shirt.

“Don’t worry, I dressed you in your old outfit before leaving the tour bus.  I changed you into that once we were in your room.  I figured you would be more comfortable in that,” the drowsy singer explained, yawning himself as he flung one of his legs over both of hers and pressing his flaccid manhood against her accidentally.

Blushing at the contact, Raven only smiled up at him before trying to squirm out from under the musician; getting a gruff protest from the taller male as he tightened his arms around her.  “You can’t be fucking getting up right now,” he growled out in irritation, his mismatched eyes narrowing when she nodded.

“Sorry but I have a few thing to send out, fucked up sleep schedule or not,” she replied, unable to move due to the extra weight the larger man was putting on her.  Chuckling, the tired singer gave her nose a loving peck.

“Looks like you aren’t going much of anywhere unless I want to let you up, which I don’t by the way,” he purred, a triumphant smirk on his make-upless face.

“Marilyyyyyn,” Raven whined playfully, not all that bothered by the fact her fiance wanted to keep her in his arms.  To be honest, she could always send off that stuff later on in the day.

“Mmmm, whaaaat?” he huffed in an amused tone, his whitish blue and brown eyes warm and full of love as he looked down at her through his ebony locks.

Only rolling her hazel eyes, the freelancer simply shook her head and curled up into his bony chest; wrapping her arms loosely around him.  “I guess I could take a nap,” she sighed in a falsely put upon voice before allowing her hand to snake between their bodies to play with his limp member.  Manson grunted at first, huffing softly in amusement as his lips lightly touched her paper white forehead.

“That isn’t taking a nap,” the lightly muscled male chided playfully, moaning softly when her thumb grazed his slitted tip.

“I know.  I’ve been too shy to really watch your face as I played with you before and I want to see what I do to you,” she replied quietly, her milky cheeks colored by a light blush as she felt his length begin to awaken and harden in her hand.  Manson only released a heated moan, his hips moving slowly as her hand explored him.

“Can I touch you?  Please let me touch you,” the rocker begged breathlessly, his hands twitching on her back as she slowly began to stroke him.

“I want you to,” the artist whispered in a quiet voice, feeling unusually aroused by the fact that she was giving him a hand job.  Already a hot coil of arousal was beginning to tighten and tingle in her lower belly, making her ample breasts feel hot and achy along with the rest of her.

Groaning in response, the eager ‘God of Fuck’ cupped her large breasts in both hands and thumbed her sensitive nipples; jerking his hips slightly when she increased her rhythm.  Releasing a soft noise of her own, Raven took his lips in a sweet kiss; shuddering when she felt need shoot through her in an electric shock.  “Raven, oooooh Raven,” he gasped as he broke the kiss to look in her eyes as his calluses brushed across her soft buds.  He was rewarded by a shuddery gasp as her eyes dilated from lust, then her hand was moving fast on him; making him helpless to hold on.  Gasping through his open mouth, Manson kept eye contact as he felt himself beginning to reach his sweet precipice; only to be interrupted by the ringing of his fiance’s cellphone.

Grimacing, Raven stopped all movement on his straining erection; drawing a pained, needy whimper from the performer.  “Please, Raven.  Please.  D-don’t st-stop now.  God, please Raven.  Let me cum,” he rasped out in a shaky voice that was several octaves deeper than his norm, his thighs shaking as he began to kiss her face all over.

“Please, please,” he panted, groaning in relief when her hand wrapped around him once more and began to pump vigorously.  Whoever was calling could wait, it would be cruel to stop now.

“Cum for me Mare,” she urged, tuning out the familiar ringtone as she felt her lover thrusting into her hand almost frantically.

“Mmmmnnn, fffuck.  C-cumming.  Oh fuck, fuck, nnnngghh,” the shuddering male growled out as his hot semen spilled out of him and onto her upper thighs.

Giving the panting celebrity a kiss on the chin, the nearly squirming female reached for her still ringing phone, only to be stopped by a tight grip on her wrist.  “Oh no you don’t.  You’re not going to answer that until you’ve had your turn,” Manson rumbled, his right hand snaking around her waist to allow his fingers to play with her weeping slit.  Soon the phone was entirely forgotten as the singer began to stroke her clit mercilessly, watching her face closely as he brought her to several peaks; only stopping when she begged him to in a breathless voice.

Panting as she tried to ignored the throbbing between her legs, the ebony haired female reached for her phone while the male beside her cuddled her like a teddy bear.  Already knowing it had been Johnny due to the ringtone, the artist decided to forgo checking the missed calls and simply called the star back.  “Raven?  Are you okay?” came his concerned voice immediately, making the well sated female feel extremely guilty for forgetting to call him in all the hubbub.

“Yeah, we’re fine.  Manson and I made a public announcement about our engagement yesterday after Ginger popped the question to Amanda, among a few other things,” she explained, laying back as she allowed her lover to cover her with a blanket and pull her against him.

“Yeah, I just read about that in the morning tabloids.  Those people don’t waste any time.  Raven, they printed your fucking address again,” the goateed male warned as he threw on his coat and grabbed his luggage despite heavy protests from his publicist.

“Yeah, I’m not surprised by that after what I did on the stage.  I’m sure I’ll be getting a visit from my estranged mother here soon,” sighed the surprisingly relaxed artist as she felt protective arms tighten as a low growl rumbled from her bedmate’s chest.

“You sound... a lot calmer than I thought you would,” the actor murmured, stopping in his tracks with his head tilted to one side curiously.  His publicist took the opportunity to flutter around him and try to convince him to stay, his reasonable words falling on deaf ears.

“Yeah, I just have to learn to accept the fact that this shit is going to happen; especially given who I’m dating.  Besides, its not as if Manson will let anything happen to me while he’s here,” Raven explained, blinking as she heard an incoming call beep on her phone.

“That’s very true but I’m still on my way,” he announced, drawing a groan from the freelancer.

“Hold on a moment, I’m getting another call.  Just don’t make any rash decisions,” Raven tried to reason as she pulled her phone away to check the number.  What she saw made her blood run cold in her veins.  It was her mother’s cell number.

“Uh, I have to call you back,” she gasped out as she squirmed her way out of Manson’s tight hold to get to her feet.  In seconds she was ending the call to answer the other one, putting on a falsely cheerful mask she hadn’t worn for years.

“Hi mom,” she chirped in a voice that was far too sweet and held just a hint of strain.  Thankfully the rock star was right beside her, forcing her eyes to meet his as she spoke to a woman that still had power to hurt her greatly.

“Don’t you ‘Hi mom’ me Meagan Claire!  You explain to me right now why you’re plastered all over the grocery store tabloids with that... that horrible man!” screeched a voice she hadn’t heard since she was eighteen.

“Mom... please don’t start.  I’m twenty-nine fucking years old.  I can damn well make my own decisions now,” Raven sighed, giving her fiance a grateful smile as she silently kissed his chin.

“Are you just expecting me to sit by quietly while you marry the Antichrist?!  If your Grandmother were still alive, she would have died from the shock of it,” her scandalized matriarch scolded, the background noise letting her know her mother was currently somewhere that was very crowded.

“Don’t you  _ dare _ bring Grandma into this!  No matter what decisions I made, she just wanted me to be happy.  More than I can say for you or the jackass that provided the sperm that made me,” the midnight clad femme hissed, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths in an effort to calm down.

“How dare you speak to me like that after all I’ve done for you,” the voice on the other end hissed just as a boarding announcement was made.

“Mom... mom what are you doing?” Raven whispered, dread beginning to percolate in the pit of her stomach as Manson pulled her into a tight hug.

“I’m getting on a plane is what I’m doing!  Obviously I’m not going to just sit by and let this beast brainwash you into marrying him,” snarled the older female, nearly making the artist’s vision go black from sheer fury and indignation.

“A beast?!  Did you just call the man I love a beast?!  I don’t know who the Hell you think you are but you are far from welcome at my house.  If you dare to show up here, I’ll have the police remove you,” the freelancer snarled before hanging up the phone to pinch the bridge of her nose.

Before she could even begin to explain, a familiar ringtone came from the black object in her hand; drawing an irritated sound from the performer holding her.  Giving Manson a small smile, the overly pale woman opened the phone to talk to Johnny.  “My mom’s on her way,” the weary female sighed, her voice holding a hint of frustrated tears.

“Christ, I’ll be there as soon as I can.  No doubt Jonathan is trying to get ahold of you too.  Why not give him a call once we’re done here,” the handsome actor suggested, his smooth baritone like a balm to her fraying nerves.

“You don’t have to do that!  What about the movie you’re in the middle of filming,” the stunned woman protested, some of her panic ebbing when her former obsession rubbed his pale cheek along hers affectionately.

“Yes I do Raven and I’m sure Jonathan would agree.  After seeing what happened with your father, I would feel a lot better being around than miles away,” the dark haired thespian announced before the line went dead, nearly making Raven want to scream in frustration.

Giving the taller male holding her an apologetic glance, the black clad woman dialed Davis’ number like Depp had requested; getting an immediate and rather panicked answer.  “Raves, thank Christ you’re okay,” the dreadlocked male husked before the first ring even finished, sounding like he was pacing in a moving vehicle.

“Don’t tell me you’re coming too,” the overwhelmed female grumbled, Manson’s tattooed arms the only things that were keeping her steady at this point.

“I’m afraid so.  I don’t know much but I know enough to realize you need all the friends you can get right now,” the rock star replied, earning a groan from the now very nervous artist.  Explaining Manson was going to be bad enough, let alone his band.  Now she was going to have Johnny as well as the entire band of Korn.

“Hey, are you okay,” came a concerned husk from her friend, making the stressed freelancer sigh quietly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Have a safe trip,” she reassured, sounding as cheerful as she could before hanging up with an aggravated huff.

In the past few minutes, her mood had gone from cuddly to almost downright panic attack.  Her mother, she could handle.  Her mother’s reaction to all these men?  That would be a bit harder.  Turning her phone off in one motion, Raven was pulling herself free of Manson to get dressed.  Just as the singer was about to protest, a loud knock was heard downstairs.  “It begins,” the already nervous woman sighed as she slipped on jeans and a new Marilyn Manson t-shirt.  Then she was running down the stairs before her fiance could stop her, determined to just answer their questions and be done with it.  The sight that greeted her when she opened the door let the shy female know it would be more than just a few questions.

Several press representatives were crowded outside the door, shoving their mics into her face as one entity as soon as the entry opened.  It was only the band and Manson behind her that kept her from being shoved into her own house.  Taking a deep breath, the unknown artist felt her lover take his place by her side; his hand curling around hers to give a reassuring squeeze.  Taking strength from that small gesture, the introverted female began to answer questions; starting out so quiet that the reports shushed eachother until they could hear her.  As time went on, she gained in confidence and volume; soon acting as if this was old hat to her.  She was so focused on the cameras and mics that she never noticed the proud look the performer next to her was giving her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick thanks to my persistent fans. I know this hasn’t always been an easy read but I promise it will be worth it in the end.


	22. A Little Help from My Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘They all deserve to die. Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why! Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and one with his foot in the other one's face. Look at me, Mrs Lovett! Look at you! No, we all deserve to die... Even you, Mrs Lovett, even I!’ - Sweeney Todd

In what seemed like days but was really only a matter of several hours, their already crowded house was filled with even more people; something Amanda wasn’t amused by when she came home from work.  “What the fuck is going on?!” the confused, shocked female yelled, trying to be heard over the voices of the men cramming her shared home.  A bunch of them wore dreadlocks and full on beards or goatees and only two were familiar in the mess of newcomers, Johnny Depp and Jonathan Davis.

“Sorry, this is kinda my fault for yesterday,” Raven called from somewhere in the kitchen, Ginger and one of Davis’ men stepping out of the way as she and Manson made their way to the front door.

“There are way too many people in this house,” the harried looking writer complained, looking exceedingly exasperated.

“Look, this was  _ their _ idea.  Talk to them,” the freelancer returned, gesturing to the two Johns.

The two flinched guiltily just before the curly haired hellcat turned her gaze to them, her green eyes shooting pure fire.  Then she was charging at them, making the group around them spread out as she pounced.  Giggling, Raven rolled her hazel eyes before checking her watch.  It was only six and her mom had yet to show her face.  If she was lucky, the older woman hadn’t wanted to spring the dough for an overnight flight but when had she ever gotten that lucky.  As it was, she was still exhausted from all the questions she had answered earlier.  The paparazzi was understandably rabid, asking rapid fire questions until Manson had eventually shoved them out the door hours later.  By the time they had left, Johnny had arrived; soon followed by Davis and his crew.

Sighing, the midnight clad artist rolled her eyes before moving into the less crowded living room to plop herself on the couch.  To tell the truth, while they meant well, the huge amount of people in her house was stressing her out even more than she already was.  She wasn’t used to all this hubbub, being rather introverted and shy before Manson came into her life.  The fact that she had so many famous friends still frankly made her head swim.  A weight sinking down beside her drew her out of her thoughts and she found herself looking up into her famous fiance’s concerned, mismatched eyes.  “I could ask Davis’ band to leave if that would help,” he offered, making her smile gratefully.

“Please?  I have enough to deal with as it is without having to ask his band to fuck off to a hotel or something.  I don’t mind the sentiment but I highly doubt they’re here for me.  They don’t really know me and have no real reason to feel concern for me,” she responded, his offer helping her relax significantly.  She felt like a bit of a coward but she honestly didn’t handle confrontation well.  In fact, she often froze up at critical moments.

Smiling at her gently, the rock star pressed a kiss to her lips before getting to his feet and taking in a deep breath.  “Alright, everyone who isn’t here to support Raven get the fuck out!  This isn’t some concert hall!” he hollered, making the now mortified artist wince.

“You could have found a quieter way to tell them,” she murmured in a small voice, doing her best to avoid looking at all the band members that filed their way out.

The quiet that followed was deafening and she soon found herself in the company of the two Johns and her lover’s band.  Amanda and Twiggy also joined the party, the large group wearing varying expressions of worry and amusement.  “You know, if you wanted my band to leave all ya had to do was ask,” Jonathan teased, breaking the silence and drawing a chuckle from the nervous woman on the couch.

“Sorry, I’m not too good at that type of thing.  Every time I tried I just... lock up.  Probably a leftover from my parents,” she returned, looking a bit rueful as she leaned into her fiance.  Manson only wrapped a loose arm around her midnight clad shoulders, pressing an affectionate kiss on her forehead.

Thankfully Davis seemed to understand, nodding in response as his mustached lips pursed.  Jeordie, Ginger and Amanda also looked slightly displeased, each wearing identical expressions of rage.  Rage that wasn’t directed at the artist snuggling with the ‘God of Fuck.’  “Gotten any calls from record companies yet?” Pogo chirped, breaking the somber mood and drawing everyone’s attention to him.

“A few actually.  Right after the reporters went away.  I already decided on which label I’m going to work for though.  I’m going to be under Marilyn’s record label.  They want me to move out to California.  That’s the only part I wasn’t sure about.  I mean, we already paid off this house after using our collected inheritance as well as substantial savings.  Also there’s Amanda to consider,” she replied, her pale brow crinkling as she mulled over her thoughts.

“I say we do it,” the curly haired female supplied, shocking everyone in the room with her declaration.  Before Raven could even ask, her longtime companion held up a hand for silence.

“I know we’ve already paid off this house but California is closer to everyone.  I’m sure Johnny is going to get sick of living in that hotel at some point.  Also, I bet Manson has a house there as well.  Not to mention all the opportunities that would be available to both of us in our fields,” the slightly older journalist reasoned, her green eyes glittering with excitement.

Raven could only heave a sigh before internally conceding her friend’s point.  It would be easy to simply just move in with Manson, provided the singer was up for it.  Before she could even ask, she felt a hand under her chin moving her head to look at the man to her right.  “We’re getting married anyway, I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to move in,” he whispered, answering her unasked question before his lips were gently brushing hers.

“Okay I guess.  I’ll tell them my answer.  They offered to take care of the move as well as the sale of the house.  Must be because I’m dating one of their stars,” she chuckled, before giving the man who held her heart a light kiss.

Then she was up and moving, leaving Manson looking both irritated and amused as she went right to the landline to place her call.  Soon the still sizeable group settled in, the rock star leaning against the wall by his fiance as she hashed out the details with her new bosses.  By the time she hung up, it was going on nine at night and she had yet to send off her client’s artwork.  Swearing heavily, the frazzled freelancer sprinted upstairs to grab her sketchbook.  She didn’t make it far out of her room before she ran face first into something rather immovable.  “Oof,” the nearly spent artist gasped, rubbing her sore nose as she looked up to see what she had bumped into.

There stood a very concerned looking performer, his naked lips pursed as he gently plucked the leatherbound object from her hands.  “H-hey!” Raven protested weakly, making a jump for the book and failing miserably.

“No hun.  You’ve been going nonstop since early this morning and you’re going to get sick if you keep going.  Give me the numbers and I’ll fax these off,” the intimidating singer declared, his eyes stilling any protest she had.

Huffing slightly, the black haired femme swayed slightly as she tried to gather her thoughts enough to try to plead her case.  This only resulted in giving her body enough time to come to the realization that she was indeed running on very little sleep.  In moments she was collapsing, Manson’s arms catching her just before she would have hit the carpet.  “Numbers by sketches,” she informed weakly as her lover laid her on the bed and covered her.  Lady quickly hopped on the bed and curled up beside her, acting as a living plush while the still dressed artist simply passed out.

“Okay hun.  I’ll be back in a bit,” rasped a voice through a filter as she drifted into unconsciousness.

The next thing she knew, Raven was sitting bolt upright; staring into the darkness as she tried to figure out why she had woken up and why her heart was beating so fast.  Manson snorted beside her and rolled over as Lady let out a low growl, only making the organ in her chest stutter even more.  Then there was a loud knock from downstairs, sounding like angry pounding and answering several of the questions filling her mind.  Whispering a soft apology, she reached over and began to shake the thin superstar lying to her left.  Unfortunately he only flailed at her in response, rolling away from her with soft noise.  “Well shit,” the frightened female hissed before shaking him even harder.

This time the goth rocker released a low growl and swatted her hands away sharply, grumbling at her before settling back into heavy breathing.  Torn between being scared of her infamous other half and wanting to have someone come with her downstairs, the now shaking freelancer shook him even harder while murmuring his birth name in an urgent tone.  Releasing a soft exhale, the ‘Rock God’ beside her opened his now brown eyes.  “Mmm, what,” he rasped in a groggy, irritated sounding voice as he sat up.  Another, much more angry sounding knock came from downstairs; making the pair go absolutely still.

“Stay here,” he hissed before flinging the covers off himself and prowling to her bedroom door while completely nude.

“Like Hell!” she whispered urgently, flinging the covers off herself and scrambling out of bed to grab one of his tattooed arms in a death grip.

“Fine, then stay the fuck behind me and do what I tell you.  If I tell you to run, you run,” he bit out, his voice holding a steely edge as he opened the door and went out into the hall.

“Oh Christ, fucking put some pants on at least!” came a violated sounding female voice, startling the pair badly and causing them to turn to see a disgusted looking Amanda who was accompanied by a neutral Ginger.  To be fair, the drummer had probably seen more of Manson than he ever wanted to during his years working for the man so this was probably nothing new.

As for the performer himself, he didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the fact Raven’s childhood friend was currently getting an eyeful.  “Sorry but I had other things on my mind,” he snarled, another volley of pounding on the door reminding the four of them why they were out in the hall in the first place.

“What the fuck is going on out there?” Jeordie snarled as he opened the door to what used to be Manson’s room.  Soon the others were coming out of their rooms as well, Johnny coming out of the room Ginger had been using before moving into Amanda’s.

Within seconds the large group was moving downstairs, Ginger and Manson making sure their fiances were behind them.  When they got to the door, the taller singer flung it open to reveal a rather thin woman who had her hand raised to knock once again.  The older, bony female’s brown eyes flew open and an indignant sputter left her lips as she took several steps back from the still very naked superstar.  “Wh-what the fuck?  Meagan Claire Starling, get out here right now!” the violated looking female spat out, rage clear in her voice as her hands curled into tight, shaking fists.

Raven froze behind Manson, all her old fear and bitterness coming back in a rush.  Knowing it was best to show her face before her mother began to make rash assumptions and called the police, she took a deep breath before stepping out amongst heavy protests from her fiance.  In fact, his hand scrabbled at her shoulder to stop her; only serving in her jerking the limb away.  “Gee mom, what did you think was going to happen when you start pounding on the door in the middle of the night,” she sighed, her voice showing none of the abject terror she felt as she faced down a woman she hadn’t seen in several years.  The only thing that bolstered her courage was the fact that there was a rather scary rock star right behind, currently using her body to shield his nudity.

Susan narrowed her earthy eyes before leveling the man behind her daughter with a chilling glower.  “Are you using my daughter as a sex slave?  Were you just getting finished forcing her to suck off your disgusting band?” she snarled, her high pitched voice full of venom.  Before the still naked performer could even make a move, Raven was moving forward and slapping her  _ hard. _

“You have some fucking nerve, coming here when you clearly aren’t wanted and proceeding to accuse my fiance of things you know nothing about.  As far as I’m concerned, your right to be worried about me ended the day you kicked me out and forced me to move in with Tony,” the artist hissed in a quiet, steely voice, her hazel eyes shining with old fear and hatred.

For a few seconds, the older woman gaped like a landed fish.  Then the wind refilled her sails slowly as a commotion broke out behind Raven.  Diverting her gaze to behind her, the dark haired female saw her fiance struggling to join her in the yard; the only things holding him back being his band and Jeordie.  “You little bitch!  I’m not going to just sit by and let you dirty the family name by becoming a common whore,” came a crazed growl, drawing her attention back to her estranged mother just before she got full on clawed in the face.

Crying out and holding the bleeding wounds on her cheek, the stunned freelancer took a few steps back before pulling her hand away.  The sight of her own blood, let alone the knowledge that her mother had drawn it, made her feel weak in the knees and she found the edges of her vision going grey as she swayed in place.  Her only saving grace was the sudden appearance of the two very different Johns.  Davis grabbed her mother by the arms while Johnny wrapped his arms around a fainting Raven.  “Call the police!” the actor roared as he scooped her into his arms and carried her prone body inside.

As soon as the star got close enough, Manson was taking her; fury written on his pale features as he sprinted upstairs.  Johnny stayed close on his heels, a worried look on his goateed face.  “Run some water and dampen a washcloth.  We have to clean these,” the singer ordered, not seeming at all bothered by the other male’s presence.  Instead he seemed much more concerned with taking care of his unconscious lover, something that made the thespian smile despite his immense concern.  Simply nodding, the slightly shorter male did as his friend asked; helping clean and dress the nasty gashes.

In the process, Raven had awoken due to the pain and tried to scamper away from the touches on her skin until she heard familiar, male voices soothing her.  “J-johnny?  Mare?” she whispered before reaching out for one or both of them.  Manson was who responded first, pulling her into his lap as he began to murmur comforting things to her.

“Is she gone?” she asked in a small, frightened voice, getting a reassuring hum from both men.

“I imagine Amanda has called the cops already.  If she’s not gone, she will be soon,” Depp reassured, one of his hand brushing her bangs back tenderly.

Instead of reacting with jealousy like she thought, the singer merely hummed in agreement before handing her off to the actor.  Both were stunned at this but neither were going to complain, certainly not Johnny.  He had missed Raven terribly in his short time away and it felt good to hold her in his arms again.  “Go lay her down and stay with her while I make sure that witch goes away,” the rocker ordered quietly before getting to his feet and leaving.  Smiling down at the artist in his arms, the movie star slowly straightened before doing what his friend had asked.

As soon as she was on the sheets, he sat down with her; reluctant to put any space between them until Manson returned.  As silly as it seemed, the rocker had entrusted him with Raven’s safety; something he didn’t take lightly.  “Are you okay?” he asked smiling at Lady as she came out from under the bed to sniff him.

“Yeah, I guess all the stress of the past few days finally caught up to me.  It doesn’t help that she drew blood.  The sight of it makes me go all weird,” she whispered, shaking slightly at the memory.  A warm hand covering hers drew her attention back to Johnny and she found herself drowning in the depths of his brown eyes.

“I’m glad you’re coming to California.  I may have come out here but I have to go back soon.  I was on the verge of quitting the shoot until you said you were moving,” he confessed, reaching forward to cup the uninjured side of her paper white face.

Raven only let out a small sigh, leaning into his touch as her heart leapt at her words.  His feelings for her were only getting stronger, only serving to fill her with guilt.  The fact that Johnny would be happy just being around her and never being able to have her was incomprehensible to her.  Then again, she could say she felt the same about Manson.  If he had never wanted to be in a relationship and had only wanted to be friends, she would have leapt at the chance to just live near him.  “Oh Johnny what am I doing to you,” she sighed, giving him a sad glance as she placed a platonic but no less loving kiss on his palm.

“Nothing I’m not allowing.  I’ve already told you, just be around you makes me happy.  Even if we can be nothing more than friends, I want to share every moment of your life,” he replied, warmth in his chocolate orbs as his slightly rough thumb brushed her skin.

A clearing throat broke the moment like a soap bubble, making the star pull away as he turned to the door with a guilty expression.  Even Raven was blushing heavily, avoiding the gaze of her lover as he stood in the still open entry.  “Johnny, I’m not blind you know.  I’ve seen the way you look at her,” the performer rasped, a smile quirking his naked lips as he prowled slowly into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Brian, I didn’t mean any disrespect!  She’s yours and I accept that,” the handsome male sputtered, getting to his feet and backing away from the bed.

“I know Johnny.  I also know she won’t leave me for you.  I trust the two of you and I have to say, I find them chemistry between you intriguing,” Manson purred, a strange look in his matching eyes.

Raven could only gawp at the pair, a strange feeling blooming in her chest.  Surely someone as possessive as Manson couldn’t be suggesting what she thought he was.  Surely she had to have passed out and this was some sort of wet dream.  Then her gaze moved to the goateed man to her right, the shocked expression he wore telling her this was definitely not a dream.  “Wh-what are you saying?” the star husked out in a breathless voice as the singer kept approaching.  The ‘Antichrist Superstar’ only gave his old friend a crooked grin before crawling onto to the bed beside a thoroughly confused looking artist.  A lanky, tattooed arm wrapped around her waist as he began to kiss behind her ear.

“I’m saying, if Raven is willing, I wouldn’t mind watching you two,” rumbled a raspy baritone as lips continued to roam her sensitive neck.

Silence filled the room as the utterly stunned pair stared at the black haired male like he was insane.  The taller, lithe male only smirked at them both before getting a strangely serious expression on his face.  His brown gaze moved to Raven’s and locked there as he made sure he had her full attention.  “I mean it.  Feeling the sexual tension between you two has almost been like an aphrodisiac for me.  It certainly helps that Johnny is someone I trust with my life,” he rumbled, smirking at the blush that crossed her porcelain cheeks.

“I... I...,” the flustered female stammered, her body flushing with naughty want, deep guilt for feeling that want and embarrassment.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t tempted, it was that it made her feel a bit like hypocrite.  There was also the lovely fact that her demons about her body were still very alive, if not very quiet for the time being.  All it would take would be for her to so much as lift her shirt to Johnny and she would be a puddle of tears.  As much good as Manson’s attentions had done for her self confidence, they didn’t get rid of the underlying self hatred that had been cultivated over years of living with her abusive parents.  As if sensing her thoughts, Johnny was kneeling in front of her to take a hand in both of his; his warm eyes locking with hers as he gave her an achingly gentle smile.  “Its okay sweetie.  Just because Bri suggests it, doesn’t mean it has to happen.  I know how much you struggled just to be intimate with  _ him _ and he’s someone you’ve loved for years,” he assured in a soft tone, placing a loving kiss on the top of her hand.

Raven could only nibble her lower lip as she struggled with herself, a not too small part of her wanting this very, very much.  A fact that sort of disturbed her.  Craning her head back to look at her fiance, she got a loving smile that helped clear some of the confusion whirling in her head.  “It’s like how you see me and Jeordie if that helps,” the singer offered, his words helping her feel even better.  Kissing the tip of his nose, she switched her hazel gaze back to Depp.  Seeing the hope and resignation in his eyes helped make her decision a bit easier but not the actions that would have to come.

“Johnny... this isn’t easy for me but I...  It hurts me to see you following me around like some puppy only to really get nothing out of it.  I... I do have a lot of affection for you.  A lot more than I should considering I’m engaged but it seems my fiance has given us permission,” she blathered, knowing she was rambling but was unable to stop due to nerves.  It was only Johnny himself craning forward to capture her lips in a sweet kiss that stopped the flow of words.

“Its okay Raven.  If we only do this once or if we never do it, I’m not going anywhere.  You don’t have to feel obligated to give me anything,” he assured in a gentle baritone that made liquid magma fill her core.  Not to mention his mouth watering scent that made her want to shudder.

Before either of them knew it, she was snagging the back of her head with her hand to give her a kiss of her own; her tongue licking his silky lips as a soft, unconscious moan left her.  Manson only chuckled when Depp responded with a growl, deepening the kiss as the singer slipped his hand up his fiance’s shirt to fondle her left breast.  Raven gasped at the contact, arching her back as lust shot through her womb like a hot spear.  Then she was turning her head to give the male behind her an incredulous look, only getting a satisfied looking smirk in response.

A warm, slightly rough hand gently came up to cup her cheek, turning her gaze back to an amused Johnny.  Huffing slowly through his nose, the goateed movie star brushed a thumb on her skin as he held her gaze with his.  “Did that kiss mean you want to accept Brian’s suggestion?” he whispered, his back hair hanging in his face and making his angular face look even more handsome.  Fighting off the anxiety that gripped her heart at his question, the panting female gave slight nod; gasping when her friend captured her lips in a kiss so needy it made her toes curl.

“Oh my sweet, sweet girl.  I promise you will not regret it,” he assured, before moving his gaze to lock on Manson.  The singer only gave a nod, his hand continuing to massage her breast as well as play with her pert nipple.

Releasing a shuddery moan as tingling pleasure began to fill her limbs, Raven leaned back into her fiance; gasping and startling slightly when he began to lift the oversized t-shirt she wore as pajamas.  Whimpering unsurely, she burrowed her face in his neck as the performer lifted the midnight material over her head.  As soon as her skin was exposed to the cool air, her heart began to race as she filled with old insecurities.  A warm, rough hand cradling her cheek drew her out of her quickly darkening thoughts as she found herself looking into the dilated pupils of the actor kneeling in front of her.  “Gorgeous,” rasped his reverent sounding voice before he shifted his gaze back to Manson.

Before she even knew what was happening, the rockstar behind her was sitting up to lean against the headboard of her bed; placing her in front of him.  Johnny soon followed, leaning over her to cradle her face in his hands and give her a passionate kiss.  As his tongue gently coaxed her mouth to open, one of his slightly rough palms slid from her cheek, down her neck and to one of her ample breasts.  Then his skilled fingers were plucking at a pink nipple, causing Raven to gasp into his open mouth.  Depp only released a possessive sounding noise in response before he slowly broke the kiss, his molten eyes burning into hers as he panted raggedly.  “Go ahead Johnny,” Manson urged in a gruff voice, leaning forward to nibble along her sensitive neck.

Taking that as his cue, the actor slowly lowered himself down; latching onto the nipple his hand wasn’t occupied with.  A shuddery moan left the artist as she began to writhe, white fire beginning to coil and flare within her womb.  Her hands came up of their own accord, tangling in his dark hair as his tongue curled and lapped around the sensitive nub.  Manson growled low against her neck, his hands sliding down her sides to rest on her wide hips; encouraging her to lift her rear so he could remove her panties.  Thankfully she complied with little fuss, letting out a small mewl as the star switched to her other breast.

Then she felt one of her fiance’s hands on her weeping, aching slit, drawing a relieved noise from her as he began to play with her pearl.  “You’re soaking wet,” the rocker cooed in a throaty voice before offering his fluid covered hand to Johnny.  In an instant, the actor was releasing her to lick her essence off the other man’s fingers; releasing a soft noise as he did so.  Then he was looking up at both of them, asking silent permission despite the clear desire in his eyes to continue.  Feeling Manson nod from behind her, a slightly dazed Raven nodded as well; too caught up in the sensations rolling through her body to really know what was going on.

Releasing a noise that shot straight to her core and only added to the burning lust coiling inside her, Depp kissed his way down her body until he was eye level with her womanhood.  Giving the shaven skin an affectionate kiss first, the dark haired male began to lap slowly at her dripping passage while Manson continued to play with her tiny bundle of nerves.  Then the singer was removing his fingers, much to her protest, to lift her hips slightly.  Even Johnny had stopped his ministrations, pulling back to watch as the tattooed male slowly pulled his lover over his erection with a low groan.

Then he was motioning the star to rejoin them, his hips moving as he slowly began to take Raven.  Johnny scrambled back into place, his facial hair scratching her pleasantly as he latched onto her small button.  One of his hand moved to undo his pants, freeing his manhood as he suckled on her.  Soon the two were working in tandem, her quiet gasps and moans only seeming to drive them on.  “Cum for us Raven,” Manson rasped as Depp continued to orally pleasure her while he fucked her.  The panting female could only shake hard before letting out a wordless cry as she orgasmed hard.  Making a gruff noise, the rock star spilled into her; followed closely by the movie star between her legs.

Then the goateed male was rising to lay beside her as Manson slowly lifted her of his deflating manhood to lay her between them.  The two of them wrapped their arms around the exhausted female and kissed her cheek, smiling at her content expression.  As unusual as what had just happened had been, it had taken her mind off the stress of what happened and she was grateful.  Yawning, she snuggled into Manson with Johnny at her back, slipping into the best sleep she’d had in a long time.


	23. My Little Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘I can't dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven't got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy. And you can project it back at me, but I am only what lives inside each and every one of you.’ - Charles Manson
> 
> Sorry for the delay. I caught Pneumonia and had to take some time to recover.

Needless to say, when Raven awoke sandwiched between both Johnny and Marilyn, she was utterly shocked.  Shame washed through her in a thick wave and she closed her hazel eyes as she took a deep, shaky breath.  “He gave you permission to do this, in fact he was in the same room and was fucking you as well.  You have no reason to feel this way,” she hissed to herself, smiling slightly when the pair sandwiching her tightened their arms; as if they had heard her.

“You’re damn right you have no reason to feel guilty,” rumbled a familiar, amused baritone.

Blushing slightly, the artist turned her gaze to the singer curled up on her right.  The drowsy looking, very naked man was giving her a playfully stern look as he reached up to cup her left cheek.  “Besides, didn’t I do the same thing with Twiggy?  This will make us even.  Also, you have no idea how long I’ve been trying to lure Johnny to bed with me,” the singer continued, drawing a sleepy chuckle from the man on her left.

“I can vouch that its been pretty much since the day we met.  Not to say Bri isn’t attractive, I just wanted more than a one night stand type of relationship,” the half awake actor husked, his raspy voice doing terrible things to her.

Manson only rumbled laughter in response, stretching languidly as he placed an affectionate kiss on the crown of her head.  “You were just playing hard to get,” the lithe man countered, getting a playful glare in response from the celebrity across from him.

“Only in your head buddy,” the goateed actor grouched, no real heat to his voice as humor glimmered in his dark eyes.

Raven only watched the pair quietly, her earlier guilt slowly replaced by a warm sense of happiness.  She had known the two were friends but she had never known they were so close.  Just watching the banter between them, it was clear to her that the two of them trusted eachother quite a lot.  The type of trust that came with years of knowing someone and seeing them at their worst.  It only made it more sad that Johnny had seemed rather distant from Manson for most of the time she had known the pair.  It was obvious something had happened some time ago to drive the two apart and she couldn’t help but wonder what had happened before she had met the pair.  “Are you okay?” came Depp’s voice, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, just thinking.  You two seem pretty close right now.  You act like you’ve been best friends for years but you didn’t act like that when I first met you,” the freelancer replied, her hazel gaze moving from one man to the other.

Her words caused a flash of hurt to pass over the rock star’s face and a flash of frustration to pass over Johnny’s.  “It happened after Dita left.  Brian started to... self destruct quite a bit.  It got so bad he...  Well, you should ask Jeordie why he left.  It was just... hard to see a man I knew could be loving and very funny turn into an outright monster.  It got so bad, I couldn’t be around him anymore without feeling disgusted that this thing had taken over my friend.  The day I met you in the park had been the first I had heard of him in quite a long while,” the movie star sighed, a bit of anger shining briefly in his nearly black eyes.  Manson only shifted slightly, making a strange noise as he nuzzled the top of her head.

“I don’t like what I did.  I hurt a lot of the people close to me by lashing out.  I even hurt innocent fans.  There was no excuse for any of what I did but I couldn’t help myself.  Dita had been the only one I had allowed myself to get close to after Melinda and I just... I lost it,” he whispered, his hold on his fiance tightened slightly as he inhaled her scent deeply.

“Well, you’re doing better now and that’s what counts,” Raven offered, breaking the heavy silence that was suffocating the room.

“Agreed, I haven’t seen you so playful in quite a long time.  Watching you both heal eachother has been amazing,” the tanned star assured, giving the pair a smile before slowly getting out of bed.

“Where are you going?” the two asked in unison, looking at eachother with amusement while Johnny laughed in response.

“Well, first I’m going to get dressed.  After that and a cup of coffee, I was thinking we should start packing this place up,” he replied with a grin before leaving the room.

Soon the house was a flurry of activity, Amanda having to step out of the house to set up her relocation with her bosses.  The band and Jeordie rushed around to help pack things here and there, Pogo and Tim hustling out boxes that were full.  Instead of waiting for the company she was working for to send out a moving van, Manson had opted to rent one himself; saying it would be much faster.  Between all of them, they had more than half the house packed in a single day.  There were only a few odds and ends left and the singer seemed very anxious to get on the road.  “We can let Amanda and the others bring the rest.  I really want to get going,” he huffed as it got closer to sunset.

“But there’s so much left to pack and what about Lady,” Raven protested, meeping slightly when the taller performer grabbed her right wrist.

“I’m sure they can take care of it.  Now come on.  I want you to pack a small bag for a few days.  It’ll take a while to drive to California,” he urged, tugging her upstairs with Johnny following close behind.

“What’s the big rush?” the confused female asked as he began to pack a suitcase for her.

“I don’t feel safe with you here anymore.  At least my house is in a gated community.  With everyone knowing the address, its only a matter of time before people more crazy than your exs and family show up,” the star replied, sounding a bit sharp due to his growing anxiety.  Last night with her mother must have shaken him up more than any of them had realized.

“I agree.  I don’t like the fact that the only one who hasn’t shown up here is your father.  Do you have anything you absolutely can’t leave behind for the journey?” Johnny asked, looking more calm than her fiance but still worried.

Her head frankly spinning, Raven tried to think only to have Manson answer for her.  “Kathy, the stuffed dog on the bed there.  Any other plushes you want love?” the midnight clad male asked, still packing clothes into a large duffel she had.

“Uh, just the large Husky.  His name is Malchik Gay,” she replied, meeping when the actor behind her rushed to grab the two plushes.  He also grabbed a few of her sketchbooks and drawing supplies despite the fact she hadn’t mentioned them, something she was very grateful for.

“What about books or something to do on the road?” the dark haired actor asked as he handed off the items to Manson.

Looking a bit like a deer in the headlights, the freelancer walked over to one of her bookshelves and began to pick out some of her favorite novels.  Once she had a good selection, she walked over to her agitated looking fiance and put them in the duffel.  “Anything else,” the two men probed in unison, wanting to make sure she had all the things she needed.

“Oh!  Just my laptop,” she replied, grabbing said item as well as its power cord from a cubby in her nightstand.

As soon as she had it in her hands, the performer was packing it and zipping up the large bag before moving his gaze to Johnny and getting a thoughtful expression on his face.  “Come with us, I’m sure we could both use your company,” the taller, skinnier man offered, surprising both the movie star and the still dazed look Raven.  Depp looked as confused as she did, his almost ebony eyes wide.  Then his gaze was shifting to her as he asked her permission silently with his expressive orbs.  Slightly uncomfortable being put on the spot like this, the timid femme shifted from foot to foot before giving a very small nod.

“I... I would like the extra company honestly,” she squeaked before her famous fiance was grabbing her upper arm in a gentle grip and ushering her out of the room.

In a blur, she was stuffed into the passenger side of her car while Johnny scooted into the back.  Barely having time to wave to Amanda, Raven buckled herself in before Manson started her car and pushed the pedal to the floor.  He only slowed down when they were leaving the city, relaxing more the further away they got.  “I hope Lily doesn’t beat up Lady and Mystery too badly,” he joked after a few moments of dead silence, nearly making a very tense freelancer jump out of her skin.  Turning to look at him with a scared look, she only saw concern in his still matching gaze.  In the rush, the rock star hadn’t had the time to put in his iconic contact; making this the only time she had see him with his real eyes during the day.

“Hey, you okay?” whispered his baritone as his hand came to rest on her upper arm, breaking her out of her jumbled thoughts.

“Yeah, all of this is just happening so fast.  I kinda feel a bit dizzy,” she whispered, a reassuring grip on her left shoulder making her turn her focus to Johnny in the backseat.

“It’ll be okay Raven, Brian and I won’t let anything happen to you,” the handsome star assured, getting a small smile in return.

As she returned her gaze to the front, she saw her fiance nodding in agreement.  “Moving to L.A. and becoming a rockstar can be intimidating at first but we’ll be with you every step of the way.  All of us,” he assured, leaning over to give her lips a quick peck before returning his focus to the road.  Smiling slightly but still a little off balance from the quickness events had happened, Raven turned on the radio and tuned it to a rock station.  Soon the first notes of Manson’s ‘Beautiful People’ began to come out of the speakers, making the freelancer stare at the radio with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

“Well that’s just ironic.  I don’t think I ever told you this, but this was the first song of yours I ever heard.  My Aunt introduced it to me because she thought I would laugh at the lyrics.  Instead, I fell in love with your music and started to get every one of your current C.D.s,” she giggled, the sound of the lyrics filling her with nostalgia.  The singer only smirked slightly, beginning to sing along just to see her reaction.

He wasn’t disappointed, the shy female going a deep scarlet as she looked at him with wide eyes.  To his further amusement, she even let out a small squee of happiness before joining in.  Once the song finished, a song by a band she didn’t know came on and the two lapsed into a comfortable silence; watching the road pass under the car as they drove.  “So what can I expect in the music business?” she asked after a few moments of silence.

“A lot of bullshit really.  The record company I work for isn’t too bad but their first order of business is to make money.  They will treat you great until you stop bringing in the cash, then they’ll dump you for another.  You will be sent on tour after tour like some show pony, at least the tours you don’t set up yourself.  You also won’t get all the money you deserve for your music but it’s honestly not all bad.  It can be great to write your own stuff and sing it in front of people who love it, there’s nothing like hearing screaming fans,” the midnight clad male replied, a faintly bitter expression on his pale face.

“The fans and concerts are honestly what I’m dreading the most.  I’ve never been good with crowds, let alone doing anything in front of one.  Dealing with screaming fans, let alone autograph hounds are going to be rather intimidating,” she murmured quietly, fiddling with the hem of the black shirt she wore as she stared out of her window.  Her teeth worried her lower lip as she watched the scenery, her thoughts racing as her anxiety began to rise steadily.

“Its not as bad as it seems.  You get used to it after a while.  Besides, you have a bevy of loyal friends to help you,” Johnny assured gently, this time placing two hands on her shoulders in an effort to offer what comfort he could.

Turning her head to give the actor a tiny smile, the still nervous artist only sighed as she returned her gaze to the passing scenery.  It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the attempt to help her feel better, it was just that she had her doubts she would ever get used to fame.  She wasn’t used to being in any kind of spotlight, let alone having to perform.  What if people didn’t like her?  Even worse, what if they did?  Shuddering slightly, she returned her focus to the radio in an effort to take her mind off things.  After all, it was too late to change her fate now.  Thankfully one of her favorite Evanescence songs came on, giving her a very welcome distraction from her rising panic.

Hours later and well into the night, Manson had finally pulled off at a hotel at the insistence of the pair riding with him.  “I’m not even tired,” groused the rock star irritably as he put Raven’s car into park.

“I know but it’s late and I would like to relax for a bit,” the freelancer replied, smiling inwardly when the tough male deflated instantly into concern.

“Shit, I’m sorry sweetie.  I should have asked you how you felt.  Just wait here and I’ll get us checked in,” the rocker responded, leaning over to give her cheek a quick peck before he exited the vehicle.

Finding herself alone with Johnny, Raven turned to give her goateed friend a grateful smile.  “Thanks for trying to help me calm down, I appreciate it a lot.  All of this is going to be new to me so having you guys around is really gonna help,” she stated with a smile on her pale face, earning one in return from the tanned thespian.

“Even if I wasn’t around, Manson and Davis are.  They’re perfectly capable of helping you as well.  You have a lot of friends who have been through all of this.  Even I was shy and nervous at one time.  Trust me, things get better,” he assured, giving her a smile of his own.

“You?  You were nervous?” Raven asked, her voice full of disbelief.  Her expression must have matched because the star burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“I-I’m sorry, the look on your face,” he chuckled wiping tears of mirth from his dark eyes.  Raven only swatted him playfully in response, her hazel eyes glittering.  The handsome male ducked the swing, smiling widely the entire time.

“Oh you wouldn’t believe how shy I was in the beginning.  Unfortunately for me, my first movie was ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’; a surprising hit for a horror movie.  Fans for that movie just exploded and I found myself suddenly being hounded everywhere overnight.  Screaming females, frantic men.  It was horrible for the longest time.  I had to learn the hard way how to handle it but I made it through,” he continued, still grinning widely.

“How did you ever manage?” the artist asked, a bit of anxiety in her voice as she absorbed the information he had told her.  To someone like her, that experience sounded like absolute Hell.

“Much like you, I had to accept the fact that the fans simply weren’t ever going to go away.  Same with the paparazzi.  I had to learn to adapt but you have an advantage over me.  I didn’t have any friends in the industry for a long time.  In fact, my first friend was long after I had learned how to take things in stride,” the movie star responded softly, ruffling her hair in an effort to take her mind off things.

To his relief, the high-strung female began to giggle; relaxing visibly.  “Thanks, it makes me feel a lot better to know you’ve been through something similar,” she murmured just as Manson returned with cards to their room.  Seconds later, they were grabbing their bags and heading to the elevators, doing their best to avoid detection.  Thankfully, despite the fact that everyone was staring at them, no one approached the two men for an autograph on the way.  Soon the trio were stuffed into the tiny, metal cube, the doors closing at the elevator transported them to the floor their room was on.  The short trip was companionable, the singer stepping out as soon as the door opened to hold it for the duo that was with him.  Then they were standing in front of the closed entry, Depp was opening the door and gesturing from them to enter first.

Giving the two men with her a smile, Raven slipped into the room and turned on the light; revealing a very spacious suite.  If it was at all possible, it was even bigger than the suite the actor had frequented while living in the city they were coming from.  “Jesus,” she whispered, her hazel eyes moving from the kitchen big enough for five to the living room fit for a small family.  The sheer amount of luxury never failed to blow her mind.  Having come from a very small town and middle class family, she was used to far less.  To her, just going to a normal hotel was a treat.  All of this was bordering on being culture shock.

Shaking herself free of her thoughts, she walked over to the huge couch and sunk down into one of the squishy, white cushions.  In fact she sank in so deeply it felt like the plush piece of furniture was trying to eat her.  “Being famous has its perks,” purred a husky baritone by her left ear, drawing her attention to her gaunt fiance.  The dark haired male smiled down at her in a predatory manner, making her heart race slightly in her chest.

“I guess so but even this will take some getting used to.  A weekend at a Holiday Inn was the height of luxury for me before you guys came into my life.  Even if I can afford to do this all the time, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to take it for granted,” she replied in a stunned voice, giving his pale cheek a light kiss.

Purring in response, the tattooed performed leaned further over the back of the couch to wrap his arms around her.  This allowed their cheeks to rest against eachother as he simply enjoyed holding her in his arms.  Johnny, who was watching the pair, smiled slightly before carrying his and Raven’s bags to the rooms.  After a cursory look, he knew which one his friends would want to share and put the freelancer’s duffel in that one.  The room he choose for himself was across the hall, allowing the two to have privacy if they needed it.  In fact, he was gonna head there now to give them just that.  Just as his hand landed on the doorknob, he heard a familiar throat clearing behind him.  “You aren’t planning on hiding from us are you?” purred an amused baritone, making the star chuckle as he rolled his dark eyes.

“I thought you guys would like some privacy,” he replied, turning to smile at the pair he knew was behind him.

Both Raven and Manson gave him a smile back, the singer’s looking too lascivious to be purely innocent.  “Now who said anything like that?  I certainly didn’t?” the taller performer quipped, placing a black nailed hand on a bony hip as he raised a hairless brow.

“What Manny meant is that we’d love it if you joined us for a bit.  We were just about to watch ‘Robot Chicken’,” the artist beside him cajoled, giving the handsome star her best puppy eyes.

Raising a hand for mercy, the goateed male chuckled before walking to rejoin his two friends.  “Alright, enough with those.  You need to use such a powerful weapon responsibly,” he half teased.  To tell the truth, if the pale female had so much as sniffled; he would have fallen at her feet and begged her to tell him what he could do to make her feel better.  Raven only giggled in response before heading back into the living room, the sight of her feeling so carefree filling the celebrity with happiness.  An arm wrapping loosely around his shoulders brought him back to reality and he found himself looking up at his oldest friend.

“You really have it bad for her, don’t you?” the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ murmured quietly, the quiet statement very nearly making Depp freeze.  It was only the completely neutral expression on the other male’s face that put him at ease.

“More than you know Bri.  She’s part of my heart even if I can never have her.  Just being near her and seeing her so happy is more than enough for me,” the star replied, blinking at the soft expression that came over the singer’s naked face.

“I should feel jealous but I just don’t.  I trust you as much as she does and it makes me happy to hear how much you care about her.  At least I know she’ll be protected when I’m away,” he responded, pulling Johnny along with him to the couch.

“Yeah, that’s one thing you will never have to worry about.  Her safety will always come first in my book,” the tanned thespian assured, sitting on the left of Raven while Manson took the right.  Soon the trio lapsed into silence as they watched ‘Adult Swim’, occasional laughter filling the large room.

At the insistence of Manson, Johnny had snuggled up in their bed that night; a decision that had proved to be a good one.  Due to the rapidness of everything that had happened as well as the stress of the past few hours, Raven ended up having nightmares for most of the night.  When it wasn’t her fiance comforting her, it was the star behind her; the two pairs of arms around her making sure she got through the night.  It was only their combined efforts that ensured she slept at all.  It was during one particularly violent nightmare that the rockstar had enough.  Sweeping her black hair away from her ear, he began to sing ‘Last Day on Earth’ softly.  Taking the cue, Depp joined in; the combination of their voices soon allowing the tortured artist to drift into a more restful sleep.  It was no surprise that, in the morning, the pair was utterly exhausted.

Through some combination of sheer willpower and caffeine, the trio checked out on time and made it back out onto the road, Johnny choosing to drive due to how rough the goth rocker looked.  It was only the knowledge that it would only be a couple more days that kept the actor driving despite his exhaustion.  Only Raven seemed to have any energy and this was due to the fact they had stayed up all night to ensure she got the rest she needed.  Thankfully she was very aware of this fact and did what she could to keep up morale.  Still, despite her best efforts, the pair were all but ready to collapse by the time they reached their next hotel.  “Really, go lay down!  You both look like death!  I promise I can take care of myself until I’m ready for bed,” the midnight clad femme insisted as soon as they got into the room, disliking how the pair swayed on their feet in a dazed manner.  Even more concerning was the fact they both nodded in agreement before shuffling off to their respective rooms.

Once alone, the artist set to making herself some food before sitting on the couch to watch some cartoons.  As she watched an episode of ‘Family Guy’ Raven found herself honestly beginning to think about just how her life was going to change from now on.  Depending on how popular her music was, she probably wouldn’t have much, if any, free time to do her art freelancing.  Just the thought of it filled her with a strange sadness.  Her art had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember and had been a passion for her entire professional career.  To give it up for something she didn’t really want to do seemed a bit sacrilegious, almost as if she was giving up on her long time dream of breaking into the professional art world.  Still, she had to admit the career she had in front of her was far more promising.  Besides, who was to say she couldn’t attempt both.  After all, Manson still did art despite the fact he was horrendously busy.

That thought giving her comfort, Raven simply let herself relax as the night went on.  By the time she was ready for bed, she felt more relaxed than she had in a couple days.  Smiling at the feeling of contentment filling her, the drowsy woman went into the bedroom she was sharing with her fiance.  The sight that greeted her upon entry very nearly made her burst into laughter.  Manson was sprawled out naked across the bed, his mouth hanging open as he released loud snores.  Taking a deep breath to keep the giggles fighting to get free at bay, the twenty-nine year old slowly entered and shut the door behind her.  Then she was crawling onto the small part of the bed that had been allotted her, nearly jumping out of her skin when the sleeping rock star rolled onto his side to snuggle her like a giant teddy bear.  After a few seconds she wrapped her own midnight clad arms around him in return and drifted into her own deep sleep.


	24. Settling In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘I weigh about 111 pounds, and the public feels that you have to be big and strong, but it actually doesn't matter what your body weight is as long as you know the correct technique and know where to hit.’ - Cynthia Rothrock

Manson’s house ended up being even bigger than she had imagined, nearly making her drop her jaw through the floor of the car when they started pulling up the driveway.  “Holy fuck and you said my house was big,” she whispered, her hazel eyes wide as her fiance put her car into park and shut the engine off.

“This is nothing, you should see Johnny boy’s house,” the singer quipped with a smirk, getting out of the car to avoid the star’s playful swipe.

“I told you I hate that nickname Bri,” the goateed male groused, no real anger to his voice as he got out as well; both males heading to Raven’s door.  When their hands met over the handle, they only gave eachother a sardonic grin.

“You know, I could just let myself out,” teased a female voice from inside the car, making the pair chuckle as they released the metal in unison.  Rolling her vibrant eyes slightly, the artist got out of her trusty old car and gave the red hood an affectionate pat.  Then she was looking up at her new home, her heart very nearly stopping at the realization.

The house was huge, have three stories and several rooms that she could see from the outside alone.  On top of all of this, it looked like the massive dwelling also had a large basement just going by the windows she could see on the underbelly.  Just seeing that made her fall in love instantly with the place.  For some reason, she loved furnished basements; often preferring to spend her time down there rather than upstairs.  “You fucking have a basement!” she declared loudly, raising her arms in the air and doing a small, happy dance in celebration.  Manson only chuckled in response, sauntering toward the front door and swinging it open.  What greeted her eyes nearly made her heart halt in her chest.

The carpet was a plush, almost shaggy red, accentuating the pieces of black leather furniture scattered about.  The walls were painted a dark, smoky gray and framed paintings of his were hung all over.  The only splash of white was the grouchy looking cat curled up on one of his long couches.  “Lily,” came out of her mouth as she slowly entered the house, her eyes fixed on the infamous feline.  While she didn’t know much about Manson’s pet, she knew enough to be aware she only liked her owner.  Anyone else was considered a scratching post.

“Yep, that’s her.  Let’s go say hi.  Just don’t try to pet her.  She can be a bit... mean to other people,” he advised, confirming her suspicions as he grabbed her wrist to lead her toward the couch.  Said cat was currently stretching, making a show of baring her teeth and claws before sitting up.

Raven stopped at what she deemed was a safe distance, watching as the haughty felid sauntered over to her male and let out an affectionate chirp.  “Did you miss me darling?  I’m sorry I was gone for so long.  I hope ‘grandpa’ took good care of you,” the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ cooed, picking her up in his black clad arms to place a kiss on her forehead.  The white feline purred in response, licking his chin and giving it an affectionate bite.

“I want you to be nice to that woman over there.  Her name is Raven and she’s going to be living here from now on,” he announced, turning the animal to face his fiance.

The artist waved slightly, grimacing when Lily gave her an unimpressed look; her eyes narrowing and her triangular ears tilting back slightly.  “You don’t need to be jealous Ms. White.  I’m not here to steal Marilyn.  I assure you I won’t get in your way,” she soothed, not feeling the least bit silly about talking to a cat.  The felid only made a grouchy noise before hopping out of the rock star’s arms and stalking slowly towards her.  Raven stood her ground, her heart racing in her chest as the tiny animal stopped just inches from her legs.  Then Lily gave her jeans covered legs a singular headbutt before hopping back onto the couch and giving a tiny little mew.  At hearing that noise it took everything the freelancer had within her not to pet the tricky kitty.

“I think she wants you to pet her,” the taller male whispered, coming up to stand beside her as Johnny brought in Raven’s bags.

“It might be a trick.  I’ve had my fair share of encounters with cats before,” Raven replied, giving Lily a suspicious glance.  Said feline only looked up at her innocently before giving a more plaintive sounding chirp.

The cute noise settled somewhere inside the black clad artist and she shook her head before cautiously extending her hand to the waiting animal.  She stopped a few inches from actually touching Lily’s fur, allowing the cat to close the distance if she wanted to.  To the pair’s shock, the normally aloof felid headbutted Raven’s hand and released a loud purr.  This encouraged the young woman to pet the cat, gently smoothing her palm along the amazingly soft fur a few times before backing up.  There was no point in pushing her lucky after all.  “Thank you Lily,” she whispered just before a warm kiss landed on her cheek.

“I can’t begin to tell you how much of a relief it is that she likes you.  Every other girlfriend I’ve brought in here she’s treated like a scratching post,” he rumbled, his arms wrapping around her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

Johnny, who had been watching the pair, smiled widely before clearing his throat loudly.  “Ya gonna bring in your bags or what Brian?” the actor teased, a smirk on his goateed mouth.  The lithe rocker only chuckled, turning his gaze to look at his friend while not releasing his fiance.

“I thought  _ you _ were gonna bring them in John-o,” the performer quipped playfully, raising a naked brow.

“Oh ho no buddy.  You can bring in your  _ own _ shit ya lazy asshole,” Depp countered, mirth dancing in his nearly black eyes as he placed his hands on his jeans clad hips.  Manson only chuckled deeply before pointedly shifting his gaze to Raven’s duffel on the floor.

“And yet you seemed so eager to bring in hers before your own,”  the musician observed in a teasing tone, getting a glare in return.

Craning her head around her famous fiance, the artist was able to see the thespian had indeed brought in only her bag; making a flush of embarrassment wash through her body.  “You didn’t have to do that,” she whispered softly, pulling out of Manson’s black clad arms to move toward the actor.

“Well I wanted to, mostly to fuck with him,” the star replied his voice holding a lazily playful edge before he went back out to grab his own bag.  Manson outright laughed in response, ruffling Raven’s midnight locks on his way out to get his bags as well.

Now alone in the house, the young woman took a moment to examine the layout she could see from the room she was in.  The room itself was a massive living area that appeared to be located in the middle of the huge mansion.  To the west was a semi-open kitchen with an impressive looking marble counter and beautiful, dark red, wood cabinets.  There was a large, double doored, black fridge as well as a large, six burner, electric stove.  On the counter were several large knife holders as well as stone cutting boards and the floor was a bare tile instead of carpeted like the room she stood in.

To the north was another semi open area, the walls painted white instead of the smoky gray of the main room or the dark red of the kitchen.  In this room sat a grand piano, its black surface polished to a high shine.  There were also large speakers, a few instruments as well as a keyboard and recording equipment.  “That must be where they flesh out songs,” she whispered, the surrealness of her situation setting in.  This was her idol’s house, the man who had been her entire life for much of her teenhood and adulthood.  All at once she was rocked with the realization that she was getting married a man she had just longed to meet.  She had never once even imagined she would be engaged to him and moving into his house.

“Keep it together Raven, you’ve been around him long enough to be well over this fangirl bullshit,” she hissed, turning her gaze to the southeast.  There was the large entry hall as well as a staircase that lead upstairs.  Both areas were brighter than the rest of the house, the walls painted a lighter grey and the floor a bare hardwood.  The staircase was flush against the right wall, the door to the basement in it’s side.

As much as she longed to explore, she thought it would be rude of her to do so without Manson.  After all, she had no way to tell what areas he would want to keep off limits to her.  There was also the fact that she had just gotten here and she didn’t want to treat it like her house.  Not until she had lived here for a while anyway.  Sighing, she eyed a shorter couch next to the one Lily was perched on.  It seemed like the much safer option and would still allow her to see the door when the two men came back in.  Unfortunately, Manson’s cat had other plans.

As soon as she sat down, Lily was hopping off the longer couch and onto the one she had chosen; almost seeming to eye the female as her tail twitched.  Endless moments passed as the two females locked gazes, Raven giving the feline a small grin.  To the freelancer’s relief, the white mammal merely crawled into her lap and curled up.  Although this presented the twenty-nine year old with a whole new set of problems, she was happy Lily hadn’t decided to bite her.  Sighing, the artist resigned herself to being trapped until Manson removed the moody kitty.

A few moments later, the two men came back in; joking amiably until the singer caught sight of his fiance.  Seeing the cat he considered a daughter in a practical stranger’s lap struck something deep inside him and he felt an unconscious grin curling his lips.  “Looks like you two are getting along,” he purred, chuckling at the downright shocked look on Johnny’s face.

“I guess.  I’m just glad she not trying to claw me into coleslaw.  Could you maybe get her off before she changes her mind?” Raven requested nervously, her hazel eyes never moving from the purring cat.  She wasn’t fooled by the innocent act, having dealt with mischievous or mean cats before.

Laughing softly, the taller male picked up his pet gently; earning a grouchy meow in response.  “Sorry sweetie but you’re making Raven nervous.  You have a bit of a reputation you know,” he cooed in a teasing tone, getting a grumpy noise from her.  It almost sounded like she was talking back, making the black haired femme smile slightly.  Then the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ was setting the felid on the floor, turning his now mismatched gaze to the freelancer on the couch.  The performer had put in his colored contact at one of the hotels, feeling oddly naked without it.

“Come on, I wanna show you around your new home.  You’re gonna be living here for a long time after all,” he purred, pulling her against his side before moving towards the stairs.

Soon he was showing her his room as well as where the bathrooms and the band member’s rooms were.  There were a couple empty rooms but Raven somehow doubted he was about to let her pick one of those.  Sure enough, the rock star was leading her back to his room; swinging open his door and leading her inside.  “This will be where you’re staying” he murmured his voice soft and warm as he looked at her with affection in his eyes.  Managing a smile, the midnight haired woman allowed her gaze to travel around the large room; not surprised at all by what she saw.

The walls were painted a dark red and the carpet was a dark black.  There was a mic stand as well as recording equipment on one end of the room while his large bed was on the other.  The king sized mattress was covered in dark sheets and paintings that weren’t downstairs hung on either side.  The thing that most shocked her was the neatness.  When Manson had been living with her, he had made his room into a pig sty.  “Did you have someone watching your house or something?  Your room is a lot cleaner than I’ve ever seen it,” Raven asked, clapping a hand over her mouth as soon as the words left her mouth.  Looking up at the goth rocker with a horrified expression, she was relieved to see him giving her an amused glance.

“In fact I do.  My father comes to feed Lily.  He takes it upon himself to give the house a thorough cleaning from top to bottom as well since he knows that’s the only time it’ll get done.  None of us are very focused on being all that neat,” Marilyn chuckled before bending down to scoop a stunned freelancer into his arms.

“You have no idea how it makes me feel to have you in my house, in my room,” he purred, his voice a deep rumble that made her toes curl as embers of want ignited in her lower belly.

His larger nose rubbed along hers affectionately as he closed his heterochromic orbs and inhaled deeply, taking in her scent.  When he reopened his eyes, the look he gave her turned her insides to jello and she found herself wrapping her arms around his neck as she took his lips in a sweet kiss.  Manson returned the embrace with a surprising ferocity, his tongue forcing entry into her mouth as one of his hands wrapped tightly in her ebony locks.  Releasing a low growl against her skin, the rock star walked toward his bed; only breaking the kiss when he laid her down on the silk sheets.  Then his weight was pressing down on her as he lowered himself onto her, burrowing his face into the crook of her neck.

Releasing a sigh of satisfaction, the ‘God of Fuck’ pulled away to help Raven sit up; his eye more gentle than she had ever seen them.  Reverent hands moved over her clothed body stopping at the hem of her Marilyn Manson t-shirt.  Brown and white-blue met hazel as he waited for her consent, getting a shy nod in return.  Then he was lifting the dark material over her head, letting out a low purring sound as her torso was mostly bared to him.  “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing this,” he breathed, his rough hands cupping her bra covered breasts briefly before moving to undo said piece of clothing.

Blushing at his words, the nervous freelancer fought her innate urge to shield herself; reminding herself that two very handsome men found her desirable.  Surely there was something there, right?  Releasing a shuddering breath, she pressed kisses under her lover’s chin as his hands ran down her body to her jeans.  Nimble fingers undid the button to her pants before pulling down the zipper.  Lifting her hips, Raven helped Manson pull off her pants and underwear; a light blush coloring her milky cheeks despite her best efforts.  “Absolutely beautiful.  Lay back,” rumbled his smooth baritone, his voice full of undisguised lust.

Feeling a rush of want fill her, Raven did as her fiance ordered; panting slightly as the tattooed male crawled off the foot of the bed to shuck off his own clothed.  Then he was covering her once more, pressing kisses to her soft skin as he worked his way slowly down her quivering body.  All too soon the pale singer was lifting her thighs over his shoulders, giving her a smirk before pressing a kiss to her weeping junction.  Releasing a gasp, the artist found her hands tangling into his hair as he began to languidly lap at the puffy outer lips of her sex.  This caused her to let out a low moan as her hands found his head, her back arching as her eyes closed instinctually.

Growling against her womanhood, the rocker nudged her hooded clit with his nose as he allowed his tongue to make an exploratory swipe into her wet heat.  His drew a deeper moan from the female squirming beneath him, filling his lower body with a slightly painful pulling feeling as his member became painfully hard.  Sighing her name against her slit, Manson inserted the tip of his tongue into her pulsing passage before laving the flat of it slowly up to her awakening button.  The sound that escaped her was heaven to his ears, drawing another deep, throaty noise from him as he performed the action again.  This caused Raven to shudder as his name left her in a breathy plea, her hips moving restlessly as he continued to taste her slowly.

Using one of his hands to pin her in place, the singer pulled back slightly to look at her nethers; smirking at how puffy and sensitive they looked.  Then he was latching onto her button and sucking, his tongue wrapping around the small nodule of flesh as his fingers entered her slowly.  This drew a long, low groan from Raven, her fingers tightening in his hair almost painfully.  Relishing the slight sting, Manson released an appreciative sound before resuming his sweet torture of her hidden treasure.  His tongue curled around the small pearl to draw it further into the heat of his mouth, his erection pulsing every time the freelancer released a small moan or whimper of his name.

Her juices flowed freely around his fingers as her cries became higher pitched, her porcelain thighs shuddering around him.  He dipped his tongue lower to taste the fluids, growling deep in his chest as soon as her essence met his tongue.  It was slightly sweet with a tang of something that seemed to be uniquely her.  If he had his way, he would taste this every day for the rest of his life.  As it was, he could feel her hips bucking as her walls squeezed his long fingers; the feel of her silk sheath making his balls feel leaden and hot.  He ached to hilt himself within her but he was determined to make her cum before he did.

Lapping up some of her creme, Manson moved back upward to latch onto her almost angry looking clit.  Her hips arched upward as her hands tugged at his hair in response, making the pool of need pulsing in his lower body turn into a lake of hot magma.  His fingers inside her worked with his tongue in tandem, the questing tips eventually finding a slightly rougher patch inside her on the top.  Just a mere touch made Raven’s voice take on a whole new register, encouraging the rock star to rub the area again.  Soon she was tensing around him, her thighs clamping around his head to hold him place as she practically exploded in his mouth.  His given name left her lips in quick breathless bursts as he brought her down, moving away from her quivering womanhood to crawl up her body.

The artist didn’t have time to catch her breath before her fiance’s lips took hers in a fierce kiss, his slitted tip rested against her sensitive opening as his tongue swept into her mouth; his arms wrapping around her back to lift her ever so slightly.  “I love you so fucking much,” he rasped against her lips, his voice unsteady as he rubbed himself along her.

“I love you too Marilyn,” she gasped, her legs wrapping around his bony hips; tightening her thighs to force him to enter her.

The pair moaned heavily in unison, their foreheads resting on eachother as he began to take her slowly.  Soon their lips were meeting in frantic, wet kisses as his hips moved faster, each stroke of him inside her drawing a shuddery moan from somewhere deep inside her.  “You feel so good,” the performer sighed in a throaty voice, groaning as she ran her nails down his back.

“S-so do you Manson, oh God,” Raven gasped, clinging to him for dear life as her walls fluttered around him.

“Nnnh, fuck.  C-cum for me sweetie.  I can’t hold back much longer,” Manson growled, one of his hands releasing her back to stroke her button.  Soon she was moaning loudly, going tense as she clamped down on him.

Shuddering, he felt himself spill into her as they cried eachother’s names in unison; his lips seeking her neck as they both came down from their high.  In between pants, Raven began to chuckle slightly; the feeling of her squeezing him rhythmically almost making him cum again.  “Mmm what’s so funny?” purred his satisfied sounding baritone, as he gave a light thrust with his still hard member.  Raven shuddered and moaned slightly, her nipples brushing his pecks lightly when she arched into him.

“That was one hell of a welcome home,” she purred, her voice low and seductive as her lips met his slowly.

Suddenly Manson found himself on his back, his now smirking fiance giving him a heated look as he tried to remember just how he got into this position.  Soon he found himself no longer caring as she lowered herself down on him, his hands flying to her wide hips as she began to ride him slowly.  His head tilted back and his mismatched eyes slid closed as he felt his tip hit her cervix.  Raven released a pained noise in response but her hips never faltered, her pelvis moving in small circles as his own rose up to meet hers.  The singer’s large hands spread over the small of her back as her walls began to flutter around him once again, signaling that she was already close to her completion.  “Let go Raven, cum for me again,” he rasped, his eyes opening to watch as she fell apart as she was riding him.

He wasn’t disappointed, an almost pained look coming over her pale face as his name left her in a loud cry.  Then her walls were milking him, drawing his own orgasm from him with a groan.  Then the exhausted freelancer was collapsing on top of him, panting heavily as his hands roamed her bare back.  The two of them began to press tender kisses on eachother as they recovered, the rocker gently rolling them over so he could cuddle her.  In doing so, his semi-flaccid member slid from her to allow his semen to leak out of her.  Shuddering at the feeling, the exhausted female placed a kiss on the tip of his nose before snuggling into his arms and releasing a content sigh as she drifted to sleep.

Manson could only gaze down at the woman in his arms, his heart nearly full to bursting with his love for her.  Just thinking about their separation not too long ago made his heart clench with a hollow ache and his arms tightened subconsciously.  He couldn’t go through something like that with her again, not if he wanted to stay sane.  “You have no idea just how much of my heart you hold Meagan.  I need you to be happy, to feel whole.  I haven’t felt this at peace in years and I’m not about to let you go,” he declared as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  His hands continued to roam her skin, even as he drifted into his own deep and restful sleep.

What seemed like only minutes later but was probably hours, there was a loud commotion from downstairs.  “Pogo please, don’t tweak Lily’s nose any further,” came Ginger’s faint voice, followed by a familiar, insane titter.

“Oh Christ, why the fuck are they here now?  Did Tim drive without any breaks?” Manson groaned, turning his gaze to a still sleeping Raven.  Not really wanting to leave her but knowing he had no choice, the rock star pressed a kiss to her lips before covering her with a blanket.  Then he was up and rummaging in her duffel, pulling out Kathy and giving the plush to her before he left.

Amanda laid on the longer of the two couches, watching tiredly as Ginger did his best to get Pogo to put a hissing Lily White down.  While this was going on, Lady and Mystery were exploring their new home, oblivious to the drama in the living room.  “You know what she does if you piss her off too much,” the drummer tried to reason, a strained look on his pale face.  The keyboardist only giggled in response, placing the now thoroughly pissed feline on the ground.  Instead of going after her antagonist, the irritable feline made a beeline for poor Ginger; leaping onto his left leg and digging in with all four sets of her very sharp claws.

“Of course I do!  Why do you think I was doing it?” the mohawked musician chirped in response, humor gleaming in his brown eyes as Lily proceeded to turn the percussionist’s legs into coleslaw.

Rolling her eyes, the journalist sat up and lowered her hand; making a wiggling motion with her fingers and she called for the pissed cat.  All the band and Jeordie began to make warding off motions, trying to warn her not to do that.  She ignored all of them, giving Lily a smile when she disengaged and began to approach the strange female.  The writer had been around her own fair share of mean cats and knew just how to handle them.  So, when the pure white cat stopped in front of her; the curly haired female didn’t reach forward.  To everyone’s shock but hers, the felid closed the distance to headbutt her hand.  “So mean for such a pretty little thing.  Think you could leave my poor fiance alone?” the green eyed woman asked, getting a grumpy meow in response.

“I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere.  Ging is her favorite scratching post,” came a baritone from the stairs, drawing everyone’s gaze to Manson as he descended.

“Hey, I know we got here a bit early but Tim and the others really just wanted to get home,” Twiggy offered, taking note of the unusually warm and open expression on the singer’s pale face.

The singer only sighed heavily, his eyes going to Pogo as a grim expression briefly crossed his features.  “I don’t mind that as much as I mind you teasing Lily.  What have I told you about that Gacy?” the taller male growled, his eyes roving the room until they found said cat.  What he saw very nearly made his jaw drop.  For the second time that day, the temperamental felid was allowing herself to be pet; even arching up into Amanda’s touch every so often.

“Sorry but I’m not sorry.  Its worth it just to see her attack Ging,” the crazed male responded, his own eyes gleaming with humor.  Then he was turning and sauntering up the stairs, ignoring the glares from both the drummer and the singer as he went.  Manson could only release an irritated sigh before his heterochromic eyes scanned the room for a missing person.

Immediately his brow furrowed before he simply turned and ran back upstairs, leaving everyone to stare after him in confusion.  Too focused on who was missing to care, the performer took the stairs two at a time; flying down the hall until he reached the guest rooms.  Thankfully the person he was looking for was in the first one he opened, making him breathe a sigh of relief.  If Johnny had left, the goth rocker would have chased him down to bring him back.  Something told him Raven would be devastated if the actor had left before saying goodbye and, if he was honest, so would he.  It had been too long since they had gotten along so well and he didn’t want the star to leave so soon after.

Giving the lounging celebrity a small smile, Manson shut the door before heading back downstairs.  The sight of a group of very tired people greeted him and he rolled his eyes skyward.  “Why don’t the rest of you head up too?  You’re probably tired and we have a long day of unpacking tomorrow,” he suggested, keeping an eye on Lily as she began to move toward the two new animals.

“We wanted to see why the Hell you ran off so quick,” John 5 responded, a brow raised as he stared at his boss.

“I needed to check on something, nothing to worry about,” the rocker explained concisely before waving the group off.

Shrugging, Jeordie and two of the band moved upstairs while Ginger picked up a nearly asleep Amanda.  Manson followed close behind, his own tiredness coming back full force now that the crisis was averted.  He felt a bit nervous about leaving Lily with Lady and Mystery but there was nothing to do about it.  Sooner or later the new pets would have to learn just who the boss was and straighten things out amongst themselves.  Besides, he had a warm woman he loved very much waiting for him upstairs.  A woman he was very eager to get back to.


	25. Back to Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: “What a useless guy.” - Pierre Kirby (Ninja Untouchables)

“Alright, I have to run off to the set now.  They only gave me a few days of personal time,” Johnny announced as he came downstairs, feeling a twinge in his chest at the sad look Raven gave him.

“I’ll be back later tonight.  Have fun with your first recording,” he continued, waving to the small group before turning and leaving.  He didn’t see the black clad female stick her tongue out at him.

The artist continued to glare at where the actor had been standing, not really happy about the playful reminder she was going to be starting her new life as a singer today.  “You’ll be fine,” Twiggy assured from his position on her right wrapping a loose arm around.  The pale female only groaned and sank into the couch before looking at Ginger, who was on her left.  So far they were the only people awake, Amanda long gone to her new workplace.  The two men sandwiching her had been awake before her and had sensed her nerves, making her sit on the couch while they made her breakfast.  It hadn’t been long after that Johnny had come down.

“Do you really think I can do this?  What if I choke?  What if they don’t like my voice?  What if I can’t think of any songs?” the stressed twenty-nine year old whispered, twisting the hem of the Marilyn Manson t-shirt she wore.  A light, chirping meow startled her and she found herself staring down at an expectant Lily white.  Chuckling slightly, the freelancer patter her jeans clad lap; tensing slightly when the feline hopped up.  To her relief, the temperamental animal merely curled up and began to purr.

“I think she’s telling you it’ll be okay too,” the drummer on her left murmured scooting away from Raven slightly just in case the felid decided to attack.  Even Jeordie backed away, eyeing the cat warily.  With Lily’s reputation, the artist couldn’t really blame them for their behavior.

“Yeah, I think she is,” she sighed, giving the cat’s ears an affectionate scratch.  Lily purred deeply in response, eyeing Lady and Mystery as they entered the room cautiously.

“What time do they want you to go in and meet everyone?” Twiggy asked, straightening the hem of his powder pink dress.

“Oh, they wanted me to come in as soon as I could.  They’re very excited to start working with me,” she replied, fiddling with her ponytail as she watched the two pets.

They seemed to share everyone else’s opinion about the feline, giving her mistrustful glances while keeping a safe distance.  It was probably a safe assumption that the cat had probably well asserted her dominance the other night.  The scratches on Lady’s nose were a testament to that.  “Well, we can take you.  Marilyn won’t be up until later on tonight.  The man is normally quite a night owl,” the dreadlocked man to her right offered, keeping his dark eyes on the pet in her lap.

“Yeah, I’m aware.  I was a pretty big fan of his for a large chunk of my life, still am.  I really don’t know where I’d be without his music and I wanted to learn everything about him that I could.  It may sound creepy but it helped me feel closer to him and I kind of need that for a while,” she whispered, an embarrassed look on her porcelain face as she got to her feet and carefully placed Lily onto the couch.

“You’ve proven that you aren’t just some fangirl or after his fame.  You’ve seen him at his worst and have come back.  You don’t try to change or control him but let him choose to do as he pleases.  He trusts you implicitly so I think we can overlook a harmless obsession you had during a tough time in your life,” the bleach blonde replied, getting to his feet as well.  He was closely followed by a smiling Jeordie, the bronze skinned musician smoothing the front of his dress.

“Enough with all the bad feels!  Its time to get you off to the shop.  I’m sure Mare will want this over and done with by the time he wakes up,” the black haired ex-guitarist chirped, grabbing her upper arm in a gentle grip and leading her to the door.

Raven could only swallow nervously, her mouth feeling bone dry.  All of a sudden her heart was beating far too fast and she found herself wondering if it would just be easier to stay a freelance artist.  But it was too late now and she could only continue moving forward.  “Ugh what have I gotten myself into.  I’m not sure if I’m cut out for stardom,” she whispered,ducking into her car and inserting her keys into the ignition.

“Its not so bad but you’ll have us with you every step of the way.  Just try to believe in yourself,” the acne scarred rumer suggested as he took the rear seat behind her.  Twiggy, to her surprise, took the passenger seat and gave her a big smile.

“Yep, anyone messes with you and they’ll have to answer to us,” he declared, buckling his seatbelt as she started the engine.

The artist barely stifled a giggle at his words, eyeing him out of the corner of her vision.  Somehow, she doubted anyone would find him or Ginger very intimidating.  The drummer was an absolute teddy bear until the situation called for something different and the former guitarist...  Well, most people didn’t find a man in a dress all that scary.  Still, she knew the two of them were more than capable of being vicious.  She had seen the bleach blonde jump to Amanda’s defense more than once and had heard about Jeordie’s odd temper.  “No offence, but I don’t think you two will keep  _ any _ one away though I have no doubt you can kick their ass,” she chuckled, backing out of the driveway.

“You’re damn straight!  You’re family and no one is gonna hurt someone Mare is so close to,” the darker skinned male to her right snarled, a dangerous look coming into his dark eyes.  Raven only smiled at the pair before turning her focus to the road and driving.

Hours later and she was plopping herself down on the couch while the band minus Manson watched her in amusement.  As soon as she had entered the recording studio, it had been a whirlwind of introductions and handshakes.  She had met so many people, it would be a wonder if she remembered all of their names.  On top of that, they had shoved her into a sound booth and had insisted she sing something for them; anything.  She had ended up singing ‘Last Day on Earth’ since her mind had essentially gone blank from nerves.  Thankfully they had loved it, asking her to do three more songs before they were satisfied enough to send her back home.  She now had a week to write her first song for them or they would find her a songwriter, a prospect she found humiliating.

She had never written a song in her life but she was of the opinion that she wasn’t worth her salt as a musician if she couldn’t write her own stuff.  Right now, though, her mind was completely blank.  Grabbing a red pillow, the nervous female buried her face in the silky fabric and let out a long, loud groan of utter frustration.  “I take it that things went well?” came Pogo’s teasing voice, drawing her irritated attention.

“They want me to write a song in a week,” she snarled, more anxiety than anger in her voice as their eyes locked.  To her shock, the normally mischievous keyboardist got a reassuring expression over his pale face.  Then he was heading toward the couch, sitting on the cushion behind her sprawled legs and draping his own over them.  Then he was patting her lower back, a gentle smile curling his lips.

Raven could only look at the man with mistrust and utter surprise.  Of all the things she expected Gacy to be doing, this certainly wasn’t one of them.  She knew he was certainly capable of being nice but that simply wasn’t his normal state of being.  In all honesty, she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.  “You have a lot of people who can help you.  All of us have helped Manny boy more than we can count.  The trick to songwriting is to try to tell a story or make your audience feel something.  Draw from your personal experiences and feelings,” he suggested, ignoring the stunned expressions of the people around him.

Giving Pogo a small smile, the midnight clad female shook her head with a chuckle.  “Thanks for the advice.  There are a few songs I attempted to write in High School.  Maybe I can improve on those and use them to learn,” she replied, feeling a tiny bit grateful when the unpredictable musician got off her.

“Sounds like as good a place as any,” he agreed before strolling off into the kitchen to get himself something to eat.

Shaking her head, the young woman sat up to scrub her milky face with her hands.  “I’m just making too big a deal of all of this.  Let’s just knuckle down and do this,” she hissed to herself before getting to her feet and striding to the kitchen herself.  At this moment she needed something to help keep her alert and focused but she somehow doubted Manson had been able to stock any Red Pop.  This left her with her least favorite alternative, making some coffee.  Grimacing at the thought of having to choke down the foul substance, the artist turned singer sighed and elicited Pogo’s help to find the instant coffee and filters.  Before she knew it, the pot was brewing; smelling so much better than it ever tasted.  “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink coffee before,” came a mostly asleep, male voice from behind her, nearly making her jump out of her skin.

Turning around, she saw a zombie that faintly resembled her fiance swaying in place.  The rock star seemed like he was barely awake enough to stand, let alone move.  In fact, it looked like he could barely keep his eyes open.  “What are you doing up?” she found herself asking, unintentionally avoiding his observation.

“You weren’t in bed with me.  On top of that, I also heard your car leave and come back.  You were gone for quite a long time.  I take it they liked you?” came his dazed, husky reply, his now matching eyes blinking owlishly.

“I guess so.  They want me to write a song in a week,” she replied, steering the performer towards the living room and gently helping him sit on the closest couch.

When she pulled away to go back to the kitchen, the taller male grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap; earning a surprised squeak from the black haired female.   Then his arms were wrapping around her as his chin came to rest on the top of her heard, a deep sigh of contentment leaving him.  “I’m glad things went well but could you leave a note next time?  When you were gone for so long I started to wonder if you were going to come back,” he requested, his voice a throaty rasp as he took deep inhales of her scent.  Raven could only nod in response, kissing under his chin in apology.  Manson purred loudly in reply, his sleepy lips seeking hers.  Unfortunately, Pogo chose that moment to be ‘helpful.’

“Here’s your coffee,” he chirped, shoving the mug at her with a wide grin on his face.  Rolling her eyes, the new musician took the hot mug while her fiance released a low warning growl.

The morning only descended into chaos from there, Marilyn ending up chasing the mohawked keyboardist when he had kept interrupting their cuddling moments.  Raven only sat on the couch, Lady beside her as she tried to remember one of the songs she had written in High School.  All at once she had it and she was shooting to her feet, startling the shit out of the group of men in the room with her.  Then she was striding upstairs, her eyes full of purpose; Manson and Jeordie close behind her.  “Raven?  What’s going on?” the two of them asked in unison as she reached Marilyn’s room.

“Let’s just say I got struck by inspiration,” she replied, moving to the boxes that had been moved in.  Then she was rummaging around, pulling out a notebook and pen triumphantly.

The two men watching her from the doorway could only shrug to eachother before Jeordie simply took his leave.  It didn’t look like the former freelancer was in distress and he figured Manson would like some more time alone with the strange woman.  The less shy she became, the more her personality began to shine through; a fact the ex-guitarist was more than happy about.  Manson, on the other hand, was more than baffled by her behavior.  She was now a flurry of energetic activity, her hand flying as she seemed to plot out the lyrics with herself.  He had never seen her like this, far more used to her being like a mouse and too shy to even look him in the eyes on a good day.  The woman he saw before him was almost the complete opposite and he honestly found himself more attracted to her in this moment.

Having forgotten her infamous company, Raven was happily falling into her habit of talking to herself.  It was a strange habit that got her many an odd look but it was one she couldn’t break.  “Alright, this is a pretty good start but I need to expand the chorus a bit.  I also need to add another one before the lyric repeat fade.  Also, is my voice really suited to singing this metal style?” she mused, nibbling the end of her pen as she glanced over the admittedly terrible lyrics.  With some work and care, however, they could become rather decent.  Humming the tune she had planned for this piece, she began to work on expanding the message it was trying to tell.

“May I take a look?” came a voice from behind her, very nearly giving her a heart attack.  Clutching a hand in her band shirt, Raven found herself looking at the owner of the room she was in.

“O-oh... er, s-sure,” she whispered, suddenly feeling shy around the singer.  He had written more songs than she had ever thought about.  Her pitiful high school attempt would probably be nowhere near his level.

Heart pounding against her breastbone, the nervous artist handed the elderly notebook to the ‘Antichrist Superstar.’  As he flipped through the pages, she found herself frantically trying to remember if there were any songs she had written about him.  To her utter horror, the taller male began to sing an old love song she had written for him.  All at once, she desperately wished she could simply melt into the floor and disappear.  It was definitely something she had written while in a bad state of mind, talking about how he haunted her dreams and how she wished she could just talk to him once.  It then went on to talk about how he had saved her life a few times and how sad she was that he would never know just how much of a difference he had made in her life.  By the time he was done, she was pretty sure her face had turned into a tomato.  The look he was now giving her in response certainly wasn’t helping.

Then he was handed the well loved notebook back, a warmth shining in his brown eyes as a smile curled his lips.  “I knew you were obsessed back in the day but I didn’t know the depth of feeling you had for me.  With what you were going through at the time, I’m glad my music helped you in such a profound manner,” he rumbled as he slowly closed the small amount of distance between them to wrap his tattooed arms around her.  The nervous woman couldn’t help but sag in relief at his words, a slight weight lifting off her shoulders.

“I just wish I had been able to help you in return,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around his thin waist and burrowing her face in his bare, scarred chest.  Manson made a quiet noise in response as he hugged her back, kissing the top of her head.

As soon as the embrace started, the singer was breaking it and backing away; giving her hair an affectionate ruffle.  “Let’s work on the song you chose together.  I’m sure that was one of your items on your bucket list before we met,” he teased, walking over to the bed and sitting on it.  Raven could only stare at him, feeling an extreme urge to pinch herself to see if this was a dream.  All too often, when things had been particularly bad with her parents, she would pretend Manson had been there to support her; even whisper words of encouragement into her ear.  Now that it was actually happening, she could feel the ever present fangirl in the back of her head squealing with joy.

Quashing that part of her as best as she could, she shyly approached the bed to sit by his side; blushing when he wrapped a bare arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.  “Its so adorable that you’re still a little shy around me,” rumbled the rock star’s baritone as warm lips met her temple.  Grumping playfully, Raven opened her notebook to point out the song she was planning on working on.

“This one was one of my favorites and is probably the only one I still remember the tune I had planned for it.  It’s going to be a more metal style song but I really don’t know if my vice is a good match for that,” she explained, her hazel eyes moving over the familiar lyrics.  They still needed polishing but it should be enough to give Manson an idea of where the piece was going.

Soon she found herself singing while he tweaked her voice and gave suggestions on lyric direction.  By the time Amanda had come home, they were putting the finishing touches on the song.  In fact, Raven had been in the middle of belting it out upstairs when the curly haired female opened the door.  Looking up at the ceiling with a confused expression, she shook her head and walked into the crowded living room.  Ginger and Twiggy sat on the shorter couch while Pogo, John 5 and Tim sat on the longer one.  The sizeable group had been watching SpongeBob when she came in, making her giggle slightly.  “You know, its just weird that a rock band enjoys cartoons so much,” she teased before moving into the kitchen to make herself some coffee.

To her utter surprise, there was already a full pot; making her wonder just what she had missed today.  Then it hit her and a grin slowly appeared on her pale face.  Raven had her introduction to her new bosses today.  They had probably told her to come up with a song, explaining the rather growly sounding singing coming from the second floor.  Pouring herself a mug of the black liquid she sought, the journalist moved back into the living room to sit in a chair near the couch Ginger was sitting on.  “I take it things went well for Raven,” she offered before taking a sip of the life giving fluid.

“Yep!  As you can hear, they want a song from her in a week.  I’d say it sounds pretty bad ass so far,” Pogo responded before anyone else could, smirking at the twenty-nine year old across from him.

“Yeah, I never thought someone as meek as her could pull off that specific kind of music,” she observed, taking another sip of her coffee and releasing a sigh of contentment.

Ginger watched her closely before slowly getting to his feet and lifting his shocked fiance into his arms.  Then he was sauntering back to his spot on the couch, sitting down so she was placed in his lap.  His long arms wrapped loosely around her body, his chin resting on the top of her curly haired head.  It was both a possessive and protective gesture, allowing the pair to cuddle while reestablishing their relationship slightly.  “How was  _ your _ first day?” he purred, nuzzling her forehead affectionately as she settled against his lithe body.

“Hectic but in a good way.  They put me on some big stories my first day and they really seemed to like my work so far,” the writer replied, taking another sip of her coffee as her gaze traveled to the cartoon on the huge flatscreen.  To be honest, she was surprised she wasn’t homesick for her old house.  Yet, as her fiance placed loving kisses on her milky cheek, she found herself coming to the realization he  _ was _ her home.  In the short time they had know eachother, she had never felt more cherished or taken care of.

“I’m very glad.  I wanted to talk to you about our wedding and I wanted you to be in a good mood,” he sighed, smirking slightly when she jerked around in his arms to give him an incredulous stare.

“I want to get married as soon as possible.  I have no family to really inform and I doubt you do either, otherwise you would have introduced me to your parents.  Manson might decide to go back on tour any time and I want to have you as my wife before that happens.  Knowing I have someone waiting for me at home would help me get through the long separation,” he reasoned, a hopeful look on his pockmarked visage.

Amanda could only stare up at him with a stunned expression, nibbling her lower lip as she considered his proposition.  While she had always dreamed of a huge, elaborate wedding that took weeks to plan, she found that she didn’t care about the ceremony as much as she did the end result.  Also, there was the little fact that the musician was right.  She had been estranged from her family for a very long time, making the woman upstairs and the group around her the closest thing she had to one.  “Well, I guess we could really get married at any time, just as long as we have some sort of ceremony.  As small as this family is, I want them to be there as a priest declares us man and wife,” she agreed, giving his chin an affectionate peck.

“Mmm, I’m sure we could do that somehow.  Though I kind of doubt most priests would be all that enthused to marry someone from  _ this _ band,” he whispered, his hands moving slowly over her silky skin.

Shuddering, the writer blushed before closing her eyes and melting into his embrace.  “Who’s gonna be your best man?” came Pogo’s teasing voice as if through a thick fog.

“Actually, I was thinking about asking you Gacy,” Ginger returned, drawing a chuckle from the content woman in his lap when his fellow musician began to sputter in shock.

“After all the shit I put you through on a daily basis, you want  _ me _ to be your best man?” he murmured in a quiet voice before he was dragging the other male into a tight hug.

“I can’t tell ya how much that means to me.  I’m truly honored man.  I promise to behave myself,” he assured before releasing a completely godsmacked drummer.  In fact, the bleach blonde was staring at him with an incredulous look.  Even Amanda was quirking a brow, a mixture of disbelief and surprise on her pale face.

“I didn’t think that would be possible,” the curly haired female joked, getting a sour look in response.  Then the mohawked male smirked before ruffling her loosely curled locks affectionately as his normal mischievous gleam came into his eyes.

“Well, I can behave during the ceremony.  I never said anything about the reception.  I consider that fair game,” he purred, his brown eyes glimmering with humor as he resumed his spot on a near-by couch.

“It would be silly of me to expect anything else.  We’ll probably have to expect a grand return of ‘Wonder Pogo’ and his ‘Penis of Doom,’” she sighed in a playfully put upon voice, moving her green gaze when she heard the stairs creak loudly.

The sight that greeted the descending pair made them d’aww internally as they took in the drummer and his now blushing fiance.  Smirking at the older female, Raven wandered into the living room to sit in the chair closest to the couch the pair were seated on.  “You look comfy,” she teased, meeping slightly when Manson scooped her up into his lithe arms.

“And seeing them like this gave me one Hell of an idea,” rumbled the rock star, giving her a kiss as he sat in the chair and set her in his lap.  Then his arm wrapped loosely around her as his chin came to rest on the top of her head, mirroring Ginger exactly.  Now it was the new singer that found herself the subject of light teasing, blushing as her childhood friend taunted her by sticking her tongue out.

Chuckling in unison, the two men looked at eachother before giving their beloveds a searing kiss in sync.  The small group in the room only watched, varying expressions of amusement on their faces.  It was then that Johnny came back, stumbling into the house to be greeted by the oddly adorable situation.  Before the actor could say anything, Lady went tearing past with Lily close on her tail; effectively breaking the moment.  “I better stop her before she kills the poor pooch,” the black clad singer sighed, a semi annoyed look on his make-up free face as he go up and replaced Raven in the chair.  Then he was calling for his pet, probably saving his fiance’s dog from a severe mauling.

“Lily you silly thing, I told you not to beat them up too bad.  Do I need to put you in your time out corner?” cooed the performer as the star moved into the living room behind him.  It was no surprise when Lily merely huffed and blinked slowly in reply when he picked her up in his tattooed arms.

“How did your day go?” the thespian whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead while keeping his gaze fixed on Manson for approval.

Blushing at the contact, Raven also moved her eyes to her fiance; relaxing slightly when she saw him giving them both a wide grin.  “Pretty good.  They’re having me write my own song, which Manson and I are putting some finishing touches on.  Soon it’ll be ready for me to try it out in front of you guys acapella,” she replied, a light blush on her porcelain cheeks.  Johnny hummed in approval before moving off into the kitchen to get himself some coffee and warm up some food.

“Ginger and I also decided to get married as soon as possible,” Amanda announced, relishing the various reactions she got from the unaware trio.  Raven stared at her with her mouth open, Manson blinked a few times before moving to an empty chair and sitting down slowly, and Johnny came running to the doorway of the kitchen with his brown eyes wide.

“Congratulations!” the artist exclaimed after a few beats of silence before rushing forward and scooping her best friend into a tight hug.  The writer only giggled before extricating herself from Ginger to squeal with her slightly younger acquaintance.

As the two began to gush over the upcoming wedding and began to plan what dresses to wear,  the rock star watching them got a thoughtful expression on his pale face.  In all honesty, he was more than a little surprised that his drummer was getting married before he was and he found himself feeling a bit anxious.  Brown eyes traveling to Raven, he pursed his naked lips as he mulled over why he was waiting.  Neither of them really had any large family to worry about and he had more than enough money to get any ceremony they could want and yet he felt hesitant.  He had rushed into marriage before and, while he had no doubt the freelancer would be wildly different than the others, he still found himself reluctant.

As if sensing his thoughts, Raven turned to him and gave him a heartbreaking smile; slowly walking toward him.  Then she was sitting on his lap, wrapping her arms loosely around him as she rested her dark haired head on his still naked chest.  “Don’t worry Bri, we’ll get married at our own pace.  Besides, I don’t think I’m ready for this either,” she whispered, making the knot of tension in his chest unwind with her words.  Chuckling, he wrapped his own arms around her and rested his lips on the top of her head.

“Thanks.  Just having you living with me is more than enough for now,” he rumbled gratefully, watching as Johnny came forward to offer his own congratulations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It makes me happy to see people are still keeping up with this long thing. Getting close to wrapping up. Only a few more chapters planned before the next book!


	26. Of Weddings and Tours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: ‘There is no inherent right or wrong in this world, those labels are just artificial constructs. Right and wrong are held by positions of authority. That is the way it's always been, so how then could anyone know this truth you speak of? Don't you see the reality is that truth long ago became nothing more than a shadow of itself; it's a mere echo of the past now... The world is one big moral gray area, it just makes you feel safer that it can be categorized into good and bad, but that's not how it actually works.’ - Stein (Soul Eater)
> 
> Sorry about the delays. I lost inspiration for a bit but I feel much better after my break.

The next few weeks passed in a blur of activity.  Not only was everyone preparing for Ginger and Amanda’s upcoming wedding but Raven and Manson were preparing for their own musical obligations.  While the former artist only had to put the finishing touches on her song and turn it in, the singer was preparing for yet another tour.  He wanted to go to a few more places to promote his new album and even wanted to show off a few of the new songs he had come up with.  In all honesty, it probably wouldn’t be too long until he wrote a new album and had to leave to promote that.  Needless to say, things had been a bit hectic.

Even the pets had stopped squabbling and laid low, watching the activity from safe spots.  Thankfully the band, Jeordie and Johnny took things in stride; even helping where they could.  Pogo even behaved himself for the most part, offering sincere opinions on wedding decorations and dresses.  John 5 suggested a caterer and Tim good naturedly made sure everyone made it from point ‘a’ to point ‘b.’  By the time the day of the ceremony had rolled around, everything had inevitably descended into hectic chaos.  “Mandy, please try to calm down,” the black clad female on the couch tried to soothe, only get an exasperated glare in response.

“How can I calm down?!  My dress has gone missing, Mystery threw up on my bouquet, the caterer hasn’t answered my calls and the church asked if they could delay the ceremony by two hours!” she hissed, anxiety clear in her green eyes as she paced the open living room.  Raven only sighed before slowly getting to her feet and moving toward her distraught roomie.  Then she was grabbing the other female’s upper arms to stop her movement and force the journalist’s focus onto her.

“Take a deep breath and let it out,” the black haired female urged, watching her friend as she did as she suggested.  Thankfully this helped her relax slightly, allowing a bit of rationality to return to her.

“We have a few hours left, I’ll help you look for your dress upstairs.  Manson can probably handle those caterers.  No one can really ignore him when he’s pissed.  As for your bouquet, let’s see what the damage is together,” she suggested calmly, earning a grateful look from her long time friend.  Then the two women were moving upstairs, leaving behind the slightly relieved men.

Letting out a small sigh, Manson placed a gentle hand on his drummer’s shoulder and urged the stressed looking man to take a seat on the shorter couch.  “Just take it easy bud.  Like Raven said, it’s pretty hard to ignore me,” the performer teased before pulling out his phone and punching in a number.  A few minutes later and the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ was screaming into the device while pacing, gesturing furiously.

“I don’t give a fuck how sorry you are!  You just be where you’re supposed to at the designated time or there will be some serious trouble,” he snarled  before closing the phone and taking a seat next to the acne scarred blonde.

Ginger only gave his boss a stunned glance before a tentative smile began to spread across his pale face.  “I’ve been on the other end of that temper before and, let me tell ya, I don’t envy those poor shlubs one bit,” he chuckled, trying not to show just how odd he felt about the other man acting so friendly.  In his career with the violent singer, he was more used to having shit thrown at him rather that the rocker acting amiable.  To be honest, he had no idea how to handle this new side of the temperamental performer.

“The assholes tried to feed me some story about how they were really busy and that was the reason they hadn’t answered any of your guys’ calls.  It was only after I told them who you were that they became apologetic.  I fucking hate people like that,” he hissed grouchily, a muscle ticking in his cheek as he pursed his black lips.

The drummer beside him could only stare, simply stunned by the other man’s words and actions.  “You... you stood up for me...  I don’t know how to thank you...  Honestly, I never thought this would happen,” the bleach blonde murmured, feeling a strange urge to hug the rocker.  An urge that he quickly stifled.  The unpredictable male may be acting unusually nice but that didn’t mean he could entirely throw caution to the wind.

“Well of course I did!  I may bust your chops a lot but that doesn’t mean I don’t consider you family.  No one messes with you but me,” snarled the taller singer, his mismatched gaze moving to give the musician to his right a slight glare.

Ginger could only stare for a moment, his mouth hanging slightly open.  Then a genuine smile slowly spread over his pale face and he began to chuckle.  “No one but you, eh?  What am I, a living stress ball?” the drummer quipped playfully, giving the taller man a light shove.  This was enough to set off a light tussling match, a scene that greeted the two women when they came back down.

“Try not to bruise his face?” Amanda requested, a slight grin on her pale visage.  This caused the play fighting pair to look up at her, identical looks of shock on their faces.  Then Manson was smirking as he slowly pulled himself to his feet.

“Now why would I hurt such a pretty face on his wedding day?  How did things go upstairs?” the rockstar inquired, stretching languidly as the drummer also got to his feet.

“Well we found my dress and the damage wasn’t too bad on the bouquet.  All it needs is a quick wash and everything will be good.  I take it from the good spirits that your talk with the caterers was successful?” the curly haired femme asked as Raven walked further into the living room.  The once artist gave her fiance a grateful smile before sinking onto the longer couch beside Jeordie and letting out a long sigh.

“All this fuss for a ceremony containing a group of eight people,” the midnight haired twenty-nine year old teased, getting a chuckle from John 5 in reply.  Her long time roomie only blushed, shifting from side to side as she rubbed her arms with a shameful smile.

“I just wanted it to be special for everyone,” she murmured in a small voice, her green eyes focused on the carpet beneath her feet.  So she was utterly shocked when she was enveloped in a group hug.  Even Manson was hugging her, making her wonder briefly if she had stepped into another dimension.

“We all understand.  Over the past few days we’ve all seen how important this ceremony is to you,” Pogo replied, giving her curly hair an affectionate ruffle.

Hissing, Amanda flailed at the mohawked male before pulling out of the hug.  Then she was giving the small group a large, tearful smile.  “I can’t begin to tell you how much your patience and help has meant to me over these past few days.  Its been truly amazing and it means a lot to me,” she whispered, wiping at the joyful tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Of course!  You, like Raven, are family now and we want to make sure you and Ging have the best wedding,” Jeordie assured.  John 5, who was next to the former guitarist, gave an emphatic nod while smiling slightly.

“We haven’t seen Fishy boy there so happy ever.  We kinda see it as our duty to ensure you start off your new lives on as good a note as possible,” Pogo chirped before wrapping a muscled arm around Ginger’s neck and dragging him toward the front door.

“Now let’s get going!  Its bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress and I’m sure Manda Bear would like some time to change,” the keyboardist cajoled, leading the stunned looking band member out of the house.  The other men followed close behind, with the exception of Manson and Jeordie.

The dreadlocked male grinned at Amanda while the rocker moved to stand beside his fiance.  “Alright girl, let’s get you all dressed up and ready.  The two Johns should be here soon.  When Jonathan Davis heard you were getting married from Johnny, he decided to come as well,” the former musician announced as he led the journalist.  At the mention of the metal singer’s name, Manson’s mismatched eyes went steely and one of his t-shirt clad arms wrapped around her slightly pudgy waist.

“Easy Mare, he just wants to show his support.  After all, he  _ is _ our friend too,” Raven murmured in a soothing tone, turning to place a kiss on his cheek near his painted lips.

The ‘God of Fuck’ stiffened at first, then turned to capture her lips with his possessively; releasing a low growl as one of his hands came up to cup the back of her dark haired head.  Then he was breaking the kiss to lock eyes with her, his lips pursing as he visibly tried to wrangle his broiling temper.  “You know, its kinda weird you’re so jealous of Davis even though there’s nothing between us.  While you trust Johnny to cuddle with me and even give me oral,” the artist unthinkingly pointed out, clapping a hand over her mouth in horror as soon as she finished speaking.  Unsurprisingly, Manson stiffened before slowly releasing her and backing away.

What did surprise her was that he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before meeting her eyes calmly.  “I know it may seem strange but I’ve known Johnny for years and I trust him very deeply.  He’s about the only person in the world I’m not worried about trying to steal you from me,” he replied calmly, the muscle still ticking in his cheek despite his neutral voice.  The stunned female across from him opened her mouth to respond but he held up his hand to still her, his eyes flashing briefly.

“I can’t say I have the same trust for Davis.  When we were broken up, he clearly had a romantic interest in you.  That fact only makes me less comfortable with you being around him but... I do trust  _ you _ .  Just... forgive me if I get a bit tense when he’s around you.  I will do my best to keep in mind that he’s one of your friends,” the thin man finished quietly, running a black nailed hand through his shoulder length hair.

Raven stared at him for several minutes, stunned.  Then she was moving forward to wrap her arms around him, her hazel eyes meeting his brown and blueish white eyes.  “You really have nothing to worry about.  I feel a bit strange telling you this but the fantasy that I might meet you one day got me through a lot.  Let alone the thought that you would even marry someone like me.  I’m  _ still _ trying to reconcile everything as reality.  After wanting this for so long and fighting so hard for it, do you really think I’d be willing to throw you away for another man?” she announced, a fire in her eyes that the performer had never seen before.  Then she was standing on tiptoes to give him a possessive kiss of her own.

Blunt teeth nipped at his lipstick coated lower lip as her left hand came up to wrap in his ebony locks and gave slight tug.  With a low growl that frankly surprised the superstar, the former artist broke the embrace to give him a look that made molten need fill his lower body.  “Why do you think it hurt me every time you slept with a woman?  I constantly have a small voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not good enough as it is.  When I met you, that voice became very loud.  Even now I’m scared to death of losing you to someone prettier and you’re worried about me leaving again?  Its laughable,” she blurted, withering slightly at the glare he gave her in return.

“Raven, I know your parents have done a number on your self esteem but you need to stop talking about yourself like that.  You’re beautiful, loyal and very talented.  It’s time to stop letting your parents’ opinions rule your life,” he urged as his arms wrapped around her tightly.

“Easier said than done,” she sighed, resting her forehead on his black t-shirt clad chest.

“I know, as I’m sure you’re aware.  Just trust me when I say hanging onto that stuff won’t do you any good,” the goth rocker suggested, placing a gentle peck on the crown of her head before releasing her to lead her to the longer couch.

A couple hours later and the entire group was driving down to the church, Ginger and the others already waiting for them there.  The only people missing were Johnny and Jonathan.  “The two Johns will be here in a sec.  They’re just parking.  Ginger and the others are already inside,” Pogo informed them as they parked, chasing down their car due to his extreme excitement.  Amanda nodded in response before reaching over to Raven and squeezing her black nailed hand for support.

“You’ll do fine Mandy.  Besides, what’s so hard about getting married in front of your friends?” the black haired femme assured with a small grin before releasing her friend to open the door on her side.  Manson followed close behind, pulling the black clad female to his side as the writer got out of the car as well.

To everyone’s shock, the keyboardist offered her his arm; a cheery grin on his pale face.  Blinking, the curly haired journalist took it and allowed him to lead her to the church.  “Man you shoulda seen the look on the pastor’s face when we walked in.  I thought the old dude was gonna start throwing holy water at us,” Pogo chuckled as he lead the way, his boss and his fiance close on their heels.

“Aw, I wish I had been there to see that,” Raven groused in genuine disappointment, drawing an amused glance from the singer on her right.

“Don’t worry, if I know Tim he’ll have started recording as soon as they left the house.  Jeordie’s a sucker for weddings and will have bullied him into it,” Manson pointed out, getting a loud laugh from the keyboardist in return.  Twiggy could only look slightly abashed as he ran ahead to the church, likely in an effort to take over the taping.

“Yeah, you’re right about that.  He’s almost been driving Ging nuts by shoving the thing in his face.  Still, he’s happy to have everything on tape,” the mohawked musician replied, turning his head slightly to smile at the pair behind him and the bride to be.

Within moments, the small group reached the doors of the church; two familiar men sprinting up to them before they could open them.  “The traffic this time of day was insane!  I’m so glad we actually made it,” Depp panted out as he tried to catch his breath while Davis didn’t even look winded.

“Hey Amanda!  I can’t tell ya how excited I am for you.  I wasn’t around him much but Ginger seems like a good guy,” the metal star grinned, his brown eyes traveling to Raven and Manson.

The goth rocker reacted instantly, stiffening as his fingers twitched on her waist as he seemed to grit his teeth.  When the slightly shorter rocker began to walk toward them, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ let out a quiet growl before he seemed to catch himself and subsided into a slight glare.  “Hey Raves!  Hey Sourpuss!” Davis called, smiling easily as he sauntered up to the pair.  Manson stiffened at the nickname while the former artist next to him coughed to cover up her giggles.

“Sour...puss...,” the singer deadpanned quietly to himself, his teeth grinding together audibly as his fellow musician rapidly closed the distance.

Then the dreadlocked man was pulling his fiance into a tight hug, lifting her in the air and whirling her around.  Seeing red, the rocker closed his eyes and took several deep breaths; forcing himself to recall their discussion earlier.  While Davis may be a sort of romantic rival, there was no way he would ever take her.  Still, as calming as this thought was, it didn’t stop his blood from boiling when he saw her in the other man’s arms.  “Oh you’re a sight for sore eyes,” the mustached male sighed out as he set Raven on her feet.

“I’ve missed you too Jonathan.  How has your tour been going?” she asked, honestly happy to see the jolly performer again.  Something about his happy energy was contagious and it made it hard not to smile along with him.

Apparently this question was the right one as the kilt wearing rock star grinned even wider, his brown eyes sparkling with happiness.  “Things are going great!  We’re starting to wrap up and should be done by the end of the month.  When I’m free I’d love to come visit!  I miss talking to ya,” he gushed, his gaze travelling to the pissed looking celebrity behind her.

“That is, if its okay with Sourpuss,” he continued in a teasing tone, chuckling when Manson let out a low snarl.

Chuckling, Raven shook her head before backing out of her friend’s arms and slowly back towards her fiance.  As soon as she was within grabbing distance, Marilyn was yanking her back to his side and a possessive hand curled almost painfully tight around her waist.  “I would like that a lot.  You’re always so much fun to hang out with,” she replied, allowing her left hand to come up to rest on his back in an effort to offer some comfort.  Then they were turning and going into the church, Johnny, Jeordie and Amanda right behind them.  Davis brought up the rear, a bittersweet smile on his tanned face as he kept his gaze on the black clad pair in the front.

Soon, everyone was standing in their designated spots; staring down the aisle as the wedding march started.  When the rear doors opened to reveal Amanda in her gorgeous gown, Ginger’s jaw very nearly dropped to the floor.  The dress was made out of white silk and was shoulderless.  The neckline scooped down just enough to show off a little cleavage, the corseted bodice clinging to her upper body and ending in a point just below her bellybutton.  The bodice itself had an intricate but tasteful design on it and the skirt flowed around her legs like an ivory waterfall.  A long, elegant veil was perched on her head, hiding her face from view as Jeordie lead her down the long corridor.  “She’s beautiful man,” Pogo whispered to the drummer, snapping him out of his daze.

“Yes, she is...,” the tux wearing percussionist murmured, his eyes never leaving his soon to be wife as she made her way down to him.

Just as their hands touched, the heavy doors slammed open with a loud  **_BANG_ ** , making the entire group turn as one to see what the commotion was.  There, in the entry, stood a panting Tom Welling; a wild look in his sky blue eyes.  “Why the fuck are  _ you _ here?!” Ginger snarled in a shockingly venomous voice as Amanda let out an irritated and yet sad sounding groan.

“I invited him...  I don’t know why but... I just wanted to try to offer an olive branch to him.  He seemed so nice in person and I loved his character in Smallville for so long.  It seemed a huge shame to let our friendship end on such a sour note.  It seems that was a big mistake,” the hidden woman sighed in a pained tone as the actor ran up the pew lined passage.  

Before he could get any closer, the crazed male found himself blocked off by a wall of humanity.  Even Raven was in the blockade, a hard, angry look on her pale face.  “Amanda please...  I can’t live without you.  Ever since you cut off contact I haven’t been able to eat or sleep.  I haven’t had any peace since you left my side.  I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t try once more,” the square faced actor whispered, slipping to his tux clad knees as tears slid down his stubble coated cheeks.  To his credit, the male  _ did _ look pretty awful, dark rings around his haunted eyes and facial hair so thick that it was nearly a beard.  Even his hair was scraggly, looking both uncombed and unwashed as it hung around his too thin face.

Just seeing that softened Raven and she found herself breaking the line to kneel in front of the obviously broken male and pul him into a tight hug.  As angry as she was at Tom for ruining the ceremony, she felt sympathy for him.  In that moment, she saw too much of what Johnny’s fate  _ could _ have been if he had been unable to let go of her and it tore her heart in half.  “Raven, what?” came the confused voice of Manson and Ginger at the same time.

“He’s not doing this because he’s crazy or wanting to ruin anything...  He’s doing this because he’s hurting.  He’s doing this because he can’t see his life without Amanda in it.  He’s doing this in one, final, desperate attempt to show her he loves her,” she whispered, rubbing Tom’s back in soothing circles as he dissolved into ragged, heart wrenching sobs on her shoulder.

Hearing how broken he was made the entire group relax slightly and they parted to look at Amanda to see what she wanted to do.  To their shock, the gown wearing female lifted her veil before running to join her roommate in the hug.  “Oh Tom... I’m so sorry things had to end up like this, I really am.  But... I love Ginger.  Really and truly love him.  I can’t bring myself to break his heart for you or anyone.  Please, just let me go,” she whispered, doing her best not to cry so her make-up wouldn’t run down her cheeks.

“I can’t.  I need you like I need water, like I need air.  I don’t care if you marry him anymore, I just want you in my life somehow.  Please... you don’t know what its been like for me.  I don’t need you to love me or even have me around.  I just... I need to know we’re okay in some fashion.  That... we can be friends at least.  That I haven’t fucked up something that means a lot to me,” he begged as Raven cautiously released him to allow him to turn to her friend.  To her shock, the distraught male merely kept his head on the journalist’s shoulder.

Before anything else could be said, Johnny was stepping forward to place a hand on each of their shoulders; his nearly black fixing on Raven briefly before he spoke.  “I know how you feel Tom.  I find myself in a position much like your own.  The only difference I knew when I had lost the fight.  Can you truly say you won’t try to ruin a happy marriage just so you can have a chance with her?” he murmured in a gentle but steely tone as he shifted his focus to his fellow thespian.  The TV actor met his glare steadily, tears rimming his sky blue eyes.

“I would  _ never _ try to ruin her marriage.  I’m not some fucking monster.  Can you really blame me for trying so hard to make this enchanting female mine?” he whispered before slowly getting to his feet.

Sighing wearily, the beaten looking man slumped as he offered his hand to Amanda.  “I never did any of this to cause you pain.  If being with Ginger will make you happy then I will have to learn to accept that.  I just... I just want to be a part of your life in some way, even if its a small one,” the dark haired star continued, his voice getting quiet and shaky as he avoided looking at the writer across from him.  Smiling gently, Amanda lifted his chin to see the celebrity was crying openly; his eyes full of pain, guilt and regret.

“Why don’t you have a seat Tom?  We’re about to start the ceremony,” she whispered before giving him a loose hug.

The smile that came across his face almost lit up the whole room and Raven felt her heart soar despite herself.  As much of a jerk as Tom had been, she honestly felt bad for him with the perspective she had recently gained.  So, in moments, things went back to normal; the priest clearing his throat with a confused expression on his wrinkled face.  “Er, dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Amanda Winslet to Kenneth Wilson,” the aged man began as Twiggy began to act like a guerilla reporter, sticking his camera in the poor guy’s face.  Still, at hearing Ginger’s real name, it was all Raven could do not to burst into highly inappropriate laughter.

After what seemed like hours, the berobed man officiating the ceremony announced, “I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride.”  Ginger responded with more gusto than the cleric probably found appropriate, bending the giggling woman backwards before planting a very passionate kiss on her lips.  The room erupted into cheers and catcalls in response, Manson pulling Raven into a quick kiss so as not to be outdone by his drummer; something she didn’t mind in the least.  “Are you always so competitive?” she purred, her response even shocking  _ her _ for a moment.  The singer holding her was just as surprised, blinking slightly before a smirk curled his painted lips.

“Mmm, I think you know the answer to that very well my little fangirl,” he teased, nuzzling her nose as he simply held her.

Amanda and Ginger headed down the aisle behind them, giving the content pair affectionate glances.  So far things had been going wonderfully for the both of them and the curly haired femme found herself hoping her roomie would be getting married soon herself.  After all, the artist had gotten engaged before she did.  Shifting her gaze back to Ginger, she felt her heart swell with happiness at the thought she could now call him her husband.  “I love you,” she whispered, kissing his painted chin before leaning into his shoulder.

“I love you too,” he whispered, his brown eyes dark with happiness and more than a little lust.  As fas as he was concerned, the reception couldn’t end soon enough.

At what most of the band was calling ‘The After Party’ Manson was busy belting out one of his songs while Amanda and Ginger danced.  As soon as that ended, Davis was mounting the stage to talk to him, nearly making Raven run up to stop the metal singer.  Predictably, the goth rocker stiffened but soon relaxed; even began smiling before giving a nod and handing over the mic to his fellow performer.  Then he was hopping off the stage, approaching her at a fast clip before scooping her into his arms and inhaling her scent deeply.  “Goodness, you were just across the room from me.  Surely you can’t have missed me  _ that _ much,” she teased as he seemed rather reluctant to put any amount of distance between them.

“You have no idea.  I don’t know what I’ll do without you while I’m on tour.  I will call you as often as I can but I doubt that’ll be much solace for either of us,” he rasped, tightening his grip slightly as a slow, yet sad song began to start.

Recognizing the song as ‘Love is the Last Legal Drug,’ Raven gasped in delight as her fiance began to lead her in a dance.  “So that was what that was all about up there,” she mused out loud, smiling up at the man who was her lover, her idol, her world and so much more.

“Yeah, Butthead suggested he sing so we could dance.  He doesn’t have a date anyway,” the rocker replied, his voice tinged with irritated humor as he swept them in a circle.  Shaking her head slightly, the former freelancer allowed her head to fall on his chest as they continued to dance.


	27. Come Crashing Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!: Miscarriage! Marked with **.
> 
> Author’s Note: “Interesting. You want to go back. You want to go back to the world you destroyed. It was you who pushed everything to its edge. It was you who led the world to its destruction. But you cannot accept it. You think you are above consequences.” - ??? (Undertale)

Raven sighed as she laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling, Lily on her stomach while Lady laid on her legs.  She had the house to herself until Johnny came home and even then it still seemed far too empty without the band or Amanda.  They would be gone for several months, her friend going with them due to not wanting to be separated from her new husband for so long.  This left her in a huge house with Johnny Depp, the actor insisting on staying with her when he found out she would be utterly alone otherwise.  Something everyone honestly highly approved of.

With her new music career, it was impossible for her to come at all.  Right now she was on call, coming in whenever they wanted her to record something.  They wanted a couple more songs as well, making her next few months very busy.  If things stayed on the same track, she would soon be on a tour of her own; a prospect that honestly scared the living daylights out of her.  Sighing slightly, she fumbled with the TV remote before turning the channel to some cartoon station.  Right now, she just didn’t want to even think about things that stressed her out.  She had woken up with her back feeling like it had been tied in a knot and her lower body felt even worse, letting her know she was on the cusp of a very nasty period and she wanted to relax as much as possible.

Still, looking at the clock, she had quite a while before Johnny would be back; leaving her with a lot more alone time than she was comfortable with.  Pulling out her dark red phone, she flipped through her short list of contacts until her gaze landed on a specific number.  Taking a deep breath she pressed the number and held her breath as the line began to ring.  When the other end clicked open, the brunette began to talk.  “Hey, they’re gone for a while and I could use some company.  Would you mind coming over?  I’m sure you already know the address,” Raven found herself asking as she moved a lock of her ebony hair behind her ear.  The person on the other end agreed readily, making her feel a lot better already.

Minutes later and she found herself watching nature documentaries with her fiance’s ex-wife, chatting as if they were the best of friends.  “How long are they going to be gone for this time?” Dita asked, her voice a smooth purr as a documentary about killer whales played in the background.

“Quite a few months I’m afraid,” Raven sighed, squirming slightly as the vice around her lower back tightened another notch.  The model only nodded, a nostalgic smile on her beautiful visage as she watched the other female.

“Did he leave ya alone or do you have someone else to keep you company?” the woman on the shorter couch asked, her blue eyes traveling to the white feline curled up on the other female’s stomach.  Never once had she seen the grouchy cat so friendly.

“Johnny Depp is going to be hanging around until they come back.  Manson really didn’t want to leave me alone, which I honestly appreciate,” the reclining femme replied, rubbing her back absentmindedly as the tightness and discomfort kept increasing steadily.  Something that wasn’t lost on the pin-up star on the couch next to hers.

“You okay?  You seem to be in a fair amount of discomfort,” Dita observed, a slightly nervous expression on her pale face.

“Yeah, I think I’m starting my period or something but its never felt  _ this _ bad,” Raven replied, wincing as another, much harder cramp clamped around her lower body.

Immediately, the older female was at her side; feeling around on the small dome of her stomach that housed her reproductive organs.  When the model’s hands encountered rock hard flesh, her brow crinkled in concern.  “Have you and Brian had unprotected sex?” Dita whispered, a serious expression on her gorgeous face.  The look of horror that came over the former artist’s face told the pin-up star all she needed to know.

“A few times but surely it can’t be that...  Maybe it’s just a really bad period,” the younger woman reasoned, her own hands traveling unconsciously down to her own stomach.  She frowned even deeper when she felt hard, ungiving flesh under her fingertips.  Whatever was going on, it certainly wasn’t a normal period.

“Raven, sweetie, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.  We’ll only call the hospital and Johnny if the pain gets worse or you start to bleed very heavily,” Dita urged, a deadly seriousness in her azure orbs.  The former freelancer nodded solemnly, a light sweat beginning to bead on her forehead as the vice within her tightened more.

Time is a funny thing really.  A single moment spanning only a few minutes can feel like an eternity.  On the other hand, an hour can feel like the blink of an eye.  It all depends on the perspective of the person experiencing it.  For Raven, a matter of a half hour felt like months had passed; her agony and nerves steadily increasing as her guest watched her like a hawk.  So, when Johnny came striding through the door, the nearly hysterical musician very nearly tackled him from sheer relief.  “Hey... hey, you okay?” came his gentle baritone as the goatee wearing actor easily swept her into him arms.

“Y-yeah, just a bit spooked.  I’ve been having intense cramps all day that might be my period or a miscarriage,” she confessed in a small voice, her words making a cold wash of fear run through the handsome thespian holding her.

Gentle, callused hands tipped her chin back as dark eyes searched hers in a near frantic manner.  Then his gaze was moving to Dita and his almost ebony orbs narrowed as he visibly stiffened.  “Has she started bleeding yet,” he asked tersely, a muscle ticking in his jaw as he carefully carried a shaking Raven back to the couch she had leapt from.

“No but she shows signs of increasing discomfort.  I find myself hesitant to call Bri... I mean Manson unless it’s a dire situation,” the model replied, a worried expression on her gorgeous features.  Red lipstick graced her lips and dark gray eye shadow accented her almond shaped eyes.  A hint of blush dusted her porcelain cheeks to help bring out her cheekbones and her hair was combed into soft waves.

Even her fear for the budding singer only made her more beautiful, a fact that irked Johnny even more for some reason.  “Let’s just hope its a really bad period.  If its what we suspect it is...  I don’t even want to think about it,” he rumbled as he laid his precious burden down on the deep red material of the couch.  The midnight clad female only clung to him, whimpering in anxiety as she burrowed her overly pale face in his shirt covered stomach.  Hushing her gently, he gathered the still shuddering female into his lap and began to pet her hair in a soothing manner.

“All we can really do is wait and see.  There’s probably no reason for any of our fears and things will be just fine,” goateed actor assured as he locked eyes with the former artist in his lap.  Still, despite the sureness of his words, some part of him sounded as if he didn’t quite believe them.

**A few hours passed without incident, severe discomfort the only symptom Raven was experiencing for the time being.  Still, every time she got up to go to the bathroom she had an escort.  This time it was Johnny that was going to wait outside for her, a strained expression on his tanned face.  Unsure of whether to be touched or annoyed by current developments, the slightly pudgy female simply shut the door before attending to her business.  When she was done, she did the perfunctory wipe and felt a wash of fear roar through her as the world seemed to go gray around her.  There, marring the white of the toilet paper, was a deep red streak of crimson.  The blood took up the entire square and she felt her mouth go dry as an even harder cramp than all the ones before it clamped around her insides, making her feel like she had been torn open and filled with red hot coals.  “J-johnny,” she squeaked out as agony roared through her like a wild animal.

The actor felt uneasy allowing Raven to use the bathroom alone.  Something just felt off and that feeling only increased as the seconds ticked by like hours.  He felt ill at ease and wanted nothing more than to rush into the bathroom to see if his dear friend was alright.  Gritting his teeth, he swore at himself as he opened the door and went inside.  What he saw made all doubts about whether he was doing the right thing flee his mind instantly.  The pale woman was curled into a tiny ball, her black jeans around her ankles as a red liquid began to spread out in a slowly growing puddle from behind her.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion from there, his voice an alien thing as he called for Dita to call 9-11 right fucking now.  Then his body was moving forward awkwardly, as if controlled by a drunken puppeteer.  His hands numb as he knelt beside the fallen woman that held his heart, a foreign voice telling her it would be alright in a much too calm tone.  She kept whimpering about too much blood, echoing his sentiments exactly despite what the words coming out of his mouth were telling her.  His heart was an aching ball in his chest as he resisted the urge to pick her up with everything he had within him.  Thankfully the other female downstairs had wasted no time, the sound of sirens filling him with immeasurable relief.  “Manson... please, call Brian...,” gasped the pain wracked musician as a nearly endless stream of blood seemed to leave her, the sound of pounding footsteps coming up the stairs seeming to flawlessly match the pace his heart was going.**

Manson was in full form, dressed in leather pants and a trenchcoat; black make-up running down from both eyes in dual points.  His hair was cut to just touch his cheek on the right side of his face, the other side shaved short.  A snarl curled his red painted lips as he gripped the microphone in his half gloved hands.  He had just finished singing one of his songs from his newest album and was about to launch into another when he saw Amanda gesturing frantically to him from the side of the stage.  Immediately his stomach dropped to the floor and he ran off the stage without a word, practically yanking the phone out of her hands.  “Brian, its Johnny.  Raven’s been taken to the hospital.  I’m afraid she’s had a miscarriage,” came a familiar baritone on the other end, his words nearly making the rocker sink to his knees.

“Jesus fucking christ...,” he managed as the world seemed to fall away from him, his stage persona coming to the forefront in an instinctual effort to shield him from the immense pain that filled his heart.  Then he was on his feet, screaming at a manager to tell the audience the concert had been cancelled.  Meanwhile, the rest of the band gathered around to find out just what was going on; things quickly descending into unmitigated chaos from there.

Waking up to dull pain in your abdomen and the antiseptic smell of Hospital in your nose while being in an entirely different place was certainly not a good way to start out your day as Raven quickly found out.  In fact, she very nearly had a panic attack until she felt hands on her shoulders and she looked up to see Johnny giving her a relieved smile.  On her other side was Dita, a concerned look on her own features.  In her left arm was an IV and she could feel the remnants of a fresh cramp fading away.  It didn’t take her long to put two and two together.  “I had a miscarriage didn’t I,” she whispered, her voice breaking in the middle of her sentence as a hand came to rest on her lower stomach.  While she had never really wanted children, the thought of losing something her and Manson had made together tore apart something deep inside her.

“The doctors haven’t told us anything yet but it certainly looks that way sweetie,” came the gentle baritone of the star on her right.

Raven could only nod as she felt hot tears prick her eyes, her heart an aching knot in her chest.  What would Manson have to say about this?  Would he blame her?  Would he be angry?  Most of all, how did  _ she _ feel about it?  All she felt was an odd sense of loss, numbness and some anxiety.  As of yet, the full weight of what had happened had yet to hit her and she was honestly afraid of what would happen when it did.  But what truly scared her was the oddly empty, calm feeling that filled her.  In the past, when she had felt this way it had never meant anything good.  Usually this was the calm before a really bad break down.  “D... did anyone call Marilyn?” she whispered, staring down at the sheet covering her lap.  Seeing a hospital gown on herself as well as a couple tubes coming out of her arms felt alien, the fact that she felt more about this than what had happened disturbing her even more.

“Yeah, I called him as the paramedics were stabilizing you for movement,” Johnny responded, Dita nodding slowly in agreement as a doctor entered the room.

Manson lay on the bed in the back of the tour van, staring up at the ceiling as the vehicle rocked gently.  Tim was driving as fast as he could but the singer felt oddly... numb.  Only his heart throbbed painfully but even that didn’t bring out much emotion.  He just felt empty, hollowed out and he didn’t like what the meant.  Whenever he had felt like this, it had truly been a calm before a storm.  He often would soon fly into an uncontrollable rage, uncaring of who he hurt just as long as he distracted himself from the pain he felt.  Groaning, he flung a bare, tattooed arm over his eyes as he tried to settle himself.  The most important thing was making sure Raven was okay and that he didn’t go nuclear around her.  “Fuck, a miscarriage...  If I had known she was pregnant...,” he rasped, punching the bed before grabbing Kathy and curling into a fetal ball.

Who was he kidding, if he had know he would have still gone on tour after a few days.  He only would have stopped once the pregnancy was in the last few months.  Growling as he felt his heart clench painfully, the singer let out a quiet keen as tears began to flow down his painted cheeks.  Yet, despite that, he felt a distressing amount of nothing and began to punch the mattress over and over.  He hated dealing with his feelings, absolutely hated it.  He found himself incapable of dealing with them in any rational capacity and it often got him into trouble.  After nearly losing Raven and fighting so hard to get her back he was honestly afraid of how he would handle this.  All he knew for sure was he needed to get home,  _ now _ .

Hearing the doctor’s words had made the entire situation all too real and she felt her heart begin to ache.  She had lost their baby, a searing guilt filling her and tearing her heart apart.  As soon as the doctor left, she broke into heart wrenching sobs; hiding her face in her hands as Johnny tugged her against his body.  All tactics to soothe her proved ineffective until she settled into an even scarier catatonia, not even responding to the movie star’s increasingly frantic cries of her name.  Right now she was trapped in her own head, berating herself over and over for losing this child, this life her and her fiance had created together.  The fact that she hadn’t particularly wanted to be a mother in the first place only added to her guilt.  In fact, she was almost positive that mindset had caused the miscarriage; despite knowing it was entirely irrational somewhere deep down.

Against Johnny and Dita’s concerns, Raven was released in a few days; the doctors advising that they try to engage her in some way.  This enraged the actor to no end and he found himself gritting his teeth the entire way back to Manson’s house, the former freelancer nothing more than a quiet shadow in the passenger seat; constant tears flowing down her paper white cheeks.  At that moment, he wished nothing more than to have the ability to crawl into her head and see what she was thinking.  From what he could see on her blank face, it couldn’t be anything good.  “Sweetie, this wasn’t anyone’s fault.  These things just... happen,” he tried to reason, hoping she could hear him wherever she had retreated to in her head.  To his relief, her eyes shifted slightly to him; showing that she had heard him.  Then she opened her mouth and said something far too quiet for him to hear.

“Could you repeat that hun?  I couldn’t hear you,” he urged gently, reaching over to take one of her hands in his as he refocused his gaze on the road.

“I... I didn’t want to have a kid in the first place.  What if thinking like that had some sort of effect on my unborn child?  What if... what if this  _ is _ my fault?” she whispered, causing him to turn to look at her once more.  The pain in her eyes speared through his heart and he gasped slightly as he squeezed her hand.

“You can’t allow yourself to think that way.  There are all kinds of reasons why this type of thing happens but nothing you were doing could have possibly caused it,” the celebrity tried to assure as he kept half his focus on the road, his concern only increasing when the dark haired femme shook her head in response and turned so she was looking out the window.  The sooner Brian came back, the better.

Raven came back to herself some time later, the sound of two voices greeting her ears.  Yet, she couldn’t really bring herself to care about what they were saying.  All she cared about was the aching, all encompassing pain wrapping its way around her heart and the desolate emptiness that came with it.  Despite knowing Depp was right, the former artist couldn’t help but dwell on the ludicrous idea that it was  _ her _ fault.  A very cruel facsimile of her own voice whispered terrible things in her mind, telling her things like ‘You didn’t want this to begin with, shouldn’t you be happy?’ or ‘How do you think Brian will react to the fact that  _ you _ lost his child?  Do you think he will want to stay after this?’ or even ‘Your body is poison.  You were never meant to carry children in the first place.’

While this was going on, Johnny was busy trying to usher a certain pin-up model out the door.  “Please Dita, he’ll be here any minute and is probably already unstable as it is.  He  _ really _ doesn’t need to see you in his house,” the movie actor tried to reason, his shoulder length, black hair hanging slightly in his tanned face.  The black haired beauty only pursed her lips, looking anxiously back at the musician on the couch before sighing and looking back at him.

“I know, just keep me updated on her condition.  Also, did you call him to make sure he knew she had been checked out of the hospital?” she asked, the volley of swearing that came from the star telling her all she needed to know.

Ginger pressed his phone to his ear as Manson raged at the doctor in the background, coming to attention as soon as he heard who it was.  The rockstar, who was currently flipping off security, was so distracted that he didn’t notice the drummer until he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Whirling to face his bandmate, he stopped in his tracks when he saw the relieved smile on the bleach blonde’s acne scarred face.  “Raven’s been discharged, Johnny took her home,” he informed, before going to tell Amanda the same thing.  The goth rocker could only stare ahead as the journalist broke into relieved tears.

“I tried to tell you that, if you had stopped to listen...,” one of the doctors droned on as a faint buzzing noise began to fill his ears.  Then he was striding toward the doors, his band close on his heels.

Johnny had just managed to convince a limp and uncooperative Raven to take some broth when Manson came charging into the house like a rhinoceros, his heterochromic eyes wild as they locked on him and the nearly catatonic female in his lap.  Then he was striding forward, reaching for her as he got close.  Nodding, the star simply lifted her into his arms and moved to the shorter couch; watching as his normally brutal friend nuzzled the ex-freelancer’s face like a kitten.  “Oh Raven,” moaned the superstar as he sank onto the couch, clutching her to him as he began to shake violently.  This caused the prone female to suddenly come alive, her arms wrapping around her fiance as she let out a quiet keen.

“I’m so sorry,” she gasped out, repeating the line over and over like a frightened child expecting a beating as she burrowed her face in his bony chest.

The singer stiffened at first, his hand hovering over her back as he seemed to fight with himself.  Rage and intense pain seemed to war for dominance, before he sighed and took her into a tight embrace.  For just a moment, his wall collapsed to show just how much pain he was in.  He looked like a broken, lost man and more than just a little guilt was written all over his painted features.  “You have nothing to apologize for babe.  Absolutely nothing.  I’m sorry that I wasn’t here when this happened,” he rasped, none of his reactions missed by the actor on the couch beside the one he sat on.

“But... but, I didn’t...,” the sobbing woman began, only to be interrupted by her childhood friend bursting through the front door; followed closely by the rest of the band.

Immediately seeing the problem that would happen, Johnny got to his feet in a flash and placed his body between them and the pair.  Only Amanda looked angry and confused, the others taking a look over his shoulders and understanding in an instant.  Before the thespian could explain, the ‘Antichrist Superstar’ behind him released an absolutely animalistic snarl.  Everyone froze, Depp slowly turning his head to look at the volatile rock star behind him.  Manson had practically wrapped himself around Raven and had his black lips pulled back to bare his teeth as something wild shined in his mismatched eyes.  If anyone dared to move toward them, it was very likely the overly protective male would explode quite violently.  “I think it would be best if we gave them some space to get upstairs so they can be alone,” the goateed actor suggested, backing off along with everyone else.

The still glowering performer gathered the distraught woman into his arms before practically running up the stair, leaving Ginger to restrain a rather confused and pissed off Amanda.  “Its best we give them some time alone right now.  Raven is fine physically but mentally...  She just needs to be with Brian right now,” Johnny tried to soothe, his own concern for the female nearly demanding he run up the stairs after them.  What he left out of his little spiel was the fact that he honestly hoped the rock star would be able to hold it together.  From what he had seen, the performer was in a state of agony and guilt he had never reached before.  Something that surely boded ill for everyone involved.  Ushering the group into the living room, the handsome star prayed to whatever God that was up there that things would just go smoothly for once.

As soon as he got her into the room, he was humming ‘Last Day on Earth’; curling up with her on his large bed as he began to gently pet her hair.  Raven only whimpered, her tiny fists tightening in the shirt he wore as she continued to sob quietly.  Just seeing her like this only made him feel more guilty, bringing the normal rage he used to shield himself much closer to the surface.  Gritting his teeth as he actively fought against reactions he had for years, forcing himself to remain calm and level headed.  If there was a time where she needed that from him, this would be it.  Then she said something that made all of his hard work go to naught.  “Its all my fault.  I never wanted a child to begin with,” she whispered, those words making all his good intentions disappear like so much dust.  It was something his subconscious latched readily onto as a way to deflect blame from himself but he forced that instinct away harshly.  He had come way too far to allow this part of him to ruin things.

The best laid plans can come to ruin and a road paved with good intentions often leads to tragedy.  These sayings are all the more cruel when faced with the reality of them.  At first, things were great.  Marilyn tended to Raven as if she was an invalid, which she basically was at the moment.  The former artist had yet to move from the bed, alternating between crying and simply staring at the ceiling.  Kathy and Manson were the only things she spoke to, the singer not even letting others in the room for the first few days.  After a week, the rocker began to slip; his old habits becoming harder and harder to keep a handle on.  This wasn’t too surprising.  In times of stress, people were often known to slip back into what they were used to in an effort to comfort themselves; this was no exception.

For the superstar, it was like watching an alien being controlling his body and growing more snappy with his fiance everyday.  He could see the miscarriage was eating away at her just as much as it was him but he was helpless to stop his downward spiral.  It wasn’t too long before the others began to notice, Johnny pulling him aside after he had come very close to raising his voice to an extremely fragile Raven over getting her a glass of water.  “Look Brian, I know you’re hurting pretty bad but treating her like this isn’t helping her.  You’re making her worse by the day.  Maybe you should leave for a bit and get your head on straight,” the goateed actor suggested, irritation and worry clear on his tanned face.

“Don’t you think I can see what I’m doing to her?!  I can’t fucking stop!  I’ve tried but it keeps getting worse, more and more false anger coming out like vomit!  I  _ know _ I need to go away for a bit but...  I tried to leave her in the room for a few hours last night and stood by the door.  She started calling for me in her sleep within seconds.  She needs me to be here for her but she also needs me to be away until I can take care of her.  I’m fucking caught between a rock and a hard place,” he hissed, wrapping his black nailed hands in his short cropped hair and tugging.

Johnny could only give his friend a sympathetic glance, hating the helpless feeling that filled him.  “Just, try to hold it together for her sake.  Me and Twiggy are here if you need to let off steam,” the actor offered, placing a hand on the taller man’s shirt covered shoulder.  The singer only nodded before sighing and going back upstairs, doing his best to ignore the death glower he got from Amanda on his way up.  Unfortunately for everyone involved, things only continued to disintegrate rapidly from there; the guilt of what he was inadvertently causing the woman who held his heart driving him to act out worse and worse.  Thus causing a horrible spiral that everyone seemed helpless to stop.  Finally, it got so bad that the superstar simply couldn’t justify putting her through it any longer.

“Please, please you can’t just leave me!” Raven begged, clinging to his leg as she sobbed openly.  The band and her childhood friend could only watch helplessly, the journalist secretly seething at how the rocker had backslid so far so quickly.

“Sweetie, its best for the both of you.  Manny doesn’t mean to say those things to you and he needs some time to get into a state so he can help you,” Twiggy tried to soothe, giving a concerned glance to the shaking singer.  It looked like he was dangerously close to an unintentional blow-up, seeing his fiance in such a condition nearly driving him to his breaking point.  What made it even worse was knowing that he had caused it.

“Let me go,” came the cold voice of his stage persona, making him wish he could just rip himself away from her and run out the door before he said something he didn’t mean.  Something truly horrendous and meant to cause as much pain as he was feeling.  All things the woman on the floor beside him honestly didn’t deserve.

“I can’t, please I can’t!  You’re going to leave me because my body rejected our child, because I didn’t want it!  You can’t leave me like this,” she pleaded in a cracked voice, her thin body shaking as tears continued to pour down her cheeks.

To his utter horror, he watched as he turned on her like a rabid animal; doing his level best to stop himself from say what danced on his tongue like bitter acid.  None of what was about to leave him was good and he found himself shooting the men around him a desperate look.  A look that begged them to save him from himself.  Before any of them could move to help, the words came like a fountain of foul diarrhea.  “I said let me go!  I don’t want you to touch me you murderer,” came out of his mouth, his heart stopping as the words he had spewed rang in his ears.  Then he was running out the door, nausea filling the pit of his stomach as he got in his car and roared away.  It wasn’t too long before he had to stop, pulling over to vomit by the side of the road; heart-wrenching sobs leaving him and he cursed himself for his lack of control.

“Fuck Raven, just... fuck,” he rasped, vomiting again as another car pulled up behind his.  He had to leave, he had to be anywhere but here.  All he could do was hope his band understood just what had happened.

  
  
The End (of Part 2.  Continued in Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to extend a thank you to all the readers and commenters who keep following this trilogy. We’re in the home stretch! Just one more book to go!


End file.
